The story of a drug dealer, My son
 

My son is an enigma. He is different from most boy's. he originally started out selling marijuana around the time he was 14. He is 17 now, and he sells crack cocaine. Now before we start, my son does not smoke crack cocaine, and i will get into this later. Originally i did not have custody of my son, I could not take care of him when he was younger. My son grew up in Atlanta Georgia, where he became a gang member there. He was a member of the ********** Gang.

It started when i moved him in the suburbs with me. He treated me as an outsider; he would not let me give him attention. Though i felt he did not care about me, I knew he loved me, he also respected me and listened to me and always told me the truth. Now the thing with him is that he will only tell the truth if i ask him a question. he will never come and tell me something. The reasoning behind this he has told me. He told me, directly. "I am not scared of you, so don’t try punishing me or anything stupid. I will respect and obey you because you are my mother. But make no mistake. I respect you, I do not FEAR you". It originally started out when i noticed my son hanging around known gang members in our neighborhood. I thought they were just his friend's, and i remembered how tough it is being the new kid on the block. I thought he was making friends and i know nowadays all children wear long clothing thinking it’s cool so i did not think much of it. He started leaving in the middle of the night, and his cell phone bill got very high volumes of calls from a variety of different numbers. But that is not what puzzled me. The next month he had virtually no calls on the bills. He started using a prepaid phone. The next week, he left to visit his sister in VA. I looked around his room and i found a gun. I looked even further, and i found a hole in his wall behind his bed. I grabbed out approximately what i think was a pound of marijuana. I just broke down in tear's. My son is a drug dealer. He came home a few days later. i asked him if he was a drug dealer. He smiled at me and said "I am a corner entrepreneur, not a drug dealer". He smiled, I told him i was taking his playstation, his computer and almost all his privileges. He just started laughing. He walked to his room and pulled a large sum of money, what I think was about a few thousand dollar's. He said, " How many month's of rent can this get me for an apartment, it should be more then enough i make this much every week." I don’t know how much a street dealer makes but i immediately though my son isn’t a drug dealer he is some kind of drug lord. I then asked him if he smokes it, he told me he does every once in a while but isn’t an addict. After this i did not talk to him for a long time, hoping he would feel some kind of guilt. he didn’t care, he just kept doing what he was doing. I had absolutely no affect on him. He was a cold hearted person, he did not care about anyone. He just wanted money.

My son was a very big Dallas Cowboys Fan. So the next year for his 15th birthday i got us tickets to Texas to watch the cowboys play the panthers last season. This is the happiest i ever saw my son. He brought an authentic jersey to wear everyday while he was there, and he almost forced me to wear a cowboy’s jersey everywhere we went on that trip. I felt that i finally found something that my son likes; i can connect to him through this. it was an amazing feeling. I felt like i knew my son. We talked about allot, and he came clean to me and told me a lot on that trip. He revealed to me then, that he is a member of the *** *** *** Gang, how much marijuana he sells a week and what he uses the money for and he explained to me he was not an addict. I cant say anything to him, i couldn’t stop him because then he would just leave. I would never see my son again. He got caught selling in school, the police were called. Its a miracle he was not sent to jail. He had to take a lot of expensive crime prevention courses and community service. I gathered up all of the family and we all talked to him about him dealing drug's. He agreed to stop. I felt like i won.

The next year i lost him again. He got his license, and has his own car this year. We stopped talking again, he wasn’t at home a lot. It got even worse when i found him having sex with a girl in his room when i came home early from work. I asked if that was his girl friend, he told me "Just a bitch without money who needed another fix!". I instantly slapped him across the face. he said he had too much dignity to hit his own mother, so he then walked up to my other son who was visiting and he attacked him. he eventually pulled out a box cutter and put it to his neck and told me "Don’t do **** like that again, this fool means **** to me". This is where i got help from a priest. My son for some odd reason agreed to have meetings with the pastor. he came clean and agreed that he was still selling marijuana, and has nothing to hide. he made it clear that he doesn’t fear god or the law. No one from the church could help him, he was too hard headed to listen. One night, he came come with blood stains all over his shirt and had cuts everywhere. He told me he got robbed but it isn’t a big deal because they only took half an ounce. Now this is just hard to over look. I took all the marijuana i could find in his room and flushed it down the toilet. When i told him, he told me he could possibly get killed for what I just did. he told me if he comes up short his 'Boss' might kill him. But he has extra money for events like this. I told him to pay his 'Boss' then to completely stop. He told me now that he has no mother and his family are the *** *** ***s. It got even worse when he spent the summer with his father and the episode did not conclude.

