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Am I wrong ?

Old 11-02-2007, 08:45 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: toronto . ontario
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Angry Am I wrong ?

My niece has been missing for four days , everyone was worried sick , She never bothered to call anyone , but today her pay got direct deposited to my mothers account ( because of fraud my niece can't open an account of her own ! ) and lo and behold she calls bright and early asking for money !! She owes three months rent and a few other bills that my mother and I covered for her . She says she is moving out , she has been saying this for three months now and hasn't left !! Well I emailed the money from my mothers account that she owed me and there is only 180.00 dollars left . She thought her pay deposit was going to be more than is was . I mostly sent the money so my mother wouldn't give in and shell out all of her money . I am sick and tired of covering her money wise !! :wtf2 I am a single mother to two children and currently I receive no money from their father ! I work hard and have taken every overtime shift I can get lately to catch up ! I miss having my regular days off and to top it all off I work the lovely midnight shift , can life get any harder right now ??

I have tried soo many times to get my mother to stop enabling her , today I am changing the locks so she can't get in and putting her stuff in the garage ! I am done with all the stress and I am going to try and get through to my mother to quit the guilt , enabling etc..
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Old 11-02-2007, 09:22 AM
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(((Mewoman))) You are in the right place... but it is harder for some of us moms to "get it".

We see it as love, but as you understand, it is the type of love that can kill.

Both my kids are addicts, and I didn't stop enabling them and putting up with their chaos and rage and crap until I was nearly dead from trying.

Alanon helped me - a lot. Lots and lots of meetings. It is a subtle program, but once I started really "getting" the idea of hands off the addict, it was like a light bulb went off.

Perhaps you can offer to take mom to a few meetings - try to get her to more than one. They saved my life ... literally.

I wish you the best.


(((hugs)))
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Old 11-02-2007, 09:26 AM
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you are doing the right thing for all involved. sending prayers for you all,hope
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Old 11-02-2007, 10:14 AM
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Prayers and hugs,
susan
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Old 11-02-2007, 12:49 PM
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MeWomen,

I feel you are doing the right thing. We still hide or put away our wallets and meds even tho stuff doesn't come missing often.

My son that has caregivers certainly has had problems with certain caregivers taking his clothing and meds. He had a beautiful grey wool coat for winter and when I went to look for it so he could wear it to the doctor, it was gone.

He had one male caregiver that stole money and medications.....pain pills and anxiety medication. He has a gun safe that he uses as a regular safe that works well. He keeps his meds and money plus other valuables in it.

Another caregiver took a laptop DVD Player and his laptop computer. He knows who took these items but can't prove it. He had these two people fired from his care.
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