my fiance is addicted to coke!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: shiloh, ga
Posts: 17
i failed at college. i made straight As in high school, but i couldn't hack college. i failed miserably... that's probably where the low self esteem issue started.
i have a full time job as a customer service rep for a popular home warranty company. my job has made me dislike myself as a person. i feel like scum... but they pay me better than any other job around, so i go... even though i hate it!
as for what i want to do with my life... i don't know.
being able to wake up in the morning and like myself would be a start!
i have a full time job as a customer service rep for a popular home warranty company. my job has made me dislike myself as a person. i feel like scum... but they pay me better than any other job around, so i go... even though i hate it!
as for what i want to do with my life... i don't know.
being able to wake up in the morning and like myself would be a start!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I give you permission to not only like yourself but to also be thrilled at the person you are. Get that one down then we will save the world!
You are very important. Just look at how many people are concerned about you that you don't even know. We know you are important. You are young no way are you a looser you ain't even out of the gate yet.
Be gentle with yourself...
You are very important. Just look at how many people are concerned about you that you don't even know. We know you are important. You are young no way are you a looser you ain't even out of the gate yet.
Be gentle with yourself...
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Think about what kind of things have always interested you. Is there something that you have always made time for and enjoyed doing or researching? Since you were a kid?
there is a pretty good book called "what color is your parachute?" that helps people decide what they are interested in. You can get it at any used book store.
Maybe you could try out something part time...volunteer somewhere that interests you. you said you secretly want to save the world....doing some volunteer work is a step in that direction.
Also when you are helping others it can help you to feel more valuable and worth while yourself. It can also help to get outside of yourself a little. you also may learn a new skill in the process, or maybe even get a new job.
Maybe you could take a college class again, try taking just one at night. That is how i started out.
And Elana's suggestion to read Melody Beatties book, "Co Dependent No More" is a good one, that book changed my life!
there is a pretty good book called "what color is your parachute?" that helps people decide what they are interested in. You can get it at any used book store.
Maybe you could try out something part time...volunteer somewhere that interests you. you said you secretly want to save the world....doing some volunteer work is a step in that direction.
Also when you are helping others it can help you to feel more valuable and worth while yourself. It can also help to get outside of yourself a little. you also may learn a new skill in the process, or maybe even get a new job.
Maybe you could take a college class again, try taking just one at night. That is how i started out.
And Elana's suggestion to read Melody Beatties book, "Co Dependent No More" is a good one, that book changed my life!
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Aaaahhh Girl.. You are at Step One.. That is the step whereyou recognize your powerless ness... and you are seeing it at age 22. My oh my you have the jump on ME.
Now you don't have to go to College Full time. Nope. I have about 3/4trs of a degree in Civil Engineering and I did all of that in the last 7 years. I have a 4 yr. degree from years ago but I did a LOT better going part time.
Part time school allows you to focus on one thing at a time and it gives you a shot at looking at different things.
You want to save the world? Well, you do it a little at a time... you choose a piece and work on that.
Have you thought of volunteering at a women's shelter? A children's ward at the hospital? As a Big Sister? Literacy? Dog walker at the animal shelter? It isn't the world, but it is a start! You can do this AFTER work. Volunteering might open a door for you in a better place.. a better job and a better life. I can tell you that it is very satisfying to do.
Now stop. Take a DEEP breath. Do you have to work tomorrow? It is Saturday? Maybe NOT have to work tomorrow?? If you are not working tomorrow, I suggest you get up in the morning and do something with yourself just for you. Take YOU out on a "Date." I have a friend in AlAnon who does this!
Maybe you can take yourself to a movie or maybe to the library or to a dinner at a local church. Maybe you can go to a museum or to a park. Take YOURSELF OUT! Have a Hot Fudge Sundae or an Ice Cream cone.. Sit at a table and watch the world go by and BREATHE..
Cuz YOU, Miss Cassmeister are WORTH TAKING OUT! YOU are worth Spending time with!
And SMILE. If you give people smiles you usually get one BACK.. and it is a GIFT. Didn't cost you a dime either.
Now you don't have to go to College Full time. Nope. I have about 3/4trs of a degree in Civil Engineering and I did all of that in the last 7 years. I have a 4 yr. degree from years ago but I did a LOT better going part time.
Part time school allows you to focus on one thing at a time and it gives you a shot at looking at different things.
You want to save the world? Well, you do it a little at a time... you choose a piece and work on that.
