Somewhat ashmed to be here
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 7
Dear Trisha,
Sorry for all that you are going through. I'm new here but I know this has to be a great place to go to even when I am feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. There is no other place(other than a meeting) that could understand us, support us, teach us & love us like here.
Thanks for sharing
God Bless You & your family
gigi
Sorry for all that you are going through. I'm new here but I know this has to be a great place to go to even when I am feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. There is no other place(other than a meeting) that could understand us, support us, teach us & love us like here.
Thanks for sharing
God Bless You & your family
gigi
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Trish)))
Good grief! Don't EVER feel you can't come here because you slipped! Heaven knows I "slip" quite regualrly...LOL
BUT not as often as I use to.
I think we all have to remember, addicts are wonderful, manipulators, and sometimes without trying we just seem to get sucked in!
(maybe it has to do with having a mothers heart?)
I like the idea that you're making a list...that's a good thing
Just remember, we're all here to catch each other if we fall.
AND think of how far you've come. It's hard to see it in ourselves, but we're working a program of progress, not perfection, and we're getting better every day.
Hugs to you,
Good grief! Don't EVER feel you can't come here because you slipped! Heaven knows I "slip" quite regualrly...LOL
BUT not as often as I use to.
I think we all have to remember, addicts are wonderful, manipulators, and sometimes without trying we just seem to get sucked in!
(maybe it has to do with having a mothers heart?)
I like the idea that you're making a list...that's a good thing
Just remember, we're all here to catch each other if we fall.
AND think of how far you've come. It's hard to see it in ourselves, but we're working a program of progress, not perfection, and we're getting better every day.
Hugs to you,
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Trisha,
You've been on my heart and I would just like to encourage you to continue to come here despite your current feelings and situation.
When the 'recovering substance abuser' relapses .. it is imperative to his/her recovery that he/she gets right back on track. The longer he stays down the more time the addiction has to move and take over more and more.
Kind of like a bacterial infection. If untreated it can spread and cause great damage. This place is like an antibiotic (medicine, if you will) and it is part of what the doctor ordered for you to get well ... You come here as many times a day as needed. It is what helps to keep your mind strong and you fed (your chicken soup).
If you don't do anything to fed and nourish your recovery. The old ways will over take you and eat you alive.
This is part of your recovery. You need to be here feeding your spirit and strengthening yourself. You've relapsed. It isn't unrepairable, it isn't unredeemable, it is not the end of the world, but a part of your journey.
We live ... we learn and none of us are perfect. Trial and error.
And then there is always the Salvation Army
Enlist her.
****{Hugs}}}
Sher
You've been on my heart and I would just like to encourage you to continue to come here despite your current feelings and situation.
When the 'recovering substance abuser' relapses .. it is imperative to his/her recovery that he/she gets right back on track. The longer he stays down the more time the addiction has to move and take over more and more.
Kind of like a bacterial infection. If untreated it can spread and cause great damage. This place is like an antibiotic (medicine, if you will) and it is part of what the doctor ordered for you to get well ... You come here as many times a day as needed. It is what helps to keep your mind strong and you fed (your chicken soup).
If you don't do anything to fed and nourish your recovery. The old ways will over take you and eat you alive.
This is part of your recovery. You need to be here feeding your spirit and strengthening yourself. You've relapsed. It isn't unrepairable, it isn't unredeemable, it is not the end of the world, but a part of your journey.
We live ... we learn and none of us are perfect. Trial and error.
And then there is always the Salvation Army
Enlist her. ****{Hugs}}}
Sher
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
mother of an addict here and I say stop feeling like you failed.
We do whatever we can, that includes slipping on over to the dark side sometimes.
Don't beat yourself up over what you think you did wrong. I see your recovery in there, it wears us down sometimes and its easier to give in at times than to fight it just because we can't deal with the drama of it all. You already know what you want to do and perhaps what needs to be done and you'll get on that horse again and get er done.
<<<<<<<<<<Hugs and Prayers>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We do whatever we can, that includes slipping on over to the dark side sometimes.
Don't beat yourself up over what you think you did wrong. I see your recovery in there, it wears us down sometimes and its easier to give in at times than to fight it just because we can't deal with the drama of it all. You already know what you want to do and perhaps what needs to be done and you'll get on that horse again and get er done.
