I need to make him a doctor's appointment
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Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb 
If it comes back positive there's nothing I can do but make the best of my life living with HIV/AIDS. I'll have to handle the mistakes that I've made and move forward and up!
I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him. He is my husband.
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse? I'm not implying anything and I hope you don't take it the wrong way I'm sincerely asking to see where you're coming from.
I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him. He is my husband.
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse? I'm not implying anything and I hope you don't take it the wrong way I'm sincerely asking to see where you're coming from.
Seriously, instead of being proactive about your life and not putting yourself at risk, you rationalize that he's your husband and you'll just deal with it if you do contract HIV??!!!!
I'm speechless.
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Location: Marietta, GA
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Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse?
The only person you should ever have unprotected sex with is someone you trust 100% - even then there could be surprises. If you feel the need to be tested then you should also feel the need to have him wear a condom. That is one area where i would control the addict because it could save your life.
Now is the perfect time to bring that up while he is talking about medical issues - if he is this concerned then you have a valid right to be concerned.
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Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb
I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him. He is my husband.
2. He's an addict.
3. He may be having unprotected sex with others.
4. He may be HIV infected.
5. You could have an HIV infected baby.
6. You could have a non infected HIV baby.
7. He's not taking care of himself, you or his family.
8. You are already the sole support of 3 young children, plus an adult child.
9. He's a dead man walking.
10. You deserve to treat yourself better, than you are.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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1. He's an alcoholic.
2. He's an addict.
3. He may be having unprotected sex with others.
4. He may be HIV infected.
5. You could have an HIV infected baby.
6. You could have a non infected HIV baby.
7. He's not taking care of himself, you or his family.
8. You are already the sole support of 3 young children, plus an adult child.
9. He's a dead man walking.
10. You deserve to treat yourself better, than you are.
2. He's an addict.
3. He may be having unprotected sex with others.
4. He may be HIV infected.
5. You could have an HIV infected baby.
6. You could have a non infected HIV baby.
7. He's not taking care of himself, you or his family.
8. You are already the sole support of 3 young children, plus an adult child.
9. He's a dead man walking.
10. You deserve to treat yourself better, than you are.
Love and hugs,
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Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Thanks to both you and winnie for reminding me why I take a lot of deep breaths while teaching my RAD how to be her own health care advocate 
It's the same reason you're compelled to take the test.
Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb
I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him. He is my husband.
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Posts: 321
Originally Posted by anvilhead
absolutely, and if anything comes up that is NOT acceptable, i take action to correct that. i refuse to tolerate the intolerable, there is simply NO NEED to do so. there is no room in my life for BS and lies and people who cannot pull their own weight. i will not let the careless actions of others to have a detrimental impact on MY quality of life.
my partner and i are equals, we bring our very best to the table, we share burdens, we encourage each other to thrive and grow, we're a TEAM, we respect each other, don't keep secrets, enjoy each others company more than any other, we get up each day and fight the good fight because our life together and our home are of utmost importance.
do we have our moments? certainly. we're human. but there is no name calling, no demeaning words or actions, just normal everyday stuff......
my partner and i are equals, we bring our very best to the table, we share burdens, we encourage each other to thrive and grow, we're a TEAM, we respect each other, don't keep secrets, enjoy each others company more than any other, we get up each day and fight the good fight because our life together and our home are of utmost importance.
do we have our moments? certainly. we're human. but there is no name calling, no demeaning words or actions, just normal everyday stuff......
WOW!
The first perfect person I've ever met! I'd love to talk to you more and detirmine what makes you so flawless... This is just wonderful that there are flawless people in this world that are able to adjust any imperfection in their life to make it perfect again...And what's the whole "normal everyday stuff" comment about? What one considers to be normal may not be considered in the next person.
