frankly

((keepfaith))

I have no more words of advice. You and your son have my prayers.

B

Elana

Call the authorities and let him go to prison (he is underage you said where you live) or let him go and live however he will as a Gangster. Those are your choices.

You cannot control him. You cannot control the gang. You cannot control the drugs. You cannot control his behavior. You cannot control his addiction to the money or the ghang.

YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF THIS, and have not been for a very very long time.

I am sorry you are hurting. You now need to focus on you and your other children. He will do what he does, either on the streets or in prison.

Get yourself some help. Counseling if you can afford it. CoDA if you can or cannot. Read the book, "CoDependentNo more" as suggested above.

The only ship you are Captain of is your own. He is the Captain of his ship, regardless of the Maelstrom he is sailing into. YOU cannot sail HIS ship.

ladyamalthea

You cannot physically trap him... all you can do is call the police if he runs away. Bringing your other son into this only puts both of you in even further danger. Trust me, prison is not as terrible of an option as it sounds, because then he's not on the streets risking everyone's lives, including his own.

Jwife22

Hi KeepFaith..

I've stayed away from this thread because it triggers me but I wanted to say that having your other son come and restrain him doesn't sound like a good idea. He has already threatened to kill your son once and actually put a box cutter to his throat, what would stop him from doing it again. If anyone needs to be restraining your son, I think the police would be the best bet.

parentrecovers

your son is a minor.

i'd find as many caring adults as you can to reach out to - for your sake and your son's. doctors, counselors, clergy, police, rehab facilities, a lawyer to explain to him what happens if he gets caught dealing, etc...

if he won't listen to you, then maybe he'll listen to someone else.

blessings, k

lil516

You are in denial and your actions could cause dangerous reprecussions for yourself or others...

knowing your son's behaviors/lifestyle etc why would you ask him to do anything with your computer?? or with any of your assets or possessions??

I am sorry to be harsh but you need to face reality...

your son is a danger to himself and others
fearing that police will find his contraband and arrest him is the wrong fear IMO...fearing that he won't get arrested makes more sense!!

Lobo

I think he would be in safer hands with the police than wandering the street with gang members. Doesn't that make sense to you? He is a minor.......save him by calling the authorities.

My heart goes out to you...........I feel your fear

Ogly

unfortunately none of us can help you at the moment. the decisions are all yours unfortuantely. As I mentioned before - we are not here to validate your decisions.....and the fact that he was running spyware on your machine scares the crap out of me....

As you can tell - most of us have urged you to let him go, that he is already lost to you but it seems like that is not the answer you want to hear. I don't know what else to say..... I will pray for a successful resolution to all this for you...

Ogly....

codependent1

done with it.....well said....and much needed at this point in the posts!!

Noah812

Keep - SInce your sons drugs are in the house, large quantities i think you are an accessory to drug traffic and possession. I know that is true if it is found in your house but since you know the drugs are there I don't really know that does not make you an accomplice and/to possesion of a controled substance for distribution over X weight. As far as your son reading SR...he feels threatened by your coming here to help him but also to help yourself. There are no rookies on SR just new people who have yet to learn when to say NO to thier ADDICTS! We are not jokes and I personally can attest that some of us could teach your 17 yo son a thing or two. I would not recommend holding him against his will, in fact I don't even know that it is legal to restrain a 17 yo even your own child. Call the police. Let your son go have this wonderful gang bangin life...it will never happen you know why, he does not want it all the time. He wants to get his kicks and then come home to mommy and throw some threats around at you and your son. If he wanted to bang 24/7 he would have left long ago. He wants to threaten you about leaving your home and hear you beg him not to. He wants to keep your emotions turned upside down so that you cannot focus on what is right and what is wrong. So far almost everything about your son is wrong at this point in time but he can change. Your son reminds me of my xagf who was always going to leave, have it better, other guys, punk dealers...what ever...it was torture. I caved and tried to help her hang onto herself...what I was really trying to do was hang onto a fantasy of who I wanted her to be. In the end I threw her out and I could not keep her from trying to come back. In other words she never wanted to leave its addicts way of creating chaos in threats and making us too scared to let them go. Let him go keep....he is a big boy and if he can make it, let him try.

