Alysheba

I have two sisters who are closet alcoholics. One I am completely not speaking to and she is an LCSW from the best school in the country for that. The other one had an incident with her son and after some time drinking, I am almost positive she's drinking again. She got super mad at me for something she did and that's how it usually starts, with her not taking any responsibility and getting angry and not helping at all. We were getting along so well and she just turned. I don't want to hate her but I feel like I hate my sisters and if they died I wouldn't even go to their funerals.
Sorry, but that's how I feel right now. I am, alone, taking care of my dying mother. They never call her, they never offer to help, never visit. It's really sad and disgusting. All I can do is keep boundaries. I don't want anything to do with them. At all.

SoberLeigh

Boundaries are important. You are going through a very, very challenging time and you need to protect yourself, Aly. You are doing the right, loving and selfless thing in caring for your Mom. Take care of yourself; we are here for you.

Alysheba

Leigh

venuscat

I only get along so well with my older sister now because we are in different countries, and I don't (have to) speak to her every day. I don't have to deal with her pretending not to be drunk when she says she isn't feeling well and has to lie down. I also don't have to deal with her getting angry with me for no reason because we always talk first thing in her morning, and she is sober.

I honestly have never known another closet alcoholic as sneaky as her; she has everyone, including all medical people, completely snowed.

And my younger sister, who disowned me, messed herself up with MDMA and acid at way, way too many festivals.

I know you know most of this, Aly, and I am just so sorry that you have to deal with the same sort of mess when your mom is so ill. As Leigh said, you are doing something wonderful here. ❤️

Alysheba

Thank you Venus. I didn't know that about your sister, you have closet drunks too. I think my youngest sister is playing around with psychedelics She knows how stupid that is.. We needed some help from her today and she didn't even call back. I'm done. You think, oh it would be great talking to my sister again. It might be for a very short period time and it goes back to all the stuff they refuse to deal with. I want to move forward not backward.] She won't go to therapy, nor AA, nor any type of thing that might help her. Her eldest son won't have anything to do with her either. Her choice. You act like a jerk and chances are, not many people are going to want to be around her. She owned a hair salon with a couple of other women for years and she'd come in drunk, throw things around and go crazy. Her husband told them to call the police. They finally kicked her out and bought her out so she has no work anymore, which I don't think is so good for her. She lives in a small town, imagine the rumors. The poor kids, how mortifying.
Thank you for your kindness and nice words. Boundaries and deciding I'm not dealing with it anymore. As of now, I have no plans to have anything to do with her anymore, neither of them. Thank you for sharing your stories, V, it helps me know that I'm not alone. 💟

Eauchiche

Hello Alysheba
You family sounds very similar to mine, although I have never been able to prove that alcoholism is the reason for the craziness.
I think the "turning" you mentioned describes every qualifier I have ever had, including the current one. There is personality #1 who is loving, intelligent and funny. Then, there is personality #2........

The only boundary I have in place for all of my qualifiers is "no contact." Fortunately, I am able to maintain this very well.

Bekindalways

Oof Aly, dealing with sibling AND a dying mother is tough stuff.

Is hospice involved with your Mom? They are often as much support for the family as the patient.

I hope you are doing okay and getting through the days.

Let us know what happens.

LilyLady1

As the one of four siblings in the trenches of seeing to my elderly parents (93 and 99), I can sympathize. My three siblings all live out of state. But they do call regularly, and one comes to see them for a day every two weeks, and one who lives far away comes to town for a week twice each year. But it's hard and I feel resentful sometimes. None of them are alcoholics. It would seem that involving alcoholic siblings might cause distress--drunken phone calls or visits would not be a help. Perhaps the thing to do, and what I've been working on, it acceptance. I find that, for me, a lot of bad feeling comes from wanting people to be other than who they are.

Alysheba

Thank you so much for your support. I have TWO closet drunk sisters, one is actually an LCSW. I don't want anything to do with either of them anymore. Yesterday, my therapist cancelled on me and I had to spend hours at the dentist with my poor mom, she broke a tooth, and my sister was supposed to take her but never called. Dear God I feel so disappointed and let down. I know my mom is very grateful. It is very hard.
Hopefully I'll get to see my therapist before I explode. Just joking of course, but one can't help being angry at two drunken sluts for sisters.
EU, I think no contact is the best thing for now for me too. Enough is Enough.

Thank you all again. I so appreciate the support and know I'm not alone. It feels very lonely sometimes.

Bekindalways

Vent away here Ally. Sadly your sisters are probably doing the best they can. That their best is bad is discouraging.

I hope you can double down on your own self care and recovery . . . . and any time I type that, I think of my own issues that need attendance.

Alysheba

Thank you, BKA. You are always so sweet and make so much sense!

