my fiance is addicted to coke!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Have you thought about him going and you staying to what happens? Maybe a little time away would give you some clarity and some insight.
Does he need your income to survive? If so why?
You may feel angry with me because i have come on strong with you. I love the addicts in my life sooooooooooooo much too. It still hurts to see my beautiful sister and younger brother so strung out and my husband too. But, after I let them use me so many times with me thinking it would help them get clean I finally had to throw in the towel on that thought.
My H is a beautiful talented man he is very very smart and it just kills me to see him use all of his ability to get dope....he takes breaks from using I used to get my hopes up when he did that but, now I see the reality that he just doesn't have any money or a scheme together to get money. As soon as he has money he is off to the dope dealers house. I have to sleep with my purse and car keys because he will take them when I am asleep.
I can't stand to see addiction take down another good person like yourself. Until the addict choose to get clean usually there is not very much we can do. Prayers going out for you....
Does he need your income to survive? If so why?
You may feel angry with me because i have come on strong with you. I love the addicts in my life sooooooooooooo much too. It still hurts to see my beautiful sister and younger brother so strung out and my husband too. But, after I let them use me so many times with me thinking it would help them get clean I finally had to throw in the towel on that thought.
My H is a beautiful talented man he is very very smart and it just kills me to see him use all of his ability to get dope....he takes breaks from using I used to get my hopes up when he did that but, now I see the reality that he just doesn't have any money or a scheme together to get money. As soon as he has money he is off to the dope dealers house. I have to sleep with my purse and car keys because he will take them when I am asleep.
I can't stand to see addiction take down another good person like yourself. Until the addict choose to get clean usually there is not very much we can do. Prayers going out for you....
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
[QUOTE=splendra;1444294]
My H is a beautiful talented man he is very very smart and it just kills me to see him use all of his ability to get dope....he takes breaks from using I used to get my hopes up when he did that but, now I see the reality that he just doesn't have any money or a scheme together to get money. As soon as he has money he is off to the dope dealers house. I have to sleep with my purse and car keys because he will take them when I am asleep.
[QUOTE]
Yup, i had to do the same thing....i sure don't miss that. I used to tell him that if he took the effort he puts into getting dope and used it for something good he could accomplish anything...
My H is a beautiful talented man he is very very smart and it just kills me to see him use all of his ability to get dope....he takes breaks from using I used to get my hopes up when he did that but, now I see the reality that he just doesn't have any money or a scheme together to get money. As soon as he has money he is off to the dope dealers house. I have to sleep with my purse and car keys because he will take them when I am asleep.
[QUOTE]
Yup, i had to do the same thing....i sure don't miss that. I used to tell him that if he took the effort he puts into getting dope and used it for something good he could accomplish anything...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Cass i have not read all the replies just your posts. Don't get upset because we are telling you the truth, please. Read the first posts that others here on who are telling you to leave now, many if not all sounded just like you when they got here. Most people here in a realtionship sounded exactly like you, desperate, beaten and dedicated to saving thier loved one. It is not until we become dedicated in saving ourselves does the true beauty of SR finally show. As far as moving to Boston, OH HELL NO. This sounds like a good idea but it is a horrible idea. YOu stay in your surroundings. Close to friends and family who can and will help you when you are ready. Addicts isolate those they are with sometimes and it is a good way to control us codies. If you cannot stand him doing drugs in a familiar enviroment you will really hate it when you are going through it in BOSTON. For now the three NOs..(Just popped in my head) NO babies with addict, No marraige with addict and No moving to Boston. There are alot more nos but its a start...hang in there
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
It was not until I finally packed my bags, and left my Addict Husband, that HE decided to seek help and got himself into a program. HE addmitted that he wouldn't have done that if I stayed.
I do stand by him, and support him, but in seperate homes. For my sake.
I too, sounded much like you for years. "I love him and he needs me!... I don't want to give up on him" ...
Do what you need to do...
All of our stories and experiences here on SR are different. But you asked for advice on your situation. We all care, and offered some insight on what we all wished someone had told us long ago. If you choose to stay with him, we will support you aswell. It's a journey we are all taking..
I do stand by him, and support him, but in seperate homes. For my sake.
I too, sounded much like you for years. "I love him and he needs me!... I don't want to give up on him" ...
Do what you need to do...
