pmaslan

and that's all I can say at the moment.....

JessicaNAJ

Patty.... I was about to respond to your other thread to tell you that you did great and then I saw this (I still think you did great....it just broke my train of thought).

All I can say is.....

Zoey

Please, don't leave us in the dark. What happened???

Pick-a-name

Ask me if I am surprised............haha.

Predictably unpredictable!

denny57

Ok, I confess this is what I thought would happen. Not brave enough to say it LOL. All I can say is I hope you find it easy to stay in control of the situation. :-)

ASpouse

I hate Patty that you are going through this! Stay strong my friend!

Jazzman

You in the mood to update us? Remember, all suspects are assumed quacking unless proven otherwise.

equus

Patty if you don't come back and explain I'm likely to explode!! Seriously, I hope you're ok?

Cynay

Patty.... Ohhhhhhh Patty..... Dont leave us in the dark...

I have to agree though.. Im not suprised. Remember what Jazz said.... quack quack here quack quack there... little quack ... big quack... or something like that till proven differently.

pmaslan

Hey everyone...sorry I left you hanging....
When I got home last night around 5:30 from buying a fantastic
treadmill (yeah) there was a message from John.
He said he got in (not sure if it was Sunday or Monday.)
He told me the name of the hotel which is 56 miles from my home.
Said he didn't know if I wanted to see him or not and was leaving the
ball in my court.
I guess you can never be sure if an A is lying or telling the truth.
Obviously he was telling me the truth when he called 12 days ago.
I called a couple of my friends, both had two different opinions on how to
handle this.
I choose to not call him last night.
If he is going to be here for 2 weeks as he previously said then I am not
going to rush something I am not sure of.
I called his Mom this morning. I needed to get some concrete information.
She said he indeed relapsed 12 days ago.
So the 1 1/2 hour phone call I had with him was one where he was drunk and
not manic as I thought to be a possiblity.
So here is a man with less than 12 days sobriety trying to start a new job and calling me.
I have decided to not call him back.
If he calls again I will take the call.
Today is Valentines Day, I WILL NOT see him today.
Tomorrow is (would have been) our 2nd anniversary of our first date.
I WILL NOT see him Tomorrow.
If I choose to see him it will be this weekend and only if I feel up to it.
I am not going out of my way for him.
He will be traveling all over the country once this training is finished.
I don't see a point in trying to re-unite.
Assuming that is what he is planning on.
I am thinking clearly here folks....where this is incredibly hard for me, I am sure
some of you see the writing on the wall.
I need some type of closure, I never had the opportunity before.
It has been nearly 9 months since we saw each other.
I doubt we will have anything more to concur together.
I really feel this will be a bittersweet farwell......
I just feel it....

equus

Whatever you need to do to leave peacefully - do it. You will know better than anyone, I agree with talking to friends - I do that lots too, but when all has been said and listened to I know I must be the one who lives with what I decide so rightly I need that final say.

I honestly believe you will know what's right for you and that it will be the right thing.

Cynay

((((HUGS))))

He never brings us too it unless he will see us through it.

I dont know the whys.... but I have faith in you. Sounds to me like you have things straight in your mind, just be extra nice to yourself during all this.

cwohio

((patty)) you will do what you need to - trust your gut. i'm thinking about you!

pmaslan

This whole thing really sucks.....

I keep asking myself.....why can't he just be freakin" "normal"
Why does he have to choose the hard route?
Why can't he just see how wonderful life could be sober?
Why can't he just give it half a chance to find out?
Why, oh how I hate that word........
I know why.
He is an alcoholic, he is sick.
I understand this.
I know the reality of it.
Why oh why can't I just accept it.........god knows I am trying.....

denny57

You are really being strong. Hang in there and I agree that you will know the right thing to do for YOU. I guess more will be revealed certainly applies here.

pmaslan

Denny....I am sure more will be revealed....
The question is do I really want to know....

I am having a very hard day today....
The back sliding comes like a thief in the night.....

Cynay

Yea the whys suck....

I also dont like that its "his" time and not mine

I hate the what ifs too

And I cant figure out normal (yesterdays post) so I give up on it.

BUT........ your in a much better place to handle it all and it could be the closure your looking for. Either way I know YOU will be ok.

denny57

I'm so sad for what you are going through. I know what you mean about "do I really want to know. . . ." It's also so hard to know if you are doing what you head says you "should" or what your gut is telling you. What you are doing requires such strength and I admire it. If this day ever comes for me I hope I can do the same. Hang in there and see where it all leads.

equus

Stop it. You're relying on a crystal ball; you can't know the future and all your questions are based in the future.

The pain you feel from those questions is made by your own mind - his future isn't written yet, the pain isn't based on what it will be, it's based on what you imagine.

Even if it's only 12 days he has been sober wish him well, I know you do wish him well but acknowledge that it's not impossible for him to be ok. I'm saying that because to me letting go is about respecting the other as independent and full of potential too. I believe all people including those addicted to alcohol have enormous potential - but I sure wouldn't opt to live with all of them!!

I know this is going to sound kooky but I think the more you can see the potential in another, the more apparent it is in yourself and that can motivate you to live the life you believe in. There's something strange about forgetting that another person may change, I think it effects our own belief that we can change.

It's the sole reason why life is so precious - each day is new and all of us only have so many so each one is precious.

elizabeth1979

Oh Patty,
I think its a good call to not call him today or tomrrow. Maybe in a few days you will feel differently.
I am happy that your feelings about his conversation last time coming from alcohol were correct. Its so good to have our feelings validated, always made me feel less nuts.
The backsliding does come like a thief in the night, no doubt about it.
Stay strong in spirit, and it helps me to remind myself that feelings are not fact, and thier actions speak louder than my emotions!