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My son and his choices!

Old 05-28-2006, 07:09 AM
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Unhappy My son and his choices!

Well a few weeks ago, my son was asked to leave treatment. (noncompliance) He spent a total of 10 days there. Things were going well since then up until the other night when we found him, he was smashed and with mixing alcohol and his meds, I'm not surprised. I did what every mother should do, I called EMS to do a medical check. They brought him to the hospital to check him out. The hospital ended up doing another 72 hour hold, and he's due out anyday now. (not sure when with the holiday weekend) BUT the county was going to step in if he did something like this again and put a 6 month hold on him. Problem is, we're relocating this Wednesday across to North Dakota. They started the hold process, but now since we're leaving the county, they lose control of the situation and said there's not much they can do. I feel completely powerless! He hurts himself unintentionally when he drinks and doesn't even realize what can happen to him. Get this, he told me I should have just left him when I found him the way I did.

I'm terrified he's going to do this again, and we may not be around to find him next time. I'm terrified I'm going to lose my son. I'm just plain terrified! In the meantime, I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about detachment, codependancy, and almost feel like I should start the grieving process of losing my son. I'm in so much pain, along with the move we're doing and his choices, it's too much.

I do have to say, I made a huge step by calling in on him, at least I didn't go into the enabling process like I would have in the past. So that was a huge step for me to take complete control. I told him I'd do it again in a second if I had to.

Thanks for listening, once again.
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Old 05-28-2006, 07:27 AM
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It's so hard cuz it's your son. If it'd be my partner or something I'd have left long ago but yeah...he's still your son, no matter what bad things he does or doesn't. My gf left me cuz of my behaviors and still I didn't stop it. I still refuse meds, I still drink...so...uh ok this prolly isn't helpful. When he's an adult I'm afraid there is lil you can do without his permission...I hope things will get a bit better soon.
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Old 05-28-2006, 10:21 AM
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I can hear your frustration and I am so sorry u have to go through this. Watching our kids go through this is even harder than our husbands. My step-son has put us through the ringer with his drinking too so I do indeed know how hard it is. So many sleepless nights, too many to count. I wish I had more hopefully words for you but I never seen any improvement with our son. He has been to rehabs, detoxs, mental hospitals, medication,and he always goes back to drinking.Trouble always follows him he is such a big guy everyone in bars wants to try fighting him-- such sickness. The police involvement, it got really old!! Then we stopped ourselves and his Grandmother from helping him. As tough as it is he will have to fiqure this out for him self, I know moving complicates this situation. We had to use tough love-we stopped the gravy train from his Grandmother, he has to sit in jail, I only pick up the phone when he sounds sober on the answering machine! Easy no but it has made him take more responsibility. I will say a pray for you and your son. i hope he will find the strength to get sober. With Love, Kerry
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Old 05-28-2006, 12:24 PM
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Thanks for the prayers, those are always so nice. Just trying to hang onto my own sanity and clearity right now with this relocation we're doing. I hope this helps him some, but you know how the saying goes, they will find it if they want to. The important thing is - it might help me at least.
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Old 05-28-2006, 12:44 PM
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Missfay, I have no words of wisdom..wish I did! I so understand the worry
and fear for your son. I hope the move goes well..sorry you are having a
stressful time. I am trying to understand addiction, but it makes no sense
to me. I also worry about my boys..
Sending my prayers to you and your family,
Stefanie
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Old 05-29-2006, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by MissFaye
I'm terrified he's going to do this again, and we may not be around to find him next time. I'm terrified I'm going to lose my son. I'm just plain terrified! In the meantime, I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about detachment, codependancy, and almost feel like I should start the grieving process of losing my son. I'm in so much pain
I was in that very same dark place last summer, with my daughter's drinking, hospitializations, police lockups, etc...

I actually did go through a grieving process, because she was very near death a number of times last year.

Here's what helped me:
Loving detachment - I started going to Al-anon 2-3 times a week, and working my program as hard as I could. The more I did that, the easier it was to get through a day without feeling sick with worry about my daughter.

I had to set some serious boundaries with her (similar to what reader describes).

She is now still drinking occasionally, but she has completed a one year college program, and she is applying for jobs, and she is attending AA regularly. When she realized that I would no longer ennable her drinking, and when she saw me getting better by working my Al-anon program, I think it made a positive difference for her.

God bless you and your son. Never give up hope.
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Old 05-29-2006, 08:53 AM
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Your son? nothing worse for a mom. I'm so sorry. I lost my son 2 years ago. Not to A. he got sick and so it is hard to read and hear about thise kids that are doing their own slow suicide.
My prayers are with you.
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Old 05-30-2006, 07:16 AM
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Thanks everyone. Robina, those tips are exactly what I need to do. Guess what??? His hold is up this morning, and the county is doing NOTHIING. He got another court date tho for a minor consumption. His 8th minor in 12 months. Guess who's fault that is???? Yep, you guessed it, mine! (being sarcastic) I am so lost right now.
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