All of our stories and experiences here on SR are different. But you asked for advice on your situation. We all care, and offered some insight on what we all wished someone had told us long ago. If you choose to stay with him, we will support you aswell. It's a journey we are all taking..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: shiloh, ga
Posts: 17
why does his sobriety depend on my leaving him? i'm so tired if hearing that. it makes it seem like i'm the reason he's addicted!
i know that people can get clean. all three of my sisters used to be addicted to coke and they got clean. one was even addicted to meth and she got clean. they don't even want to use now.
a good friend of mine got clean the second she found out she was pregnant.
she said it was hard for about two weeks and now she dosen't think about it. (she now has a beautiful, and healthy, baby girl)!!
i didn't have to totally withdraw from any of their lives.
also: i saw my fiance yesterday. he was sober. and in a good mood. we went shopping together and he took me out to lunch. it was just like he used to be. making jokes. i think he may be honestly trying to quit... times like that aren't as few and far between as they used to be.
just thought i'd share...
i know that people can get clean. all three of my sisters used to be addicted to coke and they got clean. one was even addicted to meth and she got clean. they don't even want to use now.
a good friend of mine got clean the second she found out she was pregnant.
she said it was hard for about two weeks and now she dosen't think about it. (she now has a beautiful, and healthy, baby girl)!!
i didn't have to totally withdraw from any of their lives.
also: i saw my fiance yesterday. he was sober. and in a good mood. we went shopping together and he took me out to lunch. it was just like he used to be. making jokes. i think he may be honestly trying to quit... times like that aren't as few and far between as they used to be.
just thought i'd share...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
I know that you are tired of hearing that being away from him may allow him to make the choice to become clean. You are not the reason he is using/addicted, but what we are talking about is the "Having cake and eating it too" syndrome. Sometimes it takes every single loved one of an addict to say "I love you, but I will not have contact with you while you indulge in this behaviour" so they make the choice to get clean. If you are a non-user, staying with someone in active addiction is basically condoning their behaviour. It will be beneficial to you to learn all the defense and manipulative mechanisms addicts use to "have their cake and eat it too". People on this board other than myself have experienced a lot more than I have and will help you identify this behaviour.
Good luck in your choices.
Good luck in your choices.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
The good news is that his sobriety DOESN'T depend on you leaving him.
The bad news is that his sobriety probably doesn't have anything to do with you at all — except that by supporting him, you are letting him know that his life will be okay whether he takes drugs or not.
You don;t have to withdraw form his life, but you can set boundaries. No, I will not be with you while you are using. No, you cannot borrow money. No, you may not drive my car when you are high. No, I will not be here to mop your brow when you are dope sick.
Yes, I will love you, but no, i will not allow your drug use to hijack my life.
That sort of thing.
((((hugs))))
The bad news is that his sobriety probably doesn't have anything to do with you at all — except that by supporting him, you are letting him know that his life will be okay whether he takes drugs or not.
You don;t have to withdraw form his life, but you can set boundaries. No, I will not be with you while you are using. No, you cannot borrow money. No, you may not drive my car when you are high. No, I will not be here to mop your brow when you are dope sick.
Yes, I will love you, but no, i will not allow your drug use to hijack my life.
That sort of thing.
((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Cass - You are the only one talking about your ABF's sobriety we are not. The reason is all of us here know that addicts rarely quit and when they do its because they have lost everything and it hurts more to use than it hurts for them to quit. The people here at SR, who are trying to help YOU in case ABF does not quit for another 5 years or more, are talking bout helping you and only that. I cannot tell you how to make you abf stop doing cocain. I could not make my xagf stop doing crack and meth so how can I help your addict quit? No one here has any answers on how to save your addict cause we could not save our own BUT we have learned TONS of ways to SAVE OURSELVES. That is what we are trying to share with you. There is no magic wand with addiction and no gurantees if someone does quit, that does not mean that they wont start again and be twice as bad. As far as your three sisters and your freinds who all just quit doing drugs with no problems tells me 1.) they were not truely addicts just borderline if that 2.) very strong, motivated women 3.) they truely never quit and or 4.) Just very dang lucky. The amazing thing is 100% of 4 people just dropped drugs with little or no discomfort, that is not the nature of true addiction.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
"""i don't know how much longer i can hold out, i'm trying to be strong enough for the both of us. i'm trying to hold him accountable for his actions. i'm trying to make him understand what he's doing to himself and his life.
he has really low self esteem and he feels like a looser most of the time. i try to do everything to show him that he's not. i try to show him that i need him and i need him to be himself... thinking clearly!
i don't know what else to do! """
Cass, these are your words a few days ago.
