Will be seeing homless AS in NYC this weekend.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Dad, Just got to read this thread but hope you had a wonderful time with your son this past week-end. Maybe just keeping him warm for a night will wake this fella up. Your such a super dad and know how to handle all of it in the right way. I'm sure saying "Good-bye" breaks your heart but I bet this is one of the stories that will have a happy ending. Smiles, Bonnie
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Sorry I got in late on this Hurtingdad, my heart goes out to you & your son. From what I've read your visit is over. I pray things went well. I went & saw my son when he was in Wk Release & I don't regret it. Like Marle said " I will never give up on him. There are times when I don't like him all that much but give up on him...............never.
I believe all things are possible with God's help.
Love,
Diane
I believe all things are possible with God's help.
Love,
Diane
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Before I say anything else, I'm truely overwhelmed by your posts. It helps me so much to know of the care and love by people who khow what it's like, coming my way.
I had already decided by Friday morning that I wasn't going to stay overnight in NYC, I was only doing it for myself. When I did meet him downtown by Union Square, it was as I was in a parallel universe. My son is showing me his sleeping that that he uses, showing me the multi-layers of clothing he wears and at the same time he's telling me how well he's doing. He didn't seem high, made a point of showing me his arms where there were no fresh marks, only old scars. I hugged him but it was bizarre.
We walked over to Chinatown and had a fine lunch, got him a haircut,but in the back of my head I just kept thinking...what are we doing? We walked around some more to a park and talked but it was the same conversion I keep hearing when he calls me..."I just need a job, and a place to live..if you don't have a place to live then you can't get a job". He's in such a tough spot, I mentioned shelters, programs, but he seems to have a reason not to do any of that.
We walked some more and I just said I have to leave now, at which point I hugged him and cried and he started to. I went back home. I did give him $40.
He called me Saturday morning and told me how much it meant to him for my visit. He said he was also upset when we split up.
He said he didn't use the money for drugs, but went to a movie and treated himself to a good dinner. I like to think he wasn't
lying.
I'm glad I saw him but I am sadder than I've been in a long time, I'm barely holding on.
That's all for now...again thanks for everything and pray for him
I had already decided by Friday morning that I wasn't going to stay overnight in NYC, I was only doing it for myself. When I did meet him downtown by Union Square, it was as I was in a parallel universe. My son is showing me his sleeping that that he uses, showing me the multi-layers of clothing he wears and at the same time he's telling me how well he's doing. He didn't seem high, made a point of showing me his arms where there were no fresh marks, only old scars. I hugged him but it was bizarre.
We walked over to Chinatown and had a fine lunch, got him a haircut,but in the back of my head I just kept thinking...what are we doing? We walked around some more to a park and talked but it was the same conversion I keep hearing when he calls me..."I just need a job, and a place to live..if you don't have a place to live then you can't get a job". He's in such a tough spot, I mentioned shelters, programs, but he seems to have a reason not to do any of that.
We walked some more and I just said I have to leave now, at which point I hugged him and cried and he started to. I went back home. I did give him $40.
He called me Saturday morning and told me how much it meant to him for my visit. He said he was also upset when we split up.
He said he didn't use the money for drugs, but went to a movie and treated himself to a good dinner. I like to think he wasn't
lying.
I'm glad I saw him but I am sadder than I've been in a long time, I'm barely holding on.
That's all for now...again thanks for everything and pray for him
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I understand what you mean. Last fall I had not seen my daughter for 7 months. She was deep in her addiction and was living with her addict boyfriend in a small motel room. I drove to the town to see her and met her at a fast food restaurant. We ate and then drove to a park outside of town to talk. She told me how hard it was to quit the heroin. How hard withdrawals were for her. At times she seemed like my daughter and other times she seemed like an alien being. We were only together for 2 hours and when I left I felt so hopeless. It was so hard seeing her get back into the boyfriend's car and drive away. Looking back I know that she was starting to hit a bottom that would lead her to recovery. Today she has 5+ months clean from heroin and is doing well. I know that relapse is possible but I also know that my walking away helped her to seek recovery more than all the help that I had given her in the past. Prayers for you and your son. May he seek a better way. Hugs, Marle
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((Hurtingdad)))
oh, your post brought back some painful memories...
It is so hard to be so close, and to see them walk away and choose to live this way....
I remember once when I say my daughter on the street, and i could see the fear and confusion in her eyes , but she was unwilling to leave and come with me...the emotions in that moment haunt me still...
to see them teetering and unable to help or save...
I knew my daughter felt she had something to prove to herself, was searching on the streets for 'something' she needed to find...
all the time she was on the street, her HP watched over her..... she has her own place now, and has begun the process of healing...
my heart is with you... ....hugs, Grateful
oh, your post brought back some painful memories...
It is so hard to be so close, and to see them walk away and choose to live this way....
I remember once when I say my daughter on the street, and i could see the fear and confusion in her eyes , but she was unwilling to leave and come with me...the emotions in that moment haunt me still...
to see them teetering and unable to help or save...
I knew my daughter felt she had something to prove to herself, was searching on the streets for 'something' she needed to find...
all the time she was on the street, her HP watched over her..... she has her own place now, and has begun the process of healing...
my heart is with you... ....hugs, Grateful
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
Im so sorry dad. Maybe one day soon your happiness will exceed the grief you are feeling now. With the love you show your son but the refusal to feed to his addiction will help him to recovery. Im a recovering addict. I know. I promise I will say extra prayers for you and for your son.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
<sigh>
This reminds me of a young child, home from school, showing off something he made, seeking your approval. He seems to value your approval and this is something.
Is there any possiblity of finding a reasonable sober house and paying for the initial few weeks until he finds some kind of employment and is able to pay his own way? Is this something you and he might consider?
The two of you will remain in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
This reminds me of a young child, home from school, showing off something he made, seeking your approval. He seems to value your approval and this is something.
Is there any possiblity of finding a reasonable sober house and paying for the initial few weeks until he finds some kind of employment and is able to pay his own way? Is this something you and he might consider?
The two of you will remain in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Hurtingdad)))
I'm glad you got to see him, but I can imagine the visit was bittersweet.
I know how much it meant to me when my dad came to visit, and I'm sure it means a lot to your son.
You're a good dad, and don't you forget it
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad you got to see him, but I can imagine the visit was bittersweet.
I know how much it meant to me when my dad came to visit, and I'm sure it means a lot to your son.
You're a good dad, and don't you forget it
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
People who have addiction problems do create drama for themselves. They fall down and feel sorry for themselves some of them roll around in this self pity for the rest of their lives. I hope this is not the case for your son. I hope your prayers and ours will reach him and give him confidence and strength to stand up and take charge of his life. I believe anyone who can survive on the streets of NY has strength. Maybe he will do one small thing differently and change his course. I pray that he will.(((((hd))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I've been in that universe dad, and it is very much parallel to this one. You'll get through. God bless. Your son sounds like a very special person and you sound like a very special father. He's on his journey. He'll get there eventually. You just can't know when.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Thanks for checking in Dad and sharing what happened with you and your son. It's funny cause ~ my DIL said to me last night that I'm worse when I see my son. And he's working and has a place to live. Its just something about trust that I can't grab onto....My heart goes out to you but your so strong and doing everything right. The city has alot of help I'm sure~~~~for those in need. I think of you and your son often and my prayers have you both in them..Smiles and hang on, Bonnie
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