The story of a drug dealer, My son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Somewhere, east Coast
Posts: 8
I dont want my son to leave though. If i agrivate him, he will leave and I will possibly never see him again. I know he is hungry for money, he always brags to me about how much marijuana he sell's, and how much money he has. I dont understand why he is so proud of selling marijuana.
And you all asked about his brother, his brother is older then him. He actually is in the navy. My son does not like him at all very much. I know my son would not kill me, but he would kill his brother. I know my son is selling drugs which kill people and i know i cant stop that. I just want him to make sure he does not die.
I cant take any action, or when he is 18 I am scared I will never see him again. He will be gone forever. Is his attitude normal for gang members? I feel i have lost him, and he is no longer my son. I feel now he is just ******(His gang moniker). I know i can get him arrested or get him to boot camp. But then i will lose him for good. I dont know what gangs can give him that i cant. I have my other 2 children on the right path. I dont know whats wrong with him. I am not a bad mother. So please dont think i am.
And you all asked about his brother, his brother is older then him. He actually is in the navy. My son does not like him at all very much. I know my son would not kill me, but he would kill his brother. I know my son is selling drugs which kill people and i know i cant stop that. I just want him to make sure he does not die.
I cant take any action, or when he is 18 I am scared I will never see him again. He will be gone forever. Is his attitude normal for gang members? I feel i have lost him, and he is no longer my son. I feel now he is just ******(His gang moniker). I know i can get him arrested or get him to boot camp. But then i will lose him for good. I dont know what gangs can give him that i cant. I have my other 2 children on the right path. I dont know whats wrong with him. I am not a bad mother. So please dont think i am.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 08-14-2007 at 06:52 PM. Reason: removed personal identification
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Marle stated the one stone cold truth.. The girl who turned him a trick for a fix is a kid.. someone else's daughter.
If you son were the addict and gave himself on such a base level to his dealer to get a fix, what would your reaction be? Or is it not such a big deal because he is a boy?
There are folks here who have daughters who are addicts and would do this for a fix. There are folks here who have children who have died from the drugs dealt by people like your son.
His own actions are the judge of this young man...
I too cannot imagine your confusion but you are deep in denial about this boy. it is so hard to do but if it is possible, take a step back.. WAY back.. and try to see him thru the eyes of others.. like the person who gave you that anoymous call.
I try not to believe there are people as stone cold and money centered as this boy has been depicted.. but there are. The news depicts then every day.
I am generally able to shrug a lot off, but I must say your story has twisted inside me somehow. Your post is one of the most disturbing I have ever read on this forum...
If you son were the addict and gave himself on such a base level to his dealer to get a fix, what would your reaction be? Or is it not such a big deal because he is a boy?
There are folks here who have daughters who are addicts and would do this for a fix. There are folks here who have children who have died from the drugs dealt by people like your son.
His own actions are the judge of this young man...
I too cannot imagine your confusion but you are deep in denial about this boy. it is so hard to do but if it is possible, take a step back.. WAY back.. and try to see him thru the eyes of others.. like the person who gave you that anoymous call.
I try not to believe there are people as stone cold and money centered as this boy has been depicted.. but there are. The news depicts then every day.
I am generally able to shrug a lot off, but I must say your story has twisted inside me somehow. Your post is one of the most disturbing I have ever read on this forum...
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Originally Posted by KeepFaith 
I know i can get him arrested or get him to boot camp. But then i will lose him for good.
You are not a bad Mom.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
If you don't do something you could very well loose him for good. If you have him arrested and you loose him it is because you lost him already. It could be the one act that speaks love to the real person that is your son....
What he is doing is against the law and by you allowing it to go on you are saying to him that the law does not matter. I know you must be terribly confused but putting up with this stuff from him is only going to make things worse get some back bone woman...you need help from professional people who know how to deal with this kind of thing. I hope you do not wait too long....
