what a kick in the teeth
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I'm really sorry this happened. I know how you feel, I believed in my ex over and over again only to have it all blow up in my face. It stinks! But you did nothing wrong in taking him the phone and the clothes; he is the one who screwed up.
About your stepchild-what do YOU want to do? I agree with Elana, don't try to figure it all out right now. Just take care of yourself and work on your own recovery.
Do something fun today....
((((HUGS))))
About your stepchild-what do YOU want to do? I agree with Elana, don't try to figure it all out right now. Just take care of yourself and work on your own recovery.
Do something fun today....
((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Lies,
I am so sorry your AH took off from rehab. That has to be so painful to have your hopes of your husband getting well ruined.
Take it one day at a time with the child. Talk to him and your own children and see what they want to do. This child will always know you loved them enough to try to keep him. He will remember that you stood up for them when they wanted to stay with you if that is the case. Talk to a lawyer after you speak to all the children and see what can be done.
But most of all take care of you at this point. You will be no good to any of the children if you are not good to yourself.
Prayers coming to you and your family
I am so sorry your AH took off from rehab. That has to be so painful to have your hopes of your husband getting well ruined.
Take it one day at a time with the child. Talk to him and your own children and see what they want to do. This child will always know you loved them enough to try to keep him. He will remember that you stood up for them when they wanted to stay with you if that is the case. Talk to a lawyer after you speak to all the children and see what can be done.
But most of all take care of you at this point. You will be no good to any of the children if you are not good to yourself.
Prayers coming to you and your family
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Lies,
I'm sorry you are going through this.
You know, one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since coming to recovery is that I cannot stay focused on the addicted one. The pain of the situation makes me "want" to do that, but that is just so bad for me, to stay looking at "what if" or "maybe this time". I finally had to come to a place (and it was only after pain got my attention) that I realized I had a choice about staying in that pain. I could either stay focused on the addicted or else I could accept that addiction was screwing up her life but it didn't have to screw up mine.
So I finally gave in. I finally was beat down enough to start working those 12 Steps...and the first one says I admitted I'm powerless over the situation with my AD. So if I'm powerless over it, there is no need for me to let it dominate my life and ruin it. So I did step 2 and 3..."came to believe there is a power great than myself that could restore me to sanity". Good glory, I HAD become insane in all of this.
And then that wonderful Step 3..."Turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understood him." BEST STEP I've ever taken.
I can no longer live my life focusing on what my AD might do or not do. Her recovery is up to her, and MINE IS UP TO ME. So today, I put the focus on me and doing what is best for me. When I do that, I find my life is so much more peaceful and serene.
I'm praying you can get to that point. Focus on you, Lies, and what is best for you. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I'm sorry you are going through this.
You know, one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since coming to recovery is that I cannot stay focused on the addicted one. The pain of the situation makes me "want" to do that, but that is just so bad for me, to stay looking at "what if" or "maybe this time". I finally had to come to a place (and it was only after pain got my attention) that I realized I had a choice about staying in that pain. I could either stay focused on the addicted or else I could accept that addiction was screwing up her life but it didn't have to screw up mine.
So I finally gave in. I finally was beat down enough to start working those 12 Steps...and the first one says I admitted I'm powerless over the situation with my AD. So if I'm powerless over it, there is no need for me to let it dominate my life and ruin it. So I did step 2 and 3..."came to believe there is a power great than myself that could restore me to sanity". Good glory, I HAD become insane in all of this.
And then that wonderful Step 3..."Turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understood him." BEST STEP I've ever taken.
I can no longer live my life focusing on what my AD might do or not do. Her recovery is up to her, and MINE IS UP TO ME. So today, I put the focus on me and doing what is best for me. When I do that, I find my life is so much more peaceful and serene.
I'm praying you can get to that point. Focus on you, Lies, and what is best for you. You deserve it.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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