Generational Codependence: Still Going Strong
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Generational Codependence: Still Going Strong
The saga of my frustrations with my Queen Codie Mum continues... I guess this is just a little rant to get the frustration off my chest.
I was finally able to travel and visit my family.It had been almost two years of being physically separated from them due to the Covid restrictions and border closures. It was a relief to finally see and hug them in person. However, as expected, after about 24hrs in my mother's presence I was ready to make a run for the border.
I had a plan this time, so it was somewhat more bearable. My daughter has her own apartment (without roommates now) so I was able to go every few days and spend a couple days at her place breaking up the crazy. It definitely helped. I probably drove my own kid nuts ranting about her grandma, but she is well aware of her grandmother's issues. We share in the same frustrations about our matriarch.
As ALWAYS, my mother started bitching about her long dead mother-in-law, my grandma, and how she was the catalyst for all my Dad's drinking problems. Never does she hold my (also dead) father responsible for his own choices. I had had enough, and I said, like I have said many times before; "Well if Gram is to blame for Dad's issues I guess we can blame her dad for her issues and probably his dad for his and so on, it's a family disease you can't just blame one person all the time!"... and to my surprise she agreed for the first time ever, " Oh yes, I know. She told me, it was her daddy that told her you couldn't go on trip with out taking along something to nip". She reverted to saying again how bad it was for my Dad always seeing his parents drinking and that's why he turned out the way he was etc... I was tuning her out because I've heard all this a million times and she never, ever holds my deceased father accountable for his own behavior. Then she said, " Well I am certainly glad that I don't have remember MY Dad being like that!" (Comparing her father to my Dad's father)... I calmly said, " I guess that makes you the lucky one in this room then"... Her eyes about bugged out of her head, she gulped hard a few times and then said, " But we had some good times though, it wasn't all bad, when we lived "in that really remote area" things were really good for us as a family. I did my best to shield you kids from his drinking, we still did stuff as a family!".... I wanted SO BADLY to tell her that wrapping us up in her "protective" cloak of codependency was the worst mistake she ever made as a mother. That I suffered for following in her footsteps, and that my daughter has suffered for then following in mine. That my relationship with my son is still strained, even years after the fact, because I was a raging codie when he was in his teens. He is still angry about my reactions to some of his behaviors. I didn't say any of it, but I wanted to. She'd have had a breakdown had I said such things and when she recovered from that she would have found a way to blame all that on my Dad's mom too. After all, the whole reason my mum liked living in that afore mentioned "really remote place" was because it was far, far away from her mother-in-law.
My mom was so jealous of my Grandma and the closeness she had with my dad. She will drone on and on about it..never realizing the irony of what she is saying when she talks about mothers/sons and toxic relationships. Honestly, I'm actually quite sick and tired of listening to her talk crap about my Grandma.
The relationship between my mom (76) and brother (48) is as disgustingly enmeshed as it ever was. ( For those of you who don't know my brother lives in a travel trailer, on my mother's property, right next to her house, hooked into all her utilities) He acts like a bratty teenager and she reacts to him accordingly. It is so bizarre. It is surreal to think two adults behave as they do. She'd say things like, " He is taking advantage of you being here, that's why he is getting away with that"... I heard that at least once a day. There is so many things wrong with a statement like that I don't even know where to begin breaking it down! She monitors his friends, who comes, who goes, where he goes, how long he will be gone. She drops him off and picks him up. She tells him and his friends they are getting to loud, they need to turn down the music. He lies to her, just like a kid would, about what he's been doing. It is so blatantly obvious and childish. I swear, I could write a book or make a miniseries about this geriatric "teenager"/parental situation...It's a comedic tragedy. Seriously.
She was overly mothering to me as well, I knew she would be. If I went to go for a walk..." which way was I going? How long would I be?" If I'm not back in an hour she needs to know where so she can come pick me up! Then there was this: "It's raining don't forget your coat."... I borrowed her car and headed to my daughter's house, I have to take a ferry so it's not exactly convenient. I stop at a store along the way, my phone rings, it's my mother, " SMALL-BUT-MIGHTY YOU FORGOT YOUR BIG COOOOAT!!!!"... yes she used my full name, yes she yelled, not in a mad way but in a very deeply concerned way. " Muuuummmm, I'm wearing my rain jacket... I'm not trekking to the North Pole, I'm fine."... " Ok then, I guess you won't be coming back over to get it, I'll see you tomorrow" .... OMG!... I will be 50years old on my next birthday, pretty sure I can handle dressing myself appropriately. She was also at me to eat more..which I do NOT need to do, honestly I could skip several meals and survive just fine.
