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NEED to detach immediately

Old 03-23-2007, 03:08 PM
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NEED to detach immediately

Well... I am extremely aware at this very moment how I need to detach. I am still very much ruled by his willingness to "want recovery."

Just a brief example- he does not call me all day. I call twice. No answer. I send him a text message and he calls me to say that he is on his way to the doctors (a friend I've never heard of before is driving him... he claims he is someone who has never done a drug in his life). I ask him why he did not call me and he says he was planning on doing it later.

I WANT to believe he's actually going to the doctors. I have become so use to him not coming through on things that anytime I DO believe he's going to do something I do so with incredible dread and anxiety that he will let me down and I will be devestated.

I love him, but this detachment feels impossible.
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Old 03-23-2007, 03:31 PM
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sorry that this is going on for you. detachment to means to seperate yourself from the chaos that his addiction is causing you, its all about you. detaching yourself emotionally,financially,spiritually and sometimes physically is what will bring you peace, in my opinion.


have you read "what addicts do" located at the top of the forum page, there is a lot of helpful info there, read some of the others threads, you'll find that you are not alone here, we all know where you are at right now. we're here for each other.

it does take time and a lot of work on your part. first i found that everytime my addict opened his mouth, it was a lie, so i had to except that fact and decide what i was gonna to make myself more at peace. addicts lie and its just common to do for them. i know that you want to believe him, but i found it better for me to believe in my gut feelings and his actions rather than what he said.

i believe that he may say he wants recovery, the truth is though, if he wanted it bad enough, its available, its up to him to reach out for it. there is nothing you can do to make it happen.

sorry, but the phone calling thing is one that i relate with so well, when ever i had to go through that no calling thing, sorry to say, but my husband would be somewhere getting high most of the time, not to say this is what your's is doing at all, just sharing my experience.

when i learned to except that he's an addict and thats what addicts do, then i was better able to move on and decide what my next move would be. i've been disappointed more time than i care to remember in these 20 yrs of marriage, and it don't get any better until he is sick of himself and is ready to quit, and that will take for him to have the kind of willingness to be willing to do whatever it takes to seek help. actions speak louder than words.

addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery, it gets so much worse. maybe it time for you to have a plan b. decide what you want your life to look like in the near future and began to work toward that goal. do what you have to do for you and let him worry about what he's gonna do for himself.

i had to physically seperate myself from my husband and all the drama cause i was literally insane by the time i got here. it does get better and you can do it with or without him, it your choice. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

keep posting, asking questions, whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better, we are here for you. just stick around and in no time you'll see how much better you'll began to feel.
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Old 03-23-2007, 03:42 PM
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detach is hard but i find out when i do MY day goes better.i can not take a front row seat to my a.s. behavior.there is nothing u can do to keep him clean & when the day is over & he has made it through another day & you have let it take your mind & day it was all for nothing.do something good for yourself.my prayers for you & your son.
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