So he comes back for school to start. He is 17. It seems like he has matured and his voice has gotten considerably deeper and we started off lightly. he gave me a hug as he came back and the next few days were pleasant. He took a job at the local mall at a store called *** ***. He now acts very differently, and he now dresses a bit differently also. You would really think he got a good change in, but its worse. I come to realize looking for the purse i left in his car, that he has crack rocks in the car. I brought it into the house and i confronted him about it. He told me he could make more money selling crack any day then he can selling marijuana. I explained to him that selling crack is a minimum of 10 years for just a few rock's. Im telling i wont tolerate his behavior anymore. He eventually stops selling crack, but not because of me. Apparently his girlfriend got hooked on crack, so he stopped dealing crack and went back to marijuana. He admits to me he took his job at *** *** to cover up the fact he was selling crack to explain where all his money came from. After this discussion though, I don’t know what has talked to him. His grades went from failure to very decent, he starts behaving better, he doesn’t SEEM to be selling marijuana. He has a better crowd of friend's he is with. He just seems better in everyway. In fact, he even cooked dinner for me on some of those nights. But as fast as those few week's were they came to a sudden halt and he went back to his normal self.

Today I got an anonymous call to the house, to check my sons myspace website then to look under his seats in the car. I see his myspace and i see dozens of photos of my son throwing up gang signs with a lot of other people his age and older people. he has photos of him smoking marijuana and one photo of him (fully clothed) sitting next to a nude girl and him holding her breast's. His top friends were all gang member's. I looked under the seats in his car, and i find 500$, a few switchblade knives, an unloaded gun and a few bags of marijuana. Right now i don’t even know what I will say to him when he comes home.

Now before anyone judges my son, he is a mature young man. Please do not pass him off as a bad person he has a chance. he always behaves himself, i never get behavior complaints from anyone of him. He is usually a gentlemen and he is usually calm and collective. he is a smart boy who got a high score on the ASVAB test. I just don’t know what too with him and how to get him on the right path. I just want to straighten him out, and have my son back. I know he isn’t a drug dealer deep down. Does anyone have any advice.

((KeepFaith))

First off, Welcome to SR. I'm sorry about the circumstances that bring you here, but I'm so glad that you are here.

Your story is sad, and I will be honest with you, it strikes fear in my heart. Please don't take offense to this, but your son is a danger to You, your family, society and himself. You have some very hard choices to face. He is a minor, and as such, you can control what happens under your roof. What you will and will not put up with.

I'm a mother of 3, if one of my kids put a knife to the throat of another, as hard as it might be, as much as it might hurt, I would have them arrested, or committed. The help that they would need would be beyond my abilities.

I'm not judging your son, that not my place. I'm actually praying for him right now, as well as for you. Even if he is not an addict, drugs have claimed yet another young soul.

Now, what you can do, is hard for any mother to do. Detaching with love, saving yourself and the rest of your family. You are all in danger, even if you don't feel like you are....you are.

He is not going to change for you or anyone else. That is a hard fact to face. The only thing that will change him, is when (not if) but when, things turn sour on him, when things start going so wrong that he no longer desires that lifestyle. Unfortunately, that may be his or someone elses end. Hopefully prison is in his near future. I'm not saying that in a mean spirited way, or a judgemental way. I'm trying to be open and honest with you here. I know how much this hurts you. But prison would keep him safer than he is right now, it would keep you and your other kids safer, it would keep society safer.

Get yourself into counceling right now if you can. They may not be able to tell you what to do, but they can help you deal with the emotional aspect of all of this. I know it's eating you up. Read, Read, Read. Educate yourself about drugs, drug addiction and gangs. Your son is an addict, just maybe not to drugs. His addiction is power and money. It is just as devestating as any addiction to drugs. Work this program just like we work it. The 12 steps will help you. Find a naranon meeting in your area. Keep comming here and talk, it may not change him, but it sure will help you.

My heart goes out to you.

Hugs and Prayers
B

Hello Keepfaith and welcome. The lure of money and the status it brings along with the sense of belonging, approval, and loyalty from gang members is a hard one to overcome.

Your son sounds like an intelligent young man who is caught up in a lifestyle that is giving him lots of rewards for the moment.

