Question for the group
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Cheesecake,
Welcome to SR. As far as your question you are protecting you and your children. You need money for food, a place to live, etc. I would advise you to put other security measures on your account. He could get checks or your ATM card and if he knows your passcode take money out. You can have it that anyone who tries to cash a check made out to cash must show ID and you MUST be called. Use a passcode on the account to get any information on it.
I learned the hard way, my addict stole my checks, and ATM card and took a lot of money from me.
Good luck
Welcome to SR. As far as your question you are protecting you and your children. You need money for food, a place to live, etc. I would advise you to put other security measures on your account. He could get checks or your ATM card and if he knows your passcode take money out. You can have it that anyone who tries to cash a check made out to cash must show ID and you MUST be called. Use a passcode on the account to get any information on it.
I learned the hard way, my addict stole my checks, and ATM card and took a lot of money from me.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
cheesecake,
You're definitely being the logical and protective one.
Drugs are not a "joint expense" in my humble opinion. If he wants to buy them, let him find the money to do so. He might even need to get a job.
And the anger and manipulation is pretty typical. Try to hang in there, and drop on in here any time you need a shoulder, some advice, a hug, or a good laugh.
WE know how hard you're trying.
Love,
GL
You're definitely being the logical and protective one.
Drugs are not a "joint expense" in my humble opinion. If he wants to buy them, let him find the money to do so. He might even need to get a job.
And the anger and manipulation is pretty typical. Try to hang in there, and drop on in here any time you need a shoulder, some advice, a hug, or a good laugh.
WE know how hard you're trying.
Love,
GL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: tween Mich.and Fla
Posts: 74
Cheesecake- take care of yourself. If I were you I would get all new credit cards with just you on the account. Then don't sign the back with your name. Just put "See I.D." That way they have to see your i.d. Did that with all our cards after son used one. Also see more and more of that in the store where I work. And the people really appreciate that you do ask. Some even have their D.L. out for you to look at. It is a good way to protect yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
cheesecake
welcome to the board,,sounds like were in the same boat myhusband is the addict and we have 3 kids.
im very serious hide themoney and dont fallin the accusations and stuff like this..
ur aonly protecting ur kids andu and it has to come fisrt ,..i know im waslike you for along time feling bad,, butnow that i have to sleep withmy pusre unedr my pillow,, iknow i do the right thing.
GOD bless u and be stronga and come back,,youll find lots of good freinds..
hugs toyou and the kids.
welcome to the board,,sounds like were in the same boat myhusband is the addict and we have 3 kids.
im very serious hide themoney and dont fallin the accusations and stuff like this..
ur aonly protecting ur kids andu and it has to come fisrt ,..i know im waslike you for along time feling bad,, butnow that i have to sleep withmy pusre unedr my pillow,, iknow i do the right thing.
GOD bless u and be stronga and come back,,youll find lots of good freinds..
hugs toyou and the kids.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I was addicted to meth.. Your protecting both yourself (& kids)
and actually him as well...
When your high, you want more, if there's money....
I'm glad I didn't have an unlimited amount or even
a large amount available to me, I honestly probably
would have overdosed eventually. You get to a point
of not knowing your limits... He'd take the money
eventually, he wouldn't be able to help it, it's
what happens to your brain.... how you start to think.
ewwww, bad memories....
Definately protecting, Don't even question yourself.
Drugs do very bad things to the mind.....
and actually him as well...
When your high, you want more, if there's money....
I'm glad I didn't have an unlimited amount or even
a large amount available to me, I honestly probably
would have overdosed eventually. You get to a point
of not knowing your limits... He'd take the money
eventually, he wouldn't be able to help it, it's
what happens to your brain.... how you start to think.
ewwww, bad memories....
Definately protecting, Don't even question yourself.
Drugs do very bad things to the mind.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Peora, AZ
Posts: 172
The first thing I did before I even moved back to be with my 2nd husband, was make sure I had a job & could handle my own finances should things not work out. I have never relied on someone else to make sure my children were taken care of. That's just me. And when my ex relapsed...I was in a financial state that I didn't lose my apartment, not be able to pay my bills, etc. Yes, you are protecting yourself. Anything I ever read it talks about taking care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Its weird to me. My fiance and I have been together 4yrs and share an acct for bills and bills only we sat down figured out the monthy expenses and direct deposit that money in an acct that we set up for online checks we dont have paper ones nor an ATM for this acct. just bills. Then we both still have out OWN seperate accounts and neither one of us knows the balance in the other ones acct. Weird maybe but at least we know we are accountable for our actions. The only time the one of us knows the other has money is when we offer to buy dinner. We share all other aspects of out lives. Maybe this is from me living and being with an addict for 3yrs that if there is money and whether its mine or his, he will take it all if he has too. Boy I learn everything the hard way. Your protecting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
I was the primary wage earner in our family too.
I hate to even think about how much of my hard earned money went to the heroin dealer before I wised up and opened my own account. I'm pretty sure that I could have taken several extended trips to Hawaii or Europe with that dough!!! Or maybe even paid for several years of college tuition for our son. Once its gone..its gone...Ugh...
If the addict is going to use drugs...they ought to at least use their own money for it. Don't make it easy for him to use. Money intended for your living expenses should NOT go towards his habit and really...the only way to prevent this from happening is to be proactive and protect your bank account. Like Done said, the addict doesn't see see or understand that they are taking the very money needed to care for their family. Its hard to understand but oh so true.
You are one smart cookie!! Your kids are lucky to have one stable, responsible parent in their life.
Good for you!!!
I hate to even think about how much of my hard earned money went to the heroin dealer before I wised up and opened my own account. I'm pretty sure that I could have taken several extended trips to Hawaii or Europe with that dough!!! Or maybe even paid for several years of college tuition for our son. Once its gone..its gone...Ugh...
If the addict is going to use drugs...they ought to at least use their own money for it. Don't make it easy for him to use. Money intended for your living expenses should NOT go towards his habit and really...the only way to prevent this from happening is to be proactive and protect your bank account. Like Done said, the addict doesn't see see or understand that they are taking the very money needed to care for their family. Its hard to understand but oh so true.
You are one smart cookie!! Your kids are lucky to have one stable, responsible parent in their life.
Good for you!!!
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