What he is doing is against the law and by you allowing it to go on you are saying to him that the law does not matter. I know you must be terribly confused but putting up with this stuff from him is only going to make things worse get some back bone woman...you need help from professional people who know how to deal with this kind of thing. I hope you do not wait too long....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
My daughter could be the BI*** that needed a fix. As the mother of a son and daughter I would never think my son was "nice' or whatever you said and did these things. To me, he is a drug dealer who deserves whatever he gets. He preys on vulnerable people for money (the girl) and would kill his own brother. To me, dealers are worse than the addcits they serve. Especially when they are not addicted theirself, the use other people for their own gain.
I've called the police on my addict daughter for a lot less. It seems like you would rather be his friend than a parent and that is sad. I don't know if my daughter is dead or alive as she chooses drugs and her dealer boyfriend, her choice, but I have mine and I will not be any part to drugs, violence or hurt to anyone else.
Try finding a meeting or a counselor before it's too late.
susan
I've called the police on my addict daughter for a lot less. It seems like you would rather be his friend than a parent and that is sad. I don't know if my daughter is dead or alive as she chooses drugs and her dealer boyfriend, her choice, but I have mine and I will not be any part to drugs, violence or hurt to anyone else.
Try finding a meeting or a counselor before it's too late.
susan
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
What I have to remember is to not compare what IS against what good MIGHT be.
Compare against the bad that WILL be... without intervention.
Some basic facts about addiction that I've learned -
It is a genetic, inherited condition...
I did not CAUSE it
I cannot CONTROL it
I cannot CURE it
Those are the 3 Cs from Alanon.
Addiction is a chronic, progressive, fatal condition.
Chronic - that means it NEVER goes away. Even in "remission" (or recovery), it can flare again or change stripes (a new drug or behavior or obsession) and pop up when we least expect it. IT NEVER GOES AWAY.
Progressive - it gets worse over time. Even while in remission/recovery... if I go back out today, I will likely start up drinking at the level where I left off 23 years ago... and go downhill from there. It is VERY likely, that within short months I will be at the exact same place in my condition AS IF I HAD NEVER QUIT. That is pretty strong.
Fatal. Left untreated, without intervention... addiction is fatal. And the majority of those deaths occur in the middle stages... where judgement is impaired. Not, as most think, in the end stages when the body gives out.
Knowing some of these basic truths about addiction might help break through your delusion that it will somehow, someday get all better through some action you take or some words you speak. It does not.
The addict has to find a reason to get sober himself. If he is able to have a roof over his head, a warm bed to sleep in, regular meals, TV, computer, toys... AND his drug of choice (which could be the adrenalin rush of selling, by the way). Then why, why, why would he ever change?
What sort of life do you want? Do you want to lose your older son who may choose to never see you again because of the younger one? Do you want to lose every friend and relative and neighbor because of your angry, bullying, addicted son? And would you sacrifice all those things KNOWING that maintaining your helpful relationship with him allows him to stay active in his condition of addiction?
Alanon or Naranon meetings are something YOU can do to help you get clear on where your responsibilities as a parent and as a person lie.
I wish you the best... both my kids are addicts, I do know how hard this is.
(((hugs)))
Compare against the bad that WILL be... without intervention.
Some basic facts about addiction that I've learned -
It is a genetic, inherited condition...
I did not CAUSE it
I cannot CONTROL it
I cannot CURE it
Those are the 3 Cs from Alanon.
Addiction is a chronic, progressive, fatal condition.
Chronic - that means it NEVER goes away. Even in "remission" (or recovery), it can flare again or change stripes (a new drug or behavior or obsession) and pop up when we least expect it. IT NEVER GOES AWAY.
Progressive - it gets worse over time. Even while in remission/recovery... if I go back out today, I will likely start up drinking at the level where I left off 23 years ago... and go downhill from there. It is VERY likely, that within short months I will be at the exact same place in my condition AS IF I HAD NEVER QUIT. That is pretty strong.
Fatal. Left untreated, without intervention... addiction is fatal. And the majority of those deaths occur in the middle stages... where judgement is impaired. Not, as most think, in the end stages when the body gives out.
Knowing some of these basic truths about addiction might help break through your delusion that it will somehow, someday get all better through some action you take or some words you speak. It does not.