Have you thought of volunteering at a women's shelter? A children's ward at the hospital? As a Big Sister? Literacy? Dog walker at the animal shelter? It isn't the world, but it is a start! You can do this AFTER work. Volunteering might open a door for you in a better place.. a better job and a better life. I can tell you that it is very satisfying to do.
Now stop. Take a DEEP breath. Do you have to work tomorrow? It is Saturday? Maybe NOT have to work tomorrow?? If you are not working tomorrow, I suggest you get up in the morning and do something with yourself just for you. Take YOU out on a "Date." I have a friend in AlAnon who does this!
Maybe you can take yourself to a movie or maybe to the library or to a dinner at a local church. Maybe you can go to a museum or to a park. Take YOURSELF OUT! Have a Hot Fudge Sundae or an Ice Cream cone.. Sit at a table and watch the world go by and BREATHE..
Cuz YOU, Miss Cassmeister are WORTH TAKING OUT! YOU are worth Spending time with!
And SMILE. If you give people smiles you usually get one BACK.. and it is a GIFT. Didn't cost you a dime either.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 57
Lemme see...
When I was 22, I dropped out of community college, lived with a prostitute and a pothead, drank myself sick every night, had no relationships at all, worked dumber-than-bricks minimum wage jobs...and I would have gotten the "L" for loser tattooed on my forehead, but I couldn't afford a tattoo. Oh yeah, and the one therapist I tried to see refused to work with me! When I did land a relationship, I stayed for one year with a woman who treated me like trash because that's what I thought I deserved.
Now I'm 37, love my job as a college teacher, am happily married, and even survived my own drinking and my wife's addiction. I also have two wonderful, beautiful siblings because my dad and his second wife (who couldn't have kids) adopted.
And I'm a stronger person for the memories of what a "loser" I thought I was when I was younger. I don't go around singing happy songs all the time, but I remember where I was and I can even laugh at the memory of my own angry, judgmental voice.
Of course, if someone had laid some inspirational tale like that on me when I was 22, I would have completely ignored it and gone back to my misery...misery loves solitude. So it may not be worth anything to you, but many people have found comfort in the saying "this too shall pass."
When I was 22, I dropped out of community college, lived with a prostitute and a pothead, drank myself sick every night, had no relationships at all, worked dumber-than-bricks minimum wage jobs...and I would have gotten the "L" for loser tattooed on my forehead, but I couldn't afford a tattoo. Oh yeah, and the one therapist I tried to see refused to work with me! When I did land a relationship, I stayed for one year with a woman who treated me like trash because that's what I thought I deserved.
Now I'm 37, love my job as a college teacher, am happily married, and even survived my own drinking and my wife's addiction. I also have two wonderful, beautiful siblings because my dad and his second wife (who couldn't have kids) adopted.
And I'm a stronger person for the memories of what a "loser" I thought I was when I was younger. I don't go around singing happy songs all the time, but I remember where I was and I can even laugh at the memory of my own angry, judgmental voice.
Of course, if someone had laid some inspirational tale like that on me when I was 22, I would have completely ignored it and gone back to my misery...misery loves solitude. So it may not be worth anything to you, but many people have found comfort in the saying "this too shall pass."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
cass, get a piece of paper & write out the serinity prayer if u do no know it.
GOD, grant me the serinity to accept the things i can not change,
courage to change the things i can & the wisdom to know the difference.
say this over & over, learn it. also write on that paper all of your blessings.you are worth so much. you are not a loser,not a failure. i do not know you & i see so much good in you. you are a giver & that tells alot about you. you care about people. to fail is to fall & not get up. you are going to be ok.just stay with us & keep posting. i remember when i first came here i was in tears because of my son. i expected the people here to be crying like me ,little did i know what peace they had found even tho there addicts were doing the same things as mine. things can get better for you just as they did for me. stay with us.we care. i am praying for you & for your b.f.
GOD, grant me the serinity to accept the things i can not change,
courage to change the things i can & the wisdom to know the difference.
say this over & over, learn it. also write on that paper all of your blessings.you are worth so much. you are not a loser,not a failure. i do not know you & i see so much good in you. you are a giver & that tells alot about you. you care about people. to fail is to fall & not get up. you are going to be ok.just stay with us & keep posting. i remember when i first came here i was in tears because of my son. i expected the people here to be crying like me ,little did i know what peace they had found even tho there addicts were doing the same things as mine. things can get better for you just as they did for me. stay with us.we care. i am praying for you & for your b.f.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
I posted early to you-see how much support you have received. A great caring lot of people to try to help-they have all been there and done that. I am still a newbie here and I think this is the best place to be. All understand our pain and what seems like stupid questions. Hang with this site-a slow learning process.