Maybe you could find a mentor to talk to him. Someone who can show him that he can take his strengths and use them in another way. He has actually learned certain things from what he is doing, and he seems to be very good at it. This might sound weird, but he has learned some business skills, how to handle money, and also how to deal with customers. I have spoken to people who deal with at-risk youth and this is how they approach kids and try to 'turn them around'...by focusing on their strengths.

Look around and see if you can find an organization that works with at-risk youth-maybe call your local chapter of the Urban League, or speak to someone who works at a shelter for runaway youth. I realize your son is not a runaway, but someone there may be able to direct you to someone who can help. He needs someone who has been there to show him that this life can lead to death, being shot or the victim of violence.

See if you can find a mentor who has been where he is and who can show him there is an alternative. Tell him that you cannot risk having drugs in your home, this puts you at risk legally as I'm sure you know.

People do leave gangs and turn thier lives around, I wish the best for you and your son.

Hugs to you, Lisa

As the mother of an addict who I am certain has done things in his life that are illegal and shameful, my heart and my prayers go out for both of you.

My son is not a bad person, just a sick person who needs to get well. I know the good person that is lost somewhere under addiction, and I pray for him every day even though I do not know where he is today.

I agree with the wise words above. Sometimes we become so used to the chaos, to the lifestyle that addiction brings, that we lose sight of our own safety and the safety of those around us. Please know that you too could be arrested just for knowing there are drugs in your home or on your property as well as guns and weapons. You could lose your home and your children and spend a long time in prison yourself...just for knowing. It has happened to members here and it could happen to you or to me or to anyone here who is in this situation.

What helped me, what saved my sanity was attending meetings and learning to work a program that brought me peace, regardless of how my son was doing. I learned to live a healthier life, a life that is beautiful and safe and peaceful and I learned that God could do for me and my son what we could not do for ourselves.

Stick around, read the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and know that you are with people who understand, who have been there and who will walk with you on this journey of recovery.

Welcome to SoberRecovery.

Hugs

He is not an enigma. He is a Street Gang Member and a drug dealer. From the rest of your post, he is working his way up through the system too.

He may truthfully answer your questions, but I have my doubts about his "respect" or his "care" or that he "listens."

It was a MIRACLE he Was NOT sent to jail? The MIRACLE might have been if he HAD been sent to jail! He agreed to stop? With all that MONEY you BELIEVED him and you felt like you won. That is what we all do here.. Oh we do...

Trust me.. he won't stop EVER unless something happens and he realizes that the money is not worth it. The likeliness of THAT is pretty unlikely.... and I know that is harsh, but you SAW the money! Tax free income gotten in a very dangerous way. He may not be getting hi from the drugs. He is getting hi from the allure of the money and the Gang Status.

This is your statement. It does not sound like a respectful or caring young man. He sounds like a SocioPath with not a single iota of care for anyone except his Gang Member Status and the Money he can make ILLEGALLY selling drugs.

I would say NOTHING. Call the Police. This boy you love.. your SON is a DRUG DEALER. I would be willing to bet he has no pistol permit for that gun and it may even be an illegal gun or a stolen piece.

Your post puts absolute CHILLS down my spine. Your "boy" who is a Decent Young Man is not any of those things. He is those things to YOUR FACE. He is a drug dealer with Status in a Gang. He is DANGEROUS. He threatened to kill his Brother and likely would have. He is running with a gun under his seat.. and a LOT of cash.. (I am guessing the $500 is not most of it). He may not be dealing Crack but I bet he is dealing way more than MJ.. maybe he is dealing to the dealers..

I am sorry again for being so harsh, but this "boy" is selling and Addicts are buying.. and those very addicts are the ones who can't pay for their fix so will ahve sex with him because they are desparate.. and he will take advantage of that opprotunity. This is NOT the behavior of a "mature" or 'decent" at any level at this time. He shows all the signs or being a SocioPath (tho I believe the Psychiatric Community no longer uses that word.. the meaning is the same..).

This decent young man is using you, school etc. as a FACADE behind which he operates his REAL life.

Can you get him back? God knows...
My biggest concern here is that when the facade cracks he will attack YOU.

I know you think I am judging HIM. I am not. I am looking at his actions and they fly in the face of the words "decent" and "mature" and "responsible."

Last, but not least, this boy has NO respect for women. None. You are his Mother and there is a code of conduct there... and I believe it is a Gang thing. Very very similar to the Mafia bosses of old..

