I was on Dr. Laura!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Originally Posted by TexasGirl
and I don't want to make her feel bad by seeing someone else).
L
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
so your parents said, "you're smart, you're pretty, you can do anything you set your mind too...." but on the other hand, they'd tell you what decision to make...what they felt was right as opposed to letting you make your own and learn from them? that isn't helping with self esteem. You have to have both or the first one doesn't make any bit of difference. It's like saying, "sure, you're smart but we're smarter so that's why you need to do it our way." a child would in turn feel "not good enough." or, turn into being a pleaser. I'm sure you have great parents who had the best of intentions but you do see what I'm saying? they probably didn't even realize they were doing that.
In any event, when I was seeing a therapist and I tried to only focus on ah....it was apparent to him in the first three sessions. I didn't realize it at the time but I know he caught on the very first time I saw him. On the THIRD session, he asked, "have you ever heard of codependance?" I said, "no". He said well I want youto read this book, come back next week and tell me what you think. When I came back I said, "oh my goodness, so that's what's wrong with me..." because I identifiied with so much of it. We began working on self esteem issues right away because people who are codependant do lack self esteem...they go hand in hand.
So feeling bad about seeing someone else in the same practice is silly. You keep shopping around for a therapist until you find one that fits. Knowing what I know now, your first one should have caught on to you focusing on ah and called you out on it, etc. she should have addressed self esteem, not you.....that is what she's there for. to tell you what in the heck she thinks would help you, etc.
In any event, when I was seeing a therapist and I tried to only focus on ah....it was apparent to him in the first three sessions. I didn't realize it at the time but I know he caught on the very first time I saw him. On the THIRD session, he asked, "have you ever heard of codependance?" I said, "no". He said well I want youto read this book, come back next week and tell me what you think. When I came back I said, "oh my goodness, so that's what's wrong with me..." because I identifiied with so much of it. We began working on self esteem issues right away because people who are codependant do lack self esteem...they go hand in hand.
So feeling bad about seeing someone else in the same practice is silly. You keep shopping around for a therapist until you find one that fits. Knowing what I know now, your first one should have caught on to you focusing on ah and called you out on it, etc. she should have addressed self esteem, not you.....that is what she's there for. to tell you what in the heck she thinks would help you, etc.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Hey TG....
I just couldn't help hearing the same thing we all have said from Dr. Laura.
She has only repeated everything you have heard here.
I know sometimes we just have to keep plugging along hoping we
may find someone with a different answer, a better answer.
But what is real is real and we can't change that.
I am glad you told your boss you are leaving. Time to focus on the
great new job you are begining.....it's all about you my friend.....just you.
I just couldn't help hearing the same thing we all have said from Dr. Laura.
She has only repeated everything you have heard here.
I know sometimes we just have to keep plugging along hoping we
may find someone with a different answer, a better answer.
But what is real is real and we can't change that.
I am glad you told your boss you are leaving. Time to focus on the
great new job you are begining.....it's all about you my friend.....just you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
TexasGirl
The transcript quite reads well, Dr. Laura has some good good ideas but she is a bit rude and you were very brave... are very brave to be taking all the steps you are taking. If your AH decided to get better and join you in a healthy life that would be great but you don't have to sit around waiting for it to happen. You are behaving in a very grown up manner. I still don't feel like a grown up all the time and I'm over 40.
Rose Petals
Thanks for sharing your story and giving those of us still trying to save our marriages hope.
The transcript quite reads well, Dr. Laura has some good good ideas but she is a bit rude and you were very brave... are very brave to be taking all the steps you are taking. If your AH decided to get better and join you in a healthy life that would be great but you don't have to sit around waiting for it to happen. You are behaving in a very grown up manner. I still don't feel like a grown up all the time and I'm over 40.
Rose Petals
Thanks for sharing your story and giving those of us still trying to save our marriages hope.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Originally Posted by minnie
Does Dr Laura post on here? As Judy?
Boy, did that all sound familiar to me! Did it to you, TG?
Boy, did that all sound familiar to me! Did it to you, TG?
Damned funny, Minnie.
TG - for an insecure gal, you are pretty brave taking on Dr. L!!! I know I wouldn't last a minute on her show - she would push one of my buttons, and OFF I would go!
You held up well, and it sounds like maybe you heard some things. I really, really like the part about using "lesser" words to describe your feelings... toning it down a notch. I know in Alanon, I often hear us tending to "awfulize" - thinking of ABSOLUTELY worst-case scenarios, sometimes being the biggest victim, acting the martyr... lots of us in my group have those sorts of attributes.
Using "lesser" words to describe our feelings might be a very useful tool.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I don't want to make her feel bad by seeing someone else).
I personally don't care for Dr. L., but she said the one thing that I think fits you to a tee. You're too worried about what others will will think of you. Well, what do you think of yourself? Have you done a pro and con list for you? This is in the line of the 4th step. Your shortcomings.
Time for you to develop an attitude. To hell with what everyone thinks. You'll never ever be able to please everyone. I went through it. And always had people pissed off me at me for one reason or another. Because I went above and beyond in trying to make everyone happy. And I was an absolutely miserable human being. Developing an attitude doesn't make you a mean person. It puts you at #1...where you should be. After your needs and wants are taken care of, yeah, help others when they really need help. Don't be a people pleaser.
