thinking about calling adult protective services
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thinking about calling adult protective services
There is a hard drinking neighbor down the road. I was introduced to him a couple years ago or so. We would chat on the phone and do errands together. I was in need of friendship at the time. But he talks mean when he gets drunk. I ended the relationship due to it.
5 months ago he contacted me. His mother, the only person in his life, had died and he asked for my help. I did everything possible to help him that I could. He ran his mouth bad talking my boyfriend. said he was sorry later. I replied "yes, but you will do it again". and was done with him. But another neighbor friend was trying to help him out too. Today the alcoholic trashed on him. Now he has no one.
The A is getting much worse and fast too. He already had other serious problems. He hoards 15 cats. The ammonia smell can be detected in the driveway. This is a serious biohazard. There is cat feces everywhere. The urine has ruined the floors such that his foot went thro it. They ruined his stove. Basically, his mobile home is destroyed. It would likely be condemned. Everything is covered in cat hair. His furnace doesn't work and he no longer has a kitchen sink. He has done no housekeeping for years.
I looked up self neglect on adult protective services and according to that..he would qualify.
He needs to see an attorney to get his inheritance but just won't do it. I really don't want to report him, as I hope he gets his money and can replace his putrid home. But I also don't believe he is capable of taking care of himself.
I am not trying to effect or control his drinking at all.It is just that his home is uninhabitable and his drinking makes that worse and it is accelerating. He needs help but he really doesn't want it. esp getting the govt involved in the condition of the home. it would be condemned, I believe.
I am wondering what my moral obligations are.
5 months ago he contacted me. His mother, the only person in his life, had died and he asked for my help. I did everything possible to help him that I could. He ran his mouth bad talking my boyfriend. said he was sorry later. I replied "yes, but you will do it again". and was done with him. But another neighbor friend was trying to help him out too. Today the alcoholic trashed on him. Now he has no one.
The A is getting much worse and fast too. He already had other serious problems. He hoards 15 cats. The ammonia smell can be detected in the driveway. This is a serious biohazard. There is cat feces everywhere. The urine has ruined the floors such that his foot went thro it. They ruined his stove. Basically, his mobile home is destroyed. It would likely be condemned. Everything is covered in cat hair. His furnace doesn't work and he no longer has a kitchen sink. He has done no housekeeping for years.
I looked up self neglect on adult protective services and according to that..he would qualify.
He needs to see an attorney to get his inheritance but just won't do it. I really don't want to report him, as I hope he gets his money and can replace his putrid home. But I also don't believe he is capable of taking care of himself.
I am not trying to effect or control his drinking at all.It is just that his home is uninhabitable and his drinking makes that worse and it is accelerating. He needs help but he really doesn't want it. esp getting the govt involved in the condition of the home. it would be condemned, I believe.
I am wondering what my moral obligations are.
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I personally would at minimum call about the poor animals he has living like that. I would think the local humane society or animal control would be who to call. He may have a right to destroy his own life, but having other living beings there makes it worthy of the call in my opinion. They can then make the call as to whether they think adult protective services should be called in or will give him more appropriate resources, and it's out of your hands.
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thank you! I realized when I got up that he is far too dangerous and would do serious harm to me. Like burn my mobile home, tinker with my boyfriend's car..he is cunning, who know what all he would do but those cats are his whole meaning and purpose in life. He sleeps on the couch with them piled all over him. Let's them eat, drink his food, spit, sneeze & you know the rest.
He would know it was me because I tried to talk about the repercussions he was inviting.
So, I best just stay chill for awhile and step out of the way. Just putting it on hold for awhile and hoping he gets some of his money. I am not joking or exageratting at all.
He would know it was me because I tried to talk about the repercussions he was inviting.
So, I best just stay chill for awhile and step out of the way. Just putting it on hold for awhile and hoping he gets some of his money. I am not joking or exageratting at all.
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This is one situation where I might be tempted to stealthily kidnap the cats, one at a time.
But that's illegal.
