Support him or divorce him?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3
Support him or divorce him?
I am new here. I am needing help. Here is my story:
I met my husband three years ago. When I met him, he smoked weed most of the time. He did other drugs, coke, x, and shrooms very occasionally. I tried things with him and hated it. I don't have an addictive personality and hate not feeling in control. He always pressured me into doing things with him and I got to the point that I said no. This didn't stop him. He smoked weed every day. He also took adderal every day. His boss, who was a dr., prescribed it for him. He didn't have ADD.
One summer we broke up and I told him if we got back together I couldn't be around that crap anymore. I also would not be with him doing it anymore. He asked me back and after a month we got engaged. He never did stop taking the adderal though. He fought with me that it was legally prescribed for him. He wouldn't come home for days at a time. Then that fall, we broke up and he started doing drugs again. I loved him and wanted to be with him so I took him back. He also convinced me that this is the person I was with when we got together and trying to get him to stop drugs was changing him. So, stupid me, I said ok and let it go.
We got married the next year in 2006. At this point, he did anything under the sun. Adderal and weed were an every day thing. Other drugs were more on a weekend habit. A month after we married I found out he cheated on me right before we got married. He won't admitt anything happened to this day but I found her hair in the bed (I have black hair, she has blonde). He says they only talked.
Last Ocotber, he was so messed up he spent the night at two of my "friends" house. The next day I sat him down and said I was done. Me or the drugs. He chose me. He didn't do adderal anymore or weed. And no other drugs. ....Least I thought.
The beginning of this month (july 07), I was sick and tired of dealing with him. He treated me like crap and I had enough. So I left him. One day I got a phone call from his drunk boss telling me he was on drugs. I was shocked. I thought he had been clean since last October. He did this right under my nose. I confronted him about it and he admitted it. I assumed it was weed. Then last week he came to visit me because we were going to try and work things out.
He then told me that it wasn't weed. That ever since May of this year he was smoking speed. IT FINALLY ALL MADE SENSE. He never ate. He never wanted to be around me. When he slept, he would sleep ALL day. He had mood swings like no other. He lost weight. And there was $700 to $1,000 in ATM withdraws a month.
He says he only did it a few days and then stopped for a few days. I find this hard to believe. He also told me he used to do it before last October when I told him to quit. I had no idea. I also had no idea what it was till I researched meth and understood what it was all about.
He won't get help. He says he wasn't addicted because he quit using. He is begging me to stay with him. That he can't picture life without me. That he doesn't want that kind of life for himself. He has been off of it a little over a week. I know this becuase he works out of town and he has been with his family in town since. He has to go back to work though and I have warned him not to go back. He said he's fine. He has quit smoking cigarettes, drinking liquor, and swears he will never touch another drug. He says I can give him an allowance and question his every move. Also, I can give him a drug test any time I want.
On top of it all, we were trying to have a baby. I was told last year I had about a year left to have kids (I am 23 but have endometriosis and cysts). So he tried having a baby with me while he was on this stuff. He swears he wasn't...ya he might not have been on it the day we tried but he was before and after. This hurts me so much. I can't believe he would do this.
Can he really change? I'm afraid ill leave him, and he really meant it this time. He told his family, his boss and his friends. He says he had a problem and is going to fix it. But i'm scared that if I stay with him, i'll get more lies. And who wants to live with someone they can't trust. His best friends smoke weed and I just picture years from now him hanging out with them and just casually smoking. But then again, he told me he will never go hang out with them if i'm uncomfertable with it or I can go with. Apart of me just thinks I should run for the hills. I just can't decide what to do and need advice and help, PLEASE!
I met my husband three years ago. When I met him, he smoked weed most of the time. He did other drugs, coke, x, and shrooms very occasionally. I tried things with him and hated it. I don't have an addictive personality and hate not feeling in control. He always pressured me into doing things with him and I got to the point that I said no. This didn't stop him. He smoked weed every day. He also took adderal every day. His boss, who was a dr., prescribed it for him. He didn't have ADD.
One summer we broke up and I told him if we got back together I couldn't be around that crap anymore. I also would not be with him doing it anymore. He asked me back and after a month we got engaged. He never did stop taking the adderal though. He fought with me that it was legally prescribed for him. He wouldn't come home for days at a time. Then that fall, we broke up and he started doing drugs again. I loved him and wanted to be with him so I took him back. He also convinced me that this is the person I was with when we got together and trying to get him to stop drugs was changing him. So, stupid me, I said ok and let it go.