You are so young-how would you feel if you were 62 and trying to get the pieces back? Take one day at a time. It will get better-only if you want it to be better.
Sounds like you are on a loser kick-pitty potty. I did that too, still do it but not as often. Life will go on-make the best of it you can. You have had so many people who care for you-LISTEN TO THEM-think and rethink what they have said.
YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!!!!!! lol
You are so young-how would you feel if you were 62 and trying to get the pieces back? Take one day at a time. It will get better-only if you want it to be better.
Sounds like you are on a loser kick-pitty potty. I did that too, still do it but not as often. Life will go on-make the best of it you can. You have had so many people who care for you-LISTEN TO THEM-think and rethink what they have said.
YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!!!!!! lol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Cass...Your not any of those things your doing just fine. At 22 when I was not raising hell I was working full time at desperate to figure out where I fit in. It was not until I was sitting around some time later that I realised what I was going to be when I grew up. I was 25 and grown up, working, paying bills, playing hard ect. I was about 25 before I got what my life was about and learned to enjoy it. You need not worry about anything it will work itself out. Keep your head up, there will be soo much more for you in your future you just have to be patient enough to wait for it to get here. Don't be riding the addiction wagon with abf when your ship comes in with the man of your dreams. Oh and a secret for you...most people are screwed up in one way of the other. Some people are REALLY screwed up and I am amazed they can even function. You are doing just fine believe it or not you are doing great. YOu are not suppose to be kicking butts at 22, you have to work up to that in time. You will find your nitch in life but I vote you try to not look so hard and have more fun and less serious stuff. Its ok to goof off and have fun...life is not that serious. There are no losers or winners only how we play the game...the end result is the same for us all. Please keep coming back you have a lot you can learn here about yourself and we always have room for one more.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Cassie,
Man I know how you feel. I didn't even go to high school! I suffered from severe anxiety issues as a teenager, so I ended up getting a GED instead. So I know what it's like to feel like a failure for not following the "normal" way of doing things...
But you know what? Ultimately, I moved on with my life. I now teach high school, ironically enough, and love just about every minute of it
Not that I'm trying to push school on ya or anything like that... my point is that somewhere down the line you'll find your career and your dream man and everything else will work out too. Just don't give up on yourself!
Man I know how you feel. I didn't even go to high school! I suffered from severe anxiety issues as a teenager, so I ended up getting a GED instead. So I know what it's like to feel like a failure for not following the "normal" way of doing things...
But you know what? Ultimately, I moved on with my life. I now teach high school, ironically enough, and love just about every minute of it
Not that I'm trying to push school on ya or anything like that... my point is that somewhere down the line you'll find your career and your dream man and everything else will work out too. Just don't give up on yourself!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hinesville, GA
Posts: 38
please listen
Please don't feel that everyone is attacking you. I know some of our words seem harsh, but believe me when I tell you, we are ALL only speaking from experience. The truth about addiction is painful. I was EXACTLY where you are....EXACTLY!! Same drug and everything. My b/f went to rehab a year and 1/2 ago and is staying clean; but it has NOT been an easy journey. All we are trying to say to you is first and foremost, take care of yourself. Seek some counseling because you cannot do this on your own. It's ok to love him and be supportive of him, but please, set boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise you will wind up feeling very used and taken advantedge of.....and possibly alone. An active user will tell you absolutely anything to get what he wants/needs (even if what he wants from you is sympathy). Remember that he is sick right now. You must take care of yourself and protect yourself....that is all that we are trying to say! Hugs and prayers to you!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Cassie -
When I am in pain it is sometimes easier to focus on someone who is even in a worse place than myself. I am learning that until I am "good" with myself that I really am better off focusing on my growth/happiness so that I then can be the partner that healthy relationships need.
Not one thing that I've read about you screams out "loser". Hey - you are 22 years old and learning to find your way. I am 50 now and I took the hard way. At least you have the gumption to get on the internet and seek out help. It's hard to hear what people have written but it's also a great opportunity to let people love you while you learn to love yourself. I'm glad that you see a counselor because it helps to have an objective person to help you. I just go ahead and let all of my truths spill out in sessions because that is the only way that I can get help. I've seen where pretending to be strong has gotten me.
There is something in your posts that has really caught my eye. Originally, you posted "no one i know has ever had to deal with an addiction before". Then later your wrote "all three of my sisters used to be addicted to coke and they got clean. One was even addicted to meth and she got clean". Alanon/Naranon are wonderful groups to help with emotional sobriety...especially for people that have been in relationships with people (any people) that have used substances. We all get sick from it - not just them. The addicts/alcoholics in my life might get high on drugs/substances but I get drunk and high on emotions (the bad ones especially). These groups are FREE to attend and have a solution. As they say, it works if you work it. A willingness to show up and do the deal is all that it takes. It's worth any of the meetings/actions because it is the smoothest path to emotional health and happiness that I have ever found.
