It's not always about letting go of what you can't control
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Oh hell no, I'd be the one driving down there asking them to please fix my shake.
especially if I was going to consume those calories they better be right.
If I'm going to complain about something it will be because it was too hard to fix it, lol
I'm the total opposite, I've had to learn to let things go, or I would have had a heart attack by age 17. I'm a control freak, and I started work at a young age with High work ethics so I think things should be done "right". lol and you should talk to people right.
So frequently when I was younger, I would be the one almost going over the counter, saying, "Don't talk to me like that...." I'm Very Nice, but if they set me off, My mom would have me by my collar...
Now I'm fine, I can let things go.
What was it like for you growing up Loves
I was the one taking care of everyone, making sure people were okay, looking out for this one and that one, and eventually not being in control had consequences, so they became my traits.
We usually are the way we are for a reason. Once I figured out why I was like I was, I was able to stop wanting to jump over the counter when someone pissed me off, lol,
I would take chocolate or vanilla now. lol
especially if I was going to consume those calories they better be right.
If I'm going to complain about something it will be because it was too hard to fix it, lol
I'm the total opposite, I've had to learn to let things go, or I would have had a heart attack by age 17. I'm a control freak, and I started work at a young age with High work ethics so I think things should be done "right". lol and you should talk to people right.
So frequently when I was younger, I would be the one almost going over the counter, saying, "Don't talk to me like that...." I'm Very Nice, but if they set me off, My mom would have me by my collar...
Now I'm fine, I can let things go.
What was it like for you growing up Loves
I was the one taking care of everyone, making sure people were okay, looking out for this one and that one, and eventually not being in control had consequences, so they became my traits.We usually are the way we are for a reason. Once I figured out why I was like I was, I was able to stop wanting to jump over the counter when someone pissed me off, lol,
I would take chocolate or vanilla now. lol
Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch 
Sometimes it's about accepting what we can control but choose not to.
From the hospitals to the convenience stores & fast food restaurants I'm always settling for less than i know I should deserve or have asked for.
A prime example is what happened to me this evening when I went to town.
I've been good all month and decided to indulge in a little fast food at a local burger place. I placed my order, paid for it and when I checked the bag I saw I had fries when I ordered onion rings and my shake was vanilla when I specifically ordered chocolate!!
What did I do about it?? Absolutely NOTHING! Want to know what makes it worse?? I was still in the parking lot.
Then I stop at the convenience store to get a pack of cigarettes. I get in the car and notice they gave me lights when I specifically asked for full flavor.
What did I do about it?? Absolutely NOTHING!! Want to know what makes it worse?? I was still in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not just this evening. I'm ALWAYS doing this and I see a pattern for the first time in my adult life that I tend to accept anything that comes which explains why I stayed with my exabf for so darn long.........only with him at least I had a breaking point.
All of this other "little" stuff i choose to accept is NOT another issue entirely. I believe it's part of one big issue and I think may be the key to some part of what I'm still lacking in my recovery.
Acceptance doesn't mean you have to accept EVERYTHING, especially if you have some control over the situation.
So why do I do this?? Is this some sort of codie characteristic like lieing is to an addict??
Does anyone else share in this? No wonder I get so depressed and complain that nothing ever goes right!! Most of it is my own doing.......or lack there of.
Thanks for the mini vent/pitty party.
From the hospitals to the convenience stores & fast food restaurants I'm always settling for less than i know I should deserve or have asked for.
A prime example is what happened to me this evening when I went to town.
I've been good all month and decided to indulge in a little fast food at a local burger place. I placed my order, paid for it and when I checked the bag I saw I had fries when I ordered onion rings and my shake was vanilla when I specifically ordered chocolate!!
What did I do about it?? Absolutely NOTHING! Want to know what makes it worse?? I was still in the parking lot.
Then I stop at the convenience store to get a pack of cigarettes. I get in the car and notice they gave me lights when I specifically asked for full flavor.
What did I do about it?? Absolutely NOTHING!! Want to know what makes it worse?? I was still in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not just this evening. I'm ALWAYS doing this and I see a pattern for the first time in my adult life that I tend to accept anything that comes which explains why I stayed with my exabf for so darn long.........only with him at least I had a breaking point.
All of this other "little" stuff i choose to accept is NOT another issue entirely. I believe it's part of one big issue and I think may be the key to some part of what I'm still lacking in my recovery.
Acceptance doesn't mean you have to accept EVERYTHING, especially if you have some control over the situation.
So why do I do this?? Is this some sort of codie characteristic like lieing is to an addict??
