sunshine003

everyone loves when you shoot straight from the hip too judy. LOL. The only time you don't "love" it is when you're new and focusing all on ah and you bring out the "shoot" when you can't see past your face just yet, heehee. I think the first time you slowly called me out on that, I was like, "huh" and slowly moved to "oooohhhhhhh" when I was starting to "get it." But I fought it tooth and nail with all the "but he" "but he" "but he".......now I try to think, "but I, But I , But I...." little by little, we've all been judified and slowly start to see..........."judified" Im cracking up over here.

ASpouse

'judified" .... hmmm, I have to give that some thought. I am trying to be more, er, um compassionate and take it slowly ....... my form of recovery is like a scotch ..... you either love it or hate it! BTW, I hate scotch, always did and always will. LOL

I'm cracking up too .... judified, Judified, JUDIFIED! Too funny.

sunshine003

Just so you know, I never felt you lacked compassion. Just the opposite and you clearly state you've BTDT. You are up front about knowing what someone is going through. You just cut to the chase and it's something this place needs here and there. Can you imagine if we all were just patting each other on the head saying "poor you" etc.

alright, now back to TG, LOL

TomsGirl

From one "TG" to another "TG" ... keep working at it kid. I was where you are at one time. So afraid to "upset" anyone! But one day it hits you and you realize no one else seems too worried about getting YOU upset. And about your new job, I switched jobs once during one of the most trying times of my life. One of the best things I ever did. The new job gave me hours each day where I would forget about what was at home. It also was a smart career move too. Take care

MNGirlyGirl

TexasGirl,
Good luck with the new job. I can imagine how hard it is having started a new job myself in February -- but most things in life worth grabbing aren't easy. Change is difficult, but you will be so much stronger and confident because of it.
Dr. Laura was spot on!

mallowcup

I agree with evertyhing Dr. Laura said and just hoiw she said it. We talk to each other but do not realize how the world preceives us. Dr. Phil would have said the same thing in the same way.

elizabeth1979

I personally think that before you try and leave him you should do some extensive counseling on yourself. That accomplishes a couple things. First, it makes you feel better about yourself. Secondly, it will help you work on issues that are at the root of why you do what you do. If you justleave him now without changing yourself, you will go back to him, shattering everthing you ever said about your needs to him, or you will find someone else that contributes to your unhealthiness as much as he does.
Said with love,

Sarah

pmaslan

I agree with Sarah.....
A new job can be stressful and you may feel unsure at times.
This would make falling back on him easy to do.
I still cry when I am really stressed out....
I'm insane when I say to myself....
"Oh John, why couldn't you be here for me to comfort me while I am feeling
so low....."
Then I realize he is gone and gone for good and I am delusional for even
thinking he could offer any comfort to me to beging with.
You have a good plan ahead for yourself, don't forget the other stuff....

TexasGirl

I've been thinking the same kind of thing, honestly. I'm taking the job. Yes, that's stressful enough. So I get through the hardest part, the first month, without rocking my whole boat. I know I would be able to get through leaving if it were during a really bad time, but I'm not sure I would be able to stay gone, or if I did, it would be with a great deal of discomfort. He's being really "good" right now. So instead of obsessing about his ups and downs, I want to get me to a better place. I'm not a total whack-job...I promise. I think that clip made me look like I wasn't capable of picking out pajamas! I also have been thinking about the whole self-esteem thing too...I think I'm smart, I think I deserve a good relationship, I think I'm somewhat OK looking though I do want to lose some weight, I think I'm nice, etc. My downfall is that I need constant reassurance and I second-guess everything. I catch myself constantly putting myself down so that someone else will tell me, "no you look great!" Or when I do a new project at work or something, I will say, "I know this is terrible and not at all what you had in mind, so feel free to change it." So maybe it's more confidence and insecurity vs. self-esteem. I guess they run together...

It's easy for me to decide to do some counseling for me right now...he's not drinking that much. It's easier for me to choose to do that than leave when things are looking OK. Then it benefits me on the other end. Maybe when things are down again, I'll have the courage to act. Does that make any sense?

sunshine003

YES, it makes sense. Now hope like a bunny and get to a counsellor. Don't intend on going, really go! You're too young and sweet to lack confidence and I want you to find a way to get over that.

One day our very own TG will believe her own words and I can't wait to witness it@