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Originally Posted by outtolunch
1. He's an alcoholic.
2. He's an addict.
3. He may be having unprotected sex with others.
4. He may be HIV infected.
5. You could have an HIV infected baby.
6. You could have a non infected HIV baby.
7. He's not taking care of himself, you or his family.
8. You are already the sole support of 3 young children, plus an adult child.
9. He's a dead man walking.
10. You deserve to treat yourself better, than you are.
2. He's an addict.
3. He may be having unprotected sex with others.
4. He may be HIV infected.
5. You could have an HIV infected baby.
6. You could have a non infected HIV baby.
7. He's not taking care of himself, you or his family.
8. You are already the sole support of 3 young children, plus an adult child.
9. He's a dead man walking.
10. You deserve to treat yourself better, than you are.
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Posts: 321
Originally Posted by laurie6781
11. He could have Hep C
Love and hugs,
Love and hugs,
If I'm not mistaken, I thought Hep came from needles and unprotected sex or contact with bodily fluids of someone that's affected?
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Originally Posted by Chino
It's the same reason you're compelled to take the test.
My grandmother has been married for 53 years to my grandfather. I'd suggest that she get tested as well.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
i did NOT imply directly or indirectly that i am perfect. YOU made that assumption. i stated that i am VERY much at peace with my life today and that i have worked damn hard to get it that way. and i shared WHAT my life is like today.....
ACTIVE addiction is no longer a part of my life today. nor will i ever allow it be again. with the help of the fine folks here on SR i've learned to establish and uphold BOUNDARIES. i keep my life moving in a forward healthy direction and when i become aware that things are going slightly off track, i utilize the tools of RECOVERY to get back on track.
ACTIVE addiction is no longer a part of my life today. nor will i ever allow it be again. with the help of the fine folks here on SR i've learned to establish and uphold BOUNDARIES. i keep my life moving in a forward healthy direction and when i become aware that things are going slightly off track, i utilize the tools of RECOVERY to get back on track.
Oh that's completely different from what you stated before. In case you forgot you said.
1. If anything comes up that is NOT acceptable, i take action to correct that
Cool, me too.
2. I refuse to tolerate the intolerable, there is simply NO NEED to do so.
I tolerate a lot. That's what you do in a marriage, you pray for each other and accept your flaws faults and differences. Are you or have you ever been married?
3. There is no room in my life for BS and lies and people who cannot pull their own weight.
You don't have kids do you? I hope to God that they are as perfect as you!
4. I will not let the careless actions of others to have a detrimental impact on MY quality of life.
You remember our last President? He's still making an impact on my life, I just move foward and up.
5. My partner and i are equals, we bring our very best to the table, we share burdens, we encourage each other to thrive and grow, we're a TEAM.
We do too!
6. We respect each other, don't keep secrets, enjoy each others company more than any other,
You're saying that but is it humanely possible that your partner could feel differently? When you were actively an addict, were the two of you together?
7. We get up each day and fight the good fight because our life together and our home are of utmost importance.
We do too! We've come a long way from where we were before. Although we aren't where I'd like us to be
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Posts: 321
Originally Posted by anvilhead
so today you are defending your situation? when two or three days ago you were begging for help and support?
because you do not TRUST your AH and what he may have done will out using drugs, you feel it necessary to make sure you did not contract AIDS from him? am i right? yet even tho you fear this you continue to have unprotected sex with this man.
obviously there are issues in your life that brought you here. arguing with US won't solve them. i'm not sure exactlyl what it is you are seeking........either you are happy with your life today, or you are not.......
since you OBVIOUSLY don't want to hear anything i have to say, for my own sanity, i'm putting you on my ignore list.
because you do not TRUST your AH and what he may have done will out using drugs, you feel it necessary to make sure you did not contract AIDS from him? am i right? yet even tho you fear this you continue to have unprotected sex with this man.
obviously there are issues in your life that brought you here. arguing with US won't solve them. i'm not sure exactlyl what it is you are seeking........either you are happy with your life today, or you are not.......
since you OBVIOUSLY don't want to hear anything i have to say, for my own sanity, i'm putting you on my ignore list.
