justabouthadit

hello all

Happened across this board and it has been very helpful. I don't know how to deal with an alcoholic wife who looks me straight in the eye and lies about her drinking. When I come home and she's obviously drunk, I get upset and she tells me I'm crazy because she hasn't been drinking.

I've made the classic mistake of threatening to leave and of course,I never do. We have 3 beautiful daughters who I adore and I worry about them.

I don't know much about AA and it's philosophy. I am going to my first al-anon meeting next week. I'm hoping it will help me cope a little better.

How do you keep from losing your mind with someone like this?

robina

Hello just:

Welcome.

You'll find a great deal of information, help and support here.

I'm so glad to hear you're attending an Al-anon meeting. My meetings have been a lifesaver for me.

Keep coming back!

Robin

PS - How do you keep from losing your mind? Great question! The only answer for me is to work my recovery program. I wish there was an easier way, but that's what works for me.

sunshinebluesky

welcome to the boards..........you will find lots of friendly people and lots of good info here.........its been a blessing to me.

Zoey

We have some other men on here, I am hopeing they will come by.
Welcome to SR, this is the greatest site. Didn't it help you to just type out the problem?? We need to vent, Alcoholism is such a miserable situation for both.

Most of us have learned if their lips are moving they are lying, it just seems part of the disease. I am so glad you are going to go to a meeting. Remember to take what you can use and leave the rest.
Sometimes we don't feel we fit at the first meeting, so we want everyone to try at least 6 meetings, different nights, different groups.
How do we keep from losing our minds??? I wonder that too. We just live in our little insanity world. Doing the same things over and over and expecting different outcomes. keep coming back. When you learn some things, the insanity will start to lift.

Jazzman

Welcome to SR justabout. Pull up a chair and start learning/venting. Read the stickys and power posts at the top of the F&F forum and the Nar-Anon forum. This will start the process of getting educated on the effects of chemical dependency on both the addict and the family members. There are lots of folks here who have been there, done that, (BTDT) as far as your situation. Get support for yourself and your children. Come back often and post away!

Gabe

Well, to start with, you need to wrap your mind around the fact that they are incapable of being honest.
Lying is a HUGE part of the disease.
They lie to themselves, then they lie to others.
You're doing the right thing by seeking help for yourself.
This is affecting you too and it's great that you're looking for healthy ways to deal with that.
Welcome, glad you're here.

sarah25

Hi Just, same position, 3 kids and an A husband, latest threat to leave was this month and I'm stikll here, SO GLAD I found this site, helps me from losing my mind! Welcome

Cynay

Welcome to SR We are glad you found us.

We all know how hard it is... especially when they are in your daily life and lying right to your face... sucks.

How to keep from losing your mind... well if your mind is anywhere near where my mind was when I found this site... I suggest you just lose it and get another mind set cuz your going to need it. Im not trying to make light of your situation... I know my ex drove me insane, got to the point I not only did not like me but did not reconize me either...

It gets better when we find and use the tools needed to deal with the situation.

meli2005

Living with an active A can cause one to feel like they are going to lose their mind. You have to concentrate on what is best for you and the kids. You have to make decisioons, eventually, is this the way I want to live, can I live this way? I think it varies for all of us. Good luck and welcome!!

Pick-a-name

Sad, but true...........Cynay, this made me LOL,FOR REAL!! Thanks. It isn't funny, but it is..

When I read this question, I almost answered with what came to my mind. That you were making a big assumption that I still even had a mind to loose! Some days I feel like just "getting it over" and loosing the little that is still there, and going to the nut ward...really.

Glad to see I am in good company!

Zoey

Is it the weather, I catch myself thinking about the nut ward.
How about in patient treatment for us that have lived with an A. Like 6 months or a year.
Sorry to get off topic , justabouthadit. I know this is so sad, hang on, we do survive.

Pick-a-name

That's what I'm talkin' about!!
Sign me up!

One of my daughter's friends works in the kitchen/food service of the state hospital located inour town. I once asked if he you could get me a private room there, all-access to food, etc and I'd bring a few good books down there and have him lock the door. Three mealsxday, quiet, sleep and read and sleep some more for a few days.........almost sounded tempting!

justabouthadit

Thanks to all. I'm really glad to have found SR. I feel better already.

Zoey

Thanks for checking in, keep us posted. Did you get to the meeting??
So glad you feel better. lots to learn.

cwohio

justabouthadit - sorry for the late welcome. good replies from those above. read the stickys and just know that you aren't alone in the insanity. it's always sad when there are children involved. hope you are able to attend an al-anon meeting and learn to take care of YOU and those children of yours. YOU didn't cause it, YOU can't cure it and YOU can't control it - the three C's of al-anon.

StandingStrong

One day at a time!!!
And every now and then, I don't make it through the day sane. But there's always the next day to try again!

And in my case, my alcoholic husband is currently not drinking - AND he doesn't even live with me! And still, I have my days where it's hard to not go crazy.

For awhile, I walked away from my own recovery. I didn't even come here or post for awhile. And then I just recently came back here to start my recovery again. I'd come really far only to fall back really far and I needed to start again - one day at a time. You see justabouthadit, what I found out for me is that whether my ah is actively using or not - having had an ah in my life for so long affected me - and it always will. So my recovery is a day-to-day journey.

I guess I told you that because I want you to realize that it's hard to find yourself in the position you are in. I know that when I first came here to SR, I was sooo uneducated in the language of alcoholism, codependant, etc. I had lived in the world of it all but had never had any knowledge about it. Seems ironically funny somehow to me. So anyways - I hope that you will keep coming here (SR has been my life line!!!) and that you will attend the alanon meetings. Educate yourself. Learn!!! Where there is knowledge, there can be growth!

Welcome to SR justabouthadit!!!

2dayzmuse

Welcome to SR, I'm glad you found your way here. In reading your post, I could really relate. As an alcoholic myself, I would never admit that I had been drinking even when it was obvious that I was very drunk. I don't know why that was. If you asked me, I would look you right in the eye and lie. The good news is...I no longer have to lie. I hope your wife finds the help she needs. Going to meetings should help you tremendously. I know it is hard to understand why your wife does what she does. I'm an alcoholic and I have hard time understanding why I did what I did. I wish you and your wife well...

strugglinwith4

I have been wandering the boards to see if I am going crazy. What are others going through. What should you do??? I am a mother of 4. Every time I think it's enough he straightens up. Then somehow we end up where we started again. The same vicious circle. As the younger ones are getting older I'm sure they will start to figure it out. Seems as if I'm covering for him. Why should I????
If you seem to come across answers let me know. Otherwise, if you just need someone to blow steam off your chest I'm here.
I hope the meeting helps you with some answers. That's a big step you are taking.

thiswebs4u

Welcome, Threating to leave just makes things worse. I just relayed a message that my Mom said I should leave and she has hated me for it for 2 years, yes when she was sober.
I am still going crazy. I am just going with the flow and hoping for the best. My wife has 2 years sober and just had a small relapse. We have a pinky pledge that she is quiting now, Will see.

justabouthadit

I've been truly moved by the support and advice I have found here.

My first al anon meeting is tomorrow night.

Friday night was not a good one. She was drunk, big fight, ugh.

Saturday she was sorry and asked if she could "start over". Of course, I agreed, but I'm not optomistic. It is a vicious cycle. Same thing every couple of months.

I'll check back in after my meeting. Thanks.