You need to do a few things before you decide to have children with this man.
First, you must get yourself very educated on addiction.
Secondly, you must get yourself very educated on codependancy.
You have choices in your life. You can continue this relationship with an addict and forever struggle to have the life that you deserve. You can chose to battle for years to get "him to see the difference between right and wrong" and lose lose all of your worth, self-esteem, money, strength, power, love, and sanity in the process.
Or, you can take a few moments, few day's, and sit down with yourself and study the horrible works that addiction can do to a family. Once you have become aware of all of the affects drugs can do on a relationship, children, finances, you should ask yourself: Am I doing the right thing?
This is not something we are taking lightly. Drugs can ruin your entire being. It is a fact, in fact, that we are bringing to your attention. There is no one here that is picking on you, and no one is saying you are causing him to use.
Like I said, "get yourself very educated on addiction and co-dependancy"
he has really low self esteem and he feels like a looser most of the time. i try to do everything to show him that he's not. i try to show him that i need him and i need him to be himself... thinking clearly!
i don't know what else to do! """
Cass, these are your words a few days ago.
You need to do a few things before you decide to have children with this man.
First, you must get yourself very educated on addiction.
Secondly, you must get yourself very educated on codependancy.
You have choices in your life. You can continue this relationship with an addict and forever struggle to have the life that you deserve. You can chose to battle for years to get "him to see the difference between right and wrong" and lose lose all of your worth, self-esteem, money, strength, power, love, and sanity in the process.
Or, you can take a few moments, few day's, and sit down with yourself and study the horrible works that addiction can do to a family. Once you have become aware of all of the affects drugs can do on a relationship, children, finances, you should ask yourself: Am I doing the right thing?
This is not something we are taking lightly. Drugs can ruin your entire being. It is a fact, in fact, that we are bringing to your attention. There is no one here that is picking on you, and no one is saying you are causing him to use.
Like I said, "get yourself very educated on addiction and co-dependancy"
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
HIS sobriety does not depend on you, period. Enabling him with a place to stay, or money, or car or any of those things CAN give him the news that his using is OK.. and prevent him from seeking sobriety sooner (if he EVER chooses to seek sobriety).
Your sobriety.. your Drug of Choice is your relationship with him and it can even BE him, may depend on you staying away from him for awhile.
The thing with sobriety, be it the addict or the loved ones around the addict, is that it takes the focus and obssession and replaces it with other behaviors. Often, if you keep the drug or the person close to you that interferes with changing the focus.
The way to start is boundaries. You set one. You don't live together. I do not know if you have set any others like, "When you are using I will have nothing to do with you at all" or any of the other boundaries mentioned above "No. I wil not loan you a 20 spot" or "No. I won't ggive you $$ for gas so you can get to work" or "o. I won't go out with you to So and so's house" because you know So and So is another addict or "No We cannot have sex until you have been testd for STD's" (it is common for addicts to cheat).
Only you can set the boundaries that work for you.. and they have to be boundaries you can stick to.
Your sobriety.. your Drug of Choice is your relationship with him and it can even BE him, may depend on you staying away from him for awhile.
The thing with sobriety, be it the addict or the loved ones around the addict, is that it takes the focus and obssession and replaces it with other behaviors. Often, if you keep the drug or the person close to you that interferes with changing the focus.
The way to start is boundaries. You set one. You don't live together. I do not know if you have set any others like, "When you are using I will have nothing to do with you at all" or any of the other boundaries mentioned above "No. I wil not loan you a 20 spot" or "No. I won't ggive you $$ for gas so you can get to work" or "o. I won't go out with you to So and so's house" because you know So and So is another addict or "No We cannot have sex until you have been testd for STD's" (it is common for addicts to cheat).
Only you can set the boundaries that work for you.. and they have to be boundaries you can stick to.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey cass, you have choices. i'm not saying stay. i'm not saying go. just make choices you are able to live with. you deserve peace and happiness.
it's great that you are posting here. why not try some face to face alanon meetings. and if you have insurance to cover it - speak with a private counselor, one specializing with addiction if possible. do these things for you, not him.
you see, regardless of where you are tomorrow and whether or not your life will be part of his life and visa versa - you are affected by addiction TODAY. and getting all the help and support you can get - it's the best thing you can do for yourself.
blessings, and i hope this helps a bit - k
it's great that you are posting here. why not try some face to face alanon meetings. and if you have insurance to cover it - speak with a private counselor, one specializing with addiction if possible. do these things for you, not him.
you see, regardless of where you are tomorrow and whether or not your life will be part of his life and visa versa - you are affected by addiction TODAY. and getting all the help and support you can get - it's the best thing you can do for yourself.
blessings, and i hope this helps a bit - k
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by cassmeister
i didn't have to totally withdraw from any of their lives.