Sweet girlfriend.....I'm the last to tell you not to care. In fact, I say care alot. But try and remember the only thing or person that you can ever change is yourself. Addicts will use until it is harder to use than it is to stay sober. They are great at getting people to show up for them. Usually, it's people that have a difficult time showing up for themselves.
It sounds like there are a lot of breaks in your times together if you go on a date every other week and he stops by once or twice a week. It would be great to take that time and find some face to face meetings....try several until you find one that you like. These rooms are filled with people - especially women - that have felt just like you feel. The reason that we reach out to you is because we know that there is hope for the way that you are feeling. There is a solution. However, it is one that is based on action and doing the next right thing. Read all the suggested readings and try a meeting. We'll all be waiting here - wanting to know all about it and how you are. It takes a lot of strength to keep posting like you have and to let us get to know you. That's how I know that you have it in you to follow the light along this path...the one that leads to you and your health and happiness.
Hugs and prayers - Donna
When I am in pain it is sometimes easier to focus on someone who is even in a worse place than myself. I am learning that until I am "good" with myself that I really am better off focusing on my growth/happiness so that I then can be the partner that healthy relationships need.
Not one thing that I've read about you screams out "loser". Hey - you are 22 years old and learning to find your way. I am 50 now and I took the hard way. At least you have the gumption to get on the internet and seek out help. It's hard to hear what people have written but it's also a great opportunity to let people love you while you learn to love yourself. I'm glad that you see a counselor because it helps to have an objective person to help you. I just go ahead and let all of my truths spill out in sessions because that is the only way that I can get help. I've seen where pretending to be strong has gotten me.
There is something in your posts that has really caught my eye. Originally, you posted "no one i know has ever had to deal with an addiction before". Then later your wrote "all three of my sisters used to be addicted to coke and they got clean. One was even addicted to meth and she got clean". Alanon/Naranon are wonderful groups to help with emotional sobriety...especially for people that have been in relationships with people (any people) that have used substances. We all get sick from it - not just them. The addicts/alcoholics in my life might get high on drugs/substances but I get drunk and high on emotions (the bad ones especially). These groups are FREE to attend and have a solution. As they say, it works if you work it. A willingness to show up and do the deal is all that it takes. It's worth any of the meetings/actions because it is the smoothest path to emotional health and happiness that I have ever found.
Sweet girlfriend.....I'm the last to tell you not to care. In fact, I say care alot. But try and remember the only thing or person that you can ever change is yourself. Addicts will use until it is harder to use than it is to stay sober. They are great at getting people to show up for them. Usually, it's people that have a difficult time showing up for themselves.
It sounds like there are a lot of breaks in your times together if you go on a date every other week and he stops by once or twice a week. It would be great to take that time and find some face to face meetings....try several until you find one that you like. These rooms are filled with people - especially women - that have felt just like you feel. The reason that we reach out to you is because we know that there is hope for the way that you are feeling. There is a solution. However, it is one that is based on action and doing the next right thing. Read all the suggested readings and try a meeting. We'll all be waiting here - wanting to know all about it and how you are. It takes a lot of strength to keep posting like you have and to let us get to know you. That's how I know that you have it in you to follow the light along this path...the one that leads to you and your health and happiness.
Hugs and prayers - Donna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: shiloh, ga
Posts: 17
when i said no one i know, i was referring to my friends and my parents. i don't tend to turn to my sisters for things. particularly emotional support! they hold things against me and if they new my fiance was addicted to coke they'd throw it in my face all the time. i've been hiding it from them. i don't want my sisters to know because they are not nice people. they don't care about anything but themselves...
i love them with all my heart... but i don't trust them with something like that!
i love them with all my heart... but i don't trust them with something like that!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Cassie -
I wasn't suggesting that you turn to your sisters...only that having other people with addictions in your life meant that Alanon/Naranon might be of help to you as you deal with your pain.
When you said "anyone in your life" it didn't occur to me that that excluded your sisters. Sorry to step on your toes.
I wasn't suggesting that you turn to your sisters...only that having other people with addictions in your life meant that Alanon/Naranon might be of help to you as you deal with your pain.
When you said "anyone in your life" it didn't occur to me that that excluded your sisters. Sorry to step on your toes.
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