But if someone called the humane society (as far as I know, the homeowner does have a right to know who called) THEY might call adult protective services.
Y'all live in a park? Is there any kind of management? Does the management know about hoarding animals?
But that's illegal.
But if someone called the humane society (as far as I know, the homeowner does have a right to know who called) THEY might call adult protective services.
Y'all live in a park? Is there any kind of management? Does the management know about hoarding animals?
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thank you. the cats are in the house and are feral rescues. I think all of them are seriously sick and suffering. or almost all.
management is useless. as is animal control in our small town.
adult protective services can be done online and anonymously.
The dude is inhaling toxic air 24/7. effects kidneys and liver, respiratory, etc.
It is all just nasty. I wish I knew how to contact the executor of the estate. Possibly that is in courthouse records?
management is useless. as is animal control in our small town.
adult protective services can be done online and anonymously.
The dude is inhaling toxic air 24/7. effects kidneys and liver, respiratory, etc.
It is all just nasty. I wish I knew how to contact the executor of the estate. Possibly that is in courthouse records?
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Hi Live
sounds like an unpleasant situation. Do you really think that your neighbour getting the money from the inheritance will help? A heavy drinker in my town who was busking for his drink money got an inheritance. He stopped busking and drank expensive wine for a couple of years. I guess he spent the lot because heīs back on the street busking and back on the cheap stuff again.
Your neighbour could go and see an attorney about the money but he wonīt? You donīt say why.
sounds like an unpleasant situation. Do you really think that your neighbour getting the money from the inheritance will help? A heavy drinker in my town who was busking for his drink money got an inheritance. He stopped busking and drank expensive wine for a couple of years. I guess he spent the lot because heīs back on the street busking and back on the cheap stuff again.
Your neighbour could go and see an attorney about the money but he wonīt? You donīt say why.
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That is the million $ question. I told him over and over to see an attorney. Researched & found attorney that works with estates. Listened to him talk with legal aid who told him to go get an attorney. months ago! I got tired of repeating myself. well, he had damned well better because he has zero income. His mom supported him. He got a small life insurance settlement & it is half gone.
I don't know what he will do. He is getting more and more paranoid and delusional. I hate to think he is going to lay down there and drink himself to death and no one will know for awhile!!
But I cannot/will not be around him.
I sat here earlier thinking...jail, institution or death. sigh. That should tell me to call for help for him but after enough threats, I am not going to jeapordize myself, my bf and my home. Maybe later when more time has passed.
I don't know what he will do. He is getting more and more paranoid and delusional. I hate to think he is going to lay down there and drink himself to death and no one will know for awhile!!
But I cannot/will not be around him.
I sat here earlier thinking...jail, institution or death. sigh. That should tell me to call for help for him but after enough threats, I am not going to jeapordize myself, my bf and my home. Maybe later when more time has passed.
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I guess all you can do is keep an eye on the place for signs that something's changed.
In the park my parents lived in it was customary to raise one's shades in the morning - every morning - and if somebody didn't it was time for a wellness check. (It was a park for senior citizens)
I had to pay for a lawyer to finalize stuff after my husband's death.- maybe $1500-$2000, but that was 13 years ago.
It's sad to think that in jail, at least he'd have three meals and a clean place to sleep.
In the park my parents lived in it was customary to raise one's shades in the morning - every morning - and if somebody didn't it was time for a wellness check. (It was a park for senior citizens)
I had to pay for a lawyer to finalize stuff after my husband's death.- maybe $1500-$2000, but that was 13 years ago.
It's sad to think that in jail, at least he'd have three meals and a clean place to sleep.
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Live, I'm sorry you have had to make decisions like this when it really shouldn't have to be your burden. Uggg
I just wanted to add, you know the term "crazy cat lady", well its an actual thing. Toxoplasmosis. It is a parasitic disease passed through feces. The more cats the more chance of exposure. It has been linked to mental illness and a host of other unfun symptoms. I am not a doctor or any kind of health professional and I am not trying to diagnose your neighbor over the internet. I just wanted to relay info to you that I had rolling around in my brain because it seems possible with what you have described that there MAY be more than alcoholism going on with your mean neighbor. I am sorry you are dealing with this.What a mess
Personally, I THINK I would make the call, but you have to live there, only you can make that decision. Definitely stay safe.
