Well it finally hit the fan
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Well it finally hit the fan
I gave it one last shot and he blew it completely.
Or I should say, I blew it .. because I should have never given him one last shot.
Aside from the fact that he came to me and talked to me from what I believed was his heart, laid down all the things he was willing to do for our relationship .. (a willingness to do whatever it takes attitude along with that there are so many reasons why I tried one more time and the second one was the wrong one "financial" third reason was after all Dakota had been through I didn't want to devastate her world any more then it already had been .. nor the other kids for that matter. Then there is my faith and belief that marriage is forever till death due us part ... I gave it my best shot and my last shot.
Back in Feb he was laid off .. just went back to work a couple weeks ago. In Feb he applied for unemployment and because the last time he was laid off he didn't report he had worked 4 hours of the week then was laid off .. he got a penalty week .. then he got on the phone and yelled at a lady there .. when she told him he had to look for work regardless of his call back date .. he went off at the mouth saying, I don't have to look for work I got a call back date and my company pays for you for my unemployment check .. blah, blah, blah .. so the lady noted that he refused to look for work and penalized him another week ... then they took forever to get his claim going and 5 weeks later he finally got a check.
I don't know what he does with his money .. I only know what he says he does with it, but obviously he lied ..
The latest is he got us into debt where the rent is concerned .. he didn't pay a sewer bill and the company called the landlord, the landlord spoke to him on many different occasions about this bill and ultimately ended up paying it themselves ... they called to talk to him a couple weeks ago and told him he had to have all the rent, plus a late fee, plus a payment on the bill they paid by this friday or else we would be handed a notice to move. I did not know this until I received a letter from them in the mail.
Now about a week or so ago all his old behavior started rearing up and I was to worried about Dakota to really deal with it .. so I put it on the back burner .. and well a couple days ago he blew up, told me it was over and packed his crap .. this to me was just a coward way out of having to face the landlord and tell them he couldn't pay all the money .. so today they are going to be giving me a notice to move out ...
Forget about me, but he has done this to his children ..
The landlord has been more then gracious to us through all of Dakota's chemo and my husbands lay offs, but their just plan exhausted and have finally put their foot down ... Which he had reassured me, don't worry I will have the money and well now he is taking his money to take care of himself.
"You know, I'm not going to leave myself high and dry" he says ...
(my mouth drops to the floor) I have spoken to the state and was told they can't do anything until next month to help me so now I guess I have to break up the entire family and send the older kids to different places and the babies and I will have to find a homeless shelter to live in...
Please pray for me .. I am lost and feel so alone.
Passion
Or I should say, I blew it .. because I should have never given him one last shot.
Aside from the fact that he came to me and talked to me from what I believed was his heart, laid down all the things he was willing to do for our relationship .. (a willingness to do whatever it takes attitude along with that there are so many reasons why I tried one more time and the second one was the wrong one "financial" third reason was after all Dakota had been through I didn't want to devastate her world any more then it already had been .. nor the other kids for that matter. Then there is my faith and belief that marriage is forever till death due us part ... I gave it my best shot and my last shot.
Back in Feb he was laid off .. just went back to work a couple weeks ago. In Feb he applied for unemployment and because the last time he was laid off he didn't report he had worked 4 hours of the week then was laid off .. he got a penalty week .. then he got on the phone and yelled at a lady there .. when she told him he had to look for work regardless of his call back date .. he went off at the mouth saying, I don't have to look for work I got a call back date and my company pays for you for my unemployment check .. blah, blah, blah .. so the lady noted that he refused to look for work and penalized him another week ... then they took forever to get his claim going and 5 weeks later he finally got a check.
I don't know what he does with his money .. I only know what he says he does with it, but obviously he lied ..
The latest is he got us into debt where the rent is concerned .. he didn't pay a sewer bill and the company called the landlord, the landlord spoke to him on many different occasions about this bill and ultimately ended up paying it themselves ... they called to talk to him a couple weeks ago and told him he had to have all the rent, plus a late fee, plus a payment on the bill they paid by this friday or else we would be handed a notice to move. I did not know this until I received a letter from them in the mail.
Now about a week or so ago all his old behavior started rearing up and I was to worried about Dakota to really deal with it .. so I put it on the back burner .. and well a couple days ago he blew up, told me it was over and packed his crap .. this to me was just a coward way out of having to face the landlord and tell them he couldn't pay all the money .. so today they are going to be giving me a notice to move out ...
Forget about me, but he has done this to his children ..