The addict has to find a reason to get sober himself. If he is able to have a roof over his head, a warm bed to sleep in, regular meals, TV, computer, toys... AND his drug of choice (which could be the adrenalin rush of selling, by the way). Then why, why, why would he ever change?
What sort of life do you want? Do you want to lose your older son who may choose to never see you again because of the younger one? Do you want to lose every friend and relative and neighbor because of your angry, bullying, addicted son? And would you sacrifice all those things KNOWING that maintaining your helpful relationship with him allows him to stay active in his condition of addiction?
Alanon or Naranon meetings are something YOU can do to help you get clear on where your responsibilities as a parent and as a person lie.
I wish you the best... both my kids are addicts, I do know how hard this is.
(((hugs)))
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
First of all, thank you for your total honesty about your son. That is so hard as a mom to write out all they have done. But it is a good thing to do, a sort of recognition of what is. I have had my son arrested several times and yes it is horrible, but it is necessary. You will lose him for a while, but hopefully it will wake him up and he will come back to you. It would be better than losing him forever. I know the fear. My son is going to a recovery house after his 5th stay in rehab and he will be gone for 3-6 months, and I have been grieving that. But I have learned the hard way that giving in to their manipulation and lies HURTS THEM even more! How can that be? BEcause we are their moms and we want to save them. Breaking the law and not getting punished hurts them and makes them think they can get by with it even more. YOu have to stand up and be his moral compass at this time. He has none. I am sorry. I know how hard it is when you love your son as much as I do. I think many before me have given good advice. But do what's best for you and your son....call the cops, send him to rehab or boot camp. Don't be afraid. God loves you and your son. Turn him over to your higher power. You a re just mom, not God.
hugs, hugs, hugs.
krhea
hugs, hugs, hugs.
krhea
Survivor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
Sad as I am to say this.....your son is already lost, you have lost him to the streets and unless he is quickly brought under control, whether by the police or whoever he most certainly be lost forever......does this make you a bad mother, no indeed....not any more than the rest of us parents of addicts were bad parents........I also have 3 children...2 of which are kind and wonderful people and the third, my first born, is a alcoholic/crack addict.......all three had the same parents, advantages and disadvantages.....why the differences.....their choices.......
It is the hardest thing a parent will ever do is to let your child go and live the life they have chosen and to also face the consequences of those choices.......there is no reason for him to change as long as there are no consequences.........The most difficult thing has been realizing that saying no is the most loving thing I can do.....to say I will always love you, but I will not help you to destroy yourself and others.......it is hard, but it is all that is in our power or control.....I implore you to give this boy a chance as well as yourself......
It is the hardest thing a parent will ever do is to let your child go and live the life they have chosen and to also face the consequences of those choices.......there is no reason for him to change as long as there are no consequences.........The most difficult thing has been realizing that saying no is the most loving thing I can do.....to say I will always love you, but I will not help you to destroy yourself and others.......it is hard, but it is all that is in our power or control.....I implore you to give this boy a chance as well as yourself......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Somewhere, east Coast
Posts: 8
So this is a lose/lose situation I guess. I lose him either way. Its for me to say this but he does not need me, but i need him. I am thinking of actually enrolling him in one of those programs mentioned. Even if he never calls me or comes to see me again because i betrayed him...Maybe just maybe he will learn something.
I hada talk with him last week about what he wants to be when he grows up. I was surprised to learn my son can program in C++ and Visual Basic. Not only that, he can also create digital art. He showed me his portfolio on the computer he created with fireworks MX 2004. They were some amazing peices of art.
I asked him why wouldent you want to do this? You can make a decent living doing programming and web design. He told me that, to him selling drugs is exciting. Selling drug's makes him see himself better. he feels like a powerful person when he sell's drug's.
I hada talk with him last week about what he wants to be when he grows up. I was surprised to learn my son can program in C++ and Visual Basic. Not only that, he can also create digital art. He showed me his portfolio on the computer he created with fireworks MX 2004. They were some amazing peices of art.
