nytepassion

The latest is he will be leaving on the 31st. He sat me down to talk to me and tell me how very hard he will have to struggle when he leaves. He will have to rent an apt for about 400.00 a month and he wanted me to know that it would be better for me if I didn't go through child support to get money from him and just let him give me 125.00 a piece for his three children because I would get more that way then if I went through child support (he must be on drugs to think I believe that one), but okay whatever (I hear you knockin' but you can't come in) He has let me know what a failure I have been as a wife ... I guess refusing to have sex with him in the hospital (a day after Dakota's surgery to remove her kidney and the cancer makes me a bad wife, as he says, "I denied him of my wifely duties") All he could think about was sex and going over to his cousins, friends and drinking, smoking weed! hmmmm, yeah, I'm a bad wife, but a damn good mother!

He took my wedding rings and refused to give them back.. I asked for them back multiple times and the last time I asked, he looked at me, grinned and said, "he just might sell them with his ring too .. he figures he could get about $700.00 for the set" So yesterday he called me on his way here and asked if I wanted him to come pick up the money to go pay garbage (yeah right) I merely told him that he was either going to give me back my rings or I was going to file a police report against him for stealing them.

I got them back!

I also let him know in no uncertain terms I wasn't going to endure verbal abuse from him (any yelling, screaming, slamming, cussing at me or anyone else here for that matter) I would pick up the phone and call the police. He moderately tried to test that limit. I was a dial tone away from calling. He decided to go into his cave and leave me alone.

I don't know what has happened to my husband ... I know in all fairness I was NOT able to be there for him after I found out my little girl, Dakota had cancer .. I did what I could do and that was not enough ... he became very ugly during her chemo and the things he chose to do over the things he needed to be doing made my heart back up and away. He became overly demanding, controlling, UGLY-Ness was magnified. He talked of how raping his wife wouldn't be a crime.. My heart judged the thought as a crime in itself ... How could he even think like that ..

I have been bashed, belittled, put down, emotionally, mental and verbally abused .. there was some major psychological warefare going on here .. during one of the most horrible times in my life .. during a time where I feared so deeply the circumstances .... I was not able to defend myself in the manner I would have had I not been faced with hearing "she has kidney cancer" .. my world changed at that moment (I gathered up every ounce of strength that didn't vanish at the Doctors words) mustered it up and I used it to do what I had to do and that was be there for my little girl .. what I had left I gave to my other children ... when my head hit the pillow at night I was spent.

I don't regret how I handled things, because I handled them the only way I knew how (raw and real) I know no other way. I cannot, will not ever candycoat my feelings or my life .. Nor will I ever be who I am not for someone elses sake.

I sum it up as he expected me to be able to be "normal" act "normal" when things clearly were not "normal" my child had cancer! His child had cancer... I dealt with it .. he ran like hell and medicated. I faced the path ahead praying, full on clean, sober and praying some more .. praying all the way, still praying. Doesn't make me better or him worse, but I do know two of us lived, breathed and felt this journey with every fiber of their being ... "Dakota" and I followed right behind her.

He may have been there and to every doctors appt, but he wasn't really all there. Thats what I've got to say about it.

(Breathing) Whew!!!!

And now on a much, much lighter note



TADA .. drum roll please .. now for the greatest .. Anyone who knows me .. knows that my father is the most greatest, most wonderful, most amazing of all He is incrediable, beautiful .. (you get the picture LOL) You know how no matter what the circumstances are I look up and place my trust in HIM. I just know he will take care of me and the kids .. I just know it ..

I don't have a car, but the Lord has made a way for me to get around for the next month to get the things I need in order. What a blessing. I have taxi service for a month or so to get around!!!!! God's children are all around and we are one big happy family .. one of my sisters reached out and let me know she wanted to help me .. bless her heart!!!

Well thats whats happening in my little world LOL .. and I know inquiring minds wanna know so I thought I'd share

None the less , the road is long, there are many bumps, and ditches, but I do believe we will get through all in one piece as long as I keep looking up and stay clean, sober .. one minute, hour, day at a time.

Hugs and Love,
Passion

cinderellawkids

You are an inspiration to me. Give yourself and Dakota a big hug and let him go you are worth so much more.

CatsPajamas

Passion,

Thanks so much for sharing this news. When you find time, you might want to look into the possibility of counseling for families who have children with chronic illnesses. It might help you and your children understand more about what is going on. From what you say, I doubt your husband would go, but it might still be very beneficial for you and your children. Those situations tend to either draw couples/families together or to blow them apart. I'm sorry that yours seems to be the latter... you are such a good mom for your kids and you deserve to be treated with love and respect from all of your family members.

Much love
Cats

bookmiser

(((((((Nyte))))))))

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I'm sure you've heard. lol
They deal with things so bass- ackward.
I'm glad your forging ahead, regardless of his "plans".
We're here for ya, sweetie.
Hugs to you and your kids,
Linda

Hangin' In

Nyte,

I just have to say this. I'm trying not to, but I just have to.......

"Well, bless his heart." (I'm sorry. I just don't take to well to him putting you down.)

Nyte, you know, as well as I do, he's just doing what active addicts do ... blame, guilt, manipulate, berate, guilt, blah, blah, blah.

I am SO thankful you are rising above all this, taking healthy care of you and the children. You are being a great example of what recovery on this side of the fence looks like. Thanks so much for sharing your light with us.

Prayers for you, Nyte, and your kids,

Hangin' In

Impurrfect

((((Nyte))))


You are an inspiration to me, too. I just know you and Dakota and your other kids are going to be okay. There are so many hugs, good thoughts, and prayers surrounding the 4 of you.

