I need to make him a doctor's appointment
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I need to make him a doctor's appointment
My husband is afraid of what all these years of drugs and alcohol have done to him and wants me to make him a doctor's appointment. Which I'm willing to do. My question is, what kinds of things should he have them test? His liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, etc.? What? And will a plain physical cover all that?
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Sorry, I don't know the answers. I do have a question though - why can't he make the doctor's appt. himself and be honest with the doctor about why he is there? The doctor would then know what should be looked at.
The reason I ask you, is because I am working on figuring out what my AS can do for himself (not me doing it) and letting him take care of and responsibility for his own life. Thanks.
The reason I ask you, is because I am working on figuring out what my AS can do for himself (not me doing it) and letting him take care of and responsibility for his own life. Thanks.
Last edited by JMFburns; 02-26-2009 at 05:57 AM. Reason: Another thought!
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Originally Posted by JMFburns 
Sorry, I don't know the answers. I do have a question though - why can't he make the doctor's appt. himself and be honest with the doctor about why he is there? The doctor would then know what should be looked at.
The reason I ask you, is because I am working on figuring out what my AS can do for himself (not me doing it) and letting him take care of and responsibility for his own life. Thanks.
The reason I ask you, is because I am working on figuring out what my AS can do for himself (not me doing it) and letting him take care of and responsibility for his own life. Thanks.
About this time last year he went to the doctor and told the doctor everything about his drug and alcohol usage. They were surprised at his honesty. But to my surprise they tested him for some things and not others. Then when he left the appointment and I talked to him I asked him about certain tests and he said, "Oh I forgot to ask them about that" and "I didn't know they could test that" etc. I'm kind of an organizational freak and I like to go to doctor's appointments with a specific list of things that I want them to check or test so I know what they did or didn't forget. So that's the only reason I'm helping him with this.
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Location: Marietta, GA
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i understand the business side of all of it - we codies tend to be the organized ones with lots of lists and all the information. I've always suspected that my ex used to mess these things up on purpose just because he preferred me handling everything (he was very passive agressive).
But I have a child with diabetes and i've begun training him to take it over himself. He's 16 but soon will be an adult - he must know how to talk to doctors, pharmacists, insurance companies, because he will be dealing with them all of his life. if there is some test he needs for some reason such as school, rehab, etc., i will relay it to the nurse because he is still young and i dont want to waste trips but he goes in by himself and talks with his docs alone. He has voiced some concern over diseases he could catch with drug useage (and girls) and i just tell him to talk to the doctor. If he's old enough to use drugs and have sex he's old enough to ask the doc to run tests for stds.
Just be careful that this isnt a well-crafted ploy to drag you into his circle. My son uses his health all the time to pull me in and that's the main reason why i am making him start taking it over. I give him the information and then he has to do the work.
But I have a child with diabetes and i've begun training him to take it over himself. He's 16 but soon will be an adult - he must know how to talk to doctors, pharmacists, insurance companies, because he will be dealing with them all of his life. if there is some test he needs for some reason such as school, rehab, etc., i will relay it to the nurse because he is still young and i dont want to waste trips but he goes in by himself and talks with his docs alone. He has voiced some concern over diseases he could catch with drug useage (and girls) and i just tell him to talk to the doctor. If he's old enough to use drugs and have sex he's old enough to ask the doc to run tests for stds.
Just be careful that this isnt a well-crafted ploy to drag you into his circle. My son uses his health all the time to pull me in and that's the main reason why i am making him start taking it over. I give him the information and then he has to do the work.
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Thanks winnie! You are so right! And you're being an extremely good mom by the way.
Okay, maybe I can go about this a different way. Instead of making the list for him, maybe I could make the list with him?
Okay, maybe I can go about this a different way. Instead of making the list for him, maybe I could make the list with him?
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(((YN)))
I agree that he should make the appt. himself, but regardless...to answer your question...he should definitely get a liver function test (LFT), and the basic blood work. They may check the kidneys, but usually only if he is showing symptoms that would make them think he is having problems in those areas.....same with heart and lungs (I was an RN for 12 years).
The basic blood work will show if his blood count is low, which would show if he may have an ulcer or intestinal problem and needs a GI followup. A good doctor will start with the basics...then followup on any abnormalities.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree that he should make the appt. himself, but regardless...to answer your question...he should definitely get a liver function test (LFT), and the basic blood work. They may check the kidneys, but usually only if he is showing symptoms that would make them think he is having problems in those areas.....same with heart and lungs (I was an RN for 12 years).
The basic blood work will show if his blood count is low, which would show if he may have an ulcer or intestinal problem and needs a GI followup. A good doctor will start with the basics...then followup on any abnormalities.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
if HE makes the appointment on HIS own - relying on his OWN resources instead of YOURS, any "screw ups" will be HIS responsibility. your efforts indicate you see him as a helpless child - he's an ADULT, treat him like one. let him take care of his own business, including doctor appointments. and if HE forgets to ask about this or that, so be it.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
If he's honest with the doctor about his drug/alcohol use, the doctor should know what kind of tests to run.
