Savana 54

I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I'm sorry you are going through this Jessica. But, back in May, after xabf left for the very last time. He said very similiar things. He said that he would never make a good Father, as his Father was a drunk. That I deserved better, yada, yada,. yada, blah, blah, blah.

I talked to someone in AA, that has been in the program for over 25 years, and they said he was "rationlizing" his reasons to leave me. He said he could in fact be the person he wanted to be, by going back to AA and becoming sober. That all the stuff he said to me was just a bunch of BS so that I would feel sorry for him, and that it would make it easier on him, to leave.

I'm sort of confused by what the AA person said and the replies here...?????

ASpouse

Savana,

The AA person you spoke to is right on the money. A's are good at rationalizing to ease their own consciences.

When my husband lost job after job, he would say "I put too much pressure on him" so he screwed up and the excuses and rationalizations went on and on and on and on, until he went to rehab and then AA. He takes and holds responsibilities for himself.

sunshinebluesky

me too me too me too!!!
but thats what we all love about this place. we can rant and rave all we want,and more than someone will listen.more than someone will care. we can fall off any of our wagons and be given support.
i like what someone said about when you are ready you will get off the dance floor. you have to be ready.
i have no idea why but i still care for my ex. ive been "almost" ready and his living with another woman making a new life made me "have" to be ready. it hurts,but yet at the same time,im glad. because if he wasnt with her,id be taking phone calls,talking on the computer,maybe even seeing him, etc....doing the dance. to the music thats stuck!!!

JessicaNAJ

Thank you all for being here. I really do need a place to vent and some good objectives on how to handle certain situations to make me better, instead of worse.

He again apologized for the way he was toward me last night. No excuses. Just that he was sorry. Well, there was one....he said he was just lashing out at anyone and he was sorry he directed it toward me and my family.

I know this ride is still going on. And I know its up to me to step off. But I have to get rid of the guilt he causes me to feel. Although I know in my heart that I'm not to blame, somehow I still feel guilt. Once I can do that, I think I can move on.

I will be stronger next time and not talk to him when he is irrational like that. I liked SS's boundaries (I hope you don't mind if I borrow them).....

skinner

Jessica:

I agree with what several others said......he is just projecting his feelings of himself on YOU. My ex wasn't an alcoholic, but he was a liar, a cheater and somewhat abusive. Every time he did something that was soooooooo clearely wrong and I called him on it, he would get mad at ME. When I would ask him how he could be angry with ME for what HE did.......he replied, more than once, this......"I am not mad AT you, I am mad at me for doing what I did.......for making this mistake.......and so I take it out ON you". Not nice, kinda twisted.......but reality.

Just keep sight of the wonderful, strong person that you are!!