You probably weren't as emotionally involved with them as you are with your b/f . You probably did not have the same level of intimacy with your sisters and friend that you have with your b/f.
I certainly don't think you caused your b/f's addiction nor do I think you can cure it or control it. I get the feeling he is using you to hide his problem and fix his stuff for him...the way you feel so sorry for him to me indicates he is manipulating you.
I believe I read that you used to live with him. On your own you decided to move out right?. Now you are talking about moving to another state away from your family and friends to be with him. This move seems like it could be a set up to drag you deeper into his chaos of using. I am hoping you will remember why you moved away from him in the first place and how you might feel if you were living in this other city and he went out on a binge and came back for you to nurse him back to health...
What do your sisters and friend who got clean think about this move? I would think you could trust their views.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: shiloh, ga
Posts: 17
no, we don't live together... i barely see him anymore.
he comes to visit me once, maybe twice a week. I don't go and visit him. when he's here, we argue about his health. we go on a date every other week. he's usually in a crappy mood. he does not call me. i call him.
he occasionally messages me on myspace.
it's not a relationship anymore.
i never loan him money. i pay our car insurance. before you all rip that apart, i only pay it because he can't swing that and all his bills and he's making my truck payment so it's only fair.
even if he gets clean and we get married and go about our lives children are still not an option for us... i can't have them. all i have to worry about is me an him.
god. it hurts so much...
i just miss him! plain and simple
before you all ask... no i don't want to live with it for the rest of my life... but that won't change the fact that i love him with every fiber of my being and there is no way in hell that i'm just going to turn my back on him...
he comes to visit me once, maybe twice a week. I don't go and visit him. when he's here, we argue about his health. we go on a date every other week. he's usually in a crappy mood. he does not call me. i call him.
he occasionally messages me on myspace.
it's not a relationship anymore.
i never loan him money. i pay our car insurance. before you all rip that apart, i only pay it because he can't swing that and all his bills and he's making my truck payment so it's only fair.
even if he gets clean and we get married and go about our lives children are still not an option for us... i can't have them. all i have to worry about is me an him.
god. it hurts so much...
i just miss him! plain and simple
before you all ask... no i don't want to live with it for the rest of my life... but that won't change the fact that i love him with every fiber of my being and there is no way in hell that i'm just going to turn my back on him...
Last edited by cassmeister; 08-10-2007 at 03:35 PM. Reason: corrected typos
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Then strap that belt on tight, you are in for one h*ll of a rollercoaster ride.
Your last post says alot about you. Your not living with him, but, you are thinking of moving to Boston with him. He doesn't call you, you call him.
Your chasing the white dragon, be careful, you might just catch him.
You said it all: It's not a relationship anymore.
Your last post says alot about you. Your not living with him, but, you are thinking of moving to Boston with him. He doesn't call you, you call him.
Your chasing the white dragon, be careful, you might just catch him.
You said it all: It's not a relationship anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
I would think the insurance would be cheaper than a car payment so sounds like a good deal for you. All we can do is live our life and learn. You are the only one who has to live with your choices. I hope that you both live a happy life together, now its up to abf to see to it that it happens by not getting drugged up anymore. Good luck to you Cass, take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: shiloh, ga
Posts: 17
fine... i'm a codependent looser.
what else is new?
maybe it does say alot about me. maybe i do feel like i'm at the end of my rope and there's nobody else out there for me... but that does not change the fact that i love him. i don't want anybody else anyway.
you want me to talk about myself?
you want to know cassie... this is cassie
i'm 22 years old and i live with my parents... looser
i'm 22 years old and i can't support myself... looser
i'm hyper-emotional about stupid things....... looser
i can't let go of the past and just move on... looser
i take EVERYTHING personally!
i have really low self esteem but nobody knows it because i'm a really good actress and i manage to hide it from my family and friends.
i have chronic depression.
i cry myself to sleep.
my fiance has broken up with me three times and i always take him back because i can't picture my life without him.
i can never have children because i have premature menopause. it hurts like hell and i feel like i'm not really a woman. i feel like i'm only half a woman and i have no purpose in life.
