drainedwife

as for the eval... i talked to a dr. that wanted me to come to the eval..that is how they stop the manipulation of the evaluation...by having a spouse there to tell them what is fact andwhat is not....also, the professionals know who they are dealing with..professional liars!!!

calabash

And bottom line DW, he is still in active addiction. Do not loose sight of thisd fact, however hopeful you may feel sometimes.

Lots of Quack Quack Quack

Elana

You know, in the end, we all will stand with whatever YOUR decision is. We know addicts. YOU know this individual.

My X husband had severe mental health issues. He died in State psychiatric facility as a committed in atient. There is one thing I am 90% certain of... he would not have been committed had I stayed (tho I would have lost more of MY life and MY being to him).

The 10% uncertainty is what kept me sane.

Truffles

Elana - great idea about not answering emails.

I did this to my AH once. He was off on one of his disappearing acts. I decided not to answer the phone when he called. He called so many times - the last message he went off on me saying how it was unfair I was answering, our son was with me, and I should answer the phone and QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!

So I called him back - told him I didn't hear the phone ring - that was a famous line of his. How funny all the suff he said to me, he would never answer when I called. he wasn't so concerned about his child when he was out using, or missing his birthday or a school function.

I think Elana has a great idea and you should try it - I have done it before and it truly is amazing how they get.

I also thought my AH was sincere at times - trust me he may have wanted to be but it didn't last.

gr8tful2day

Just a little side note...It talks in the Big Book about the "actor" it describes how sometimes he is kind and considerate, sometimes not, but it is always to get what they want. Until any kind of recovery occurs assume at all times that his "tactics" because that is what they are, ..are to get what he wants. Whatever that may be. Wouldnt it be grand to think that the nice comments were sincere and the nasty not, but unfortunately, they are all just to set a stage for the actor.

Good Luck, I have been where you are. Stay strong girl.

Leah

duet_4-8

Hey dw,

I don't have much to add here; honestly I am hesitant to say anything because your original post had some huge triggers in it for me. Reading how he said you looked cute and he just wants a hug, I could literally HEAR my ex saying those same words. I could see the look on his face. It turned my stomach; they truly do all have the same 'handbook'.

You know him, I don't. But I know from sad experience that other people can see through our addicts when we can't. You still have strong feelings for him; he knows that. IMHO, he is playing you.

I'm with Elana. Don't respond to ANYTHING for just 48 hours and see if he doesn't go off in some other direction to try to get what he wants. Good grief, it was less than 3 days ago that you were scared to death of what he was going to do!

Sorry if this was too blunt. Even though we are only 'cyber' friends, I care about you and your kids, and I don't want to see you fall for the same crap I fell for so many times. I filed orders of protection several times; I filed for divorce three times before now. He always smoozed me back, and I am not a stupid woman. I just loved him, he knew it, and he used it to get what he wanted.

Stay strong! Time is the only thing that will tell if he is really changing.

Live

I noticed your posts are starting to be about him again instead of you

I really think Elana's idea and suggestion is genius!

rose

DW,

I really have to agree with Duet and had much of the same feelings from reading your post. Honestly though it didn't matter in the end what others told me and what they saw, I had to learn it by living it and seeing it from my own eyes.

But as long as I had any contact with him I just kept running in the same box, same game different name.

Rose