I asked him why wouldent you want to do this? You can make a decent living doing programming and web design. He told me that, to him selling drugs is exciting. Selling drug's makes him see himself better. he feels like a powerful person when he sell's drug's.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Colorado
Posts: 161
KeepFaith:
Just because he lives with you does not mean you have im in anyway shape or form. My guess is that he is just using you because you can be manipulated. We co-dependents make easy marks.
Please try to remember that nothing is ever set in stone except death. I said when I was in college I would NEVER have a relationship with my father because of the crap he put me through. But age and wisdom and some gray hair along with his health problems have mellowed my stance. Do I have a great relationship with him. No but I now talk to him via email, I can accpet and forgive the things he did to me when I was young and even tell him he was right about some things. So much for never.......
Okay - so here comes some frying pan love coming that I am most know for.... See me linging up for a swing of the pan
You are letting the fear run your life and for someone as compasionate as you are - that is no way to live. If you believe in a higher power - it will take care of you no matter what. You may not like what the HP decides those consequences are but let me tell you - the HP knows much better than we ever could what is right for us.... if you try to force the square peg of life into the round circle of the HP plan - you will be staring at much bigger frying pan coming at you than mine!
I hate to say it but you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't. If you are looking for us to validate your thought process - that is not what we are here for. We are here to share our experiences in the hopes it will help in your our thought and decision making process.
Justify his actions, worrying about if you will loose him forever is just increasing the fact that you are going to drive yourself nuts..... Here is a suggestion - list out all the options you have thought of and then rank them in the order that you think will give your son best chance of surviving. The thought of loosing him is not allowed into the decision equation. I would interested in hearing what that list came out looking like....
Best of luck
Ogly.
Just because he lives with you does not mean you have im in anyway shape or form. My guess is that he is just using you because you can be manipulated. We co-dependents make easy marks.
Please try to remember that nothing is ever set in stone except death. I said when I was in college I would NEVER have a relationship with my father because of the crap he put me through. But age and wisdom and some gray hair along with his health problems have mellowed my stance. Do I have a great relationship with him. No but I now talk to him via email, I can accpet and forgive the things he did to me when I was young and even tell him he was right about some things. So much for never.......
Okay - so here comes some frying pan love coming that I am most know for.... See me linging up for a swing of the pan
You are letting the fear run your life and for someone as compasionate as you are - that is no way to live. If you believe in a higher power - it will take care of you no matter what. You may not like what the HP decides those consequences are but let me tell you - the HP knows much better than we ever could what is right for us.... if you try to force the square peg of life into the round circle of the HP plan - you will be staring at much bigger frying pan coming at you than mine!
I hate to say it but you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't. If you are looking for us to validate your thought process - that is not what we are here for. We are here to share our experiences in the hopes it will help in your our thought and decision making process.
Justify his actions, worrying about if you will loose him forever is just increasing the fact that you are going to drive yourself nuts..... Here is a suggestion - list out all the options you have thought of and then rank them in the order that you think will give your son best chance of surviving. The thought of loosing him is not allowed into the decision equation. I would interested in hearing what that list came out looking like....
Best of luck
Ogly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I would rather have my daughter hate me and live a good life than to love me and continue what she is doing. He is a minor and you do have a choice. Make the choice that is in his best interest in the long run, not the one that is in your best interest in the short run. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
My ex boyfriend's brother was in a gang. He spent most of his life in juvenile and adult correctional facilities. Although his gang affiliation is long past, he is approaching middle age and is currently incarcerated once again. The sad fact is that prisons do little or nothing to rehabilitate. Often times a person just comes out worse and more ill-equiped to function in society at large. Gang culture thrives in prison as well as on the streets. Some people develop their first gang affiliations while incarcerated. Prison could serve as a wake up call for your son, or it could make him worse.
I know many on this board will disagree with me, but I would suggest that you act as SOON AS POSSIBLE to contact a youth intervention program or gang task force in your area and see what they say.
They are experts in this field and we are not.
One place you could start is by contacting the national "Boys and Girls Clubs of America (BGCA). They have programs that deal specifically with this issue. They could also lead you to other resources, such as boot camps, etc.
