groybin

Last night I was fighting the urge to reconnect with my XABF.
I was actually sitting out in front of his building debating this..

In the end, I called a trusted friend and drove home, feeling lonely.

This morning I woke up feeling peaceful, calm and importantly.. with NO regrets.

I just read your post and it confirmed that I made the right choice last night.

Summerpeach

I have a copy of this on my fridge, and I like it, but it's a little bit victimish and self rightious.
This list takes the onus of our shortcomings and puts the focus on to the another person.

The pain should also stop when we take a moral inventory and ask "how could we do/or have done better"

Just my opinion

sailorjohn

Bump

BobbyJ

I have read this over and over....Need a "LIKE" button!!

pixilation

I copied this into my journal, so that I would always have it around. It will be going on my fridge when I move into my own apartment.

fourmaggie

*bump*

GettingBy

I remember this as a "new" thread. I remember reading it and seeing it... But not really being there yet. 6 years later, the pain is finally stopping.

It was neat to see so many of the names from back then... I wonder where they all are now. I hope it's someplace happy, joyous and free. Especially Texasgirl, she was a gem.

Alone22

Thank you for bumping this up! All I can say is WOW. Nothing has hit me as much as this. I think it needs to go into my journal as well.

Tally

I forgot about this, not read it for a long time and now that my "pain" has stopped, I can say that it really is true. Such beautiful words and a great advocate for letting go.

MsGrace

I found this forum and spent ALL DAY yesterday seeking for insight, for answers, for understanding and in such desperate pain. Then I found this post. It lifted me like nothing else could...helped snap me out of the romantic illusions I'd held and the desperate attempts to get the A to change or stay with me.

I too, printed it, hope to share it at my Al Anon meeting....I can't help but believe that it may help someone else too. For all the other questions we ask...underneath all of them is this central question: "when will the pain stop"...it is what we all want to know.

Thank you thank you thank you for this

Fowlplay

Thank you very much for posting this. AH left us last night, or rather called and said he wasn't coming home. I've been okay so far, but have my moments. This has really helped me to stay on track in the past couple of weeks leading up to this. Thank you again.

MsMahon

Does the pain really ever stop? I just cant imagine life without suffering the consequences of my AH's insanity.

DesertEyes

Hello MsMahon, and pleased to "meet" you

Yes, it does stop. I have overcome the pain of being raised by alcoholics. My wife of 20 years became addicted to pain pills after surviving a very serious medical condition. We had a magical relationship that you only read about in stories. We were soulmates just like it says in the fairy tales.

Yes, the pain is overwhelming. It goes away the same way it arrived, little by little.

I did all the things suggested here, and in meetings of al-anon. I did not notice any change the first day, or the first week. Then one day I noticed that I had actually smiled, which I had not done in a _long_ time. And later on I laughed a little, and then I found a song that made me smile.

A year after I left my wife I had started a new life, with new friends in a new town. At a meeting there was a new lady who had just arrived in town. Whadya know, we went out for coffee, and next thing you know we were dating. I found out that there is more than one soulmate in the world. We had a fantastic romance and lived a whole new fairy tale.

Today I look back at that marriage of 20 years as the best times in my life. There were many, many bad days, but those only bring a sigh. The good times I will always remember fondly.

If you browse around all the posts here you will find that all of us overcome the horrors of addiction in our partner. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but we all manage to rebuild our lives and return to the happy, joyous and free people we once were.

I'm glad you decided to join us. We are all here for you.

Mike

MsMahon

Thank you Mike.

My llife has truly turned around since I found SR. The wisdom from all of you and the benefit of your experience helped me see after some 30 years of living with my AH that his alcoholism wasnt my fault.

I asked him to choose his family or alcohol. He chose alcohol. He even called me a bully for making him choose. I finally got the courage to separate from him but I still feel guilty that he is drinking his life away and his family want nothing to do with him.

I've tried for so many years to help him and fell for his lies over and over again, believing him when he said he hadnt been drinking when he clearly had. My poor kids were brought up in that insane household. Although I did try as best as I could to hide it from them, but the time they were teenagers, they saw for themselves, and once it was in the open, he seemed to get worse.

I just cant imagine life without this ache, but I'm very encouraged to hear that you have found happiness.

Thanks for sharing and for the welcome.

serenity001

Thank you!!!! Thank you!!! I'm going to print it also, as I need to read this on a daily basis!

dale6667

Thanks and so true

ODAT63

Thank you HP I found this post, my XAH left me after a year sobriety, 16 years of putting up and he left, divorced me and I felt I was the bad one. He drank again 9 months after he left and wanted to come back home. He had no home left, I am not sure if he drinks or stayed sober, It has been a year now and even though I am in a healthy relationship, something has trigger me to look for him and try to see him, I am so glad I found this post, I do not want to loose my good relationship over my past AH, but I was feeling pain and somehow my insanity was thinking he was the fix I needed.
Thanks to this site, I can stop and continue with my al anon program, this too shall pass.

Trilogy

This post made me cry. I have been with my AH for 30 years and have been wondering when the pain stops.

tooj68

Wow, just WOW. This was beautiful, enlightening and very true! Thank you so much for this post! Hit home.

celticgenes

I think I need to print this out and read it every single day. Thank you!