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Disabling ?

Old 02-13-2008, 08:57 AM
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Disabling ?

Not enabling my AD's addiction is something I can handle. If she uses again, she becomes homeless. If she steals from me, I will call the Police and press charges. If she is arrested for any reason, I will not bail her out nor will I hire an attorney. I can do this. I am prepared to be a mother of a convicted felon.

What I am challenged by is action to disable anyone who enables her. If I am not enabling, AD will get busy and manipulate someone else, to enable. I want to make her a liability to anyone who enables her.

By disabling enablers, I think I am probably trying to control by daughter's addiction and her addiction continues to be the focus of my life, not a healthy thing for me.

Anyone out there, been there done this?
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:07 AM
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yep, been there done that.

all you are required to do is help yourself, noone else. Everyone needs to learn their own lessons addict or not.
think I'll come back and read this to myself sometimes.
As long as you work on you, your daughter will be learning. whats that saying, learn by example or teach by example, something like that or both.
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:08 AM
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Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!

What I am learning is: You can only control YOU. That's it, plain and simple.

Focus on your recovery, yourself. Your daughter will take notice.
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:35 AM
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My daughter's biggest enabler is her addict boyfriend that makes a 6 figure income and buys all her drugs. She does not have to work or contribute to society in any way. Just sits and gets high. No way can I disable him. (Although I have thought of ways to permanently disable him physically) So letting go was really the only choice that I finally had. It was also made easier by the fact that my daughter and her abf moved to a different city and I did not see her for 7+ months. Hugs, Marle
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Old 02-13-2008, 10:30 AM
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I know it's very frustrating but you can't "disable" anyone but yourself (without going to prison ;-)). The basic premise is control. You can only set boundaries for yourself. Not other people.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Or

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can and the wisdom to know it's me.
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Old 02-13-2008, 12:57 PM
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Yes, I've been there too, trying to control my mother and MIL to not give out any assistance, or money to my oldest AS.
(Although they've been burned so much they stopped their enabling ways, almost entirely.)

I can understand how irritating it is, when you want them to reach their bottom, and you feel the progress is being stalled, because people are still enabling.

But, the bottom line is, you can only control you.
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