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Please help this mom....

Old 04-11-2007, 08:39 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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hi puddin! welcome!
My ex husband is the addict in my life. He is addicted to cocaine/crack. He has been to rehab twice, each time for 28 days, and each time I felt he needed more time in there. They truly are just scratching the surface for the first month. I know it is hard on you but I think it is wonderful that your son is going in for a long period of time. While he is in there, you get to know that he is safe and in a structured environment, something that we, on the outside, can not provide because life for us has to keep moving.
Keep posting and reading and learn how not to enable. It sure took me a quite a while to turn my thinking around. I think it is just our instinct to help when someone seems to need help. But in addiction we actually help by not helping.
Hugs to you.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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My son is also 20 a cocaine addict however I think he has graduated to crack. Been to two rehabs both for 3 months came out and relapsed within a month. He now is on a waiting list for a six month program. It is exhausting because we really dont know what the future holds for them. You will appreciate the break knowing he is safe and drug free for the 6 months. Our son will not be coming home this time after rehab. We are desperately hoping he gets in to an after care program. We are still in the process of learning by not helping them, it is making them help themselves. So hard as a mother I feel for you. Keep coming back to this board its a great support.
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:53 AM
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welcome to S.R. you are in the right place.it is really hard when it is our child but addiction only gets worse till they hit their bottom.going to rehab is a good thing even if it is ordered sometimes.there is always hope someone will say something that will bring them to their senses.i said a prayer for you & you son.keep coming back & read everything that is on this board.learn to take care of yourself.there is nothing you can do to save your son.he has got to do that himself. hugs,hope
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Old 04-11-2007, 10:03 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Welcome Puddin, There Are So Many People Here To Support You During This Time. This Site Has Really Been A Godsend To My Wife And I. We Have An Addict Son(as) That Is 20 Also. He Has Been Through A 28 Day Rehab, 90 Meetings In 90 Days, Anger Management, Private Counceling, We Moved Him 200 Miles Away Got Him A Job, On,and On, And On, Now He Is Currently Back Here Living In A Crack House With His 15 Year Old Addict Girl Friend. The Next Thing We Expect To Hear Is About An Upcomming Grrandchild From Two Addicts. God I Hope Not. We Just Through Him Out For The Umpteenth Time Again Two Days Ago. It Would Be Music To My Ears, And My Prayers Answered If Someone Could Actually Swoop Him Up And Put Him In A Safe , Healing Place Like A Rehab Or Sober House For 6 Months.OR 6 YEARS He Has Been An Active User For About 5 Years And Weve Only Known For About Two That The Drugs Were The Reason For His Behavior. There Are So Many Here That Have Had So Much More Experience, And Knowledge Of Things Like Co-dependence And Enabling, Al Anon, Naranon Etc. Things That Can Restore Your Sanity While You Work On Your Recovery. Listen To Them , For They Surely Are A Great Resource Of Support. They Really Have Been For Us.
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Old 04-11-2007, 10:10 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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(((((((Puddin)))))))

Hi and welcome to sr. I'm Linda and my 25 yo son is the addict in my life.
Everyone is glad you found your way here, too.
Hope you can start a recovery of your own very soon.
Recovery from codependency.
Your son, I pray, will do just fine, as long as he's determined to work the program.
My son has never really been in a rehab. He's used many drugs in the past.
Has been using since he was very young.
He's done 2 stints in detox. Was in a methadone program a while.
Had a few sessions with a drug counselor. All were short lived and not taken seriously by him, because he's just not ready.
Know what helped him? 6 months in a county prison.
He kicked heroin while being locked up.
Today, he still has the mind of an addict. A very young-minded one, at that.
He drinks and smokes pot. Lately, not as much. So, he does have good days and bad days. The thing is, until he chooses abstinence from every drug...
He's still an addict.
Sending prayers up for you and your son.
He's in a good place. Now, it's time to take care of you.
Your new sr buddy,
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:14 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Oh thank you so much to all of you! It gives me great hope that if he completes this program...maybe he will grow so tired of this drug life. Interesting about the immaturity mentions. My son is very immature for a 20 year old and I never put two and two together. His issues started back when he was in the 8th grade. It was all downhill from there. (Not consistently but always little things.) And then when I think about it...I can remember his health teacher telling me that he had a drug problem in 11th grade. I didnt believe her. I was in denial for so long. The more I think back to things...it's all making sense to me now. Thanks so much for listening to this rambling mom. I feel a weight being lifted off me. Hugs xo
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Old 04-11-2007, 11:44 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Laketime...thank you for reading my post. I went from feeling all alone in this situation to realizing that there are other people out there who have been where I am. I realize now that talking to other people about this situation with my son is like having a weight lifted off my shoulders. I know it's going to be a long road but it's nice to know that people are here to listen. I too wish you prayers and hope for your son. I wish you all hope and prayers. Puddinface
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Old 04-11-2007, 09:23 PM
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It's definitely helping to read that there are so many people who have been where I am now. That understand how hard it is to see your child just spiraling downhill. I know that he has to "want" to give up substances. I can only pray that he will wake up and realize that he has had enough. Thanks for listening.
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Old 04-12-2007, 06:42 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Welcome Puddinface
My 20 yr old daughter is the addict in my life. Her DOC is cocaine also.
This is a great site to learn and prepare us for what may happen next. I have gained so much wisdom and strength from the loving people here at SR.