I totally agree with Elana. I know it is hard but turn him in. My daughter is an addict and is 21. There are addicts who must deal to support their own habits. I have compassion for them. Your son, you say, is not an addict. He deals for the money and trades drugs for sex with woman who need a fix. If that young girl were your daughter would you still feel the same way. Sorry to be so blunt but jail may be the place that your son belongs. I know you love your son but you have to stop living in denial about who or what he is. Marle

I agree with Elana, he is dangerous and you are in denial.

I completely agree with what as been said above..He may have had a rough life growing up but now he is a danger to himself an others.. You need to get him some kind of help while he is still underage an you have some control. Would be a lot better if he's arrested now while he is still underage, so maybe the court would get him some help. Maybe one of those youth boot camps would help him.

I agree. I know this must be breaking your heart. The gang is his family, and they will come first. I know he is 17 but I don't know many who allow thier son to bring drugs in the house or money even that was made from selling drugs. And guns...no way. I am sure it would be hard to see your own son for what he is, and not for what you wanted him to be, or what you know he could be. We have all been there. You have other children to think about too.
Your house, your rules.
That is how you get respect.
If he leaves, he leaves.
His choice.

If your son is in a gang your whole family could be in danger. I think it might be wise to seek outside help with this. If my son were involved with something like this I would want to get his dad involved and contact alot of these types listed below:

# School counselor
# Local police gang unit
# School resource officer
# Social service agencies
# Health professionals
# Clergy

I agree with the others before me. Your son and his actions are the type of things that to me are hard to forgive. You son is trading drugs for tricks, making tons of money and hanging with his homies. The good people of our society are working hard to pay taxes to build the very streets that he sells his poison from and to other children. The girl who needed a fix was or could have been someone just like my xagf. I think if she meant anything to you, you would have been discusted and furious at your son. Your son is not a decent man/boy though he may be mature to the ways of the streets. Things to consider are gang members fight and die, please don't get caught in the middle of a gang war. Another thought is there are alot of other hard working men who are tired of watching this type of behavoir in our streets by the mostly younger males in our society. I will tell you his macho bravado act, along with having the gun, will someday get your son killed. It could be the bad guys out there who are not in his gang or one of the good guys he pushes too far. You sound like a nice woman and i am sorry for my honesty about your son. I do feel like this person is very disturbed, a danger to you and your family. Please protect yourself and your other family members first.

I am not here to judge your son. In fact, I doubt that anyone here actually believes that your son is 100% evil with no hope to be a better person. The problem is that, as long as he is a dealer and a gang member, he is NOT that better person. After all, if we are not defined by our actions, how can we be defined? Even if he has a heart of gold... what good is it if he is burying it under all that coldness?

Not only do I agree with Elana, I have to point out something else here... if your son is allowing girls to pay him with sex... how do you know he doesn't have an STD? Or that he might not be giving these girls an STD when allowing them to pay that way? There is really no guarantee that any teen will use protection... but especially when that particular teen is someone whose judgment skills are altered enough to threaten to kill his own brother right there in front of his mother?

Unfortunately, as much as you don't want to hear this, your son will probably have to be arrested for something pretty serious in order to have the wakeup call he needs. As others here have said, if he gets arrested now for something along those lines, since he is 17 they could send him to boot camp and follow it up with probation, which if he were to successfully complete, might erase the conviction from his record.

Something else here... and please don't take me for being overly judgmental on this one, because I only intend to help... but what about his brother? If you don't respond to the fact that your older son has threatened him that way, your younger son may misinterpret your lack of action to mean that his brother is more important to you than he is. People tend to focus on the sick child more than the one who is not causing problems... but he needs to know that you are proud of him for not following in big brother's footsteps, assuming he hasn't. And the quickest way to motivate younger brother to not follow big brother's lead is to let him watch his brother get arrested and let him see how much these things can impact lives.

So, if looking at having big brother arrested as a punishment or a method of help for him seems too harsh, try thinking about it from the angle that you are protecting not only yourself, but your younger son by reporting all of this.

Good luck. You and both sons are in my prayers.

*hugs*

I don't have much to offer here but I do know that dealers are who keep our kids addicted. I don't mean to sound harsh because I do understand that your son got caught up in this horrible world of drugs just like my daughter did. Someone has to put a stop to the life he is living. You and your family are living in danger everyday of your lives. If he messes up in his gang family they could take him down and his family with him. My daughter never dealt drugs but I have feared some of the people that she brought to my home. I do not allow her to bring anyone here anymore. I have to be able to feel safe in my own home. You should not have to live feeling threatened that you could be harmed, but you should not discount it either.
Please get help for yourself.

