dazednconfuse

Teke offered a great post - clearly a very popular topic! I'd like to pose a different question - things you did to end the codependency and turn your focus back to YOU!!

cinderellawkids

I got lots of pets and aquariums. Taking care of them as a hobby makes me happy and takes my time up. Of course we've had topics on this because the focus still really isnt on me, but Ive learned alot about me in the process.

When my husband was in rehab and then jail my kids would go to bed and Id sit on the computer learning about aquarium fish. Everyone thought it was weird but now I have some beautiful little ecosystems.


Doing anything you enjoy helps. Are you artistic? Do you enjoy hiking?

Denoraphy

My son and I started a garden last weekend. I think it's therapy for both of us.

splendra

Meditation has helped me a great deal to get control of my thinking and in touch with what I need to do for myself...

Cynay

Al-anon and CoDA meetings help keep me focused....

Doing alot of service/volenteer work... Reading all the time self help... does not matter the subject it could be parenting/co-dependence/relationship... Just somthing to focuses working on myself.

and last but not least keeping busy.

abtchonamission

I couldn't put the focus on me right away, so until I was ready to, I put it wherever else there was an available target to focus on...my house was ALWAYS a willing target, and will probably never again be quite so clean as it was in my earliest days of recovery, lol.

I also started doing a little bit of gardening - very basic, because I have the black thumb of floral death.

The other thing I did, was to chair an online meeting here...that helped me more than anything else, I think.

rahsue

I'm still in the codie mode but things are much better. as is in recovrey mode so that helps of course, but I guess the one thing I did was just watch the chaos go on around me instead of trying to fix it. yep now I just stare at them and when the oldest son says "mom will you....." I either just stare with a yeah right look on or I'll put my hands up in front of me and say oh no you don't that so far has worked for that scenario. I'm also getting mor reading in I love to read.

Elana

Getting rid of emotional baggage is so very helpful. Making a conscious effort to hand it up to my HP. I talk to my HP too... (and people hear me and think I am whacky and leave me alone so I CAN focus on me.. LOL).

I have photography and I like to read.. but that takes my focus (yeah.. no pun intended) and puts it on something else.. not on ME.

I walk a lot. In summer I can sit by a stream and watch dragon flies and be at peace... probably a meditation of sorts.
With all the snow I do indoor exercise.

I will make willful suggestions in my head when I take the focus off me to get it back in the center where it belongs. If I start to 'go there" I tell myself I am NUTZ to be searching for misery, and I won't let myself.

I spend a lot of time with my cats and reading about and thinking about animals.

I don't know if ANY of this makes sense.

dollydo

I got a " job" after 15 years...went back into the "real" world...I have been a writer of humerous murder mysteries and a business owner for years...one day I just decided to go back into corporate America...posted my resume on Monster.com and took a job a week later.

Best thing I could do under the circumstances, it got me out of the house and I met new people, made new friends...I don't make jack, but, it has been a great outlet for me.

However, I need to finish my latest book, this working in the real world doesn't cut the mustard...Oh well, there is no perfection in life!

rahsue

dollydo....have you any books published, I'd love to read them. One of my favorite authors is Janet Evanovich, she writes humerous mysteries.

greatgirl32

well I am still fairly new to this but after 6 years of always being the one to cave and try to fix things or apologize to him and then call him..I have not tried to make any contact with him for 3 weeks since he told me he didn't love the person I was today..whatever...there he went deflecting the attention away from him again...

teke

the first thing that i had to do was to just accept that my rah was not ready to stop and worring was doing anything but making me mentally ill, that it was time to look after myself and try to move on, then i went to cleaning closets.

oneeyeopen

walking...I think I could walk all the way to Chile and back on some days. the exercise does wonders for your body and mind...I always feel less anxious and angry after, plus I feel very virtuous that I exercised and it means I can have the other thing that makes me happy---ICE CREAM!!!

dollydo

Rah,

Yes, I have had 5 books published, couldn't tell that by my posts here...been a fun experience, a great creative outlet....I know a thousand ways to murder someone, all with a smile on my face...thought about using one of the techniques on ex-abf....Just Kidding, my luck the plan would fail, I'd be in prison and he would be running around on the street getting high.

parentrecovers

i got to alanon meetings, that helps me stay on track. i make dates with friends and my husband. i try to stop and see the little things. i try to take deep breaths and long showers...

blessings, k

teke

so dolly, whats the key to writing books, i wished i could do that.

BTRFLY

This is a very new experience for me but when i find myself insanely obsessing over AH actions or previous actions i start cleaning. My whole house is clean right now Cupards, Closets. I did my spring cleaning this week i guess.
I'm thinking of going back to school to finish my BA in ECE. Something I've always wanted but held back on b/c of money issues. I say if AH can spend thousands on drugs I can spend the same on school.

Brownie

Hi dazed - thanks for starting this post - learned at lot - I read Murder books (right now Lisa Gardner "HIDE") - so far no humour Dollydo - house cleaning never did it for me so maybe I should try it again - Walking is great and a good way to reflect on friends alphabetically - in the rain thought what all water did and means to people (very interesting), just seeing what the Creator did for me and you - Awesome!!!

dollydo

Teke,

To be honest, I believe I inherited the ability to write. My uncle wrote numerous books and poems, at least 100 of them were published. As a child, I spent lots of time with him, he had a vivid imagination, it rubbed off on me.

Added to that I am a reader, of anything, even grafitti, I learned how to speed read, and, can easily read a book a night, and comprehend about 80%
of what I read...not exceptional, but adequate. So, words are my mantra.

When I write, I step into the book, it consumes me, I am there in the moment.

I really feel if my co-dependency had not held me back, I could have written so much more, lived my own life in the moment, but, I have a disease,one that I battle everyday....getting better....however, I have a long way to go...