Read the "stickies" at the top of the page. I find myself re-reading them depending on what stage of recovery I am in.

You and your son will be in my prayers. I am glad your son is in a long term program. I hope he wants to be there, becasue if he is not ready, it may not work. My daughter went through several programs because "I made her". It is obvious to me now that she was not ready at that time and that is why she relapsed. I am now praticing the "hands off the addict" theory andhave detached from her. It is hard to do, but I am at peace with my decision.

The SR folks here have helped me to be kinder to myself and the rest of my family. I thank them for that. Keep posting and good luck.

HUGS
Terri
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Old 04-12-2007, 07:11 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Hi puddinface. I am glad that you found this site. I haven't been posting all that long. Actually, I haven't been here since last fall. My 22 y.o. daughter is an addict and now she has a child. She is currently in a methadone treatment program for opiate addiction. I just hope that this time that she is serious about recovery. I am not sure that methadone was the right way to go, but if done properly and used with other recovery programs. i.e. 12 step, it may work.
I am truly sorry about your son. this is a good place to visit. I know that I need to find a meeting for myself. Locally, all we have is al-anon, and it is never at a convenient time for me. I wish there were more options locally for me.
I will put you & your son in my prayers.
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Old 04-12-2007, 07:46 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Wow I don't feel so alone anymore. I am having problems with my son as well -- 25 year old. I think he only has an alcohol problem, but not really sure if there's more. His behavior just seems to get worse and I always feel so helplless to help him.
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Old 04-12-2007, 08:36 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Puddinface, You said that even though your son knew that he could face jail that he continued using and that was when you knew he was an addict. I finally had to admit my daughter was an addict when she was willing to give up everything that was important to her to do her DOC. Addicts do not think about tomorrow. When that Go part of their brain wants drugs, they are off to the races. They do not think about the consequences. That rational part of our brain that makes us say NO is not working in an addict's brain. I know how hard it is to see our beautiful, talented children become useless junkies. I tell myself this is her path and hopefully with God's help she will learn her lesson and someday became an even better person because of it. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-12-2007, 10:25 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Amen to that Marle!! That is what I am praying for. I have been saying for years that my son never feared "consequences." I never really understood that his drug use was affecting that logical thinking. I kept thinking he was just a kid acting stupid and that eventually he would grow out of it. That is the reasoning that so many people said to me also. "Dont worry..he's a kid...he makes mistakes. This has been going on with him since the 8th grade. He is no longer a kid...but still thinks like one. Everything is becoming so clear to me now. Thanks again.
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Old 04-14-2007, 05:15 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I am also the mother of an addict. I will say a prayer that your son finds his way. A long term program might just be the thing he needs.
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Old 04-14-2007, 09:01 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Puddinface,
Glad you found your way here.
I am the mother of 2 addict sons, one is 28, the other 33.
They have both used drugs for 15 years.
Just for today, they are both sober.


My youngest was ordered 6 month court ordered rehab, 2 years ago, although he didn't remain sober right after he was released, I believe it gave him the recovery tools to be sober today.
Your sons H.P. is leading him right where he wants him to be.


Faith and hope,
Hugs,
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