(((Mewoman))) You are in the right place... but it is harder for some of us moms to "get it".
We see it as love, but as you understand, it is the type of love that can kill.
Both my kids are addicts, and I didn't stop enabling them and putting up with their chaos and rage and crap until I was nearly dead from trying.
Alanon helped me - a lot. Lots and lots of meetings. It is a subtle program, but once I started really "getting" the idea of hands off the addict, it was like a light bulb went off.
Perhaps you can offer to take mom to a few meetings - try to get her to more than one. They saved my life ... literally.
I wish you the best.
(((hugs)))