i secretly want to save the world and it hurts me to i know that i can't which is why i want to save this one person that i care so much about... but i know that there's no way for me to do that. i don't care... i'm going to keep trying because i just want to feel like my life has a purpose.
which i guess makes me selfish too!
my drug addicted fiance thinks that i have issues! which i do.. but, wow!
i hate my life. i hate my job. i hate my relationship. and i hate my fiance for using.
i'm a living, breathing, walking, talking contradiction... but i can't change the way i feel.
after reading that, i'm sure you all think i need therapy, which i do. and i'm getting it. i think after talking to me, my therapist needs therapy.
i just want to have some shred of something normal or consistant in my life and i'm not getting it anywhere.
what else is new?
maybe it does say alot about me. maybe i do feel like i'm at the end of my rope and there's nobody else out there for me... but that does not change the fact that i love him. i don't want anybody else anyway.
you want me to talk about myself?
you want to know cassie... this is cassie
i'm 22 years old and i live with my parents... looser
i'm 22 years old and i can't support myself... looser
i'm hyper-emotional about stupid things....... looser
i can't let go of the past and just move on... looser
i take EVERYTHING personally!
i have really low self esteem but nobody knows it because i'm a really good actress and i manage to hide it from my family and friends.
i have chronic depression.
i cry myself to sleep.
my fiance has broken up with me three times and i always take him back because i can't picture my life without him.
i can never have children because i have premature menopause. it hurts like hell and i feel like i'm not really a woman. i feel like i'm only half a woman and i have no purpose in life.
i secretly want to save the world and it hurts me to i know that i can't which is why i want to save this one person that i care so much about... but i know that there's no way for me to do that. i don't care... i'm going to keep trying because i just want to feel like my life has a purpose.
which i guess makes me selfish too!
my drug addicted fiance thinks that i have issues! which i do.. but, wow!
i hate my life. i hate my job. i hate my relationship. and i hate my fiance for using.
i'm a living, breathing, walking, talking contradiction... but i can't change the way i feel.
after reading that, i'm sure you all think i need therapy, which i do. and i'm getting it. i think after talking to me, my therapist needs therapy.
i just want to have some shred of something normal or consistant in my life and i'm not getting it anywhere.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
"i think after talking to me, my therapist needs therapy."
Hey girl you got a sense of humor!!!
You are not a loser!
Everybody has their issues.
You can always adopt if you really want kids! Not being able to bear children is no measure of womanhood! I don't have kids, even though I like children. I have problems with my uterus.
You can find a new job and/or go to school.
You are so young...I am trying to get myself back together and i am in my forties...
I feel like a loser sometimes but i know that if I am doing what I can about my life, then i am not a loser after all.
Nobody is perfect. Even those who appear to be so...
You can overcome these things that bother you.
Hey girl you got a sense of humor!!!
You are not a loser!
Everybody has their issues.
You can always adopt if you really want kids! Not being able to bear children is no measure of womanhood! I don't have kids, even though I like children. I have problems with my uterus.
You can find a new job and/or go to school.
You are so young...I am trying to get myself back together and i am in my forties...
I feel like a loser sometimes but i know that if I am doing what I can about my life, then i am not a loser after all.
Nobody is perfect. Even those who appear to be so...
You can overcome these things that bother you.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Good to meet you, I am glad that you posted something about you.
You are not a loser, you are young, and struggling with your idenity. You are lashing out and just plain angery at the world.
Sounds like you are too young to be old, and too old to be young, it is a transiition process that we all go through. You can change the way you feel, however, it is up to you to start the journey of becoming a mature adult.
You may feel that you are fooling everyone, but, you are not.
The only constant any of us have in our life, is ourselves. Nothing else remains constant, it is ever changing, the middle keeps moving. Maturity teaches us to deal with the ever changing dicodomy of the world, it gives us the ability to reason out the changes, the wisdom to continue the growth process.
You are not a loser, you are young, and struggling with your idenity. You are lashing out and just plain angery at the world.
Sounds like you are too young to be old, and too old to be young, it is a transiition process that we all go through. You can change the way you feel, however, it is up to you to start the journey of becoming a mature adult.
You may feel that you are fooling everyone, but, you are not.
The only constant any of us have in our life, is ourselves. Nothing else remains constant, it is ever changing, the middle keeps moving. Maturity teaches us to deal with the ever changing dicodomy of the world, it gives us the ability to reason out the changes, the wisdom to continue the growth process.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am not sure how old you are but you sound young. Don't waste your beautiful youth.