Okay, so this is where I want to shake you until your eyeballs rattle. I'm having flashbacks on that thought. I said that to someone else a few months ago I think.
So, anyway, change jobs, therapists and create the life you want, and make it your number 1 priority. No one can give you what you want except you.
Huggers
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
You're too worried about what others will will think of you.
Start small...drive with your windows down and your favorite music REAL loud, that you do not turn down at a stop light. I used to turn it down at lights as to not bother anyone else in OTHER CARS! God, I was ill. Who give a crap if the guy next to you doesnt like old Madonna?
Or make what you want for dinner. If hubby doesnt like it, he can fix himself something else.
Buy yourself flowers..
Maybe you have always wanted to cut your hair, but hubby likes it long...cut it!
These are just little things that can get you started. The problem is that making choices for you, doesnt feel good right now. We have to get to the point where it does feel good to make ourselves happy in little things, before we are brave enought to make ourselves happy in the big things
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
TG -
One thing I know about self-esteem is that you can build it by taking ACTION..
which you are doing.
You took action and applied for the new job, you interviewed. you got the job.
You went back and asked for more money..you got more $.
You gave notice.
Think about all the positive things you have done for yourself recently! The next time you do these things..you will have confidence and it will be easier..
I know from my own experience..
One thing I know about self-esteem is that you can build it by taking ACTION..
which you are doing.
You took action and applied for the new job, you interviewed. you got the job.
You went back and asked for more money..you got more $.
You gave notice.
Think about all the positive things you have done for yourself recently! The next time you do these things..you will have confidence and it will be easier..
I know from my own experience..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Originally Posted by minnie
Does Dr Laura post on here? As Judy?
Boy, did that all sound familiar to me! Did it to you, TG?
Boy, did that all sound familiar to me! Did it to you, TG?
!No, I swear I'm not Dr. Laura and I was reading that I was thinking the same thing ....... I sound just like her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
TG... I too had low self esteem during my time with my ex. Why else would
I have given myself to him if I didn't...I am a precious gift, one he could
not appreciate.
In the last year I have worked hard on me. I have women as well as men
tell me how beautiful, lovely, funny, smart and a woman that has it all...!!!!
You know what, for the first time in a long time I believe them.
I no longer feel like someone is trying to play me for one reason or another
with their comments....their comments are real.
I am real.
I stepped outside of the sitution and began to look at it for what it really was.
Who I really was...who I really am. I never deserved what I went through
and neither do you.
Even though we are raised with families that love us and support us we
sometimes fall into a trap. It is up to us individually to get out of the trap.
It really is that simple.
I have given myself to him if I didn't...I am a precious gift, one he could
not appreciate.
In the last year I have worked hard on me. I have women as well as men
tell me how beautiful, lovely, funny, smart and a woman that has it all...!!!!
You know what, for the first time in a long time I believe them.
I no longer feel like someone is trying to play me for one reason or another
with their comments....their comments are real.
I am real.
I stepped outside of the sitution and began to look at it for what it really was.
Who I really was...who I really am. I never deserved what I went through
and neither do you.
Even though we are raised with families that love us and support us we
sometimes fall into a trap. It is up to us individually to get out of the trap.
It really is that simple.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
patty is right tg. Not only that but, I bet it would break your parents heart to know what you're really going through. If you were my daughter, I'd be at your house, helping you pack and pushing you out the door, LOL. Now, if it really worked that way my mom would have had me outta here long ago!
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
TG -
I was driving along this morning listening to Dr. Laura. I'm listening to the caller and I thought, "I'll bet that is Texas Girl" and lo and behold, it was!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She makes everyone nervous but I thought that you did just fine. She gave you good advice about him not caring and being unable to unless he becomes a "human." I also liked her suggesting that you use different words to make you feel differently. That made alot of sense. I hope that you are able to use her advice to help you through this tough time. Once you do you will look back and wonder why it took you so long!
Hugs, Jo
I was driving along this morning listening to Dr. Laura. I'm listening to the caller and I thought, "I'll bet that is Texas Girl" and lo and behold, it was!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She makes everyone nervous but I thought that you did just fine. She gave you good advice about him not caring and being unable to unless he becomes a "human." I also liked her suggesting that you use different words to make you feel differently. That made alot of sense. I hope that you are able to use her advice to help you through this tough time. Once you do you will look back and wonder why it took you so long!
Hugs, Jo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
You know, I have wanted to respond to so many posts and good points, but I didn't have the time to address a lot of them like I wanted to. But I have to interrupt the order of things and address Jojo's. Holy cow!! You actually thought it was me! That's so funny. She did make me nervous, hence the "giggling," but I like her anyway.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Very late to this one TG, but that is WONDERFUL that you got on that show. I tried calling her about 3 weeks ago to no avail. I wanted to get through so bad. I love the fact that she shoots straight from the hip and am grateful to you for posting her response to you! Thanks TG and I hope she did help you in some way. Your taking the right steps by having told your boss yesterday.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
You are behaving in a very grown up manner.
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