broken213

Hi I am new. Funny thing I use to teach AlAnon, and worked in drug and alcohol rehab. You would think I would know how to handle things , right? Well, everything I have ever learned , taught , just isnt working. I have been married 11 years to the same man. He has a job in the public eye, medical and other field. He is an alcoholic. He goes in spurts. Where do I begin. I dont know where to begin. I do know I am about as low as one can get, and self esteem, and feel like its nothing left to do. He is younger of course than me, several years younger. But that really doesn't matter. He knows he has a problem, he saids, "I can handle it, and tries to drink just one or two or six", but that always turns into later on in weeks that follow to a 12 pk. He can stop for months, then for some reason Oct is a bad month for us. I see it coming and know it is going to happen and no way of stopping it. He drinks at least 18 days out of the month and drunk half of those and bad drunks about 3 a month. He has a job that he only works every other 3rd day. I have heard all the excuses, and then some. Now, he is getting pain pills to go along with his hurt knee that he had surgery on twice and is taking advantage of getting the pills, they range from Lortabs, to Oxy, and others. I have spoken with the doctors and you know, I am so mad, they suppose to have red flagged his chart, and NO they dont care, they keep on giving them to him. He can be popped with a drug screen and alcohol test at anytime, they are random. He has prescriptions for his pills of course, but the night before he goes to work he has been known to drink one too many and if if shows up in him he is fired. I guess I am rambling. I had a terrible weekend. He can't stop at a 6 pk, and then, he drank wiskey on top of this. I did not realize that until we had gotten home, and I could see it in his eye, he wanted to leave and go somewhere , wanted more to drink, after 12 beers and several shots of whiskey, he opened wine and drank 2 bottles. Then he wanted to leave, of course I tried to stop him, but finally , I could not keep on with him it was 1am in the morning. He left. I know I should not have followed but I did, he was at a place he was safe but I knew he was going to keep driving. He wanted to go somewhere and would not let me drive, I should never have gotten in the truck with him. I did. He drove so fast down gravel roads and hwy that I thought we were going to die or kill someone. He then proceeded to climb a hill that 4 wheelers can barely make it up and we almost flipped getting to the top. To make a long story short, he did things I would have never thought him to do. He was out of his mind. He did figure 8s all over the land, and almost ran into a pond. He made roads where there were no roads in the woods and plowed down trees with his truck, and we almost went off a cliff. At the end he wanted to go back down the hill the way we came up and I knew this was going to be dangerous and all I can do is pray. But, a cop was on the hwy spotlighting us, and blue lighting us and he choose to run, and he did backwards back up the hill(mt). When we made it to the other end the way to safely get out of course the law was there. Now get this, they let him go. Because of the job he has ! I was wanting him to get that DUI , cause I knew I would not get him out! No I don't drink. Buddy system, thats what I call it. But the one cop wanted to take him in but the other being a friend let him go. But, they called his name in and where he worked went all over the scanner and I am sure people heard him in the back ground, being crazy. When he finally made it back to the place I had left my car, he followed me home, all over the road. Then, after all that, he wants to have sex. I don't know about any of you but I hate a drunk crawling all over me. It was brutal, non caring, it was a terror. He slept all day from that morning from 5am till 5am the next day. Got up and I was not here , I left because I did not want to look at him. He never called me until I called him. I wish I had not called. He has never said sorry, I know I did wrong. That stopped long time ago. But the one thing that stands out in my mind is this "he said, if you love me, you will love me when I am drinking and drunk, and if you dont, you hate me". Make your choice! Well, for some it is easy, for some they never will make a choice. Me, I am on disablity, and I have medical problems, and I have to have him to help with bills, or I will lose everthing and he knows that. I am sick of hearing a beer can open, cant go anywhere, he drinks so fast that he does not know when to stop. But, he can be good, oh yea he can play the roll of one or two, but always climbs sooner or later right back to 12 pk or more. Some people have talked to him about what he did , one was a friend of the cop that wanted to take him to jail. They said no more favors just because you are a ......I will take him in next time. Now, he is home this morning after working all nite, and still not a word about what he did. I know I am rambling, but I am sick of tired of being sick and tired and I dont have any choice. No way of getting help here in this town. I cant work. He acts like nothing happen. I know that he will be drinking again. Is there anything I can say or do, well, I know that answer, I know, but, everything that we are suppose to do is not working. No matter what I have said, no matter if he gets a DUI, he will not fret. What I dont understand is why a person who has the job he has, can lose it all, and can straighten up, keeps on from time to time. Will anything ever get his attention? If I had a way of makin it here by myself, I would kick him out. He has left before and nothing ever changes accept for a few weeks or months. I have lived in hell for 11 years, do I love him, not like I did, I care. I guess I am frustrated because I have taught all this for years and now its come home to me. I am just broken, mentally and its taking a toll on me. thanks for letting me vent.