Does anyone else share in this? No wonder I get so depressed and complain that nothing ever goes right!! Most of it is my own doing.......or lack there of.
Thanks for the mini vent/pitty party.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
So I'm not alone I see.....lol. And here I thought it was just me.
Growing up. Hmmmmmmm.........alcoholic stepfather who barely worked and codependent mother who worked her tail off then came home and tried to make the house as peaceful as possible.
We were never given choices. You got what you got. You ate what was fixed even if pigs feet made you sick to your stomach!!
Decisions were made based on keeping the stepfather happy and we all tippy toed around and tried to pretend we were non exsistent. That about sums it up really.
When the miserable SOB cheated on my mom, it was me who sat up with her till all hours of the night comforting her while all my other friends were out on dates, going to parties and just being teenagers. My sister never stayed......she was out with the rest of the gang. I felt I didn't have a choice there either. Someone had to stay home with mom and keep her from falling apart.
Growing up. Hmmmmmmm.........alcoholic stepfather who barely worked and codependent mother who worked her tail off then came home and tried to make the house as peaceful as possible.
We were never given choices. You got what you got. You ate what was fixed even if pigs feet made you sick to your stomach!!
Decisions were made based on keeping the stepfather happy and we all tippy toed around and tried to pretend we were non exsistent. That about sums it up really.
When the miserable SOB cheated on my mom, it was me who sat up with her till all hours of the night comforting her while all my other friends were out on dates, going to parties and just being teenagers. My sister never stayed......she was out with the rest of the gang. I felt I didn't have a choice there either. Someone had to stay home with mom and keep her from falling apart.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
This is a good thread (I have not had time to get into it).
I used to "just take it" but I don't anymore all the time. Sometimes I do if the effort is not worth it to me. IOW if I like vanilla as much anyhow and I am in a hurry and the onion rings would have been more $$ anyway and I like them.. Oh this is just not a battle worth waging.
I weigh my battles and my wars. First of all, before stepping into battle I ask, "Am I right in this?" sometimes that is the end because I am wrong. (oh yeah I have been wrong and likely will be again in the future)
Next I ask myself, "If I am right and I wade in and wage battle and win, will the battle be WORTH the win?" Sometimes it is not. I just is truly NOT and you are wiser emotionally to just let it go.
Last, after I decide I am right and the battle is worth taking on because the win is worth it I as one last question:
"IF I WIN THIS BATTLE WILL IT CAUSE ME, IN THE END, TO LOSE THE WAR?"
I did not ask that last question when I was harassed and discriminated against in a job by a woman boss who decided she was going to micro manage not only my work, but ME. Oh I certainly won the battle and the win was worth it but ultimately I lost the war. She just found ways to continue to manage and harass that were legally acceptable.
Ultimately, my work life was made so miserable I lost the war.. but not without further wounding of the offending party. I was required to give 2 weeks notice and I put in for 2.5 weeks of vacation and, after that was accepted and signed off on, I handed in my resignation the evening before my first day of vacation..... and during the day I had wiped my computer clean along with a some programs that I created that everyone used off my shared drive... cuz they made us all more efficient (There wasn't going to be a reference anyway?). I won the last battle as I walked out the door with my white flag in hand. The battle and the war were not, btw, about my work or my quality of work.. this was really personal.
Another philosophy I have is to at least try to win a battle if there is nothing to lose by not trying. You can do nothing and nothing will change. You can do something and nothing may change but you have helped your odds.....
In living my life I am no longer so reticent as once I was.
I used to "just take it" but I don't anymore all the time. Sometimes I do if the effort is not worth it to me. IOW if I like vanilla as much anyhow and I am in a hurry and the onion rings would have been more $$ anyway and I like them.. Oh this is just not a battle worth waging.
I weigh my battles and my wars. First of all, before stepping into battle I ask, "Am I right in this?" sometimes that is the end because I am wrong. (oh yeah I have been wrong and likely will be again in the future)
Next I ask myself, "If I am right and I wade in and wage battle and win, will the battle be WORTH the win?" Sometimes it is not. I just is truly NOT and you are wiser emotionally to just let it go.
Last, after I decide I am right and the battle is worth taking on because the win is worth it I as one last question:
"IF I WIN THIS BATTLE WILL IT CAUSE ME, IN THE END, TO LOSE THE WAR?"
I did not ask that last question when I was harassed and discriminated against in a job by a woman boss who decided she was going to micro manage not only my work, but ME. Oh I certainly won the battle and the win was worth it but ultimately I lost the war. She just found ways to continue to manage and harass that were legally acceptable.