We got married the next year in 2006. At this point, he did anything under the sun. Adderal and weed were an every day thing. Other drugs were more on a weekend habit. A month after we married I found out he cheated on me right before we got married. He won't admitt anything happened to this day but I found her hair in the bed (I have black hair, she has blonde). He says they only talked.
Last Ocotber, he was so messed up he spent the night at two of my "friends" house. The next day I sat him down and said I was done. Me or the drugs. He chose me. He didn't do adderal anymore or weed. And no other drugs. ....Least I thought.
The beginning of this month (july 07), I was sick and tired of dealing with him. He treated me like crap and I had enough. So I left him. One day I got a phone call from his drunk boss telling me he was on drugs. I was shocked. I thought he had been clean since last October. He did this right under my nose. I confronted him about it and he admitted it. I assumed it was weed. Then last week he came to visit me because we were going to try and work things out.
He then told me that it wasn't weed. That ever since May of this year he was smoking speed. IT FINALLY ALL MADE SENSE. He never ate. He never wanted to be around me. When he slept, he would sleep ALL day. He had mood swings like no other. He lost weight. And there was $700 to $1,000 in ATM withdraws a month.
He says he only did it a few days and then stopped for a few days. I find this hard to believe. He also told me he used to do it before last October when I told him to quit. I had no idea. I also had no idea what it was till I researched meth and understood what it was all about.
He won't get help. He says he wasn't addicted because he quit using. He is begging me to stay with him. That he can't picture life without me. That he doesn't want that kind of life for himself. He has been off of it a little over a week. I know this becuase he works out of town and he has been with his family in town since. He has to go back to work though and I have warned him not to go back. He said he's fine. He has quit smoking cigarettes, drinking liquor, and swears he will never touch another drug. He says I can give him an allowance and question his every move. Also, I can give him a drug test any time I want.
On top of it all, we were trying to have a baby. I was told last year I had about a year left to have kids (I am 23 but have endometriosis and cysts). So he tried having a baby with me while he was on this stuff. He swears he wasn't...ya he might not have been on it the day we tried but he was before and after. This hurts me so much. I can't believe he would do this.
Can he really change? I'm afraid ill leave him, and he really meant it this time. He told his family, his boss and his friends. He says he had a problem and is going to fix it. But i'm scared that if I stay with him, i'll get more lies. And who wants to live with someone they can't trust. His best friends smoke weed and I just picture years from now him hanging out with them and just casually smoking. But then again, he told me he will never go hang out with them if i'm uncomfertable with it or I can go with. Apart of me just thinks I should run for the hills. I just can't decide what to do and need advice and help, PLEASE!
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Why don't you just take care of you. Do what you would normally do if he were not in the picture. What might that be? As a person who has tried many, many times to take care of an addicts life I can attest that it is exhausting and thankless and I have ended up in some really bad places myself as a result of doing this. My first rule is to take care of me first and foremost...
As for his recovery who knows? I would not advice you being in charge of him. If he is not responsible enough to take charge of his own life why should you have to do it? WHy doesn't he go to a professional to help him manage his life? If he is paying someone to help him he would have more respect for their advice and opinions and he might realize he needs to learn how to take care of himself....
As for his recovery who knows? I would not advice you being in charge of him. If he is not responsible enough to take charge of his own life why should you have to do it? WHy doesn't he go to a professional to help him manage his life? If he is paying someone to help him he would have more respect for their advice and opinions and he might realize he needs to learn how to take care of himself....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
I am new here also, site has been 110% of help. Please read and reread all the "stickys". Read & reread them!!!!! You will find there is more support on this site than you can imagine. It is not like talking to a friend"who does not understand"-everyone has been there and done that. LOL Hang in there-I did!!!