I just wanted to add, you know the term "crazy cat lady", well its an actual thing. Toxoplasmosis. It is a parasitic disease passed through feces. The more cats the more chance of exposure. It has been linked to mental illness and a host of other unfun symptoms. I am not a doctor or any kind of health professional and I am not trying to diagnose your neighbor over the internet. I just wanted to relay info to you that I had rolling around in my brain because it seems possible with what you have described that there MAY be more than alcoholism going on with your mean neighbor. I am sorry you are dealing with this.What a mess
Personally, I THINK I would make the call, but you have to live there, only you can make that decision. Definitely stay safe.
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thank you both very much!
His mother set up a trust. He spoke to her financial advisor once who told him that he would be well taken care of. His sister is the executor. They have a hostile relationship and frankly I think she has defaulted on her responsibilities..thus if he would see an attorney, I think he would get money coming in.
I read the legal documents for him more than once and highlighted in 2 different colors what she was responsible for and what he was supposed to get. She already shorted him $1k on the life insurance saying she needed it to pay for the taxes on it. but, um, life insurance is not taxed as personal income. It is a good sized estate. There is no reason that they should not have begun disposing of the personal property and selling the autos etc. It is a nice home too. It should be listed with a realtor.
He thinks he is going to fix up his place. I think it is too far gone.
I did get him to apply for LIHEAP energy assistance. (federal program, so if anyone is struggling financially, it is something to look into)
I would always go down there because he doesn't leave the house except to buy liquor. I insisted he get fans to ventilate but it is too cold now.
Thank you for the info about the effects of cat waste. good heavens, that is everywhere! and I had been thinking more and more that he has a serious mental illness. There is no doubt at all that he is paranoid and delusional. I mean, I knew he wasn't well really and wanted to try to help him get on disability. Some of his delusions and paranoia are about me and I have done nothing but try to help him.
I have told him that the house is at risk of condemnation. My other nieghbor told me that he thinks I am going to report him and pretend to be his sister. I was like...wtf??!! If he would spend just a few minutes of that time he spends dreaming up things, he could get help and get an income coming in. I think he is going to do a self fulfilling prophecy....and let himself go broke. He already almost won't use his utilities. yeah, a lot of his behavior is irrational. Like he thinks he can't afford litter so is letting them go on towels and then putting them across his railing on his porch for the rain to wash them. as if, they confined themselves to the towels. smdh. There is cat crap in his bathtub! They have sprayed the walls so much that they are no longer structually sound either, along with the floor and his appliances.
I WANT to call. really really want to call. or actually fill it out online anonymously. I am too fearful of retribution.
I can check to see if he is on social media. so will do that from time to time. had forgotten about that.
Will most definitely look up that disease.
His mother set up a trust. He spoke to her financial advisor once who told him that he would be well taken care of. His sister is the executor. They have a hostile relationship and frankly I think she has defaulted on her responsibilities..thus if he would see an attorney, I think he would get money coming in.
I read the legal documents for him more than once and highlighted in 2 different colors what she was responsible for and what he was supposed to get. She already shorted him $1k on the life insurance saying she needed it to pay for the taxes on it. but, um, life insurance is not taxed as personal income. It is a good sized estate. There is no reason that they should not have begun disposing of the personal property and selling the autos etc. It is a nice home too. It should be listed with a realtor.
He thinks he is going to fix up his place. I think it is too far gone.
I did get him to apply for LIHEAP energy assistance. (federal program, so if anyone is struggling financially, it is something to look into)
I would always go down there because he doesn't leave the house except to buy liquor. I insisted he get fans to ventilate but it is too cold now.
Thank you for the info about the effects of cat waste. good heavens, that is everywhere! and I had been thinking more and more that he has a serious mental illness. There is no doubt at all that he is paranoid and delusional. I mean, I knew he wasn't well really and wanted to try to help him get on disability. Some of his delusions and paranoia are about me and I have done nothing but try to help him.