Elana

Noah.... You are AWESOME.

caileesnana

Noah,
I agree w/ Elana. enough said!

laketime

If he were not your son, but dealing to your son, how would you feel then. I would'nt let anyone capable of murder, as you say he is, to stay in my home much less deal drugs too. You need to escape this chaos long enough to sit back and realize how serious your situation is. You are in "grave danger". Get this thug out of your house, immediately. Take responsibility for your own saftey as well as your familys. If your son loves you, you will never "lose" him, no matter where he might be.

BigSis

You said he could/might murder your older son... now you are thinking of actually CALLING that older son to RESTRAIN this guy?


There are many things that could happen... most of them not good - for ANYone.

Why do you fear jail for your son so much? It will take him off the street. He will be safe, sane and sober.

Of course - he won't need you anymore... could that be part of it?


Please know I say this after having gone through this myself. I was shocked to find out that I equated NEED with LOVE. They are not the same, and in fact, cannot coexist. As long as I kept my kids NEEDING me... there was no freedom for them to LOVE me.


Please think carefully about stepping away from your son... allow him to leave... allow him to fall. It is only by FALLING that he can eventually find recovery.

My prayers are with you both. ((hugs))

caileesnana

I was thinking....surely in a place as big as Atlanta there are programs to help a juvinile get out of a gang..therapy, mentoring, etc. I know the police in Dallas/Ft Worth has establised gang units that know how to help those that want help.

In case you were wondering...

cinderellawkids

Im sorry Keepfaith and I feel your pain. Unfortuantely the only way for your son to change is for him to want to change and get out of gang life and that too is not gonna be an easy thing when he chooses to do so. He's all wraped up in it and hard to break.

I have to say I dont agree with those who say going to jail may have saved him though, because the gang activity gets worse in there, its sad people dont recognize it, my AH started using in a youth camp and ran with **** ***s.

Even relocating and choosing to stop that life isnt a cure, like an addict he's addicted to the life style. Im sending hugs and prayers

Lobo

Big,
As long as I keep my kids NEEDING me there was no freedom for them to LOVE me.

That says it all.............Thanks

ladyamalthea

In Atlanta, I'm sure there are tons of resources to help him, just like caileesnana said. I'm from metro Atlanta, so I know first hand that if there's something someone is looking for, you can probably find it in Atlanta.

jourclark

There are lots of people involve in drug scheme. Should the Eighth Amendment supersede the actions of law enforcement on the subject of seizing drug dealer cars? Sure, they're excellent vehicles that are cheap at auction, but by buying, are consumers giving police in legal arrears the thumbs up?

hopeful4

Hello and welcome.

You have done nothing wrong. You have not caused this, you cannot control this, and you cannot cure this. The best thing you can do for your son is to call the police. Is that car titled in your name? The home is yours? When the feds show up, and they will eventually, you will be arrested for the drugs in your home because your son is a minor, and you own the home. It will be worse for you because you know about the drugs and that your son is a drug dealer.

You love him, however your idea of him is who he may have once been, not who he is now. You say he does not cause trouble, is respectful. Hmmm....I don't think so, read your own posts. He is a gang member and drug dealer. I get it. Unconditional love for your child. It is also possible to love them to death.

I will also tell you something I heard one day and never forgot. When you take consequences away from an addict (and he is an addict, it may not be to the drugs he deals, but he is obviously addicted to this lifestyle that will get him put in jail or killed eventually), YOU are robbing them of any chance they ever have of recovery. For one to recover, they need consequences or it just happens in a cycle. He believes he cannot be punished. You are not doing so and really he is right, you cannot. Will he kill your other child next time with that box cutter??

The only thing you have left to do is to tell the police. It has to be hard, but these are serious crimes that are going to end up with him dead and others too, if it has not already lead to that. Please please, protect yourself and the rest of your family.

I am praying for you and your family. Please stay safe.