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He called Wed asking me to quick get ready and ride to the attny with him.. His sis had messaged him that he could pick up some money. He was too panicked and nervous to go by himself.Scared. I needed to stop by a couple places in the area anyway too.
Hey, I was so freaking relieved that he was getting a payment, I was happy to ride along. It was considerably more than the very low amount he let himself expect and a couple k less than I thought it should be. He gave me $100 for helping him. It was my birthday, I took it.
And I confessed to him about how scared I had become for him. No matter what, I did not want him homeless.
I had made a huge instapot of southern pinto bean soup. Sent an extra crock I had home with him. He doesn't have a sink either as he had torn out the old one and has a new one to install. His mom was paying for him to do some remodeling when she died. So, then he later tells me he didn't have a clean bowl to eat any yet. This is so absurd, I practically fall apart laughing. and am thanking my stars that my kids are so very capable. (grown)
As long as I can still set it aside and do my things, it's okay with me. I spend my evenings reading mysteries.

Live

just sharing a quick laugh. my bf told me this morning that a heroin or cocaine habit would be cheaper than my book habit. lol! He would be correct but I subscribe to kindle unlimited and confine myself to reading those.
I don't like the local library.

Live

Something weird is going on with L. I knew he went on a bender and then awol hungover. He answered a message, said he was okay just pretty sick and would call today. he laughed about his hangover. Typically he would call first reasonable hour of this morning. Scott went out around noon and said he saw a red suv parked there. definitely out of the norm, could it be his sister? He would not invite her in and Scott said he did not see anyone outside.if it is her, it is bad news.
I saw that he had not been online since he answered me last night. big red flag but of what I do not know. I phoned. He did not answer but he did come online...so he is alive. roll eyes!
I have a short fuse for these reindeer games. I do not care if he is on his next bottle of gin. (he is not an every day drinker typically, usually once or when things are bad, twice a week)
I wanted the day to myself anyway and am headed for my coveted nap.
Not taking phone calls until I am rested and then may or may not.
He doesn't respect himself so I would be very foolish to expect him to respect me in this matter...But I do know what scares him and he can't handle: radio silence.
When he comes to me right, I will talk with him. & by that I mean when he wants to accomplish some of the productive things we have been discussing.
If he is just feeling like crap due to the drinking...I will not get in the way of that.

Live

Well that was me in a bit of madness! lol.

I am fine. Better than fine. I laid down, started my breathing for meditation and fell right to sleep. Then I was dreaming and it was one of the coolest dreams I have ever had & fun. I know that certain characters were symbolic of real people I know, others I can't figure out/do not know. sure wish I could!
& why do dreams vanish so rapidly when we wake???

HALT comes to mind. hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I might add an E&S for emotional and sick. I think a combination of those is what triggered me to lose my cool regarding L.
In any case, it is over.
Also the 3 c's. I think I lost sight of that for a couple of hours. & that is not healthy self care.

& I didn't hear from daughter but didn't give that a second thought. I am sure she either got busy or doesn't feel well. no worries.
That is how it should have gone down for me regarding L. He is a grown up, no worries.

I think I want to treat myself to a professional massage next month. It has been a really long time but I adore them. hopefully the place I am thinking of does swedish massages. I come out of those positively glowing and as relaxed as a wet noodle. They run specials for $39.
So, I am earmarking that as a hope and a plan. I can do all sorts of things to enhance it and make it my version of a stay-cation. Have freshly washed bedding on. Scent the house with lavender or sandlewood. Have a special meal. Take a bubble bath the night before and put polish on my nails. do some extra special meditations. & I have some powerhouse books to choose to do some readings from. I can romance Scott. He won't do a massage, I know. But I can include him in some of it. I will keep it in mind to revise to best enjoy this plan. I will be dreaming up food fantasies for sure!