cassandra2

Today my exabf sends me confusing texts messages about a trip up north for hunting. Finally he says he isnt going to be able to go because he has court. I say fine our daughter is going with her grandpa anyway. Then he asks if he could "borrow" 20 bucks to get some stuff for our daughter. I respond with tell me what she needs and I will pick it up for her.

He goes ballistic. Bringing up how I owe him 600 bucks cuz he paid the rent in September and now I owe him that money. I just said whatever when will you be buy to get your stuff. He says he will get it when he gets it dont worry about it. For the last few days he has been hounding me about money. I suppose he is out of pills now and is desperately looking for money.

Then when I picked up my daughter he said that our daughter was mad at me because I wouldnt give her daddy his money and that she also thinks I need to grow up!!!!! Come on thats just sad....

I wanted to scream at him but I just smiled and turned around. There is no point in even trying to rationalize with someone. After he hit me up for money he tried to make me give him my van so he could take our daughter to the dr because she has a "terrible diaper rash". I said I would pick up some cream. That ended that. I dont know if he thinks I am stupid or what.

So how did I do? I really felt like I was doing the right thing but with all drugs addicts where there is an addiction there will be a way to feed it. I just hope he doesnt kill himself.

hello-kitty

Wow your daughter must be incredibly intelligent. She's still in diapers and she understands the concept of money and is mad that you wouldn't give her father any? My son is 3 and he can only count to ten and sing the abc song. I don't involve him in my financial issues with his father because he wouldn't get it. All I say is daddy loves you very much but I am the one that takes care of you. And that's the end of it.

I don't get it. I think you need to talk to a lawyer about supervised visitation (or none at all) and drug testing before your daughter goes anywhere with him alone. I wouldn't let my preschooler spend time alone with an active addict who's biggest concern is getting money for drugs.

IMO, you are taking a huge risk with your child.

cassandra2

Some other adult (dope free adult) is usually always there at his sisters house. So I am not worried about that. I just am amazed at the hate that came out of his mouth. He actually called me a thief because I wouldnt pay him money from septembers rent. He is the one that needs to grow up and be an adult. He has children for crying out loud. And why is it that he said its over we are done but whenever he NEEDS something he is calling me. I am just fed up with it ALL.

hello-kitty

Try the serenity prayer. It always helps me when dealing with an addict that I cannot control.

Impurrfect

I think you did great at realizing he just wants money.

I do agree with the above, though....think, very carefully, about letting him be around the kids unless someone is supervising. Addiction is pretty darn powerful, and I wouldn't want him to "forget" he has any of the kids if he finds a way to get get pills.

You've come a long way, sweetie, and I'm proud of you for not falling for his crap.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cassandra2

Like I said there is someone else with him when he has our daughter. I understand all of your concerns. I have talked with his family and told them of my concerns and they are staying with him. His brother in law has been wonderful in helping me and telling me what is going on over there. His sister is on maternity leave so she is there also. I am sure that because he has been "dope sick" he hasnt really done to much of the watching.

I am glad his family gets to see him dope sick because he had them all convinced last week that he was just taking 2 percs a day. Oh really then why are you dope sick and fiening (sp) for money?????

Brick wall....bang head here......I suppose I will be getting a call about how he is in the ER and its my fault because I wouldnt give him 20 bucks.....

cassandra2

Ok you guys are really freaking me out here. I really am not sure he would go to that lengths. I mean these are just pills. Right?

littlebird77

I have to say I love the rent one... I would get that. He would pay his half of the rent for January, I would kick him out in March and then he would turn around and say, "You owe me rent for the past few months I paid". Oh goodness I really don't know what you can do or say right now... I jsut understand a bit of what you are going through.

hello-kitty

Cassandra. Anvil is right. An addict in the throes of withdrawal is obsessing about how to get more drugs to stop the pain or stay awake or just to be able to function normally. That's all they care about. That's what addiction is all about. To the detriment of their children, their families, themselves.

I let my ex take my son to the park when he was 2 years old. It was only a couple blocks from my house. I went to the bank across the street and then drove over to see what was going on.

My ex had fallen asleep (nodded off) on the park bench. My son playing on the big toys (monkey bars, giant slide, etc etc) Not a care in the world. Thank god I showed up. When I woke my son's father up, he didn't even realize he had been asleep. When I confronted him he said I was over reacting.

Impurrfect

((Cassandra))

Unfortunately, we're not exaggerating about what lengths an addict will go to when they are craving drugs. Just remember...what you would think is totally irrational and insane? We A's think it is perfectly logical when we are fiending for dope. And it doesn't really matter whether it's pills, crack, heroin, or whatever...it still has him in his grips. I have several friends on here who are addicted to pills, and they're actions were pretty much in line with what I did for crack.