For example, I have to request a HIV test each year. My doctor assumes that since I don't produce symptoms and I'm married that I don't need a test, but I take one anyway.
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I just want to take one test every year. When you are married to an addict, you're pretty much used to being lied to. So the trust-factor that normal people have in their marriage doesn't exist in mine. Even though my husband said that he'd never go outside our marriage, he also said that he'd never drink or do drugs again.... and that didn't happen.
As far as his addiction. He recently had a scare where he was throwing up blood and some yellow thick stuff that he didn't know what it was. He really scared the heeby-jeebeez out of him. He said that he won't smoke, drink, pop, snort, dip anymore..... and wants to get checked out at the doctor because he really wants to start taking care of himself. I don't believe him, but I told him that I'd help him out with the doc appt.
As far as his addiction. He recently had a scare where he was throwing up blood and some yellow thick stuff that he didn't know what it was. He really scared the heeby-jeebeez out of him. He said that he won't smoke, drink, pop, snort, dip anymore..... and wants to get checked out at the doctor because he really wants to start taking care of himself. I don't believe him, but I told him that I'd help him out with the doc appt.
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Just three days ago, in another forum, you posted that he drank an entire bottle of E&J and threw up blood and bile.
Just 3 days ago he proimised he would quit and go see a doctor.
Just 3 days ago you said you were tired of it all, the passing out, sleeping 24/7, the anger and the lies.
He is an alcoholic and an addict. He uses cocaine, estacy and "wet", embalming fluid, for crying out loud. And despite being unemployed and unable to bear any financial responsibility for himself, let alone his family, he has money for alcohol and drugs.
And here you are, just 3 days later, proclaiming the need to make him a doctor's appointment for all sorts of tests to find out what he's done to his body. You do not need an MD to tell you or him that he's killing himself. And unfortunately, there is not a darn thing you can do to cure him. You cannot love him clean and sober. You cannot yell him clean and sober.
What you can do is let go, let God. Stop enabling him . Stop making it comfortable for him to sustain this lifestyle. Give him the dignity to decide to live or die.
Just 3 days ago he proimised he would quit and go see a doctor.
Just 3 days ago you said you were tired of it all, the passing out, sleeping 24/7, the anger and the lies.
He is an alcoholic and an addict. He uses cocaine, estacy and "wet", embalming fluid, for crying out loud. And despite being unemployed and unable to bear any financial responsibility for himself, let alone his family, he has money for alcohol and drugs.
And here you are, just 3 days later, proclaiming the need to make him a doctor's appointment for all sorts of tests to find out what he's done to his body. You do not need an MD to tell you or him that he's killing himself. And unfortunately, there is not a darn thing you can do to cure him. You cannot love him clean and sober. You cannot yell him clean and sober.
What you can do is let go, let God. Stop enabling him . Stop making it comfortable for him to sustain this lifestyle. Give him the dignity to decide to live or die.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Had I gone back to my EXAH when I got out of rehab, I would have contracted HIV from him.
He died two years ago from complications related to AIDS.
Is your husband worth dying over?
He died two years ago from complications related to AIDS.
Is your husband worth dying over?
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Originally Posted by outtolunch
Just three days ago, in another forum, you posted that he drank an entire bottle of E&J and threw up blood and bile.
Just 3 days ago he proimised he would quit and go see a doctor.
Just 3 days ago you said you were tired of it all, the passing out, sleeping 24/7, the anger and the lies.
He is an alcoholic and an addict. He uses cocaine, estacy and "wet", embalming fluid, for crying out loud. And despite being unemployed and unable to bear any financial responsibility for himself, let alone his family, he has money for alcohol and drugs.
And here you are, just 3 days later, proclaiming the need to make him a doctor's appointment for all sorts of tests to find out what he's done to his body. You do not need an MD to tell you or him that he's killing himself. And unfortunately, there is not a darn thing you can do to cure him. You cannot love him clean and sober. You cannot yell him clean and sober.
What you can do is let go, let God. Stop enabling him . Stop making it comfortable for him to sustain this lifestyle. Give him the dignity to decide to live or die.
Just 3 days ago he proimised he would quit and go see a doctor.
Just 3 days ago you said you were tired of it all, the passing out, sleeping 24/7, the anger and the lies.
He is an alcoholic and an addict. He uses cocaine, estacy and "wet", embalming fluid, for crying out loud. And despite being unemployed and unable to bear any financial responsibility for himself, let alone his family, he has money for alcohol and drugs.
And here you are, just 3 days later, proclaiming the need to make him a doctor's appointment for all sorts of tests to find out what he's done to his body. You do not need an MD to tell you or him that he's killing himself. And unfortunately, there is not a darn thing you can do to cure him. You cannot love him clean and sober. You cannot yell him clean and sober.