The landlord has been more then gracious to us through all of Dakota's chemo and my husbands lay offs, but their just plan exhausted and have finally put their foot down ... Which he had reassured me, don't worry I will have the money and well now he is taking his money to take care of himself.
"You know, I'm not going to leave myself high and dry" he says ...
(my mouth drops to the floor) I have spoken to the state and was told they can't do anything until next month to help me so now I guess I have to break up the entire family and send the older kids to different places and the babies and I will have to find a homeless shelter to live in...
Please pray for me .. I am lost and feel so alone.
Passion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rogue Valley
Posts: 65
I dear, seems as if he's put you in quite the pickle...Im not much on giving advice...so I'll just give you a big hug...and hope for the best for you!!! Im sorry you and your children are going thru this....Be strong!!! Maybe this is all part of a bigger plan to get you to a better place in life...let's hope for that!!! hugs...LG
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Oh god Passion I am so sorry I will pray for you. Is it possible for you to you speak to the landlord and explain to him that your husband never told you what was going on and now hes out of the home. Maybe for just one more time he will be lienant SP on you.
Remember you are not alone we all are here for you. The power of our prayers work!'
hugs,
Jewel
Remember you are not alone we all are here for you. The power of our prayers work!'
hugs,
Jewel
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Oh my!
I really feel for you. But I really feel that you can make it work. Somehow.
You have courage that few have. Your daughter is well; that takes precedence over everything.
Look for resources. Friends, family, clergy, social agencies, and more. You did not deserve this. You got only the "final notice." Your husband sounds like he is in a very bad way, unable to take care of even himself.
Thus, the outcome appears to be dependent upon you. Your determination. Finding and using resources. As a former principal, schools are clearinghouses of resources. They know people, agencies, networks. We face stuff like this all the time. Talk to a principal or counselor.
Find groups. Alanon. Abused women. Support groups. A great place to network. Leave all possibilities open. When good people learn of situations like yours, good things can happen. I've contributed money, anonymously, countless times. Think short term, think long term. Consider whatever you get from your husband as "extra." You cannot count on a man in crisis.
Don't discount the charity of others. People give because they have received. Real situations require no explanation. In the future, when you can, you will give back by helping others.
Hang in there. Think creatively and rationally. Believe.
warren
I really feel for you. But I really feel that you can make it work. Somehow.
You have courage that few have. Your daughter is well; that takes precedence over everything.
Look for resources. Friends, family, clergy, social agencies, and more. You did not deserve this. You got only the "final notice." Your husband sounds like he is in a very bad way, unable to take care of even himself.
Thus, the outcome appears to be dependent upon you. Your determination. Finding and using resources. As a former principal, schools are clearinghouses of resources. They know people, agencies, networks. We face stuff like this all the time. Talk to a principal or counselor.
Find groups. Alanon. Abused women. Support groups. A great place to network. Leave all possibilities open. When good people learn of situations like yours, good things can happen. I've contributed money, anonymously, countless times. Think short term, think long term. Consider whatever you get from your husband as "extra." You cannot count on a man in crisis.
Don't discount the charity of others. People give because they have received. Real situations require no explanation. In the future, when you can, you will give back by helping others.
Hang in there. Think creatively and rationally. Believe.
warren
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Nyte,
I am so sorry this is happening in your life.
I couldn't help but read your signature line....
"When we have done what we can, God will do what we can't."
Nyte, you know your HP is there. You, along with us, just have to keep reminding yourself of that. There is not a better place to be than by the side of your HP because He has the plan, Nyte.
And I know this sounds very brash, but there have been times that I've told my HP I just hate His plan. But He understands. He knows I can't see the big picture, that all I can see is what is right in front of me today. He's proven to me that if I trust Him, He can and will bring me out of situations that seemed unbearable.
Prayers for you and Dakota, Nyte. One day at a time, Nyte...one day at a time. Your HP will reveal the plan.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I am so sorry this is happening in your life.
I couldn't help but read your signature line....
"When we have done what we can, God will do what we can't."
Nyte, you know your HP is there. You, along with us, just have to keep reminding yourself of that. There is not a better place to be than by the side of your HP because He has the plan, Nyte.
And I know this sounds very brash, but there have been times that I've told my HP I just hate His plan. But He understands. He knows I can't see the big picture, that all I can see is what is right in front of me today. He's proven to me that if I trust Him, He can and will bring me out of situations that seemed unbearable.
Prayers for you and Dakota, Nyte. One day at a time, Nyte...one day at a time. Your HP will reveal the plan.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nyte, Hangin' is right, you do your part and your HP will do the rest.