I have told him that the house is at risk of condemnation. My other nieghbor told me that he thinks I am going to report him and pretend to be his sister. I was like...wtf??!! If he would spend just a few minutes of that time he spends dreaming up things, he could get help and get an income coming in. I think he is going to do a self fulfilling prophecy....and let himself go broke. He already almost won't use his utilities. yeah, a lot of his behavior is irrational. Like he thinks he can't afford litter so is letting them go on towels and then putting them across his railing on his porch for the rain to wash them. as if, they confined themselves to the towels. smdh. There is cat crap in his bathtub! They have sprayed the walls so much that they are no longer structually sound either, along with the floor and his appliances.
I WANT to call. really really want to call. or actually fill it out online anonymously. I am too fearful of retribution.
I can check to see if he is on social media. so will do that from time to time. had forgotten about that.
Will most definitely look up that disease.
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Reminder to self :STEP AWAY FROM THE ADDICT
I am more concerned about his situation than he is. He is a grown man.
You all are right. It is the cats who are victims. He does feed them. They are spayed & neutered. Being ferals they were born diseased.
He has a felony assault record. and still has a bad temper. He is very very angry at me for walking away. & he is deathly afraid that I will call him in. So, he threatens me.
I have let this cloud my mind. I will table any actions for possible future consideration. I need to keep myself safe and I do have a full life of my own.
Sometimes I am slow to notice when I hop on the codie train. lol. eh, I know how that goes. I have never been able to save anyone from them selves.
Thank you for being here as I have slowly processed this. I doubt I will fully let go in a day. But I can come here. and know it will dissipate.
I am more concerned about his situation than he is. He is a grown man.
You all are right. It is the cats who are victims. He does feed them. They are spayed & neutered. Being ferals they were born diseased.
He has a felony assault record. and still has a bad temper. He is very very angry at me for walking away. & he is deathly afraid that I will call him in. So, he threatens me.
I have let this cloud my mind. I will table any actions for possible future consideration. I need to keep myself safe and I do have a full life of my own.
Sometimes I am slow to notice when I hop on the codie train. lol. eh, I know how that goes. I have never been able to save anyone from them selves.
Thank you for being here as I have slowly processed this. I doubt I will fully let go in a day. But I can come here. and know it will dissipate.
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He contacted me yesterday. several times before I went ahead and answered. He didn't get the kindly supportive friendly person he knows. I read him the riot act. No, I didn't lose my temper. I don't do that. But I did express anger. A big dose of truth and reality. I hit all points except the cats. That one would have made him (more) irrational. I wrapped it up by telling him that if he wanted to lay down there and die in squalor that was his choice.
Call it shock therapy.
Can I change him? no! But maybe he won't want to talk to me anymore. And he may think twice before messing with me as I spoke about things such as adult protective services. and that his trailer would be condemned. I didn't threaten him, I just spoke very frankly about his situation. He will take it as a threat mostly but I framed it all as in what he needed and what would help him, what would hurt him. That he is his own worst enemy.
I didn't just vent. I gave him all the help agencies I know of to call.
He can do with it whatever he wants. I am just not going to be his buddy.
Call it shock therapy.
Can I change him? no! But maybe he won't want to talk to me anymore. And he may think twice before messing with me as I spoke about things such as adult protective services. and that his trailer would be condemned. I didn't threaten him, I just spoke very frankly about his situation. He will take it as a threat mostly but I framed it all as in what he needed and what would help him, what would hurt him. That he is his own worst enemy.
I didn't just vent. I gave him all the help agencies I know of to call.
He can do with it whatever he wants. I am just not going to be his buddy.
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thank you. yes. I have covered all bases with him and have nothing more to say. I had promised him I would go with him for an attorney apmt. Not going to future trip about it. I trust that he has me in the "enemy" camp now. I am not worried about him doing anything to me because he is paranoid and delusional and will be concocting scenarios of me reporting him. I had suggested that they had helpful services for him...and they do. Except that his trailer would be condemned.
