Question for the group
 

If I am the breadwinner in my family, and I had a joint account for a long time with my AH and decided to start putting my paycheck into my own account due to his using, and because he has not held a job for over a year, is that me trying to control him or me trying to protect myself and my 3 childrens future?

I believe you are just protecting your well being for you and your kids. nothing to feel bad about, its your money.

Jewel

I would say protecting yourself u never know with addicts they could bleed u dry overnight. I would definatly have my own acct.

hello cheesecake,

when my daughter was using, she started to steal. we bought a safe and put all our money, credit cards, acct info, valuables, etc in it and kept it locked. we did it to protect ourselves, not her. you can absolutely feel good about securing a future for yourself and your children. blessings, k

Protecting

Protection.... how is it "control"? for heaven's sake? You don't want to pay for his drugs?

Sorry... that makes me smile.

Pretty typical "unlogical" thinking on the part of the addict. Sometimes, the more outrageous the accusation, the more I start to fall for it.

Don't be fooled, the only one trying to control/manipulate anyone... is the addict.

((hugs))

I feel so guilty and afraid. It was so hard for me to decide to do this. I basically put more work on myself as well..but I felt like keeping it the way it was was like enablling him. He is really angry about it. Its llike he doesnt get it. I mean...I think If the tables were turned I would feel like maybe I need to look at myself but for him its just me trying to control everything. Thank you all so much...I know many of you know what its like to live with an active addict. He isnt at peak but Ive seen progression. I do believe a person can look up even half way down into the pit ..not always have to go to the bottom. Thanks for letting me vent..

I agree with the rest; Protecting Yourself and children.

hey cheesecake, i am not surprised to hear that he is unhappy about it - addicts hate to hear no. when he finds recovery, he'll understand and thank you. until then, you're making a wise decision. blessings, k

I vote for protecting yourself and your children. Good idea, don't feel guilty. Hugs, Marle

Protecting! Good for you for doing so!

oh good for you, your are most definitely protecting you and your kids, anything else would be enabling him. in my opinion only

oh btw, welcome, i got a little excited for you for a minute there, i'm sorry, glad you found us, but hate the circumstances, the addict in my life is my husband.

honey, that is you trying to protect you.that is what you should do. you hide, safe deposit anything of value that you can or you may come home from work & it will be gone. you never know what an addict is going to do.sad but true !!!

protecting...

Definitely protecting.

Protecting, rule one, NEVER share an account with an addict, eventually you'll lose everything.

For real, I agree with the rest. Get a separate account, for sure. Just pay the bills that you incur together out of the joint account. Get him to chip in his half every week. If you write the cheques, give him an itemized list including groceries and misc. expenses that aren't regular paper bills.
Uuuhhhhh, like, if he hasn't worked in over a year.....and he's not getting unemployment or disability....... well, he shouldn't be on any account, period.

Welcome. You are protecting yourself and your kids.
I agree.. never share an account with an addict.

Fact is, you best be very careful on ANYONE you share an account with!