Here are a couple of links for you:
http://www.bgca.org/clubs/
http://www.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety...blem_pg11.html
I hope this helps,
Hugs, Lisa
I know many on this board will disagree with me, but I would suggest that you act as SOON AS POSSIBLE to contact a youth intervention program or gang task force in your area and see what they say.
They are experts in this field and we are not.
One place you could start is by contacting the national "Boys and Girls Clubs of America (BGCA). They have programs that deal specifically with this issue. They could also lead you to other resources, such as boot camps, etc.
Here are a couple of links for you:
http://www.bgca.org/clubs/
http://www.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety...blem_pg11.html
I hope this helps,
Hugs, Lisa
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((keepfaith))
It isn't as simple as a loose/loose situation. We can't see into the future and determine what will happen if we do this...or this.
Sometimes we have to have faith that if we choose to do what is right for ourselves, then hand it over to our HP, then what will be, will be. That does not mean it will all turn out bad, it doesn't mean it will turn out the way we would like, but it will turn out the way that it does. Try not to project what will happen, try to concentrate on what is happening now.
The first consequence that our children face is us, the parents. That consequence comes from the person in this world that loves them the most. If we stand aside and don't cause a consequence for their wrong actions, it's almost like giving our approval. So how can any kid respect laws or authority figures, if the example from the parent is no consequence.
I know you love your son. I understand your fear of loosing him. I know you are hurting right now. Only you can make the pain stop for yourself. Only you can look into your own heart, and know, what is best for you. If you accept your sons actions and do nothing, then nothing will change. You are helping to enable him by withholding the most important consequence of his life....the parent. Your example that certain things are not acceptable, may not change him, but it will change your life, and in the process, be the best example for him to change his.
If he can control and manipulate you, and still find safe harbor in your home, with no consequence from you, why would he ever want to change anything?
Prayers
B
It isn't as simple as a loose/loose situation. We can't see into the future and determine what will happen if we do this...or this.
Sometimes we have to have faith that if we choose to do what is right for ourselves, then hand it over to our HP, then what will be, will be. That does not mean it will all turn out bad, it doesn't mean it will turn out the way we would like, but it will turn out the way that it does. Try not to project what will happen, try to concentrate on what is happening now.
The first consequence that our children face is us, the parents. That consequence comes from the person in this world that loves them the most. If we stand aside and don't cause a consequence for their wrong actions, it's almost like giving our approval. So how can any kid respect laws or authority figures, if the example from the parent is no consequence.
I know you love your son. I understand your fear of loosing him. I know you are hurting right now. Only you can make the pain stop for yourself. Only you can look into your own heart, and know, what is best for you. If you accept your sons actions and do nothing, then nothing will change. You are helping to enable him by withholding the most important consequence of his life....the parent. Your example that certain things are not acceptable, may not change him, but it will change your life, and in the process, be the best example for him to change his.
If he can control and manipulate you, and still find safe harbor in your home, with no consequence from you, why would he ever want to change anything?
Prayers
B
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Welcome to SR!~
Welcome to SR!~
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and hurting so bad over your son.
He kind of reminds me of my dealer by some of the things you said about him.
The power, the being clean, the guns, and the being respectable part also.
For along time I did think my dealer was just a normal guy trying to make it like
the rest of us and feed his kids, etc, but just chose the wrong way to do it.
But over time I figured out his game (with me) was very calculated and he knew
exactly what he was doing and yes he knew exactly how to get me hooked and
wanting more and more. It was my choice to do those drugs (I did meth) but
he knew how to work the system of addicts. In the end he threatened me over
(HIS MISTAKE) of $40.00, that's when I really realized..
Your son sounds like he has this kind of power over you. I know there's another side to him that you see, but make no mistake he is out there ruining as many lives as he can to keep his power. The one girl you saw may have slept with him, I would have Never slept with my dealer, but I did almost kill myself over it, and I did used to cut myself all the time trying not to use, or cutting because I did use.