<<<<<<<<<<Hugs and Prayers>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
((Trish))
Please don't stay away, when you do something that later turns out to be the opposite of what you wanted. We all do things that we later wonder why we did it. You are doing what you need to now to change things for the better. I know I have slipped in my recovery and when that happens I feel bad, but know that it will change in the near future only if I work on it.
You love your children and did what you thought was right at the time. Who can blame you, not us, you have to believe in yourself. Take care of you for 5 minutes today, even if is at bedtime. Take a couple of minutes to relax and do something just for you.
Hugs coming your way from another mom
Please don't stay away, when you do something that later turns out to be the opposite of what you wanted. We all do things that we later wonder why we did it. You are doing what you need to now to change things for the better. I know I have slipped in my recovery and when that happens I feel bad, but know that it will change in the near future only if I work on it.
You love your children and did what you thought was right at the time. Who can blame you, not us, you have to believe in yourself. Take care of you for 5 minutes today, even if is at bedtime. Take a couple of minutes to relax and do something just for you.
Hugs coming your way from another mom
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Trisha,
I was a bit distracted when I was writing my post before this one.
I just reread it and it sounds as if I were referring to you as a substance abuser, but that is not what I meant. I know your daughter is the addict..
What I was trying to say is it is just as equally important for us codies/enablers to stay on track with our recovery after a relapse as it is for the substance abuse or we end up in just as bad of shape as they do.
Passion
I was a bit distracted when I was writing my post before this one.
I just reread it and it sounds as if I were referring to you as a substance abuser, but that is not what I meant. I know your daughter is the addict..
What I was trying to say is it is just as equally important for us codies/enablers to stay on track with our recovery after a relapse as it is for the substance abuse or we end up in just as bad of shape as they do.
Passion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
Hey everyone,
I am still here trying to read and read somemore. Thank you all so much for your support!! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that even though I messed up, with your help, I can brush myself off and get back up again.
Where am I today? My daughter and I had a falling out last night. She decided that she is keeping the baby ~~ which is her choice, but she accused me of trying to make her kill the baby. I told her, NO, that isn't what I am trying to do. I am making you make ADULT choices which include, you need to find a place to live by Monday the 14th if you are not scheduled to go to rehab. She has not been making phone calls or doing what it takes to get into rehab, which to me means...she isn't ready.
I also have selected the worst time to quit smoking. I havent' smoked since January 1st and let me tell you..i can't even stand myself!! It is getting easier and easier on a daily basis...but..the stress doesn't help.
I finally have a court hearing in March for Custody. Of course, now my daughter is saying that she is going to go into court and have them test her for drugs, and claims that she will test free...so that she gets her children back. This is scarey because of her history...Hopefully the judge will listen to what I have to say and take her lifestyle into consideration.
I guess i will see what the weekend brings. For now, I am keeping my head up!
I am still here trying to read and read somemore. Thank you all so much for your support!! You have no idea how much it means to me to hear that even though I messed up, with your help, I can brush myself off and get back up again.
Where am I today? My daughter and I had a falling out last night. She decided that she is keeping the baby ~~ which is her choice, but she accused me of trying to make her kill the baby. I told her, NO, that isn't what I am trying to do. I am making you make ADULT choices which include, you need to find a place to live by Monday the 14th if you are not scheduled to go to rehab. She has not been making phone calls or doing what it takes to get into rehab, which to me means...she isn't ready.
I also have selected the worst time to quit smoking. I havent' smoked since January 1st and let me tell you..i can't even stand myself!! It is getting easier and easier on a daily basis...but..the stress doesn't help.
I finally have a court hearing in March for Custody. Of course, now my daughter is saying that she is going to go into court and have them test her for drugs, and claims that she will test free...so that she gets her children back. This is scarey because of her history...Hopefully the judge will listen to what I have to say and take her lifestyle into consideration.
I guess i will see what the weekend brings. For now, I am keeping my head up!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
It's so sad we are forced to try an make our adult children act like ADULTS. . Have child services ever been involved? Maybe they could back you up, wouldn't worry to much lots can happen before Mar gets here.
Hopefully she will get prenatal care for the baby.