#notmyproblem
#notmyproblem
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I didn't block him. I am capable of limiting contact and/or ignoring him. I don't have an emotional investment in him. His drinking is his problem. He contacted me yesterday to see if I would talk with him. I did because I am nosy. He reports being unbearably anxious and drinking much more. Color me surprised! not! He talked about hitting bottom. I told him that he hadn't yet but he was headed that way. He has managed to kick the can down the curb for a month. (paid rent, utilities, etc). He has created this self fulfilling prophecy. My boyfriend offered to drop off some extra groceries that we weren't going to use. They aren't friends but for bf it was just the christian thing to do.
He could fix all this with an attorney. He is terrified that it would backfire. What is he going to do...be homeless?
I have to remind myself that pickled brains do not operate well.
He told me that out of all that I had said, my comment about how cruelly he treated himself caught his attention.
This is what advanced alcoholism looks like.
He could fix all this with an attorney. He is terrified that it would backfire. What is he going to do...be homeless?
I have to remind myself that pickled brains do not operate well.
He told me that out of all that I had said, my comment about how cruelly he treated himself caught his attention.
This is what advanced alcoholism looks like.
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He is having constant panic attacks. Normally, these are irrational but in his case it is reasonable.
I won't go to his home anymore.
The cats have ruined his range/oven. smdh.
I got him to come up here yesterday and made a chicken and rice casserole. He thanked me every other bite. I put it in the oven when he got here and told him that he had to stay 2 hours for it. He was skeptical...remember he only leaves his house to go to the liquor store. But I put on the new Reacher series while it baked. and we looked up symptoms of panic disorder and depression on the mayo clinic site which my dr says is reliable. Made him a list.
I have been dealing with a serious mental health issue for over 30 years so am pretty good knowing my way around with them. Thankful for those who helped me and am glad to pay it forward. My therapist has asked me to do peer support. But I am not willing to travel to the center where they want me to serve. But I can apply it here.
From social media, it appears he went to the liquor store when he left here. he didn't post to me drunk..that would be a monumental blooper. it is the long absence from signing in. wth, that is what drunks do.
I won't go to his home anymore.
The cats have ruined his range/oven. smdh.
I got him to come up here yesterday and made a chicken and rice casserole. He thanked me every other bite. I put it in the oven when he got here and told him that he had to stay 2 hours for it. He was skeptical...remember he only leaves his house to go to the liquor store. But I put on the new Reacher series while it baked. and we looked up symptoms of panic disorder and depression on the mayo clinic site which my dr says is reliable. Made him a list.
I have been dealing with a serious mental health issue for over 30 years so am pretty good knowing my way around with them. Thankful for those who helped me and am glad to pay it forward. My therapist has asked me to do peer support. But I am not willing to travel to the center where they want me to serve. But I can apply it here.
From social media, it appears he went to the liquor store when he left here. he didn't post to me drunk..that would be a monumental blooper. it is the long absence from signing in. wth, that is what drunks do.
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Thanks, Trailmix! That makes sense and I did a quick lookup of a summary of studies about it by the NIH which confirms that..and also complicates the matter. He is prescribed antidepressants and an anxiety med but they aren't working and it makes sense that the alcohol would defeat them. I've no idea whether his dr knows that he is an alcoholic? He uses a phone in free clinic. I am alarmed by his mental state. I also do not think that he will ever quit drinking.
I will have him up for meals again. I like cooking for those who need it. Hopefully he will get some financial settlement sooner rather than later. It won't fix his alcoholism but it will fix a host of other things.
I will have him up for meals again. I like cooking for those who need it. Hopefully he will get some financial settlement sooner rather than later. It won't fix his alcoholism but it will fix a host of other things.
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It was very kind of you to prepare that meal for your brother. From what I understand, taking antidepressants and drinking just doesn't allow the ADs to do their job. I will pray that he will finally allow the professionals to help him.
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