NO NO! Please not the ignore list!! LOL. Don't take things so seriously it's all love here 
I AM defending myself and others on this board who aren't strong enough to stick up for themselves. A lot of people PM'd me about this very thread and asked that I stay strong because they themselves are finding it hard to be so harsh on their addict loved one.
As a matter of fact, rather than hijack this thread, I'll start a new one on this very topic.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 128
Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb
4. I will not let the careless actions of others to have a detrimental impact on MY quality of life.
You remember our last President? He's still making an impact on my life, I just move foward and up.
You remember our last President? He's still making an impact on my life, I just move foward and up.
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Posts: 852
wow wee..... this was a stressful thread!!
Get the HIV test.... and I would seriously consider getting one ever 3 to 4 months if you are truly concerned with the possibility. Even a remote possibility - shouldn't be taken lightly.
HIV has such a stigma attatched to it- however, it is a disease that has come a long way- (as far as treating it). In addition- people can be very ignorant about the disease. You could be having sex with your partner - MONOGOMOUS (sp) - and contract the virus- because he has had it for YEARS with no symptoms- YOU WOULD NEVER NEVER KNOW.
Do people REALLY think that people contract it, becuase the clearly saw that this person has FULL BLOWN AIDS and is wasting, ill, etc?
My doctor of 20 plus years was the chief of staff at a major hospital in our capitol. He told me he gets tested EVERY THREE MONTHS. (becuase he owes it to himself, and his family.) GRANTED, he does NOT have high risk behavior- but delivering babies - there is obviously RISK with fluids and blood. NOT BIG - but nonetheless.....
SOOOOOO, what I'm trying to say is GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING WISE ABOUT FINDING OUT- becuase the ulitmate goal it to TREAT a disease - not be eyes wide shut.
My doctor convinced me to get a test- (cause I worried that I had never been tested)- I was SO relieved and happy getting back the results.
Since then - I have not had unprotected sex with ANYONE. (except my abf)----- and believe me- if I felt I had to be worried, I wouldn't do it. THAT IS NOT SAYING THAT THE POSSIBLITY DOSEN'T LYE THERE------
Ladies, many people cheat. Don't like it. Don't agree with it. I believe it is sick, and I would die if it ever happend to me----- but it does happen.
Dosen't anyone see her point--- that addicts have a tendency to do things that they might NOT do when they aren't high? THe high puts their standards down, they aren't makeing good decisions.... like when someone drinks and drives.
The next day they say.... "oh I shouldn't have done that......"
I think she is being smart.
We ALL are at risk, when engaging in unprotected sexual relationships. PERIOD!!! any health professional will tell you this- becuase ULTIMATLY you NEVER KNOW- if someone cheats- with or without the person being an addict.
If someone is shooting heroin- (well then that's a different story- if you have unprotected sex with someone who shoots... that's just stupid) sorry for being blunt.
Keep talking, this is hard stuff YN, I know it seems like people are saying they are perfect, but that isn't the intent.
They are talking - out of experience.
THey are offering words of wisdom, not criticizm.
Cessy
Get the HIV test.... and I would seriously consider getting one ever 3 to 4 months if you are truly concerned with the possibility. Even a remote possibility - shouldn't be taken lightly.
HIV has such a stigma attatched to it- however, it is a disease that has come a long way- (as far as treating it). In addition- people can be very ignorant about the disease. You could be having sex with your partner - MONOGOMOUS (sp) - and contract the virus- because he has had it for YEARS with no symptoms- YOU WOULD NEVER NEVER KNOW.
Do people REALLY think that people contract it, becuase the clearly saw that this person has FULL BLOWN AIDS and is wasting, ill, etc?
