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Old 02-12-2008, 05:02 PM
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questions

I have no experience with drugs, so I am wondering if anyone here can tell me about them and how they effect a person. Both physically and mentally. The reason---whenever I see my daughter I cannot tell if she is high or not. What should I be looking for? I went to court today my daughter was there for assault charges, since I had posted bail I was afraid she would not show up and I would be out $1000.00. Thank God she showed up at the last moment. But since the other party didn't show up the case was either postponed or dismissed. Not sure which, since I could not hear the judge and daughter said the case was dismissed. But I can't be sure she is telling the truth. I am not sure if I am still responsible for the bail money. Anyone have experience with courts and bails?
I am not doing to good. I have been trying to do the STEP 1 &2. But it is so hard to not go into Mother Mode. And even harder to not go into grandmother mode. I worry constantly about the grandkids.
Another question. I have had it on my mind for two days. What do Ya'll think about writing letters to the addicts. Not a good idea? I just keep thinking that she has no idea what she is doing to the children. Not that my telling her would change anything but maybe it would start her thinking? I keep thinking I should get the grandkids and save them. But here is my life. My husband has had both of his legs amputated in the past year. So EVERYTHING is on my shoulders. I work full time, six days a week to pay bills. I am a hair stylist and my shop is downstairs in my home, Thank God, or else I could not take care of everything. I have had the children here and tried to work but it was not good. They are so little that they were into everything. Had the whole house torn up by the time I finished working. My nerves were shot, but on the other hand my nerves are shot worrying about them if they are not here. I am at the point that I cannot handle any more that life has to hand me. I keep putting my life and the children into God's hands but I cannot find the button that turns off my mind from worrying. Any help would be appreciated.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:13 PM
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Awww, sweetie, you've got enough on your plate without having to worry about an addict daughter too.

If you are not sure about the bail/decision, maybe call the court and explain your situation and that you did not understand what the judge said. They will tell you what is happening.

As for your grandkids, my prayers go out that they are protected from any harm. Child Protective Services may have to get involved to ensure they are okay, and they may be better off with them than where they are now. You have so much going on I think it would be too difficult for you to take care of them and you need your health just to deal with all you have happening now.

Just know that I'm sending hugs and prayers from one mama's heart to anothers.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:20 PM
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If it was dismissed take your reciept and go get your money before your daughter tries to get it.

I'm the mother of an addict so I hear ya sister. I'm gonna tell you one of my secrets, it's really crazy and I've had people laugh at me but darn if it doesn't work for me, when I'm laying in bed is when my worry mode kicks into high gear so.... I lay there and pretend Ihit the power ball, I'm talking the $99 million power ball and then I procede to spend it in my mind. By the time I'm down to just a few million, I'm ready to go to sleep. This may get old but I'll use it whenever I need to. I guess what I'm saying is, you need to advert your thoughts elsewhere. Think of going to the beach, a night club anything other than your worries.
Hope it works for you.
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Old 02-12-2008, 06:11 PM
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I'm so sorry...I feel exhaust reading your post...You are working so hard and have so much to handle. I agree with Ann in regards to your grandchildren and also about calling the court. As for a letter to your daughter; if it helps you to write it all out, then go for it...but maybe just rip it up when you are done. Because unfortunatley, if she is in active addiction, her first love is always the drugs, sad to say, and anything you say to try to convince her otherwise will fall on deaf ears.
I'm sending lots of hugs and many prayers for you and yours. Please try to spend any spare moment you have focusing on yourself. She won't get it until she is ready and there is no use having you sick as well.
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Old 02-12-2008, 07:07 PM
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Rahsur, what do you mean, take receipt get money? The bail was 1,000. I had to pay 150.00 to get her out. Does that mean I get 100.00 of it back and the bondsman keeps 50.00 for his service? Never done this before.
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Old 02-12-2008, 07:10 PM
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Maybe, just maybe she will read letter and some of it will get through. If I say anything to her about the children, she always says she loves them. Says but doesn't act. It would kill me to see the children go into foster homes. They are my blood. I am so torn, I love them with all my heart and soul.
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:18 AM
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yes you should get back whatever you paid out and of course if you ower bondsmen money you'll have to pay that. so yes you get to keep $100 of your money.
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:34 AM
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((((painter))))

You really do have a lot going on!

As far as the letter, I can only tell you what MY mind was thinking when I was actively using. I was very, very aware of the agony I was putting my family through (they knew I was on the streets, but didn't know if I was dead or alive many times). My way of dealing with that guilt was to get high and "forget" it for a while. It is impossible to explain why we A's think the way we do....I can't believe the things I did and thought they were perfectly logical at the time.

I'm not saying that if you write her a letter, she will continue to get high. If I had been at the point where I was ready to get clean, it would have been totally different I think. I just know that most A's are aware of what they are doing to their loved ones, but the drugs have so much of a hold on us, that it's our first instinct in dealing with ANYTHING!

I would say, that if you write the letter, try not to have any expectations of it changing anything. It's those darn expectations that come back and bite us in the butt.

Sending you and your family hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-13-2008, 12:40 PM
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rahsue........... I love the "counting lotto millions" I can't wait to try that tonight... Sounds much better than counting sheep....
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Old 02-13-2008, 01:46 PM
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I am wondering if anyone here can tell me about them and how they effect a person. Both physically and mentally.
It's a mistake to assume that the same drug affects two different people the same way.
whenever I see my daughter I cannot tell if she is high or not. What should I be looking for?
If you really want to know, just get yourself some urine test kits and administer UAs.
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