I'll spare you the details of her dropping me off at the airport. That's always an ugly scene. I always feel so bad for her because I know her heart breaks to see me go, but by that time, I feel like a foal who's gotten out of the corral and I am ready to BOUND as fast and as far as I can from the confinement.
This is but a very small sampling of how I spent the last two and a half weeks. Despite not having seen my mum in almost two years, it was as if I had just been there the month before. I expected to feel, I dunno, "something" different about this trip after being absent all that time. There was maybe a small amount of relief, but that was more about feeling glad, that she was happy to see me(?) I feel bad about it, but I just don't enjoy being there. Nothing has, nor ever will change. The level of dysfunction is so damn cringy, it's desperately uncomfortable for me to be there. I am grateful that we live on opposite corners of the continent. I feel F.O.Ggy about the whole situation, especially as she's aging, but I do not regret my decision to move away. My mental health thanks me.
So that was my little rant. I know there isn't anything anyone can say or do to change the crazy dynamic between me and my mum. I am grateful that I have learned so much from being here that I am able to identify just exactly what kind of dysfunction my mother operates under. I don't blame her, she has done the best she could. Nothing she does "wrong" is malicious, just very, VERY misguided and she has no intention of ever changing her ways. I've already accepted she is who she is. I know I will struggle with visits, up until I am then struggling because there will be no more visits. ( See, there's some more of that good old FOG, yummy codie nectar...) I'm sorry she misses me, but I don't miss being a constant part of her chaos. Gosh, mother/daughter relationships are complicated, aren't they? I know we love each other very much, I guess that's what's important.
If nothing else, I hope a few of you found some humor in this share. Also, if you have a difficult relationship with your mother, please know, I empathize.
P.S. As much as I will always miss my kids, I am glad to be home. Travelling internationally these days is NOT a fun travel experience. Things are so different. So many moving parts, so many more things that can go wrong, so stressful. I hope by springtime they have streamlined the process.
I was finally able to travel and visit my family.It had been almost two years of being physically separated from them due to the Covid restrictions and border closures. It was a relief to finally see and hug them in person. However, as expected, after about 24hrs in my mother's presence I was ready to make a run for the border.
I had a plan this time, so it was somewhat more bearable. My daughter has her own apartment (without roommates now) so I was able to go every few days and spend a couple days at her place breaking up the crazy. It definitely helped. I probably drove my own kid nuts ranting about her grandma, but she is well aware of her grandmother's issues. We share in the same frustrations about our matriarch.
As ALWAYS, my mother started bitching about her long dead mother-in-law, my grandma, and how she was the catalyst for all my Dad's drinking problems. Never does she hold my (also dead) father responsible for his own choices. I had had enough, and I said, like I have said many times before; "Well if Gram is to blame for Dad's issues I guess we can blame her dad for her issues and probably his dad for his and so on, it's a family disease you can't just blame one person all the time!"... and to my surprise she agreed for the first time ever, " Oh yes, I know. She told me, it was her daddy that told her you couldn't go on trip with out taking along something to nip". She reverted to saying again how bad it was for my Dad always seeing his parents drinking and that's why he turned out the way he was etc... I was tuning her out because I've heard all this a million times and she never, ever holds my deceased father accountable for his own behavior. Then she said, " Well I am certainly glad that I don't have remember MY Dad being like that!" (Comparing her father to my Dad's father)... I calmly said, " I guess that makes you the lucky one in this room then"... Her eyes about bugged out of her head, she gulped hard a few times and then said, " But we had some good times though, it wasn't all bad, when we lived "in that really remote area" things were really good for us as a family. I did my best to shield you kids from his drinking, we still did stuff as a family!".... I wanted SO BADLY to tell her that wrapping us up in her "protective" cloak of codependency was the worst mistake she ever made as a mother. That I suffered for following in her footsteps, and that my daughter has suffered for then following in mine. That my relationship with my son is still strained, even years after the fact, because I was a raging codie when he was in his teens. He is still angry about my reactions to some of his behaviors. I didn't say any of it, but I wanted to. She'd have had a breakdown had I said such things and when she recovered from that she would have found a way to blame all that on my Dad's mom too. After all, the whole reason my mum liked living in that afore mentioned "really remote place" was because it was far, far away from her mother-in-law.