Ultimately, my work life was made so miserable I lost the war.. but not without further wounding of the offending party. I was required to give 2 weeks notice and I put in for 2.5 weeks of vacation and, after that was accepted and signed off on, I handed in my resignation the evening before my first day of vacation..... and during the day I had wiped my computer clean along with a some programs that I created that everyone used off my shared drive... cuz they made us all more efficient (There wasn't going to be a reference anyway?). I won the last battle as I walked out the door with my white flag in hand. The battle and the war were not, btw, about my work or my quality of work.. this was really personal.
Another philosophy I have is to at least try to win a battle if there is nothing to lose by not trying. You can do nothing and nothing will change. You can do something and nothing may change but you have helped your odds.....
In living my life I am no longer so reticent as once I was.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Kris, you summed it up well. No choices growing up. Take what you get, be quiet, don't make waves around stepdad. Do as you're told.
That's not a normal upbringing and neither was mine. I will say I knew how to get out of the the way when the A/ codie verbal fights started and especially when the A
crazy crap hit the fan over the tv being too loud or whatever. lmao. Hmmm that was taking care of me.*smile* Early detachment?
I was always looking out for my Mom, wanting to protect her, like I was the little codie Mom. I don't recall asking for what I wanted or needed. I sure changed when I got into my teens though. LOL
That's not a normal upbringing and neither was mine. I will say I knew how to get out of the the way when the A/ codie verbal fights started and especially when the A
crazy crap hit the fan over the tv being too loud or whatever. lmao. Hmmm that was taking care of me.*smile* Early detachment?
I was always looking out for my Mom, wanting to protect her, like I was the little codie Mom. I don't recall asking for what I wanted or needed. I sure changed when I got into my teens though. LOL
Last edited by frankie_b; 09-01-2007 at 03:18 PM.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Oh, I've done this. Many times. Mostly because I don't have the time to turn around and get it fixed.
But, let it be something big, or expensive and I will. I guess it's all a matter of
that old alanon slogan,
How important is it?
But, let it be something big, or expensive and I will. I guess it's all a matter of
that old alanon slogan,
How important is it?
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Well ladies, I went to the movies tonight to see Rush Hour 3. I swear I want to marry Jackie Chan 
.......anyhow nothing went south.....which is a good thing, but I was sort of hoping to try out my "voice". I won't complain though. The movie was hilarious, the popcorn was fresh, the seats reclined LOL and the company was superior to none!
.......anyhow nothing went south.....which is a good thing, but I was sort of hoping to try out my "voice". I won't complain though. The movie was hilarious, the popcorn was fresh, the seats reclined LOL and the company was superior to none! cunning. baffling. powerful.
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 183
This is a cool thread. My first thought while reading the first post was the Serenity Prayer. 
I know with me, it's kind of about what my "calm" is worth. Sometimes it's worth fighting the battle and other times it is not.
Right now I'm listening to a friend of mine surfing the internet in the next room. He's a recovering alcoholic and a friend from AA. I'm listening to him complain about everything from how Google sucks to how Flickr doesn't have pictures he likes to how my mouse is set wrong for him to ...
If I had that much personal unrest I think I'd go insane.
Sometimes you don't get what you wanted or were expecting and you have to accept that and work with it, other times you can fix it and it's a good and empowering thing. But one thing I have learned is, you can't fix the internet.
(I don't know where I'm going with this really. I was just reading this thread and listening to him and thinking about how I sort of roll off his negativity with "Yeah, well it's like that" etc. rather than internalizing it and getting stressed.)
~SK
I know with me, it's kind of about what my "calm" is worth. Sometimes it's worth fighting the battle and other times it is not.
Right now I'm listening to a friend of mine surfing the internet in the next room. He's a recovering alcoholic and a friend from AA. I'm listening to him complain about everything from how Google sucks to how Flickr doesn't have pictures he likes to how my mouse is set wrong for him to ...
If I had that much personal unrest I think I'd go insane.
Sometimes you don't get what you wanted or were expecting and you have to accept that and work with it, other times you can fix it and it's a good and empowering thing. But one thing I have learned is, you can't fix the internet.
(I don't know where I'm going with this really. I was just reading this thread and listening to him and thinking about how I sort of roll off his negativity with "Yeah, well it's like that" etc. rather than internalizing it and getting stressed.)
~SK
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
LOL.........Your friend reminds me of my mother......always finds something to complain about. You're right though. There are a lot of things we can't fix, but there are some we actually can and finding that umpf within myself to do just that is what I'm constantly looking for.
Happy......the perfume samples sound great!! See.....i would have never thought of doing that LOL.
Happy......the perfume samples sound great!! See.....i would have never thought of doing that LOL.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
