please keep me in your thoughts

Old 08-04-2008, 09:50 AM
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please keep me in your thoughts


I will go to pick up my son in a few days. He needs to go to an attorney's fpr a conference concerning his impending divorce. He is eight months (still in rehab)clean and we will take him back after a week-end pass which ends this Sunday afternoon. The staff at the facility say to get the divorce out of the way and over with and then they will begin the search for an appropriate halfway house. He would move in that direction when they feel he is ready to transition to the next level.

I guess all of that is good news but I am just anxious about the week-end. I always seem to "harp" on the wrong things. I know I shouldn't but they just have a way of spilling out. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and perhaps I can get through this difficult time. He says he feels disconnected from our family. I have only seen him twice in eight months due to the distance. He has changed but he just doesn't seem like the person I raised and I am sure he isn't because he has faced life changing experiences most of which i wish he had never had.

If you have any thoughts or encouragement I'd surely appreciate anything coming my way.

Thank you to everyone. Dixied
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:09 AM
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Dear Dixied, I will keep you all in my prayers this weekend. I am sure it is rough, having to get to know your own son over again. I don't have any experience with this but I sure wish I did. My only prayer is 1 day my AS will see the light.
Have a nice wkend, enjoy your son's sobriety, and try not to worry too much.
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:29 AM
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Dixie, Rather than bringing a subject up with him, let him lead the conversation. I have found that sometimes out of frustration my daughter and I both say things that we don't mean. I try to just keep my mouth shut when it comes to her recovery and let figure things out for herself unless she asks. When she came home for weekend passes we had a really nice time because I let go of a lot of expectations and tried to realize that for that day she was clean and I was grateful. Hugs and prayers for you, my friend. This truly is a journey. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:33 AM
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You know you have my prayers. Marle has some good advice, and since her daughter just got home from a halfway house this weekend, she's got some good recent ES&H.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 08-04-2008, 10:38 AM
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Thinking of you, you and your family are in my prayers.
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:48 AM
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Hi Dixie, want to echo what Marle thing that continues to help my journey in my recovery is to not have any expectations about my AD's recovery...
I try to appreciate the direction she is trying to take and and the progress she makes. her recovery is her business...and that has proved to be a huge relief to me and frankly , my salvation, in my recovery....

Enjoy your son this weekend and try to stay in the thoughts and prayers are with you.....
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Old 08-04-2008, 11:04 AM
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I think Marle's suggestions are ones to try to remember. It helped me to realize that since I had admitted I was powerless; had surrendered and asked my HP to guide my kids, I could therefore just sit back and enjoy thier company without worrying about what may come next or what had not been taken care of yet. When I kept myself open to possibilities and let go of expectations, I found spending time with my kids so much more enjoyable. Hugs and prayers
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Old 08-04-2008, 04:46 PM
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you & your family have my prayers. let things fall into place & try not to make things happen. it will all take time.
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Old 08-04-2008, 08:07 PM
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Can't add anything that hasn't been said before me. Sending some hugs your way (and an extra roll of duct tape). I just bought a bunch for myself!!
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:02 PM
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I harp on the wrong things too, sometimes. It's like I feel that all the pain my RAH has put me through, he hasn't suffered enough yet--that I have to make him go through the same hell I was put through. I don't do it consciously, but I think that's part of it.

I'll try extra hard this week if you will.

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Old 08-05-2008, 03:14 AM
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He's got 8 months clean and is working on his recovery, so maybe try just having a fun weekend without the "how are you REALLY doing?" kind of conversations (I was so guilty of those *sigh*) or if the pending divorce makes "fun" a bit of a stretch, maybe take a family picnic someplace nice or go see a movie or anything that you can enjoy with him that isn't just about recovery or his pending divorce.

Just my thoughts and whatever you decide, I hope you have a wonderful time with him.

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Old 08-05-2008, 07:01 AM
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My advice to you when you are with you son ..... live in the moment
(and ducktape doesn't hurt)

Congrats to your son on 8 months clean .
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Old 08-05-2008, 08:11 PM
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I can relate with the words spilling out! I have done that so many times. Sometimes I think that no matter what I do it's not going to help. I guess just being honest is the best thing.
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