What you can do is let go, let God. Stop enabling him . Stop making it comfortable for him to sustain this lifestyle. Give him the dignity to decide to live or die.
I think that people confuse the difference between enabling and helping someone. We don't have a computer at home, he doesn't know what kinds of questions to ask the doctor. (honestly, I don't either but I have resources that he doesn't have access to) So, this is an instance where I could possibly help him help himself. I believe this is different than enabling. Thanks though.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
and that is ACCEPTABLE to you? lies and broken promises and the very real risk of contracting AIDS?
scorpgrl1978
Join Date: Jan 2009
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One of the best things for him to take a look at would probably be his liver. My ex-husband, after years of IV use, now has Hep C and if he continues to take drugs/drink he will continue to damage his liver and excerbate the Hep C; this will eventually lead to liver cirrohsis and damage, and eventually could lead to early death.
I think it is good that he wants to go see a doctor; the results may have a sobering effect on him, as he realizes the toll he has put his body through. Whatever the results will be, whether he goes, you go, etc etc...the point is that he needs to go to see what damage to his health has been done. After that point, you have no obligation to make him any more aware of what his choices are doing to him; he will then be totally responsible for seeking help to try and maintain a sober lifestyle. If you see him backtracking, I would then advise you leave the situation for your own sanity; as many people say on here, you can't cure him, you can't control him, you didn't cause it, etc etc....in order to live your own life fully, you would need to let him go into God's hands and prevent yourself from being dragged down any further by his addictions.
I think it is good that he wants to go see a doctor; the results may have a sobering effect on him, as he realizes the toll he has put his body through. Whatever the results will be, whether he goes, you go, etc etc...the point is that he needs to go to see what damage to his health has been done. After that point, you have no obligation to make him any more aware of what his choices are doing to him; he will then be totally responsible for seeking help to try and maintain a sober lifestyle. If you see him backtracking, I would then advise you leave the situation for your own sanity; as many people say on here, you can't cure him, you can't control him, you didn't cause it, etc etc....in order to live your own life fully, you would need to let him go into God's hands and prevent yourself from being dragged down any further by his addictions.
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My question is if the next time you go for your yearly AIDS test, and it comes up positive, what are you going to do?
You said he wasn't worth dying over, yet obviously you continue to have unprotected sex with him.
I can definitely see you struggle with codependency. Unfortunately untreated codependency can kill.
You said he wasn't worth dying over, yet obviously you continue to have unprotected sex with him.
I can definitely see you struggle with codependency. Unfortunately untreated codependency can kill.
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Originally Posted by racaple78
One of the best things for him to take a look at would probably be his liver. My ex-husband, after years of IV use, now has Hep C and if he continues to take drugs/drink he will continue to damage his liver and excerbate the Hep C; this will eventually lead to liver cirrohsis and damage, and eventually could lead to early death.
I think it is good that he wants to go see a doctor; the results may have a sobering effect on him, as he realizes the toll he has put his body through. Whatever the results will be, whether he goes, you go, etc etc...the point is that he needs to go to see what damage to his health has been done. After that point, you have no obligation to make him any more aware of what his choices are doing to him; he will then be totally responsible for seeking help to try and maintain a sober lifestyle. If you see him backtracking, I would then advise you leave the situation for your own sanity; as many people say on here, you can't cure him, you can't control him, you didn't cause it, etc etc....in order to live your own life fully, you would need to let him go into God's hands and prevent yourself from being dragged down any further by his addictions.
I think it is good that he wants to go see a doctor; the results may have a sobering effect on him, as he realizes the toll he has put his body through. Whatever the results will be, whether he goes, you go, etc etc...the point is that he needs to go to see what damage to his health has been done. After that point, you have no obligation to make him any more aware of what his choices are doing to him; he will then be totally responsible for seeking help to try and maintain a sober lifestyle. If you see him backtracking, I would then advise you leave the situation for your own sanity; as many people say on here, you can't cure him, you can't control him, you didn't cause it, etc etc....in order to live your own life fully, you would need to let him go into God's hands and prevent yourself from being dragged down any further by his addictions.
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
My question is if the next time you go for your yearly AIDS test, and it comes up positive, what are you going to do?
You said he wasn't worth dying over, yet obviously you continue to have unprotected sex with him.
I can definitely see you struggle with codependency. Unfortunately untreated codependency can kill.
You said he wasn't worth dying over, yet obviously you continue to have unprotected sex with him.
I can definitely see you struggle with codependency. Unfortunately untreated codependency can kill.
I have no reason to not have unprotected sex with him. He is my husband.
Let me ask you something. Would you suggest that every woman/man whose addict spouse has lied about their alcholic/substance abuse issues not have unprotected sex with their spouse? I'm not implying anything and I hope you don't take it the wrong way I'm sincerely asking to see where you're coming from.
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