Maybe make a plan, talk to your landlord honestly, call a church or the Salvation Army...they often have funds for one time emergencies like this, and call a women's shelter...they have resources and connections to people who may be able to help you. One call at a time, one day at a time, your needs will be met, I just know it. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish without depending on an undependable person for anything.
Sending prayers for you and your children. You will be blessed, just believe.
Hugs
Maybe make a plan, talk to your landlord honestly, call a church or the Salvation Army...they often have funds for one time emergencies like this, and call a women's shelter...they have resources and connections to people who may be able to help you. One call at a time, one day at a time, your needs will be met, I just know it. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish without depending on an undependable person for anything.
Sending prayers for you and your children. You will be blessed, just believe.
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by Ann 
You will be amazed at what you can accomplish without depending on an undependable person for anything.
Reading that was one of those "aah ha" moments for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Nyte))))
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I really do believe that you and the kids are going to be okay.
I agree with the above....talk to whoever you can think of for assistance.
In the meantime, I am sending you and the kids huge hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I really do believe that you and the kids are going to be okay.
I agree with the above....talk to whoever you can think of for assistance.
In the meantime, I am sending you and the kids huge hugs and prayers!
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
My prayers are with you Nyte.
I agree with all above...there are resources out there for just this reason. There are also legal time frames regarding asking you to leave, and that isn't overnight.
You're going to be OK Nyte...your HP has you.
(((Hugs)))
I agree with all above...there are resources out there for just this reason. There are also legal time frames regarding asking you to leave, and that isn't overnight.
You're going to be OK Nyte...your HP has you.
(((Hugs)))
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Nyte,
You have come so far, and you've been a tower of strength for your children. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It's an act of faith. Reach out and let other people bless you as their HP is allowed to work thru them.
I can't wait for the moment when you are able to post about this situation as a powerful testament to your recovery and your HP.
Big hugs
Cats
You have come so far, and you've been a tower of strength for your children. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It's an act of faith. Reach out and let other people bless you as their HP is allowed to work thru them.
I can't wait for the moment when you are able to post about this situation as a powerful testament to your recovery and your HP.
Big hugs
Cats
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by caileesnana
Prayers for you and yours. Wish you were in TX, you could all stay w/ me.
susan
susan
Know that you have the hearts of many thinking of you and praying for you and with you.
:praying
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Thank you for all the encouragement. God is working as I type this right now. It is hard not to lose focus sometimes when in the darkness, but all the repsonses are guides for me lighting up the path and keeping me focused. Thank you.
We will be okay, I know we will ... How can we not? With all the wonderful encouragement and prayers there is no way we cannot.
Hugs and much appreciation,
Passion
We will be okay, I know we will ... How can we not? With all the wonderful encouragement and prayers there is no way we cannot.
Hugs and much appreciation,
Passion
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Talk to your church and if they can't help, then talk to try catholic community services or a lutheran church. Just pick up the phone book and look up a number for a catholic church or a lutheran church and call. They have transitional housing services & many resources that may be of great help to you right now.
You WILL be ok.
Let us know how things work out.
You WILL be ok.
Let us know how things work out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Talk to your church and if they can't help, then talk to try catholic community services or a lutheran church. Just pick up the phone book and look up a number for a catholic church or a lutheran church and call. They have transitional housing services & many resources that may be of great help to you right now.
You WILL be ok.
Let us know how things work out.
(...and don't forget your boundaries, sweetie...boundaries...)
You WILL be ok.
Let us know how things work out.
(...and don't forget your boundaries, sweetie...boundaries...)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
If your children are school-aged, you might contact their principals and explain your situation. Schools sometimes have a fund for helping the family of one of their "own." It could also be anonymous.
Prayers to you and your loved ones, Nyte. I have always thought you are such an awesome mother and great communicator. Fight for yourself, sister. Make some positive plans this weekend and then attack on Monday. One foot in front of the other for now, sweetie. The emotions can come later.
Prayers to you and your loved ones, Nyte. I have always thought you are such an awesome mother and great communicator. Fight for yourself, sister. Make some positive plans this weekend and then attack on Monday. One foot in front of the other for now, sweetie. The emotions can come later.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Okay I spoke with the Church (they own the house I live in) and made arrangements to take care of things .. God had favor on me and we will be fine 
I guess I just had to swallow my pride and fear .. God has been teaching me to trust him. I am learning how to more and more, day by day.
Passion
I guess I just had to swallow my pride and fear .. God has been teaching me to trust him. I am learning how to more and more, day by day.
Passion
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