My heart goes out to you..............Lo

Help Him While He Is Still A Minor. After 18 There's Not Too Much You Can Do. The Ball Will Be In His Court. Lots Of Good Advice Above.

welcome, keepfaith. i think louise makes a good point above - at this point he still a minor. i'd get him with folks that can help me asap, even if it means starting with the police. meanwhile, i'll pray for you and your son. blessings, k

I could not help but cry when I read your story......I do understand the things you wrote you desperately want to believe......maybe you are feeling guilty (most, if not all of us Moms do) and the fact that he was not in your care when he was younger....I don't know the circumstances of that, but I would guess that has a lot to do with your feelings and denial.......my heart breaks for you and your family, but that being said...I probably will not be as nice as some of the others, which have given you good advise......

I am not judging you or your son......we are all walking a path we would prefer to have never started and each of us has made our share of mistakes along the way......

Your son is not a good person, he has no respect for life or anyone other than maybe his gang and he needs to be stopped.....he is destroying many people, you included.....it seems that he has never had to face any consequences, seem to have everything provided for him, selling at a school he should have had a long, long prison sentence and he got away with it......he is going to kill someone (maybe already has, if not with a gun/knife with the drugs that destroys just as surely) or going to wind up dead himself, maybe with you and the rest of your family included.....

I am being harsh and I am sorry.....but if this boy has any chance at all to live, he must be stopped now.......now is the time for you to quit making excuses and do the right thing for him, before your whole family is destroyed by his actions......

I will be praying for all of you...

Gangs use a psychology on their members that they are not really loved by their families. Children from broken homes are very vulnerable to this kind of influence. I think it would be really important for you and your son's dad to present a united front when it comes to the care of this boy.

Your other son needs to be reached out to too so he does not end up in the same gang.

The fact that your son in the gang is under 18 could hold you responsible for his actions. You are after all still legally responsible for him. I hope you will reach out and help your family...

There is not an addict I've met who hasn't told me that they did horrible things to get their fix... including dealing. So who am I to judge?

Face to face meetings helped me. I went first to AA and open NA meetings, and then to Alanon. I urge you to give them a try. YOUR life is the one that you have control over, and they can help you learn to live again.

(((heartfeltHugs)))

Hi Keep the Faith:

Welcome to the forum!

My addict was the most loving caring person I had ever known up to that point in my life but he still put my life and way of life in danger many times. I actually had a state tropper tell me - honey - do you realize you too can go to jail if cops find the drugs in your car or your house? (My addict overdosed in the car on the back from detox and as luck would have it - I was able to pull him out of the car and all the drugs fell out with him... What a sight - me doing CPR on the Garden State Parkway... god - what a memory......)

That was the first frying pan smack to the forehead.

The second was the hands around the throat, gasping for air with my head up against the ceiling wondering if this was my last day on earth....I got it then. He made his choice. I had to make mine. I called the police. I had him arrested. I took out a restraining order (which I get renewed yearly thanks to a friendly DA).

I believe you that you son has some good deep down but I beleive more it is only just a matter of time before he hurts or kills you, someone close to you or someone you do not even know. Ask yourself - if someone gets hurt or dies -will you be able to live with the knowledge that you could have done something to prevent it by turning him into the authorities? how would your family feel if he kills you?

The thing to remember is we can't really help or fix the addicts or in this case the dealer do what is right. There is another person in this situation - you. And all you can do is help yourself. Your first priority is your safety and those around you.

No matter what decision you make - it is going to be devestating I am sure and there is a 50/50 chance you will loose your son. You could loose him to jail, you could loose him to death because he gets killed by the police in a raid or by another gang member. The other side of the coin is that he will get help and you will live a really normal life......The possibilities of what might happen are endless. If you live in the what happens if world - you will never make a decision and someone is going to get hurt.

In the end - you have to sit down and do a lot of hard thinking and go with what your gut tells you is the right thing to do. Your gut is never, ever wrong. But you are going to have to make some decisions.

My guess - the time for talking, pleading, mentoring is done. If it were me - I would turn him into the cops and then get every protective order I could to keep him away from me and the family. But that is just me.

I'll say an extra prayer to God to send along some extra strength - though I suspect you have tons of it already - you just don't realize it! :)

Bigs hugs to you and I hope things turn out all right....