My mom was so jealous of my Grandma and the closeness she had with my dad. She will drone on and on about it..never realizing the irony of what she is saying when she talks about mothers/sons and toxic relationships. Honestly, I'm actually quite sick and tired of listening to her talk crap about my Grandma.
The relationship between my mom (76) and brother (48) is as disgustingly enmeshed as it ever was. ( For those of you who don't know my brother lives in a travel trailer, on my mother's property, right next to her house, hooked into all her utilities) He acts like a bratty teenager and she reacts to him accordingly. It is so bizarre. It is surreal to think two adults behave as they do. She'd say things like, " He is taking advantage of you being here, that's why he is getting away with that"... I heard that at least once a day. There is so many things wrong with a statement like that I don't even know where to begin breaking it down! She monitors his friends, who comes, who goes, where he goes, how long he will be gone. She drops him off and picks him up. She tells him and his friends they are getting to loud, they need to turn down the music. He lies to her, just like a kid would, about what he's been doing. It is so blatantly obvious and childish. I swear, I could write a book or make a miniseries about this geriatric "teenager"/parental situation...It's a comedic tragedy. Seriously.
She was overly mothering to me as well, I knew she would be. If I went to go for a walk..." which way was I going? How long would I be?" If I'm not back in an hour she needs to know where so she can come pick me up! Then there was this: "It's raining don't forget your coat."... I borrowed her car and headed to my daughter's house, I have to take a ferry so it's not exactly convenient. I stop at a store along the way, my phone rings, it's my mother, " SMALL-BUT-MIGHTY YOU FORGOT YOUR BIG COOOOAT!!!!"... yes she used my full name, yes she yelled, not in a mad way but in a very deeply concerned way. " Muuuummmm, I'm wearing my rain jacket... I'm not trekking to the North Pole, I'm fine."... " Ok then, I guess you won't be coming back over to get it, I'll see you tomorrow" .... OMG!... I will be 50years old on my next birthday, pretty sure I can handle dressing myself appropriately. She was also at me to eat more..which I do NOT need to do, honestly I could skip several meals and survive just fine.
I'll spare you the details of her dropping me off at the airport. That's always an ugly scene. I always feel so bad for her because I know her heart breaks to see me go, but by that time, I feel like a foal who's gotten out of the corral and I am ready to BOUND as fast and as far as I can from the confinement.
This is but a very small sampling of how I spent the last two and a half weeks. Despite not having seen my mum in almost two years, it was as if I had just been there the month before. I expected to feel, I dunno, "something" different about this trip after being absent all that time. There was maybe a small amount of relief, but that was more about feeling glad, that she was happy to see me(?) I feel bad about it, but I just don't enjoy being there. Nothing has, nor ever will change. The level of dysfunction is so damn cringy, it's desperately uncomfortable for me to be there. I am grateful that we live on opposite corners of the continent. I feel F.O.Ggy about the whole situation, especially as she's aging, but I do not regret my decision to move away. My mental health thanks me.
So that was my little rant. I know there isn't anything anyone can say or do to change the crazy dynamic between me and my mum. I am grateful that I have learned so much from being here that I am able to identify just exactly what kind of dysfunction my mother operates under. I don't blame her, she has done the best she could. Nothing she does "wrong" is malicious, just very, VERY misguided and she has no intention of ever changing her ways. I've already accepted she is who she is. I know I will struggle with visits, up until I am then struggling because there will be no more visits. ( See, there's some more of that good old FOG, yummy codie nectar...) I'm sorry she misses me, but I don't miss being a constant part of her chaos. Gosh, mother/daughter relationships are complicated, aren't they? I know we love each other very much, I guess that's what's important.