I'm glad the in-laws are there to actual watch the kids, because I don't think he's in a place to have the kids as a priority right now.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cassandra2

This is just scary. I keep thinking things cant get any worse and they do. I keep thinking he will see this and go get help. But then that is where I have to tell myself that I am the rational one he is not and he WILL NOT make the rational decisions to move forward with treatment.

I have been told that he probably will sell his gaming systems to get money. If that is the case I hope that his family sees that and kicks him out. His sister went through this with her ex. I know that she will think if he starts selling his stuff that he normally would not then he has got to go because its only a matter of time before he starts selling my stuff or stealing or worse. This is just so hard to wrap my head around. I have NEVER been through anything like this.....

liesagain

one thing I have learned is not to say ........oh he'd never do "that" because there are NO NEVERS with an addict. NONE!

I have learned that all I can say is he hasnt done that YET........because you just cannot believe the lengths an addict will go to to find drugs..........

sad but true.

Not to mention the anger and retaliation that sometimes happens between adults when the separate............sometimes children are actually harmed just to Punish the other parent

please be careful............theres no order in place then you dont have to leave your child with him.............but if you feel safe with the family of course thats your choice. Just becareful.............HUGS

PS YOU DID GREAT TODAY!!!!!

BellasNona

Cass, I used to do the same thing. My oldest daughters father was never there when I dropped her off with his parents. They were wonderful to me and to my daughter, they never let her out of their sight when he was home. Just please always keep those lines of communication open with his family, that is a must have. If you stick to what you have been doing, you should be fine. If I were you I would take his "stuff" over to his relatives in a box to make sure he doesn't take any of your "stuff" with him if he comes over. Like everyone has said in their replies, addicts will do just about anything for $$$.

Neverwanted

Because thats what they do.

And when you are done being fed up and realize this will likely not change any time soon, you can get down to the painful task of facing what you are putting off feeling inside - DEEP DOWN: the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the absurdities, the love lost, the love that could be, the eyes of your innocent kids who didnt ask to be put here in his hell...etc

I write this from the pain I hear in your words. The place I have been. And the places I have yet to go...and the hell endured in the name of LOVE.

The duality of pain and relief from walking away can seemingly break a person. You dont have to be that one. Please hang in there and get support. I have become horribly depressed, irrational trying to understand his world, and at times....unable to get out of bed. Not everyone reacts the way I did. And I dont want you to either. PLEASE get support. PLEASE. I dont want anyone to walk where I have and I am glad you found this room.

Neverwanted

We are freaking you out? I hate to say it but you are on the wrong side of the fence. Cass...these are not "just pills." They are drugs. He has an addiction and unless you think his behavior is normal - why are you bothered by it if he is not an addict and these are just pills?

The one who is or should be freaking you out is the addict in him. Can you see where you are being held hostage to codependence?

Neverwanted

Cass how are you feeling today?

cassandra2

I am much better went to see a counselor today. I am gonna work on me and when he starts working on himself maybe we will have something to talk about.

Thank you all for your support. I am gonna battle this and get better and move on for me and my kids. If he can catch up then that will be even better.....

baxter

You have come so far in just the last few weeks. You're getting stronger and wiser everyday. Be proud that you're finally seeing him for the addict he is and that you and the baby are the only ones to care about. You're doing wonderful and getting stronger everyday.

Hugs

cassandra2

Last night I had to spend the night in the ER with the baby (she's ok fell and spilt her lip-no stitches) and he was with me. He was high I could tell. His eyes were blood shot and he hit the candy machine a couple of times. But we had a decent conversation.

He has told his entire family he is going for help on the 17 Monday morning. He says that way he is held accountable to everyone. He said he is still planning on the big move and that he thinks that that may be the best choice for him right now. Ok but not rehab. He said he has to get everything ready. Ok to go to rehab.

I would say fifty percent of what he said was crap and fifty percent was true. I say that because I told him he was being very nasty these last few days and that was not the way you would treat me before. He responded with some days I am very angry and I apologize. I have a demon inside of me telling me to take things I dont want to and to feel feelings I dont want to feel.

Again I am waiting for the actions......Friday I go back to the counselor.

Neverwanted

Cass

Hope the lil one is doing ok.

He responded with some days I am very angry and I apologize. I have a demon inside of me telling me to take things I dont want to and to feel feelings I dont want to feel.



Sounds so familiar. What kind of help did he say he was getting if I may ask? Rehab would be the best for anyone with this - JMHO. Some are limited b y insurance constraints as well as financial. NA is always an option.


HUGS to you