Hopefully she will get prenatal care for the baby.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trisha)))
Glad you checked in. Just to let you know, I am with you on the quitting smoking thing....I quit 4-1/2 days ago and I have to remind myself that if I kill anyone, it would be a huge violation of my probation and that's not a good thing
You are doing great....keep it up.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Glad you checked in. Just to let you know, I am with you on the quitting smoking thing....I quit 4-1/2 days ago and I have to remind myself that if I kill anyone, it would be a huge violation of my probation and that's not a good thing
You are doing great....keep it up.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
Trisha,
God bless you. I know you are going through it. You know what I always remind myself... you know how much help our addict children want or appreciate... say no. Because when you start telling them no they fuss and kick and scream that usually is a sign they are not where they need to be. She sounds like my ADIL. She would get herself in a pickle and expect us to clean up her mess. When we would say enough no she would get mad at us and boy would we be the bad guy. Know one thing Trisha you are not doing anything wrong. You have given way more then you ever had to. By all you do for her kids alone she should kiss your feet and thank you for allowing her to rest on your couch. She should be calling and getting it together but The sickness she has prevents her from doing that. She is stuck but not because you made her stuck or did not love her enough or were a lousy mother…you were not any of those things. In fact you are bright, beautiful and a wonderful mom. But she is sick. Until she gets well all that is fighting with you is the disease. The disease is like a monster. Some where inside is your little girl. But she lay sleeping and this monster has taken over. Until your daughter fights inside and tells the monster to sleep you are beating your head against a brick wall.
You are doing the right things. You have nothing to feel ashamed about. Certainly never feel you can not talk to any of us. We all have been where you are…many times. More then we liked to imagine… God knows I have been there so many times. All I can say is keep going forward. Words she says are not from her. They are from the monster. Separate your daughter, the love, the person from the disease… the monster… the drugs. It makes what we have to do and how we have to conduct our lives separate from this… so much easier to bare. Is also helps me… and I speak for me… it helps me keep loving my child.
I understand. I understand how torn you are between the love of a daughter and the grandkids. I know how bad you want to save her. It is double folded on you because so much is happening. Just remember… nothing is forever Trisha… good or bad. I am praying for your family. I say extra prayers for you and your daughter and her children. Even though you do not think it… I am proud of you. I see a bright shining star in you. You are very special and do not ever forget that.
Much love,
K
God bless you. I know you are going through it. You know what I always remind myself... you know how much help our addict children want or appreciate... say no. Because when you start telling them no they fuss and kick and scream that usually is a sign they are not where they need to be. She sounds like my ADIL. She would get herself in a pickle and expect us to clean up her mess. When we would say enough no she would get mad at us and boy would we be the bad guy. Know one thing Trisha you are not doing anything wrong. You have given way more then you ever had to. By all you do for her kids alone she should kiss your feet and thank you for allowing her to rest on your couch. She should be calling and getting it together but The sickness she has prevents her from doing that. She is stuck but not because you made her stuck or did not love her enough or were a lousy mother…you were not any of those things. In fact you are bright, beautiful and a wonderful mom. But she is sick. Until she gets well all that is fighting with you is the disease. The disease is like a monster. Some where inside is your little girl. But she lay sleeping and this monster has taken over. Until your daughter fights inside and tells the monster to sleep you are beating your head against a brick wall.
You are doing the right things. You have nothing to feel ashamed about. Certainly never feel you can not talk to any of us. We all have been where you are…many times. More then we liked to imagine… God knows I have been there so many times. All I can say is keep going forward. Words she says are not from her. They are from the monster. Separate your daughter, the love, the person from the disease… the monster… the drugs. It makes what we have to do and how we have to conduct our lives separate from this… so much easier to bare. Is also helps me… and I speak for me… it helps me keep loving my child.
I understand. I understand how torn you are between the love of a daughter and the grandkids. I know how bad you want to save her. It is double folded on you because so much is happening. Just remember… nothing is forever Trisha… good or bad. I am praying for your family. I say extra prayers for you and your daughter and her children. Even though you do not think it… I am proud of you. I see a bright shining star in you. You are very special and do not ever forget that.
Much love,
K
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((((Trisha)))))
So glad you have brushed yourself off and are moving forward. Allowing your daughter to make adult decisions is the best thing for both of you...don't let the manipulation bring on guilt.
Don't worry about court...live in today. I do believe your HP is helping you protect those little ones. Keep coming here to nurture your recovery...we're all walking together. Hugs
So glad you have brushed yourself off and are moving forward. Allowing your daughter to make adult decisions is the best thing for both of you...don't let the manipulation bring on guilt.
Don't worry about court...live in today. I do believe your HP is helping you protect those little ones. Keep coming here to nurture your recovery...we're all walking together. Hugs
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