Tired Of Tears
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 24
I so agree with faithhopelovejr,Run for the hills,dont look back and start your life over.I have been married for 26 years this week and my husband became an addict 5 years ago after four years I left for a year and then believed that he had changed and the drugs were a thing of the past..It lasted 6 months until the drugs were once again a very big part of his life the lies never end and the saddness that comes with being an addicts wife is unbelievable.And for Gods sake dont bring a child into this world with this man....I will keep you in my prayers........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R.....our policy here is hangs off the addict. there is nothing we can do to help them.if they really want to get clean & stay clean they will find a way, just as they find a way to get there drug. 3'cs,you did not CAUSE it ,you can not CONTROL it, & you can not CURE it. there is alot of info here for recovery for your self.read all the stickys at the top of the forum,"what addicts do".read around the other post. so many have gone through & going through what you are.the addict in my life is my son.if there was anything i could do for him i would do it but there is nothing. this site saved my sanity.keep coming back & let us know how it is going.prayers for u & your husband.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Get go'in while the goi'n is good, please, please, don't have a child with this man. This is not the enviorment that a child should be exposed to, he is not father material, he is an addict, addicts cannot be responsible for themselves yet alone a child.
You are young, don't waste your life with him, there is no future.
Go to meetings, work on you, that is the only thing you can do, save you.
You are young, don't waste your life with him, there is no future.
Go to meetings, work on you, that is the only thing you can do, save you.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
[Quote]
"But i'm scared that if I stay with him, i'll get more lies. And who wants to live with someone they can't trust." [Quote]
That's what addicts do best is lie. Read the 'sticky' at the top of this forum, "what addicts do".
You said he is 'smoking speed'-I guess that means he is doing meth (ice). I have seen people on that drug and it's not pretty. It is one of the hardest drugs to get off of.
Listen to Dolly and everyone else, I know it hurts, but think hard about what you want your life to be like. With no trust, there is no healthy relationship.
Lots of us have been or are in your situation.
Try reading a book called "codependent no more" by Melody Beattie. It is about being with someone who has an addiction. It was a real turning point for me.
Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support here from people who have been where you are.
Hugs, Lisa
"But i'm scared that if I stay with him, i'll get more lies. And who wants to live with someone they can't trust." [Quote]
That's what addicts do best is lie. Read the 'sticky' at the top of this forum, "what addicts do".
You said he is 'smoking speed'-I guess that means he is doing meth (ice). I have seen people on that drug and it's not pretty. It is one of the hardest drugs to get off of.
Listen to Dolly and everyone else, I know it hurts, but think hard about what you want your life to be like. With no trust, there is no healthy relationship.
Lots of us have been or are in your situation.
Try reading a book called "codependent no more" by Melody Beattie. It is about being with someone who has an addiction. It was a real turning point for me.
Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support here from people who have been where you are.
Hugs, Lisa
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 233
There is no way for you to "help" him and the support you are talking about often becomes enabling. He sounds as if he has a long road ahead of him. It is much easier for him to continue on his path of self destruction if he has someone to support him. I would just advise you to educate yourself about what you are up against. I made the mistake when I first started here of thinking that my situation was different, that my relationship was different. You are not crazy and unreasonable to not want drugs in your life. You deserve to be happy!!
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Hey there,
Welcome to our family of supporters. You need the support so stick around. Honey, I don't mean to sound harsh, but after dealing with an addict son for 3 years, I say take off. The addiction goes on and on. So many times my son has said he would do it on his own, he could pull it together. He's currently on his 5th round of rehab.
Aim for a peaceful life.
krhea
Welcome to our family of supporters. You need the support so stick around. Honey, I don't mean to sound harsh, but after dealing with an addict son for 3 years, I say take off. The addiction goes on and on. So many times my son has said he would do it on his own, he could pull it together. He's currently on his 5th round of rehab.
Aim for a peaceful life.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Welcome to SR, crushedwife.
The addict in my life is my exhusband (exah). Although he was an alcoholic when I married him, he started using heroin after the birth of our son. I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world so in the end, the heartache I went thru was worth it but I cannot tell you how much it hurts my heart to know that my son has a big old hole in his life where his father should be. The pain and disappointment of being married to an addict is nothing compared to the pain you experience when you see how your child is effected.
Although I stuck by my exah for nearly 4 years after his descent into heroin addiction, I finally figured out that nothing I did or said was going to change him. My ex said alot of the same things your husband is saying...that he's better than the drugs, that he'd quit and be the father and husband he knew he was capable of being, that I could monitor his money and, essentially, babysit him if need be. This is no way to live your life...looking over your shoulder for the next lie...the next tragedy...the next financial hardship.