If nothing else, I hope a few of you found some humor in this share. Also, if you have a difficult relationship with your mother, please know, I empathize.
P.S. As much as I will always miss my kids, I am glad to be home. Travelling internationally these days is NOT a fun travel experience. Things are so different. So many moving parts, so many more things that can go wrong, so stressful. I hope by springtime they have streamlined the process.
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Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
First off, congrats on surviving first trip to crazy Codie homeland in two years! I imagine like drinking after being sober for a couple years, the affects might actually feel stronger on your body because you aren’t “used” to it anymore!
At one of my first NarAnon meetings, I heard someone say “boundaries are for us, and no one else, whatever boundaries work for you are the right ones! Surprisingly, I found out that no-boundaries works for me.” That quote reminds me of your mom and brother. It’s tricky, seeing a lifestyle that would never work for you in a million YEARS that apparently works well enough for them that they’re sticking with it. But also, maybe they really are fine living life that way! 🤷🏻♀️ Regardless, just wanted to say, I’m really impressed how well you stayed on your side of the street. Even in the middle of all that. Great job not trying to “rescue” them from their choices/codependency/enmeshment, but also not sacrificing your own sanity and boundaries.
I lost my mom this year (she was 52), and while we were never heavily codependent by any means, we have skirted the lines and did have growing pains for the last few years (she and my father both had some childhood trauma, my brother and I not really at all, we just inherited a milder copy of those patterns, but progress was and continues to be made generationally!). It was weird, hard, and sometimes awful trying to assert boundaries the past few years while knowing my mom was battling cancer. I was lucky in that I knew ultimately she always supported me in being myself and taking care of myself, even if she got frustrated by some of my boundaries. Irony was, I really felt like I wanted space to be myself, but I wasn’t returning the favor and giving her space to be herself. We hit some walls with that, because that close to facing death, she didn’t want to spend all of her last days being asked to see versions of the past that maybe meant something to me but hurt her. Or being asked to “change” to what I saw as “right & heathy.” She was also working at not feeling so much guilt, and sometimes had to just openly tell me she couldn’t handle certain topics that would put her into a guilt/fear/shame spiral. At first I was upset, but now I get it. And that was when I finally realized I didn’t need her memories/perception of reality to be exactly aligned with mine. I didn’t need her validation of my experiences anymore, and she didn’t need mine for hers. With that out of the way, priorities shifted. We got closer than ever, even though we weren’t “on the same page about everything” the way we used to be. It felt like we both compromised more on the little things, but compromised less of ourselves, you know?
Obviously, there’s a lot of differences in our situations, and in what your mom seems to demand from you! But I thought of my ahah moment after hearing the way you knew what you could say, might even be justified in saying to your mom, but realized you didn’t need to say. Because what would it achieve? As a recovering Codie, you know how painful the healing process can be, and if that’s not a pain she’s ready for, then why push her? I imagine living with the stories she’s told herself for as long as she has, stories she developed to protect herself, it’s gonna be near impossible to change those stories in her head. And I understand a little better why, as people get older and closer to the end, “right or wrong” we double-down on our way of living, because it’s what’s comfortable to us and the costs of changing might be too steep. So, just wanted to say, I think it’s really cool how you give your mom space to do what she’s going to do and be her own person, but also not at the cost of you being your own person. I think that’s exactly what boundaries (especially internal ones) are for.
At one of my first NarAnon meetings, I heard someone say “boundaries are for us, and no one else, whatever boundaries work for you are the right ones! Surprisingly, I found out that no-boundaries works for me.” That quote reminds me of your mom and brother. It’s tricky, seeing a lifestyle that would never work for you in a million YEARS that apparently works well enough for them that they’re sticking with it. But also, maybe they really are fine living life that way! 🤷🏻♀️ Regardless, just wanted to say, I’m really impressed how well you stayed on your side of the street. Even in the middle of all that. Great job not trying to “rescue” them from their choices/codependency/enmeshment, but also not sacrificing your own sanity and boundaries.