I'm glad you're not taking hubby at his word....sounds like it's not worth much.

Yes, your road is going to have a few bumps, but I can tell you will slow down only long enough to get over the bump and keep going forward.

Hugs and prayers to you and your kids!!

Amy

caileesnana

I'm so sorry this is happening at all, much less now after all Dakota's illness. It's not uncommon for some people to deal w/ chronic illness like this--not an excuse, just a fact.

I'm sorry he is treating you this way and it sounds like he has bigger issues that you.

You did the right thing. He is being selfish, irresponsible, mean and hateful,jealous of his own child...and those are the nice words I can think of.

You will be fine, you and Dakota are survivors I know and sure the other kiddos are as well.

Prayers he wakes up before he does damage to the kids that can't be reversed!~

You are in my prayers,

cece1960

How old is this guy? 204? I haven't heard the term "wifely duties" in a LOOOOONG time.

You keep on keepin' on Nyte...and give that sweet Dakota a big hug from me.

(((Hugs)))

Nikki2003

You are an inspiration to me that is for sure. You and your children are in my prayers.
Nikki

tennchick9598

Wow, I dont even know where to begin......... YOur pain and suffering has put my puny whiny moans and complains in perspective......GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD DAKOTA...........Im not screaming that at you, just really wanted to get that point across

You dont know me, I normally post on Substance abusers as I am a recovering addict.... I am struggling mightily right now with a piece of crap husband who is an ahole, but dear Lord, I cannot fathom a man that would leave his family in such a time of need. What a huge jerk. I cannot wrap my mind around how awful he is. I know that God is looking after you and your child, you are suffering here and will be greatly rewarded in heaven and I will pray for you and Dakota. I feel so horrible and wish there were something I could do......For you to be positive and upbeat about things while going through this puts me to shame, and I am humbled.... You are a rock to me, an inspriation, I dont know you but feel close to you, and I wish I could reach out and hug you.....

Please keep your beautiful optimism..... I will check back on you, and wish you peace and quiet and happiness and health for you and your child....Much much love and respect.....Becky

BayAreaPhoenix

In my prayers. You are an inspiration, as others have said. Truly amazing! You keep being you, you sound like the perfect you that could ever be and thank you for sharing!

Hugs to you and your children! Keep keeping us posted!

holdingouthope

Nyte - I wish I could offer you the words of wisdom that you have offered me, either through a reply to my posts or to others...I am amazed that despite the chaos around you, you seem calm. That is a testament to your own recovery. I strive to reach that myself.

sending prayers for you and your family.

HurtingDad

Jan 31st....the beginning of a new life. Good for you and your daughter. May your HP keep things going the way they are.

Prayers...

mooselips

((nytepassion)))
Well heck, you need him like a fish needs a bicycle!

It seems when times are dire, SOME people show their true colors.
YOU, are worth so much more than him. Period.


And I know it may be tough to ride this out in the beginning, but in the long run, you are going to be SO happy, with such peace in your life, all that you deserve, and more.

Hugs, and prayers coming your way..
Hug that little sunshine girl for me, too!

hope213

you deserve so much better than he has given you. you are right to put your child(ren) first. they need you, they depend on you. he is worthless. keep giving it to your h.p. & he will continue to look after you. prayers for you & your girls. hugs,

Wascally Wabbit

You're just amazing Nyte. All you have been through and you stand tall and refuse to be a victim.
YOU ARE AWESOME! You're also a huge inspiration to me.

mjpaao

Atta girl, nytepassion!!! I am so glad to hear your usual great attitude. Taxi service is indeed a very cool thing, I knew your hp would hear and help you. You just keep on truckin, girl, you're going to be fine. And all I have to say about your husband...he's a total idiot to be leaving a woman like you.
((((nytepassion))))

Ann

Oh sweetie it is so good to hear you stand up to him, addict or not he is being a terrible jerk and if you push him over my way I'll kick him to the curb with my steel toed bunny slippers and whack him with my skillet and Hangin' can knock him silly with her sack of grits.

The nerve of him treating our Passion like that, I don't think I've had the hair stand up on my neck reading a post in an awful long time, but this did the trick.

I am so glad you have a wonderful family, please accept their love and help and know you are worth so very much better than any of this.

And out little Dakota is deserving of so much happiness and a mama who is happy too.

Okay, so maybe this isn't the best of my recovery shining here but bullying has never set well with me.

Sending huge hugs and lotsa love and prayers that you and Dakota find a wonderful place to stay away from the likes of him.

Hugs

lil516

God answered your most important prayer...

I know how you prayed for your little girl to be healthy and that is one remarkable miracle...
it's too bad her dad isn't rejoicing and celebrating the miracle with his family but as the saying goes "it's his loss"

right now you have the most cherished thing a parent could ask for...your child's health

Go and rejoice and enjoy your healthy family
perhaps one day he too will recognize the miracle you both were granted

greeteachday

(((((Nyte)))))
I too feel that your life will move forward in huge ways come the 31st. That kind of verbal and emotional abuse, the being physically there but emotionally absent, the manipulation and as far as I am concerned downright cruelty is something you do not need in your life...it is toxic. As I read your post, I was trying to find it in me to pray for him...I know I have a long road still since I can't do it with any sincerity...the best I can do is pray that he will be open to finding goodness and light.

You are a wonderful mother, a wonderful person and have nothing to feel guilty about in your role as a wife. You are indeed an inspiration. Prayers that God keeps bestowing his blessings on you and your sweet children...I have no doubt. Huge hugs too