You've gotten quite a few harsh responses so I'm not trying to add another one, just give you a tiny bit of a users perpective. I really try not to judge anyone caught up in all this stuff, and I do feel for your son, gang life can't be easy, and he's learned this from somewhere.
I would definately do what RaeRae said or the other thing you said. Worrying about keeping him happy or in your life, may get you killed or hurt.
I hope you stay around here and I hope things start turning out better for you both.
DWI
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and hurting so bad over your son.
He kind of reminds me of my dealer by some of the things you said about him.
The power, the being clean, the guns, and the being respectable part also.
For along time I did think my dealer was just a normal guy trying to make it like
the rest of us and feed his kids, etc, but just chose the wrong way to do it.
But over time I figured out his game (with me) was very calculated and he knew
exactly what he was doing and yes he knew exactly how to get me hooked and
wanting more and more. It was my choice to do those drugs (I did meth) but
he knew how to work the system of addicts. In the end he threatened me over
(HIS MISTAKE) of $40.00, that's when I really realized..
Your son sounds like he has this kind of power over you. I know there's another side to him that you see, but make no mistake he is out there ruining as many lives as he can to keep his power. The one girl you saw may have slept with him, I would have Never slept with my dealer, but I did almost kill myself over it, and I did used to cut myself all the time trying not to use, or cutting because I did use.
You've gotten quite a few harsh responses so I'm not trying to add another one, just give you a tiny bit of a users perpective. I really try not to judge anyone caught up in all this stuff, and I do feel for your son, gang life can't be easy, and he's learned this from somewhere.
I would definately do what RaeRae said or the other thing you said. Worrying about keeping him happy or in your life, may get you killed or hurt.
I hope you stay around here and I hope things start turning out better for you both.
DWI
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
One more thing...
My parents used to worry so much about pushing my sister away that they would do NOTHING. Little did they understand that the brain of an addict is so altered that this probably would not have happened anyway. And when I say addict, I include your son in this mix... he may not be addicted to the actual drugs, but if he wasn't addicted to dealing them, he would not be behaving the way he does. So, his line of thinking is no better than that of the addict, and the way a normal person would respond to any given action is not the way they respond. Besides, if he doesn't kill you, or his brother, he will kill himself, or someone else... and then he'll be in jail for murder, which usually carries a heavier sentence than most things drug-related. Let him fall now (go to jail if needed) so that he can have a reasonable opportunity to get back up and dust himself off, perhaps removing some of that ice that is covering his heart in the process.
And what I said earlier about your other son's reaction to having a knife to his throat still applies, even if the one being threatened is older. My sister is younger. I am already grown and married. But it still hurt my feelings when my mom would put me in a position where I was being compromised in one way or another because she didn't want to hurt my addicted sister. Trust me, your older son will still appreciate you not allowing that behavior in your house.
Just remember that no one here is being harsh to hurt you. We only want to see you and your family safe.
*hugs and prayers*
My parents used to worry so much about pushing my sister away that they would do NOTHING. Little did they understand that the brain of an addict is so altered that this probably would not have happened anyway. And when I say addict, I include your son in this mix... he may not be addicted to the actual drugs, but if he wasn't addicted to dealing them, he would not be behaving the way he does. So, his line of thinking is no better than that of the addict, and the way a normal person would respond to any given action is not the way they respond. Besides, if he doesn't kill you, or his brother, he will kill himself, or someone else... and then he'll be in jail for murder, which usually carries a heavier sentence than most things drug-related. Let him fall now (go to jail if needed) so that he can have a reasonable opportunity to get back up and dust himself off, perhaps removing some of that ice that is covering his heart in the process.
And what I said earlier about your other son's reaction to having a knife to his throat still applies, even if the one being threatened is older. My sister is younger. I am already grown and married. But it still hurt my feelings when my mom would put me in a position where I was being compromised in one way or another because she didn't want to hurt my addicted sister. Trust me, your older son will still appreciate you not allowing that behavior in your house.
Just remember that no one here is being harsh to hurt you. We only want to see you and your family safe.
