Jwife22

((nikki)) No man, regardless of anger, addiction or whatever ever ever has the right to lay a hand on you. THAT is not recovery and THAT is not taking the right steps to becoming recovered.

Please be safe.

Nikki2003

Thanks. That point I know for sure which is why the police were called and he was charged. He was very upset at the idea of having a record now, and I do feel bad for him that he will too. But I am hoping this will give him an insight into realizing I will not stand certian behaviours.

This is why I find this so hard. he was never like this before August. His temper becoming suddenly aggresive and violent was a totally new thing to me. That was the first clue I had that something was really wrong. It is like his whole personality changed. I hope that makes sense. The man he has been the past several months is not the man I married over 5yrs ago. I just have no idea what to expect anymore.

If he stays clean will this behaviour eventually stop? He is working with a doctor who is giving him meds to try and help him manage his anger. IF he stays clean will I get the man back that I have been married to for the past 5 years? I just don't know what to do or plan for.

How will being in treatment help him? I know nothing about these programs. And what should I expect when he comes out? Sorry for all the questions.
Nikki

holdingouthope

Nikki - You are absolutely not an awful person for protecting your children and not allowing a drug abuser in your home. Remember that drugs like cocaine and acid are illegal....against the law.

My husband is addicted to cocaine. The impossible becomes possible when dealing with an addict. It is easy to get lost in the cloud of addiction. You are stronger than that.

Please protect yourself. Make sure that your money is protected, for your sake and your kids' sake.

Nikki2003

Thanks. If someone had asked me if I would be able to handle something like this while being pregnant and now raising a newborn and our other two kids I would have told them they were nuts. Even now I do not know how I make it through the days without going crazy. Esspecially now with not having any idea where he is or what he is doing till his court date. I do know he is living in his car because no one would take him in.

The money is safe. It is all at my mothers as per my doctors suggestion. She has all the checks, bank cards(his and mine) and all the credit cards. I am also the only one with a mail key so I get all the checks and mail that comes in. This was th eonly way I could ensure bills would get paid and we would not lose our home. I got to make sure my kids are always taken care of. It is my first concern. We almost lost the car because he was spending the car payments before I knew what was going on and took over.

He has tried begging me for money stating he has a right to his money. Well his money is actually the familys only income because I had thought we were ok and I was a stay at home mom. He will then say he deserves to have money to spend on himself because he works so hard. Well ummm what do I do all day? Sit around all day eating doughnuts? Where do they think the money goes? He spent all my sons b-day money so I had to rely on the grandparents to give him a party. The same is now being said for my daughters b-day this week. And the same will be said for Christmas now that he is not working. All the money is and has gone to bills to try and keep the power and so on on. I had no idea that things could go down hill this fast.

I feel so stupid and blind for not knowing what was going on till a few weeks ago.
Nikki

holdingouthope

I was stupid enough to trust my husband with our finances even AFTER I knew of his cocaine addiction. Talk about stupid and blind!

I love my husband very much and I know that he has the capability to turn the bus around, so to speak. I am new to my own recovery ... in many ways I have been addicted to HIM and his behaviors ... I learned something very valuable at SR.

The 3 C's - you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. hopefully that helps you, too.

bookmiser

((((Nikki))))

Hope today was better for you.
Drop in anytime to share.

Nikki2003

Thanks. I wish it had been but it wasn't. Found out some things I really wish I had not about my husbadn and why he has lost so many jobs. It was not how he explained it at all at those times. I posted a new thread all about it. I feel so worn down right now.
Nikki