My therapist rescheduled for Monday. So I don't have to wait too long. I'm getting spoiled, well not really, I don't like Mondays. I actually have a lot to do, but I'm so grateful to see him.

Alysheba

I feel like I'm kind of letting go of them. Thank you for letting me vent. Sometime you just need to get some things off your chest. I have no intention of having much if anything to do with them.
Love and peace and thank you all so very much!

Alysheba

I got my ablation shot in my back yesterday, so I don't feel so well today. Maybe because I feel vulnerable, I was thinking of calling my sister. It's probably not a good idea. She'd probably be mean to me. I guess I want what won't be and I think I can force it to happen, maybe. Just because I reach out and call her doesn't mean she will be nice to me, or even civil. I should let it go. Remember my boundaries and if she is so drunk and petty, why on earth would I want anything to do with her?
Glad I just talked myself out of calling. I feel lighter.

Have a great day to anyone who may take a peek at this. Even though I have run errands, etc, my back hurts too much to do it today. After my ablation, it is sore for a couple of days. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel up to it.
I guess maybe tomorrow things will seem more clear.
Love and peace to all.

Alysheba

Thanks.

SoberLeigh

Hope that you see improvement from the ablation, Aly. Gentle hugs.

Alysheba

Thank you Leigh! It was feeling tons better, then I slipped and fell on my back! Hopefull a couple of Tylenols should help. I am doing a lot better.

You know what gets me, my mom's bday was 5/1. One of my sisters didn't even call her and hasn't called her for a month. The woman is not going to be around that much longer. I have a sister who lives 5 minutes away. Never calls, never offers to help out for anything. I could really use some help. I have things of my own I have to do. I have to make some doctors appointments and I don't really feel comfortable leaving her alone. They won't do anything. It's not like I'm getting anything special out of this. I'm doing it because I'm a decent person who loves their mother very much.
I don't get it. After she does go, I really kind of doubt I will have anything to do with any of them again. I'm pretty alone, but almost nothing could be lonelier than having to endure this by myself. I woke up in tears and I can't seem to get rid of them.

I tried to call one of my sisters and left a nice message. Got a weird call back and haven't heard from her since. I think she's taking Peyote or something like that. She does one stupid thing after another. When I told her to get therapy, she got really pissed. Figures.

Staying away from them can only do me good!
Thank you for listening to anyone who kindly reads this. I feel like my future is so uncertain and I have no one to go to about it. I wish I could talk to my Dad about it or my Grandma, his mother. I miss them.

SoberLeigh

Hugs, gentle ones. Hope that the Tylenol helps.

Aly, we had a similar situation in our family when a parent was dying. One of my siblings did absolutely nothing to help out; nothing. We haven’t seen or heard from that sibling since the funeral and all of our calls and attempts at communication/relationship have been ignored. It hurts.

For my own sanity and happiness, we have to put it aside. The ball is totally outside of our court.

Alysheba

Leigh, thank you so much for sharing. I am flummoxed by the behavior. Like you, I am going to try to deal with it with dignity and grace, I probably shouldn't tallk about it so much, I feel pretty solid in my sobriety, but I want to keep myself in check. It hurts so badly and to know that none of them want to help now while she's dying and they don't want to help me care for her. Sometimes it feels like I can't handle it anymore. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. If I can get past drinking, for today, then I can, God willing handle this, I just wish I felt better. I have to make an appt with a GI specialist as I never feel well. I've had like 7 abdominal surgeries and it feels like something is wrong. It is really had with both my mom and I feeling so poorly yet we're managing to take care of each other. I'm not forcing it anymore or trying to. It's been going on for a long time now and it's time to let go, if I can. I'm so sad.
I haven't heard back from my sister and I think that after mom does go, I won't hear from them again either. What a shame.
I so appreciate you sharing this. I'm not the only one with a not very nice family or parts or them. I'm sorry that happened to you. Truly.

least

(((Aly))). I am so sorry for your sisters' thoughtless and selfish behavior. . Sending you prayers for peace of mind and good health for your mom.

Alysheba

Thank you so much, Least. It's pretty horrifying. PalmerSage told me I was a martyr. She is no longer on my friends list. It's not just my sisters, although it would be nice to have some help. I just feel so depressed and sick. Like I am barely capable. I have a lot of doctor's appts and it feels like I have lead in my shoes. I feel pretty alone too. I love my mom so much and I just can't understand why my sisters are acting like this.
I just have to keep my boundaries.
How are you? We have to catch up. How's your place in CA? Are things working out for you. How's Billie. Give her a snuggle for me. I'd like to get another dog but my world is so crazy right now I don't think it would be fair to the dog. My sister adopted the cutest little mutt named Archie. I miss him more than her.
You take care. Get back to me when you can. Love and peace to one of my best friends here. Love you!