Only you know the answer. It lies deep within. Just be careful that you don't fall into the trap of thinking you can 'save' him from himself. Denial is a powerful thing...not just for addicts...but for the people who love them the most.
I hope you keep coming back...
This place has been a true blessing in my life...I hope it is for you too.
The addict in my life is my exhusband (exah). Although he was an alcoholic when I married him, he started using heroin after the birth of our son. I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world so in the end, the heartache I went thru was worth it but I cannot tell you how much it hurts my heart to know that my son has a big old hole in his life where his father should be. The pain and disappointment of being married to an addict is nothing compared to the pain you experience when you see how your child is effected.
Although I stuck by my exah for nearly 4 years after his descent into heroin addiction, I finally figured out that nothing I did or said was going to change him. My ex said alot of the same things your husband is saying...that he's better than the drugs, that he'd quit and be the father and husband he knew he was capable of being, that I could monitor his money and, essentially, babysit him if need be. This is no way to live your life...looking over your shoulder for the next lie...the next tragedy...the next financial hardship.
Only you know the answer. It lies deep within. Just be careful that you don't fall into the trap of thinking you can 'save' him from himself. Denial is a powerful thing...not just for addicts...but for the people who love them the most.
I hope you keep coming back...
This place has been a true blessing in my life...I hope it is for you too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
It won't work. Even if you truly want it to. Even if you love the man deep down with all of your being, it wont work. Because one day, and this day "Will" come, you will be heart broken, lost all of your self esteem, exsausted, tired of fighting a losing battle with him and his addiction, sad, and emotionally crazy. By that time, you will have children, and have to endure telling them about the divorce, thus, more hurt and pain telling them.
Run dear. Dont sell yourself short. You deserve better. Your unborn children deserve better. It's more complicated than you imagine. Living the rest of your day's with an addict is going to be your worst nightmare if you choose to continue with this relationship.
Run dear. Dont sell yourself short. You deserve better. Your unborn children deserve better. It's more complicated than you imagine. Living the rest of your day's with an addict is going to be your worst nightmare if you choose to continue with this relationship.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
I can't tell you what you need to do, only you know that. (Or will know when the time is right.) I can only say I was in a relationship much like the one you describe with your husband for 19 years. I thought I could help my husband, change him, control him. In the end , of course, neither myself nor my kids could compete with his addictions. But it took HIM leaving before I woke up and smelled the coffee! So think about what you want in life, educate yourself as much as possible about addiction, and do what you need to do for yourself. We'll all be here for you no matter where your path leads!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Listen to your instincts, hear the part of you that is telling you to run for the hills, your instinct never lies to you, the addict does.
I've always found it amazing how after we leave them, the addict claims everything under the sun to make it right again, to get clean and have that wonderful life. What about the months or years leading up to leaving, why were it not important to them then?
He doesn't seem to have any plan in place to help himself get clean; you said he won't get help. All he has done so far is tell his family, his boss (who was prescribing things for him) and his friends (who also use) soooooo that makes a difference how????? If it were as easy as this, how come he couldn't quit in the past? Him offering to be drug tested, having you give him an allowance and question his every move sounds more like a mommy/baby sitter then a wife. Is that really how you want to live, day by day not knowing if he's lying about using, having to dole out money because he's not trust worthy and then questioning him about everything all the time. That sounds like a well laid plan for un-happiness and relationship failure. There will come a time when he will resent you for those actions, especially if he picks up again.
I don't mean to sound harsh but you want to have a baby with a person who you basically will have to treat like a baby for a long time, it just doesn't sound happy to me or peaceful.
Nothing says you need to make this decision today or even tomorrow or next week. Let him take control of his own life and his addiction and see how far he gets before you invest any more of your life or the life of an innocent child.
I've always found it amazing how after we leave them, the addict claims everything under the sun to make it right again, to get clean and have that wonderful life. What about the months or years leading up to leaving, why were it not important to them then?
