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Son didn't make it, he's in jail

Old 05-14-2007, 05:25 PM
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Son didn't make it, he's in jail

Yesterday, I come home from moms at 7pm. We were there all day.
My son was waiting on the back porch.
He sat in the sun ALL DAY. He was blistered and not feeling well. He's so burned today that he can hardly walk.
(this is a technique to make me feel sorry for him and take him in. A few years ago he was homeless, my ex gave him some work to make money. While son was trimming bushes, he conveniently takes an axe and chops himself in the leg. This was a serious injury too. Naturally, I had to take him in so he could recover.)

After giving him food, and a shower, I told him I would take him to his probation appt the next day, but he must find somewhere else to stay as of (today).

He had been kicked out of a Christian rehab for crying out loud after just 5 days.

I drove him to his appt. today. I told him that I was simply not going to allow him to do all these evil things, take drugs, mess up his life and show up on my doorstep to dump it all in my lap.

I am extremely sad. I took him to his probation appt, and the officer took him to jail. She said he has been given every chance under the sun. She said he will more than likely do 3-5 years behind bars.

He called for his one call, I was driving and he spoke to my Daughter in law. He told her he didn't think I cared for him. Can you possibly imagine that? After killing myself helping him before he lost his job. You know, staying awake till 1am to pick him up from work, giving him a home and food and not charging one single penny, but insisted on all of his $ to be saved for a car.

All because he chooses to take drugs. It must have been a damn good high, to waste his life rotting behind bars for.

I am so sad, yet when his officer came out to tell me she was taking him in, it was like I had a huge burden lifted off me.

I am incredibly sad too. I have no children left! They are all in jail. It's a terrible legacy to leave behind, isn't it? I feel like packing up and moving far away and not let anyone know where I am.
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Old 05-14-2007, 05:36 PM
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Im sorry for your pain and I sympathize. AH thinks we dont care about him either, but he's making his own choices and havoing to deal. He's off probation this time, I remmeber how much easier it was having him picked up, we always slept better, now MIL calls every morning, ahve you heard anything, and Im happy to not have the drama, but sad to tell her, no still no word. Both her sons arre running amuck together in my old home and Imabout to make the hard choice to move forward and as a result they will be tossed on the street, but sadly theyve had enough time to work and save had that been there choice
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Old 05-14-2007, 05:39 PM
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I am so sorry. I wish Keiths mom did that for him. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. You are unbelievably wonderful..
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Old 05-14-2007, 05:48 PM
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Sorry that your going through this emotional time. I know the feeling. Sometimes I feel like packing my bags and moving far, far away. I have 3 children, but so far only my son seems to have the addictive problem. One of my children is only 17 and she's having a bit of emotional problems right now, that I'm trying to nip in the bud, before something winds up happening to her too. Just call me a little paranoid. I hope things get better for you soon. Hugs.
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:18 PM
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Wascally, Sorry to see you so down. I know the feeling of wanting to run away. But the truth is, you take yourself with you. What your children have done once they became adults is not your fault. Their choices, their consequences. You hold your head up high. You did a good thing by letting him fall on his own. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:31 PM
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Marle is right. I moved, ran, and hid and it all got worse anyway. I pray in jail they have a good ministry and he can find his way. It's not to late. Love endures through every circumstance.
my prayers are with you
susan
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:57 PM
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sorry to hear about your son, but like you say, at least he's safe and you do know where he is. i know that it has to be hard on you. i've thought to move to another state too and as far as i know, my kids may not be addicts. i pray that he finds his way soon
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:10 PM
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No words of wisdom other than at least he is safe. I don't know how many children you have but I think you should be talking to someone.. a minister.. alanon or nar anon. Don't try to do this alone.

I am not much on counseling, but that might help too.

Praying for you and offering support.
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:12 PM
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((((((((Wascally))))))))))

I am so very sorry. I know this is heartbreaking and you just wanna go to bed and stay there. I've felt that way too.
It will get better, sweetie. It will. One day at a time.
Caileesnana is right. It's not too late for him. He can turn his life around if that is what he wants to do. You've done all you could do while raising him. It's his turn to take control of his own life.
I wish I could give you a big tight squeeze right now and assure you that it's gonna work out alright. I know your hurting. I hurt for you.
Keep coming here and opening up to us. Surround yourself with good people for support, read recovery books, and try not to worry too much.
We're all here for ya, Wabbit. Really and truly.
With love, prayers, and understanding,
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:27 PM
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I'm sorry and am sending hugs to you and prayers for him. This isn't what any mother dreams for her children, but maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs. We never know and God wraps his miracles and his blessings strangely sometimes. Jail might save his life.