I am sure you are a beautiful person and I am also sure you deserve better than what you are getting. I hope soon you realize it too.
I am sure you are a beautiful person and I am also sure you deserve better than what you are getting. I hope soon you realize it too.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
You are NOT a loser. You got a self image problem. Most of us Codies do or did and did but sometimes still do (say that 5 times real fast!).
BTW Codies are NOT losers... we just have hang ups with the people in our lives. Often codies are also passionate and kind. Often codies are smart and capable of dealing with a lot all at once (can you say Multi-task?). We often love deeply and w/o condition which can either make our lives miserable or wonderful.
You know.. I would suggest as an adjunct to therapy you take a look at Nar Anon meetings or CoDA meetings. I also recommend you get Melody Beatties book, "Co Dependent No More."
The first time I read one of her books.. I saw so much of me in it I felt ill. Physically ill. Then I went back and read it again and said, "Hey! Wait a MINUTE woman.. YOu can do better!" so I have.
You are not 1/2 a woman. I never had children. Having children does not define a woman. We are capable and smart with abilities and fire all out own... and that is what defines us as women. We are beautiful creatures who can do anything we decide to and that is what defines us as women.
Fact is, behind nearly every successful man is a woman with the brains and ability to teach him how!
So, Cass, you can sit on the pity pot or you can take life by the horns and LIVE, ABF or No ABF, choices or no choices.
I don't see you sitting on that pity pot for long (God knows I sat on it and someone here told me I had a choice of staying on it or getting off.. and it took me 3 years later but I GOT OFF IT.. hate to see you waste three years like I did.. cuz those years are precious time!).
You came here.. you were disappointed in us.. maybe you still ARE.. but you came BACK and it sounds like you WANT to live a happy and full life.
So, Cass, What are you doing anyway? Are you in school? That is a great way to go and I recommend it! Or are you graduated from college and standing at a cross roads? The world is full of opportunity.. and it is waiting for you to grab it!
If you could do or be anything in this world, what would it be? (I wanted to be a rancher.. I WAS a dairy farmer and someday I WILL be a Rancher!)
There are a LOT of people who are 22 who can't support themselves and who live at home. If you don't want to do that, what is your plan... your own plan w/o anyone else.. to change it?
I see a lot of potential in you girl.. now take some of the potential and turn it into Kenesis!
BTW Codies are NOT losers... we just have hang ups with the people in our lives. Often codies are also passionate and kind. Often codies are smart and capable of dealing with a lot all at once (can you say Multi-task?). We often love deeply and w/o condition which can either make our lives miserable or wonderful.
You know.. I would suggest as an adjunct to therapy you take a look at Nar Anon meetings or CoDA meetings. I also recommend you get Melody Beatties book, "Co Dependent No More."
The first time I read one of her books.. I saw so much of me in it I felt ill. Physically ill. Then I went back and read it again and said, "Hey! Wait a MINUTE woman.. YOu can do better!" so I have.
You are not 1/2 a woman. I never had children. Having children does not define a woman. We are capable and smart with abilities and fire all out own... and that is what defines us as women. We are beautiful creatures who can do anything we decide to and that is what defines us as women.
Fact is, behind nearly every successful man is a woman with the brains and ability to teach him how!
So, Cass, you can sit on the pity pot or you can take life by the horns and LIVE, ABF or No ABF, choices or no choices.
I don't see you sitting on that pity pot for long (God knows I sat on it and someone here told me I had a choice of staying on it or getting off.. and it took me 3 years later but I GOT OFF IT.. hate to see you waste three years like I did.. cuz those years are precious time!).
You came here.. you were disappointed in us.. maybe you still ARE.. but you came BACK and it sounds like you WANT to live a happy and full life.
So, Cass, What are you doing anyway? Are you in school? That is a great way to go and I recommend it! Or are you graduated from college and standing at a cross roads? The world is full of opportunity.. and it is waiting for you to grab it!
If you could do or be anything in this world, what would it be? (I wanted to be a rancher.. I WAS a dairy farmer and someday I WILL be a Rancher!)
There are a LOT of people who are 22 who can't support themselves and who live at home. If you don't want to do that, what is your plan... your own plan w/o anyone else.. to change it?
I see a lot of potential in you girl.. now take some of the potential and turn it into Kenesis!
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