Zoey

broken213...Welcome to SR, this is the greatest place.
You know all the answers from your work etc.
One question?? Do you know about blackouts??? Sometimes when they act like nothing happened they have been in a black out. We cannot tell.
If he was home then went into a blackout, then left, then he was back home in bed.
So since he did not wake up in a motel clear across 5 states, he hasn't a clue. If he recalls bits and pieces, he can tell himself it was a bad dream.
You probably know this too.
Come back and vent anytime, helps so much to share. Typing it out is great help.
Have you ever called a womans shelter to see what they would suggest. What kind of help they could suggest.
Others should be along with idea's.
Keep coming back. LV clancy46

Cynay

Welcome to SR! We are glad you found us.

Its always easier said then done, I cant even imagine what you have gone through and continue to have to deal with.

My only question is why you ever thought to get into the truck with him in the first place. When my actions were out of control that is when I went to Al-anon and started workong on me. Why I accepted the unacceptable.... I hope things get better for you.

I agree it might have been a black out, BOY is that scarry!

broken213

You know I got in the truck THINKING he would let me drive WRONG! I did not want him to drive, its a wonder he did not get killed, or kill someone or us. I had my straps to my purse wrapped around my wrist and my other hand on the door, I guess I thought i was gonna jump out. I know I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life. I thought we were going to die.

broken213

Yes I know about blackouts. When he asked me about the money, the 20 that was missing in his billfold a few days later, I asked him dont you remember giving it to me. He said yea oh yea , but I knew he didn't. I also said you know last night to him, what is really embarrassing is that your name, your profession came across the scanner for everyone in the world to hear. You know what he said, "oh well"!! Well as of today , he has not drank since last Friday night. But, he is at his reg job that is 24 on, but he will be off for the next two and the he rotates. I am more concerned about next week schedule than this weeks. Its really sad when you tread the days ahead and already know which ones are going to be the worse you know? Anyone else feel like that? I get sick, headaches, and I am edgy and nerves are fried. And the whole time he is "PLANNING HIS DRUNK"

Fire_Wind_Rain

*sigh* I am in precisely the same boat right now with 3 kids. I am currently plotting my escape. I'm hoping the end is near. Keep coming back. There is some good support here. Don't get in the car with him again if you want to live.

somebodysfool

I love this I am stealing it.

J

broken213

No NO I want be getting in any vechicle that he is driving for sure. I used to beg don't go , and you know after the other night. I have it drilled in my head that if he saids' I have to go here and there and go see this and that one, cause see he always wants to leave when he gets that drunk . Why is is they can't just pass out? Why they have to drive, and call people at 3am in the morning? But, it don't matter, I am going to let him go, I have to , I can't baby sit for the rest of my life. I am just going to say for the FIRST TIME EVER, "be careful" cause when he gets a DUI and he will. I will NOT get him out. I can only pray that all this ends soon, but, I dont see any daylight insight .