My doctor of 20 plus years was the chief of staff at a major hospital in our capitol. He told me he gets tested EVERY THREE MONTHS. (becuase he owes it to himself, and his family.) GRANTED, he does NOT have high risk behavior- but delivering babies - there is obviously RISK with fluids and blood. NOT BIG - but nonetheless.....
SOOOOOO, what I'm trying to say is GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING WISE ABOUT FINDING OUT- becuase the ulitmate goal it to TREAT a disease - not be eyes wide shut.
My doctor convinced me to get a test- (cause I worried that I had never been tested)- I was SO relieved and happy getting back the results.
Since then - I have not had unprotected sex with ANYONE. (except my abf)----- and believe me- if I felt I had to be worried, I wouldn't do it. THAT IS NOT SAYING THAT THE POSSIBLITY DOSEN'T LYE THERE------
Ladies, many people cheat. Don't like it. Don't agree with it. I believe it is sick, and I would die if it ever happend to me----- but it does happen.
Dosen't anyone see her point--- that addicts have a tendency to do things that they might NOT do when they aren't high? THe high puts their standards down, they aren't makeing good decisions.... like when someone drinks and drives.
The next day they say.... "oh I shouldn't have done that......"
I think she is being smart.
We ALL are at risk, when engaging in unprotected sexual relationships. PERIOD!!! any health professional will tell you this- becuase ULTIMATLY you NEVER KNOW- if someone cheats- with or without the person being an addict.
If someone is shooting heroin- (well then that's a different story- if you have unprotected sex with someone who shoots... that's just stupid) sorry for being blunt.
Keep talking, this is hard stuff YN, I know it seems like people are saying they are perfect, but that isn't the intent.
They are talking - out of experience.
THey are offering words of wisdom, not criticizm.
Cessy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by cessy68
wow wee..... this was a stressful thread!!
Get the HIV test.... and I would seriously consider getting one ever 3 to 4 months if you are truly concerned with the possibility. Even a remote possibility - shouldn't be taken lightly.
HIV has such a stigma attatched to it- however, it is a disease that has come a long way- (as far as treating it). In addition- people can be very ignorant about the disease. You could be having sex with your partner - MONOGOMOUS (sp) - and contract the virus- because he has had it for YEARS with no symptoms- YOU WOULD NEVER NEVER KNOW.
Do people REALLY think that people contract it, becuase the clearly saw that this person has FULL BLOWN AIDS and is wasting, ill, etc?
My doctor of 20 plus years was the chief of staff at a major hospital in our capitol. He told me he gets tested EVERY THREE MONTHS. (becuase he owes it to himself, and his family.) GRANTED, he does NOT have high risk behavior- but delivering babies - there is obviously RISK with fluids and blood. NOT BIG - but nonetheless.....
SOOOOOO, what I'm trying to say is GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING WISE ABOUT FINDING OUT- becuase the ulitmate goal it to TREAT a disease - not be eyes wide shut.
My doctor convinced me to get a test- (cause I worried that I had never been tested)- I was SO relieved and happy getting back the results.
Since then - I have not had unprotected sex with ANYONE. (except my abf)----- and believe me- if I felt I had to be worried, I wouldn't do it. THAT IS NOT SAYING THAT THE POSSIBLITY DOSEN'T LYE THERE------
Ladies, many people cheat. Don't like it. Don't agree with it. I believe it is sick, and I would die if it ever happend to me----- but it does happen.
Dosen't anyone see her point--- that addicts have a tendency to do things that they might NOT do when they aren't high? THe high puts their standards down, they aren't makeing good decisions.... like when someone drinks and drives.
The next day they say.... "oh I shouldn't have done that......"
I think she is being smart.
We ALL are at risk, when engaging in unprotected sexual relationships. PERIOD!!! any health professional will tell you this- becuase ULTIMATLY you NEVER KNOW- if someone cheats- with or without the person being an addict.
If someone is shooting heroin- (well then that's a different story- if you have unprotected sex with someone who shoots... that's just stupid) sorry for being blunt.