*hugs and prayers*
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 21
KeepFaith,
I just found this board today but let me share what my AS could have cost me. My hubby died in 02/05. I was able to keep my house and bills paid with my income. My son and his GF and baby quit going to the welfare so lost their food stamps, even though that was the only was we could buy food for all of us. Son didn't care about his little sister or mother not eating. My BF moved in to help with money. He noticed a wooden spool in our driveway one day with a mine code on it. There had been a rash of thefts in our area from construction sites and mines for the copper on these spools.
BF sat me down and said that if the police found out these things were in my house I would have to face these consequences:
1. I would lose my daughter
2. I would lose my home.
3. I would lose my job with the state government.
When I finally had the courage and sense to kick him out, I found 3 more spools in the little 'apartment' they were living in and about 6 55 gallon garbage bags with rubber tubing in them. He was the suspects police were looking for in these thefts but luckily was never caught.
I am sorry now I didn't go to the police then and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't still be dealing with this pure hell a year later.
I just found this board today but let me share what my AS could have cost me. My hubby died in 02/05. I was able to keep my house and bills paid with my income. My son and his GF and baby quit going to the welfare so lost their food stamps, even though that was the only was we could buy food for all of us. Son didn't care about his little sister or mother not eating. My BF moved in to help with money. He noticed a wooden spool in our driveway one day with a mine code on it. There had been a rash of thefts in our area from construction sites and mines for the copper on these spools.
BF sat me down and said that if the police found out these things were in my house I would have to face these consequences:
1. I would lose my daughter
2. I would lose my home.
3. I would lose my job with the state government.
When I finally had the courage and sense to kick him out, I found 3 more spools in the little 'apartment' they were living in and about 6 55 gallon garbage bags with rubber tubing in them. He was the suspects police were looking for in these thefts but luckily was never caught.
I am sorry now I didn't go to the police then and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't still be dealing with this pure hell a year later.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I lost my son to addiction, long before I lost contact with him.
You're not a bad mom and neither am I, but unless we want to sit in hell with them and get lost in the darkness forever, we have to let go and find our own light, so we can hold it and hope that one day they will find their way back. We can't drag them, they have to decide to come, and if God is willing, they will.
Please let go before it's too late, for him and for you.
Hugs
You're not a bad mom and neither am I, but unless we want to sit in hell with them and get lost in the darkness forever, we have to let go and find our own light, so we can hold it and hope that one day they will find their way back. We can't drag them, they have to decide to come, and if God is willing, they will.
Please let go before it's too late, for him and for you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Originally Posted by KeepFaith
I hada talk with him last week about what he wants to be when he grows up. I was surprised to learn my son can program in C++ and Visual Basic. Not only that, he can also create digital art. He showed me his portfolio on the computer he created with fireworks MX 2004. They were some amazing peices of art.
I asked him why wouldent you want to do this? You can make a decent living doing programming and web design. He told me that, to him selling drugs is exciting. Selling drug's makes him see himself better. he feels like a powerful person when he sell's drug's.
I asked him why wouldent you want to do this? You can make a decent living doing programming and web design. He told me that, to him selling drugs is exciting. Selling drug's makes him see himself better. he feels like a powerful person when he sell's drug's.
Ask him how many older ganstas he sees around. Not very many. The reason is they end up dead or crippled, in a lifelong cycle of incarceration, or the lifestyle gets too stressful and they move on. But like all young people he feels invincible.
All police precincts have a gang task force who monitors gang activity and members. There is a good chance that they are already aware of your son's activities.
Like so many said, whatever happens and whatever you decide to do, it is best to do it before he turns 18. Most intervention programs only work with youth up until age 18, and he would get a lighter sentence if he is arrested before 18. I urge you to act as soon as possible!!
Hugs to you, Lisa
Last edited by raerae6; 08-12-2007 at 12:14 AM.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You've already lost him. Now try to save him. If he is a minor you must take responsibility to protect him and protect others from him. Wow this is a hard situation you are in. I think you know that something needs to be done. Reach out for help in your community to figure out just what that will be,
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