I lost my mom this year (she was 52), and while we were never heavily codependent by any means, we have skirted the lines and did have growing pains for the last few years (she and my father both had some childhood trauma, my brother and I not really at all, we just inherited a milder copy of those patterns, but progress was and continues to be made generationally!). It was weird, hard, and sometimes awful trying to assert boundaries the past few years while knowing my mom was battling cancer. I was lucky in that I knew ultimately she always supported me in being myself and taking care of myself, even if she got frustrated by some of my boundaries. Irony was, I really felt like I wanted space to be myself, but I wasn’t returning the favor and giving her space to be herself. We hit some walls with that, because that close to facing death, she didn’t want to spend all of her last days being asked to see versions of the past that maybe meant something to me but hurt her. Or being asked to “change” to what I saw as “right & heathy.” She was also working at not feeling so much guilt, and sometimes had to just openly tell me she couldn’t handle certain topics that would put her into a guilt/fear/shame spiral. At first I was upset, but now I get it. And that was when I finally realized I didn’t need her memories/perception of reality to be exactly aligned with mine. I didn’t need her validation of my experiences anymore, and she didn’t need mine for hers. With that out of the way, priorities shifted. We got closer than ever, even though we weren’t “on the same page about everything” the way we used to be. It felt like we both compromised more on the little things, but compromised less of ourselves, you know?
Obviously, there’s a lot of differences in our situations, and in what your mom seems to demand from you! But I thought of my ahah moment after hearing the way you knew what you could say, might even be justified in saying to your mom, but realized you didn’t need to say. Because what would it achieve? As a recovering Codie, you know how painful the healing process can be, and if that’s not a pain she’s ready for, then why push her? I imagine living with the stories she’s told herself for as long as she has, stories she developed to protect herself, it’s gonna be near impossible to change those stories in her head. And I understand a little better why, as people get older and closer to the end, “right or wrong” we double-down on our way of living, because it’s what’s comfortable to us and the costs of changing might be too steep. So, just wanted to say, I think it’s really cool how you give your mom space to do what she’s going to do and be her own person, but also not at the cost of you being your own person. I think that’s exactly what boundaries (especially internal ones) are for.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Omg. lol
Thank you for telling that SBM - I did find some humour for sure. When I read this:
I laughed out loud.
The first part made me a bit ticked though (you are a good writer btw). Then I thought, if I can have all those feelings just reading a snippet of the goings-on - poor SBM!
You're a trooper and yes, you do love each other, just different people.
Thank you for telling that SBM - I did find some humour for sure. When I read this:
" He is taking advantage of you being here, that's why he is getting away with that".
The first part made me a bit ticked though (you are a good writer btw). Then I thought, if I can have all those feelings just reading a snippet of the goings-on - poor SBM!
You're a trooper and yes, you do love each other, just different people.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
My qualifier had an entirely different situation: his parents were teetotalers. His brother doesn't drink, and his sister does (I think) but doesn't have a problem with it. Your mom would have a hard time explaining that, I suspect.
Weirdly, I suspect Late AH's daughter does have a drinking problem (based on her last visit to with us) but his ex-wife made sure they only saw one another a couple days a year, so his influence over her was non-existent.
Weirdly, I suspect Late AH's daughter does have a drinking problem (based on her last visit to with us) but his ex-wife made sure they only saw one another a couple days a year, so his influence over her was non-existent.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Originally Posted by edoering 
First off, congrats on surviving first trip to crazy Codie homeland in two years! I imagine like drinking after being sober for a couple years, the affects might actually feel stronger on your body because you aren’t “used” to it anymore!
I'm not immune to my mother's codie behavior, even from afar. We had a couple "go'rounds" over email this past year. I KNOW I should have kept my big mouth shut or sat on my typing fingers or something but she'd overstepped so badly I felt I couldn't let her go unchecked. Just because she is free to live her life anyway she sees fit, when her life bleeds unnecessary strife into other people's lives I think it is OK to point out to her how she is affecting us. I did end up apologizing for upsetting her, but not for what I said.
Edoering, I am sorry you lost your mom at such a young age. You are around the same age as my daughter. I am so impressed when I see you, her and other young women coming to realizations, contemplating and then applying that knowledge in ways I didn't learn to do until I was in my forties. As rough as it has probably been to learn those lessons young, the rest of your lives are going to be SO MUCH better for it. Boundaries really do make such a difference in the foundation and structure of a life. I am so glad to know younger people are gaining that wisdom before they are middle aged.