He doesn't seem to have any plan in place to help himself get clean; you said he won't get help. All he has done so far is tell his family, his boss (who was prescribing things for him) and his friends (who also use) soooooo that makes a difference how????? If it were as easy as this, how come he couldn't quit in the past? Him offering to be drug tested, having you give him an allowance and question his every move sounds more like a mommy/baby sitter then a wife. Is that really how you want to live, day by day not knowing if he's lying about using, having to dole out money because he's not trust worthy and then questioning him about everything all the time. That sounds like a well laid plan for un-happiness and relationship failure. There will come a time when he will resent you for those actions, especially if he picks up again.
I don't mean to sound harsh but you want to have a baby with a person who you basically will have to treat like a baby for a long time, it just doesn't sound happy to me or peaceful.
Nothing says you need to make this decision today or even tomorrow or next week. Let him take control of his own life and his addiction and see how far he gets before you invest any more of your life or the life of an innocent child.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 333
Aderral is used to treat add in children by giving them this type of speed the childs system processes it diffrently and slows the child down. Many add children later on turn into speed users. Aderral to adults has the effect of speed. Meth oh my he got involved in one of the nastiest drugs you can imagine. Dont believe a word that comes from his mouth and don't believe him for a very , very long time if ever. Meth almost automattically hooks the user the first seconds of the first hit. Even if not Meth is a sex drug and many people here and others not on SR have been cheated on or worse by a meth user. This man seems to be a hard core addict it seems to me and has been for many years. Now he is going to stop everything and he will be fine? Bullcrap!! I would not be surprised if he was high right this second, after all he has proven he is good at hiding it. As far as the cheating, i must say that many or most addicts (who can anyway) cheat. There are some that dont and others who spouses wont hear they were cheated on but addicts do cheat, probably mor than the one time you caught him. Addicts think this type of $hit is funny while trying to get away with things and bragging with thier friends as we look like F-ing idiots due to the fact that we want to trust them. I know my xagf was a meth/crack/coke addict. Oh and the child issue...honey you need to have some eggs harvested and froze even if you have to have a serugate mother carry the child later by a diffrent man just not AH. DO NOT have a child with this active addict. In fact until a lot of time passed I would have a hard time having one with a recovering addict, but this man will be forever connected to you as the father of your child and an addict. It will only bring misery and heart ache to you as addicts do not make good parrents just good at getting people pregnant. As the very first post told you...i second it...Run for the hills...find another man someday and be happy...you dont want the misery this man is going to bring you. Oh and if you think its bad now, it gets a lot worse...just ask anyone here who is there now. BTW I did not read other posts before me so forgive me if I repeated anything. Welcome and please keep coming back...good luck.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Welcome.
Please Git while the gittin' is good!
I know you wnat to have a baby but you don't want to have one with this man as the baby's Father. The baby will mean this man will always have a presence in your life and he has a lot of work to do on his own recovery so he won't be a good Father (even if he chooses recovery, which he has not).
run Baby run and don't look back. Take care of YOU and get to NarAnon and AlAnon meetings.
Leaving is hard (been there and done that). Staying is much much harder.
Please Git while the gittin' is good!
I know you wnat to have a baby but you don't want to have one with this man as the baby's Father. The baby will mean this man will always have a presence in your life and he has a lot of work to do on his own recovery so he won't be a good Father (even if he chooses recovery, which he has not).
run Baby run and don't look back. Take care of YOU and get to NarAnon and AlAnon meetings.
Leaving is hard (been there and done that). Staying is much much harder.
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Welcome,
You've gotten so good advice and to the point. Lots of us have been living with or dealing addicts for many years. My husband is an addict currently in rehab for the 3rd time in our less than 5 years together. We have a 3 year old son. I can't tell you how much it hurts me, for my son, that his Dad is not around.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and inherently, you know what you want. Or rather, you know you DON'T want drugs in your life. Understand that there are NO guarentees in addiction.
What your husband is saying, that he is not an addict, that he does not need help, and that he can "just stop", you can't imagine, WE HAVE ALL HEARD THAT TOO. Almost every single addict goes through this denial with the people around them. Even if your husband actually believes this, it is not true. He is in fact, an addict, he most likely will need help, and it is almost certain he will not be able to "just stop." The way addict thinking works....it's as though if they are "good" for awhile then they rationalize being able to do "a little" and things spiral out of control.
