ASpouse

No jess, I don't want you to explain in a way that I CAN UNDERSTAND ... how about posting in a way that makes sense to anyone here!

Pick-a-name

prodigal: So very true. Thank you for this reminder..........I DO believe this; how come I "forget" it sometimes? (Must have something to do with being human. ) I am going to post this on the bathroom mirror!

wraybear

Jess, I think I said this 1 1/2 years ago. You can look at this as a temporary situation. You can live one day at a time, taking care of yourself and your kiddos. When I kicked my AH out, the first month was the most difficult, and it helped to tell myself, sometimes 100 times a day, I don't have to make any major decision about divorce, or moving, etc. today or tomorrow. And, I didn't. Yes, I had to manage day care and all the kid stuff on my own, but honestly, without the worry of him driving drunk or what would I be walking into when I came home, and having total control over my finances, it was the most peace I had in many years.

I wish you peace, serenity as you deserve it. I also realized during this time while he was gone, that if the carpet didn't get vacuumed for a month, so what! If i left breakfast dishes on the counter, so what! If I was running to the basement to get clothes out of the dryer to wear because i didn't have time to do laundry, so what! My kids and myself were much happier when I was less stressed and instead took the time to play a game with them, take them to the park, etc. All the other STUFF is just STUFF. No big deals is my new mantra!

I hope you can find peace, serenity SOON very very soon!

Love, wb

mallowcup

I'm with Aspouse on this and some may disagree. Jessica, from this day on, I hold you accountable for the well being of your children, Enough already! Cocaine! In my opinion you have the knowledge and the tools to change your situation. You have support here. I know you have the ability to think something through and to realize that certain actions bring about certain results. I am not chewing you out, I am teling you in no uncertain terms that if you don't make some final changes, CPS will be at your door.

mallowcup

God gave you the strength when he blessed you with beautiful children put in your charge. God has given you good sense. If we are so blessed, why not show thqat strength and good sense? You are praying for something you already have. God keeps showing you a way out.

megamysterioso

Jess- I'm glad for you and your kids that he's gone. Having a lying, manipulative, emotionally abusive cokehead alcoholic in your home is NO good for anyone. That sounds harsh I know, but sometimes a situation has to be viewed in its true grit to be understood. All of his "niceness" during the week means nothing. He's a talker. He really is the one that has just reaped the benefits of your relationship and there is no partnership between you IMO. From everything I've read from you in the past, you have never sounded happy. I wouldn't be happy under all those circumstances either. You have every right to change your life for the better for you and your children. To hell with feeling guilty! Enough really is enough, isn't it?? I hope you stick with your resolve and do not let him back into your home. All the best.

mallowcup

If you know he is doing cocaine and you are ever left to explain it to social services, how you knew and did nothing for all the reasons you listed, including confusion. They will remove your kids until the fog clears.

JessicaNAJ

COCAINE IS UNACCEPTABLE AND I WILL NOT SUPPORT IT OR HELP HIM SO HE CAN FEED HIS ADDICTION. Period. The alcohol, I've lived with it for 16 years.

This is a different ball game and it's one I will not stand on the sidelines watching or playing.

denny57

Take care of yourself, Jess. As you already know, it's stressful and will probably get worse before it gets better (the stress I mean). Hang in there.

ASpouse

Jessica, I don't mean to be cruel, I honestly don't! But you knew G was doing coke and smoking crack several weeks, maybe even months ago. You posted it here and you still allowed him to come back and live with you.

I am sure you feel coke and crack is unacceptable and you will not support it WITH SOMEONE ELSE, but with G I think you very well might turn away so as not to see it or pretend it's not happening!

I don't know what you were thinking and I won't even try to guess. I just wanted to call this to your attention ...... your words are meaningful and admirable, but your actions just don't match the words.

JessicaNAJ

I had HEARD but I didn't know for sure. I suspected...but I didn't know for sure. I am very very guilt of giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Last week when I found out for sure....a lot was said and I did give him one more chance to prove his words with action. he didn't....that was my straw.

mallowcup

Well, tody ais the first day of the rest of your life. You mean what you say and you are strongly convicted that there is no room for G. G is going in the wrong direction. He is adding to his list of vices not checkig them off his list. I'm not sure why you would be feeling any guilt.... but I'd get that notion right out of your head. Cocaine is appealing to alcoholics because it keeps them awake to drink longer. G is headed tward a heart attack. My best advice is stay fifty feet away from him sexually. G's weekend vices will rapidly spill over into the weekdays. ps coke is very expensive.

ASpouse

Why would you feel about guilty about giving him the benefit of the doubt? Man oh man, if that was me I'd be pissed off, not feeling an ounce of guilt, not one bit! But pissed off for being duped by an alcoholic and a drug addict .... well I can honestly say I'd almost feel total and complete rage ....

..... and Jess if you heard it, especially with G's history, you knew it was true, we all knew it was true.

JessicaNAJ

Thank you Mallowcup. it is the first day of the rest of my life. I don't feel guilty...thought I would, but the way things went down, I don't. I'm drained, but I don't feel guilty. Onward for me.....

ASpouse

Drained is understandable ...... guilt, well just don't go there!

JessicaNAJ

Judy....today I feel no guilt. Thought I would, but I don't.






oops, I just said that.

CatsTail

Hey Jessica,
Glad for you he is gone.
And the only person who can make you feel guilty is you!

By being in a recovery program you have choice and empowerment.

Ngaire

GingerM

I have nothing to add that other's haven't said, but I wanted to cheer you on and let you know others are cheering you on even if we're not posting.

mallowcup

Jessica there is one thing you can work on. You will find that being taken seriously when you speak equals respect. Respect is empowering. Think things through, when you do speak, say what you mean and mean what you say.

gelfling

I once had this problem. I opened my mouth before engaging my brain. It did get me in trouble. Now, I mull over possible answers before replying. And if I can't give a response I try and keep my mouth shut. And sometimes, that's hard for me to do.