BBD

We still haven't heard from Chris so I know somethings up. It's been 10 days since I spoke to him and he was so happy then. I have no clue what has happened since then but to miss our dinner Sat night and not let us know whats he's up too~~~is a hugh red flag to me. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay in my own recovery but this is so hard. Just when you think you have things down pat~~poof!! You get dragged right back into it. Not knowing is so very difficult. Not that there is anything I can do about anything~~but I'm still feeling so sad that something has interrupted his recovery. It's not like Chris at all to not contact us if something had come up and he couldn't make the dinner. We just may take a ride tomorrow to see if his truck is where he is suppose to be working. Haven't decided if I want to see him at all~~but I would like to know that he's alive!! Thats OK for a mom, isn't it??

winnie12

I'm so sorry to hear this. If it makes you feel better to just know that he is okay then do it. I'll say prayers on this end that he is okay and that you find out soon. Hang in there and dont let your imagination get the best of you.

grateful2b

Bonnie, I am sorry, hon...
this place of acceptance where we all try to be is just so hard some times....
acceptance that it is HIS road to travel,
acceptance that we cannot fix it, cure it, nor are we responsible for it...
acceptance that his HP has a plan for him...
acceptance that he will get there in HIS time and that he will fall down, and get up and maybe fall down again before he reaches the goal line...
I am really feeling you on this as I remember how it goes...and the not knowing is a killer if we let it...
bring the focus back to you...this recovery is a day to day dance, nothing down pat about it..
hugs and prayers for you , Chris, and Mr. BDD

Impurrfect

(((BBD)))

Sweetie, if you feel strongly enough about anything, then do it. We don't all follow the rules of codie recovery, and I don't see anything wrong with wanting to see if he's alive. Pray for the best, prepare for the worst (the best you can).

Just because he's an addict doesn't mean he's not your son anymore. You aren't going to stop behaving like a mom just because you're in recovery.

I would recommend trying not to have any expectations of what you'll find.

Sending you big hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

Amy and Winnie are right, Bon..nothing wrong with swinging by his work to ease your mind, just knowing he is alive can help so much...to ease your mind and get you back to the business of keeping the focus on you...
I think of all the times I have been happy with just that...but be prepared for what ever you find..... grateful

greeteachday

I also completely understand the fear and worry. To just know he is okay makes sense to me. If he wasn't, you would have learned by know, but I truly relate to how you are feeling. I'm so sorry. Sometimes taking things one day at a time for me became one hour, one minute, even one breath

BBD

Thanls ladies, Your all so wonderful. This is an anxious week for me anyhow. My surgery is Friday and I can't wait to have it over..and with this on top of that~~my tummy is all knotty....hugs, Bon

marle

Although I did not want a front row seat to my daughter's addiction, I did want to know that she was still alive. Text messaging usually brought a response from her eventually. But since Chris is not answering your calls, then a swing by his workplace may just ease your mind. If he has relapsed I am sure that his guilt and shame is what is keeping him from getting in touch with you. Hugs because I know it hurts like heck. Marle

outtolunch

And if his truck is not there, then what?

And yeah, I probably would have already taken the ride.....I do understand.

BayAreaPhoenix

You're a Mom! Hugs to you! You have the tools you need, that doesn't take away being a Mom!

BBD

I did a codie thing~~ ouch!! When Chris got his cell phone, his x-wife at one time put minutes on it. So, she has the puter acct number and can check his calls. I called her and she looked everything up for me. She has also been leaving him messages..they are good friends. Anyways~ the phone has been in use and he has been checking messages. I just hope HE has the phone and not someone else..So, I do think he's alive but we are still going to take our ride tomorrow......outolunch~~~~if his truck isn't there I'll probably ask one of the guys about Chris's whereabouts!! This will be the last time>>>>>again!! I know, I know.....I'm really getting tired of this nonsense. Does that mean I'm hitting my bottom?? Luv ya guys, Bonnie

sistergldnhair

I would feel the same way. I would need to see if his truck is there. At least if it's there, you can kinda breathe that he is alive..keeping you in my prayers hon. Hoping all is ok, and he's just been busy.

eileen

Ann

(((BBD))) Your post reminded me of that awful gut wrenching feeling when they didn't show up or call and then disappeared.

My "bottom" happened at exactly a time like that when I tracked him down to a crack house, went there and threatened to kick down the door if they didn't open up or send him out. I'm not a person who kicks down crack house doors, really I'm not. He came out and I spent the night on his couch (I drove an hour away to do this *sigh*), and when I left to come home in the morning, he left to go back to the crackhouse. That's when I told God that I could not live one more day like this. That's when I found serious recovery and I have never looked back.

My point here is that there is hope for us, there is a better way to live. Keep walking with us, grab yourself a meeting or ten, and know that there is a path that will lead you to better days.

Big hugs for you and prayers for him.

CatsPajamas

You know, I think there is a special place in Heaven for moms of boys, especially the troubled ones.

I have learned that my recovery is a work in progress, and I am allowed to do what I think is absolutely necessary. Sometimes it's a visit, sometimes it's a call, and sometimes it's a drive-by. It's just what I have to do to be OK.

The good news is that no one here will judge you or criticize or ridicule. You are surrounded by people who totally 100% understand.

BIG hugs from mom to mom

Cats

BBD

Thanks again ladies. I know I'm surrounded by the best bunch of women I could find ~here on this site... and I am thankful for that. I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes.. Night~

baxter

Drive by sounds good to me too. Sometimes just being a plain old mom takes over. Weather doesn't sound too good though. I agree that I'm sure if something bad had happened you would have heard by now. Sometimes a little trick I have to use to stay away is pretend we live half way cross the country, which in a couple years I'm hoping we'll be. At least for the winter.

Have a nice drive and enjoy the day.

Abundance

Best of luck to you tomorrow..... as always the support here at SR is right on...

(((hugs))) xoxoxoxoxo

sleepygoat

I HATE it when they disappear and don't answer the phone and the fear starts to stalk us! do whatever you need to do, but set a boundary on yourself in advance ("I'll only ask once if he has come to work lately" or somethiing like that). and then distract yourself with whatever works. Eventually they call us, or the information trickles our way thru somebody else.

As much as I like to think I am detached, the truth is there is still no contest between a day I know she is OK vs. a day I don't know that at all. The difference between now and say, a year ago, is only in the matter of degree of my own not-OK-ness. Progress, not perfection, I guess.

cece1960

Oh Sleepy...believe it or not I totally understood this And I seem to be in a similar place.
BBD...you do what you need to do, until you need to do differently. I believe if we remain completely honest with ourselves and our motivations, we are moving in the right direction.
Prayers for peace
(((Hugs)))

HurtingDad

Checking the phone account online...that brings back a memory for me...been there...done that.

You need to know if he's alive...drive by and check. We're parents, we can't help wanting to know. Of course we don't have to throw dollars bill out the window as we do drive by...but been there also.

Prayers to you and your son. He's lucky to have you in his ife.