Now, I love my child, I didn't know his dad was an addict when I got pregnant but I would NEVER wish for my sweet angel son to have to deal with this. If I would have known...I wouldn't have gone through with it. My son is a gift, and he is innocent, and his Dad hurts him over drugs.
No one can tell you to stay or go...but I think it's obvious from reading the responses that if we had had chances to get out, knowing what we all know now, we would have.
Stick around, there is alot of support here for you.
You've gotten so good advice and to the point. Lots of us have been living with or dealing addicts for many years. My husband is an addict currently in rehab for the 3rd time in our less than 5 years together. We have a 3 year old son. I can't tell you how much it hurts me, for my son, that his Dad is not around.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and inherently, you know what you want. Or rather, you know you DON'T want drugs in your life. Understand that there are NO guarentees in addiction.
What your husband is saying, that he is not an addict, that he does not need help, and that he can "just stop", you can't imagine, WE HAVE ALL HEARD THAT TOO. Almost every single addict goes through this denial with the people around them. Even if your husband actually believes this, it is not true. He is in fact, an addict, he most likely will need help, and it is almost certain he will not be able to "just stop." The way addict thinking works....it's as though if they are "good" for awhile then they rationalize being able to do "a little" and things spiral out of control.
Now, I love my child, I didn't know his dad was an addict when I got pregnant but I would NEVER wish for my sweet angel son to have to deal with this. If I would have known...I wouldn't have gone through with it. My son is a gift, and he is innocent, and his Dad hurts him over drugs.
No one can tell you to stay or go...but I think it's obvious from reading the responses that if we had had chances to get out, knowing what we all know now, we would have.
Stick around, there is alot of support here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Welcome Crushed. Read the sticky posts at the top of the board here... be sure to read "What Addicts Do". And keep reading and posting here. Learn all you can about addiction so you'll know what you're dealing with. In time, you'll know what decisions will be best for you.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Support him or divorce him?
A sad truth... some find that the best way they were able to support was to divorce.
When boundaries need be placed so strongly...all hurt but sometimes it is needed.
Before even reaching such a point.... get to some Nar Anon meetings and gather in some knowledge and support for yourself.
The best way to support an addict is to learn as much as you can at meetings.
A sad truth... some find that the best way they were able to support was to divorce.
When boundaries need be placed so strongly...all hurt but sometimes it is needed.
Before even reaching such a point.... get to some Nar Anon meetings and gather in some knowledge and support for yourself.
The best way to support an addict is to learn as much as you can at meetings.
Survivor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
Hi Crushed,
I am sorry I am late responding....and sometime the others have already said most, if not all that needs to be said......so mostly what I am doing is just reinforcing the earlier statements......
What if he does get clean??? this is a question that all of us have asked ourselves.....well what if he doesn't???......either way it will have not one thing to do with whether you go or stay......these are his decisions and nothing, I repeat nothing you do or don't do will cause him to seek recovery.....
The only thing you can do for him and for you is work on your own recovery.....list the pros and cons of life with him (even if he cleans up) or without him (even if he doesn't)......can you ever trust him again, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with the threat of him using over your head......Please do not even consider bringing an innocent child into the mix......read the posts and see how others with kids fair when living with or loving an addict......
The answer to your question for me would be divorce him....now before you invest any more of your life and love on someone who will only cause you heartache......of course the decision is yours..... We can either let life craft us, and take what we get, or we can try to become the person we want to be instead.
Peace
I am sorry I am late responding....and sometime the others have already said most, if not all that needs to be said......so mostly what I am doing is just reinforcing the earlier statements......
What if he does get clean??? this is a question that all of us have asked ourselves.....well what if he doesn't???......either way it will have not one thing to do with whether you go or stay......these are his decisions and nothing, I repeat nothing you do or don't do will cause him to seek recovery.....
The only thing you can do for him and for you is work on your own recovery.....list the pros and cons of life with him (even if he cleans up) or without him (even if he doesn't)......can you ever trust him again, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with the threat of him using over your head......Please do not even consider bringing an innocent child into the mix......read the posts and see how others with kids fair when living with or loving an addict......
The answer to your question for me would be divorce him....now before you invest any more of your life and love on someone who will only cause you heartache......of course the decision is yours..... We can either let life craft us, and take what we get, or we can try to become the person we want to be instead.
Peace
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