Hugs from a mom who understands and cares
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:46 PM
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So sorry to hear about son. Maybe he really wanted to go. Why would he wait for you all day. I think that sometimes they finally decide that that is it. And figure that somehow if you take them - its your decision (fault) not theirs. He is safe as we all say and if he makes the right choices while in there, he should be ok. Take care
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:47 PM
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i am so sorry.just letting you know that we are here & i care.you know you did your best. he failed himself & it is sad.sending prayers up for you & your son & big hugs for you.
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:51 PM
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((((((((Wascally))))))))))
I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. You have done all you can and I admire your strength. I pray that this is what he needs to help him get clear headed enough to want recovery. Addiction will do anything it can to protect itself...this may be what is needed so he can find the strength to battle this beast. Hugs and prayers for you and your son.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:18 PM
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So sorry you are going through this. I know we just say to ourselves does it ever end. Don't beat yourself up about it. It certainly isn't the life you want for your son, but maybe this is just a part of the plan for him. You know many people have been rehabilitated in jail. Try to take this time to heal yourself. You matter and you deserve to have peaceful life. Take comfort in the fact that he is being taken care of, and with the counseling that is available to him in jail you just might get the son that you want back.

Prayers and support............Lo
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:22 PM
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WW,
I can certainly understand from recent experience the feeling of a huge burden being lifted when they're arrested finally. It's our motherly protective trait that feels relief when we know that they have somewhere to be now and we know that they're safer there than they were out on the streets and even safer from themselves.

I can also understand the feeling of just wanting to run, hide and change my identity for a fresh start. That's always been my breaking down statement. We can't do that though because we have others that need us too. We can't just abandon them and it's true that we can't really run away from our problems. If we could do that, then we could just throw our non-functional loved ones away forever without any remorse. How I've wished many times, that I had the ability to do that!!!! But NO, this unconditional love thing just keeps hangin' on, even when you try your best to shake it !!!!!! Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhh !!!!!!!!!!

I even considered turning my son in, the other night, for his own safety, but then I thought that I might be getting in God's business again. So I managed to keep myself out of it, so far.

I do really know how sad you must be because I am too. We've just got to continue to believe that it's all going to work out for the best for our sons in the end. That's it's all going to happen when and how they need it to. Just keep hanging in there, just for today. You'll get through this and things will get better.
(((((((((((Caring & Understanding Hugs)))))))))))))
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:29 PM
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I know this statement is true:

He's better off in jail.

Isn't this just about the most absurd thing we could ever think? That our child is BETTER OFF in jail? How many of us have had to say that? To know that without some kind, ANY KIND of intervention they would surely die, and jail being the intervention to save them from themselves. What a nightmare.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:39 PM
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your story is my worst nightmare, but it could also be the answer to my prayers...we just don't know. All we can do is hope that the A's HP is leading them where they need to be to fulfill the destiny in store for them. Sleep well tonight knowing you did all you could to help him travel the right path...when it comes down to it, it is their choice where that path leads...we can give them all the chances in the world, but it's out of our hands, we can't control them, we didn't make their bad choices for them, we CAN live the best lives WE can though...God Bless and keep you...
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:44 PM
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I am so sorry for your pain. It's not YOUR legacy; it is theirs. You didn't cause this and you can't control it. I know it's so very difficult to realize this about your own kids but there isn't anything you can do.

Be thankful your son is in a safer place than probably where he would end up outside. Maybe, just maybe, something will stike a nerve inside and he can open his eyes. Maybe. Pray that he can, sit back and let him and his HP do their thing.

You take care of you and focus on something that will make you smile.

ps. I think of running away a lot!! Problem with that is I take my troubles with me.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:51 PM
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I know, where ever you go, there you are! It's always just a fantasy to jump up and move across the country to a fantasy land where addiction does not exist and everyone lives happily ever after.
Then, I snap out of it.
Thankfully there's SR to help me deal with the daily reality so many of us live in.
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Old 05-14-2007, 08:54 PM
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Wanna run away together!!????? Maybe just for a short time??

Sounds good to me, though! lol
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