Keep talking, this is hard stuff YN, I know it seems like people are saying they are perfect, but that isn't the intent.
They are talking - out of experience.
THey are offering words of wisdom, not criticizm.
Cessy
Get the HIV test.... and I would seriously consider getting one ever 3 to 4 months if you are truly concerned with the possibility. Even a remote possibility - shouldn't be taken lightly.
HIV has such a stigma attatched to it- however, it is a disease that has come a long way- (as far as treating it). In addition- people can be very ignorant about the disease. You could be having sex with your partner - MONOGOMOUS (sp) - and contract the virus- because he has had it for YEARS with no symptoms- YOU WOULD NEVER NEVER KNOW.
Do people REALLY think that people contract it, becuase the clearly saw that this person has FULL BLOWN AIDS and is wasting, ill, etc?
My doctor of 20 plus years was the chief of staff at a major hospital in our capitol. He told me he gets tested EVERY THREE MONTHS. (becuase he owes it to himself, and his family.) GRANTED, he does NOT have high risk behavior- but delivering babies - there is obviously RISK with fluids and blood. NOT BIG - but nonetheless.....
SOOOOOO, what I'm trying to say is GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING WISE ABOUT FINDING OUT- becuase the ulitmate goal it to TREAT a disease - not be eyes wide shut.
My doctor convinced me to get a test- (cause I worried that I had never been tested)- I was SO relieved and happy getting back the results.
Since then - I have not had unprotected sex with ANYONE. (except my abf)----- and believe me- if I felt I had to be worried, I wouldn't do it. THAT IS NOT SAYING THAT THE POSSIBLITY DOSEN'T LYE THERE------
Ladies, many people cheat. Don't like it. Don't agree with it. I believe it is sick, and I would die if it ever happend to me----- but it does happen.
Dosen't anyone see her point--- that addicts have a tendency to do things that they might NOT do when they aren't high? THe high puts their standards down, they aren't makeing good decisions.... like when someone drinks and drives.
The next day they say.... "oh I shouldn't have done that......"
I think she is being smart.
We ALL are at risk, when engaging in unprotected sexual relationships. PERIOD!!! any health professional will tell you this- becuase ULTIMATLY you NEVER KNOW- if someone cheats- with or without the person being an addict.
If someone is shooting heroin- (well then that's a different story- if you have unprotected sex with someone who shoots... that's just stupid) sorry for being blunt.
Keep talking, this is hard stuff YN, I know it seems like people are saying they are perfect, but that isn't the intent.
They are talking - out of experience.
THey are offering words of wisdom, not criticizm.
Cessy
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
[quote=Yesterdaysnumb;2126121
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse? quote]
I'm not trying to be nasty here, but quite honestly, my answer to your question would be yes. Now I know that I'm coming from a different perspective, as the addict in my life is my daughter, however what I have seen as far a "A"'s lying and doing things that they would not normally have done as a sober person, my answer is most definitely YES!
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse? quote]
I'm not trying to be nasty here, but quite honestly, my answer to your question would be yes. Now I know that I'm coming from a different perspective, as the addict in my life is my daughter, however what I have seen as far a "A"'s lying and doing things that they would not normally have done as a sober person, my answer is most definitely YES!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
YN, when you first said "I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him" I gave a suggestion why you might consider it. I said the same reasons you take the test:
I can't remember if an HIV test for him was one of the suggestions given? Who knows, maybe he'd like an answer too. As far as having unprotected sex goes (until you both know his status with any STD), there's only one reason I would do that: denial.
I've had unprotected sex in the past when I wasn't reasonably confident it was a good idea. They weren't substance abusers either. I didn't even bother asking them to use protection. I wanted to satisfy my own physical and emotional needs, damn the consequences. And I was afraid they'd say no or whine. I didn't want the hassle so I never asked. Everything was going to be fine or I'd deal with whatever later.
