Yesterdaysnumb

I keep trying to convince him of going into rehab thinking that will solve his addiction issues. Did it work for you guys or am I getting my hopes up?

offhegoes

I can not comment on whether it works for the addict, but my AH just did his first session of IOP rehab last night and I saw that even the one session made him really look at himself. I am not saying he liked it, I think it scared him more than anything to really see what was going on. But if he sticks with it I think this could actually do him some good. *again I'm new to this so take what ever I say with a grain of salt.

Yesterdaysnumb

One of my friends who is also going through the same thing told me this yesterday and I can't understand what she means. What can I do other than leave? What other options do we have?

I don't have any control over the situation and it seems the only way to gain control is by leaving... ugh.

daisylady

I agree with Anvil. It works if the addict wants to work it. Addiction is painful for the addict and anyone who is involved with them. It truly is a family disease.

My AH has been to outpatient rehab once and impatient rehab twice.. and he just recently started smoking pot again. So he obviously hasn't grasped it quite yet. I also feel like the addict will only get sober if THEY really want to. The addict needs to want to get clean for THEMSELVES not for anyone else. My AH keeps thinking rehab and sobriety is what will make ME happy but he needs to make HIM happy. I just don't know if he is happy being sober yet. Maybe when he works through whatever is causing him so much pain (his past, painful childhood etc.) he will finally realize that he will have no quality of life until he gets sober.

So again, I agree with Anvil, there is no magic answer... but we all wish there was!!

Yesterdaysnumb

I pray that everything works out well for you. I'm so happy for you. Things like that truly allow me to see hope.

What is IOP rehab?

Yesterdaysnumb

Yeah, I agree. But, I must have issues because I'm thinking in my head "How can I make him want to??"

offhegoes

Thank you.
I do the same for you.
It is intense out patient rehab. he does 4 sessions a week for a month along with NA meetings. When he went for intake they said he was a great candidate for this.

Yesterdaysnumb

See, my husband went to the clinic and they told him that he's not severe enough for treatment at all. But, knowing his track history... he's probably lying.

WendyS

Intensive Outpatient treatment saved my life. Without the tools I learned there I would have died. It usually entails 3 or for days a week 3 or four hours a day for 6-12 weeks.

W

daisylady

You don't have issues! I think that is a normal way of thinking for those of us with addicts in our lives. However, I think if we all knew the answer to this question, there would be a lot more people staying sober!

Chino

In a nutshell, yes you do have issues. It's called co-dependency and it's a control thing. It's why we are all here.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; (others)
courage to change the things I can; (myself)
and wisdom to know the difference.

Just like their disease, our issues never go away. We have to work on taking charge of our lives, not others, and stay vigilant lest it come back to bite us in the butt.

daisylady

Point well taken Chino : )

Yesterdaysnumb

It makes me wonder... how did I become the one with issues? Was I always a codependant person? Or did he make me this way??

offhegoes

that's how i feel. when ever I ask a question about the issue the answers is about me, and how I can change and how I need to work on my self. I understand I need to do that but at the same time it's frustrating. *sorry venting*

Yesterdaysnumb

Right. Like when did I become the one with the disease that needs recovery?? UGH!

Chino

Codependent No more by Melanie Beatty will answer your first question. Your second question begs a question: did you make him an addict?

Yesterdaysnumb

WOW, that's really powerful... and sad.

jerect

I think I was always codependant, I think my codependancy was what attracted me to my AH in the first place. I have always been a people pleaser and I have never been able to say no. Of course when I met my AH I had no idea what codependancy even was. I just saw a person that needed a little fixing and I thought I was capable of doing that. I was going to be this man's saviour.

As for rehab working, it's like the others have said; It works only if he works it and wants it to work. My AH can go to all the meetings in the world but he has to be the one to work the steps and change his life. I can drive him to the NA meeting and drop him off at the door and watch him go in but that doesn't and wont make him sober.

I have recently discovered that recovery for an addict is a life long process. Unfortunatly sometimes a relaps is part of recovery. When I first found out my AH was using, I figured he would go to some meetings and in a few months he would be ok and life would go on the same. I know now that it's not going to work that way. Somewhere along the way I became sicker then my AH. His addiction controlled my life. I was waking up every day thinking of ways I could make him better. I know now that I can't make him better but that I can make me better. Making me better is also a life long process and not a quick fix as I had at first hoped.

Try to find some meetings that you can go to and read everything that you can on addiction and codependancy. I started reading the Blue NA book, (I think they call it the Big Blue Book) and what I have read so far as helped me put my husbands addiction in a different light.

I know this is hard but you must put yourself first.. Take care of You and don't worry about his addiction, recovery or sobriety.

((((((hugs))))))

justanothrdrunk

"Does rehab really work?"

Depends on what you mean.

I've been in rehab 3 times, so that makes me the foremost expert. HA! Here's my opinion based on my experience.

Does rehab keep people sober? No. In fact, it doesn't even keep people sober while they are there, let alone after they leave. Every rehab joint I've ever been in had others that were using while there. People can get drugs and alcohol any time they want. There's little that can stop someone.

In my mind, rehab does two things. First, there's the detox aspect. This is the medical part. One gets medical supervision while detoxing so they are safe while coming off whatever. There is continued medical support after the initial, acute withdrawal that hopefully can identify dual-diagnosis (mental health issues in addition to substance abuse) as well as any cross-addictions (sex, gambling, eating disorders, etc.).

Second, rehab teaches you how to live sober. Or, more importantly, how you can get the help you need (after you leave) to live sober. There are different programs, but for any rehab joint that follows the 12-steps, the message is the same and it's pretty simple.
1. Go to meetings.
2. Get a sponsor.
3. Read the Big Book of AA/NA.
4. Follow the 12 steps.
5. Help other alcoholics/addicts.

The other piece that I found particularly helpful for me but one that not everyone needs, is that rehab breaks the cycle. It was SO HARD for me to put together any meaningful stretches of good sober time on my own. I was in a rut and rehab helped me get out of that rut. It is said that the geographical moves/solutions don't work for anyone. But in a way, that's what rehab is. It's a geographical move, but with structure and focus. I could have moved somewhere (taken a vacation or something) on my own, but there would have been little incentive for me to make any effort towards recovery.

Plus, (now we're on the 4th thing, did I say two things?) there's the support of all the other addicts/alcoholics who are in the exact same place as I was in. This is a double edged sword, however. Until I recognized that I wasn't any different than any of the others, I resisted the idea that anyone else had anything to share that would benefit me. Until I got over my "terminal uniqueness," anything to be gained by sharing with others was lost on me. But it wasn't until I was immersed with afflicted others that I started to recognize they were no different than I. Rehab helped me understand this. I don't think I ever would have got that part through my thick skull without it.

I guess in a way, rehab is maybe sort of like bariatric surgery for obesity. It's a good start, but you still have to make some serious lifestyle changes on your own in order for it to work for you. If you have the surgery and go right back to living the same way again, it doesn't get you anywhere.

outtolunch

I do not think rehab is going to solve anyone's addiction issues.

Rehab can and does create the framework for sobriety if and when the addict wants sobriety more than his/her DOC or a substitute.