Looking back, I can't believe I took my health for granted. I put my short term wants first instead of long term needs. My body is my temple and I let a three ring circus in the door.
At my daughter's rehab, I heard lots of stories from the residents about how low they went for their DOC. During one smoke break this strong, handsome young man came running out of the medical building, waving his test results in the air. He had asked for every test you can name, and was given a clean bill of health. He was so happy and all the other residents had tears in their eyes, too. Not everyone there who requested testing got the same good news.
I just hope you'll think about it, that's all.
Originally Posted by Yesterdaysnumb
I just want to take one test every year. When you are married to an addict, you're pretty much used to being lied to. So the trust-factor that normal people have in their marriage doesn't exist in mine. Even though my husband said that he'd never go outside our marriage, he also said that he'd never drink or do drugs again.... and that didn't happen.
I've had unprotected sex in the past when I wasn't reasonably confident it was a good idea. They weren't substance abusers either. I didn't even bother asking them to use protection. I wanted to satisfy my own physical and emotional needs, damn the consequences. And I was afraid they'd say no or whine. I didn't want the hassle so I never asked. Everything was going to be fine or I'd deal with whatever later.
Looking back, I can't believe I took my health for granted. I put my short term wants first instead of long term needs. My body is my temple and I let a three ring circus in the door.
At my daughter's rehab, I heard lots of stories from the residents about how low they went for their DOC. During one smoke break this strong, handsome young man came running out of the medical building, waving his test results in the air. He had asked for every test you can name, and was given a clean bill of health. He was so happy and all the other residents had tears in their eyes, too. Not everyone there who requested testing got the same good news.
I just hope you'll think about it, that's all.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by Chino
YN, when you first said "I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him" I gave a suggestion why you might consider it. I said the same reasons you take the test:
I can't remember if an HIV test for him was one of the suggestions given? Who knows, maybe he'd like an answer too. As far as having unprotected sex goes (until you both know his status with any STD), there's only one reason I would do that: denial.
I've had unprotected sex in the past when I wasn't reasonably confident it was a good idea. They weren't substance abusers either. I didn't even bother asking them to use protection. I wanted to satisfy my own physical and emotional needs, damn the consequences. And I was afraid they'd say no or whine. I didn't want the hassle so I never asked. Everything was going to be fine or I'd deal with whatever later.
Looking back, I can't believe I took my health for granted. I put my short term wants first instead of long term needs. My body is my temple and I let a three ring circus in the door.
At my daughter's rehab, I heard lots of stories from the residents about how low they went for their DOC. During one smoke break this strong, handsome young man came running out of the medical building, waving his test results in the air. He had asked for every test you can name, and was given a clean bill of health. He was so happy and all the other residents had tears in their eyes, too. Not everyone there who requested testing got the same good news.
I just hope you'll think about it, that's all.
I can't remember if an HIV test for him was one of the suggestions given? Who knows, maybe he'd like an answer too. As far as having unprotected sex goes (until you both know his status with any STD), there's only one reason I would do that: denial.
I've had unprotected sex in the past when I wasn't reasonably confident it was a good idea. They weren't substance abusers either. I didn't even bother asking them to use protection. I wanted to satisfy my own physical and emotional needs, damn the consequences. And I was afraid they'd say no or whine. I didn't want the hassle so I never asked. Everything was going to be fine or I'd deal with whatever later.
Looking back, I can't believe I took my health for granted. I put my short term wants first instead of long term needs. My body is my temple and I let a three ring circus in the door.
At my daughter's rehab, I heard lots of stories from the residents about how low they went for their DOC. During one smoke break this strong, handsome young man came running out of the medical building, waving his test results in the air. He had asked for every test you can name, and was given a clean bill of health. He was so happy and all the other residents had tears in their eyes, too. Not everyone there who requested testing got the same good news.
I just hope you'll think about it, that's all.
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