Trailmix, I am truly glad you could see the humor amidst my frustrations. It's what I have to focus on so that my head doesn't blow right off my shoulders. It gets very hard to take after a day or two. It's just so very bizarre, I often think people don't truly understand how freaking weird it is. Comments like the one you quoted are not rare, she says things equivalent to that ALL the time. It's completely normal to her. Unbelievable.
Here is a little side story that happened while I was there. I had spent a couple days with my daughter. My brother got his disability check and she was bringing him in to town to get his groceries (he lost his drivers license years ago so she is now his chauffeur) They were going to pick me up and take me back home with them when they were done their shopping and running around. I got a text from her saying he had bought a TV at the second hand store and now they couldn't find a way to make it fit with all the groceries and still have room for me. I said that's fine, I'm having a nice time visiting with Daughter, she would take me to the ferry in a few hours, I would walk on and mum could pick me up on the other side, easy- peasy, no problem.I didn't think anything more of it. When mum picks me up in a few hours and she is still as mad as a wet hen. She tells me she is SO angry at him and she tells me that she is "barely speaking" to him. She told him not to get the dumb TV. She's irate with him they couldn't pick me up, and had started to cry. My brother asked her why she is crying, she said because she's "losing time" with me because of him, he tells her that she will see me in a couple hours and that she is over reacting and then she proceeds to tell him that he is jealous because I am there. (!!!!!! wtf mum????) So just as she is finishing up this story we drive past my brother standing on the side of the road talking to his friend. He waves at us and my mother stops her car and yells, "WHAT?" at him.. he says , " Nothing! I was just waving!".... she puts her foot to the floor and we speed away. Me, the woman who doesn't much care for her brother at the best of times, was feeling pretty bad for him at this point. Our mother was behaving like she was insane. She was telling me the whole story over again as we pull into her driveway and I say, "I think its rather ridiculous that he would be jealous of me taking up your time, you see him every day and you haven't seem me for almost two years, I'm sure he gets that" She snorts, " HE didn't say he was jealous I TOLD him he was jealous. hhrrmmmfff".... I say, "Sorry you're mad Mum, but it worked out well for me. I got to spend some extra time with Daughter so we were both glad he got the damn TV!" I guess she had never considered that me spending time with MY daughter might be equally as important. (Especially since staying with her has me trapped on a stupid island) After I said that she never mentioned it again, and when she did her nightly phone call to check up on him (yes she does this even though he lives just 12feet away) she was her normal self with no hint of the earlier vitriol.
Can you even imagine what it is like to live like that day to day? Year in and year out? Obviously that is their "normal"... but it is not normal. I realize "normal" is subjective, and I am all for live and let live... but oh my goodness...
I need an advil after just typing up the short version of events. You know, my mother will periodically mention how I will always have a home there and I could move in with her any time I ever needed to. I always say, "Thanks, but never gonna happen. I hate the ferry, I'd never live in such an inconvenient place". At which she is always deeply offended because she doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to live where she lives because that is obviously THEE best place on Earth for anyone to live and all other places are bad. Period. ( I'm not kidding she actually thinks this) While the ferry part is also true, it is not the only truth, the far bigger truth is that I will never, ever again live submerged in someone else's sickness, no matter how much I love them. If I was down for that I'd still be married to my AXH "enjoying" my codie lifestyle. Ugg just saying that makes me nauseous. The last seven years have been so calm, so peaceful, I can't imagine ever reverting to living in chaos again. Yuck.
Woops, guess I had a little more rant left in me. Thanks for listening gang!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
I totally understand, I would never be able to do that either, the fact that you managed for 2 weeks is pretty outstanding.
When my Father (alcoholic) got older and I had remarried he said why don't you and ex move in with me - then you could have this house and blah blah. I said no, we are newly married and we need time to ourselves - thinking - no way in hell! Basically he was offering a free house and still I said no lol
Your Mom is so very entrenched in all of that, so very wound up in some cases, like with the TV. Control, control - how exhausting. I have some compassion for your brother too, he stepped outside the lines and paid for it.
When my Father (alcoholic) got older and I had remarried he said why don't you and ex move in with me - then you could have this house and blah blah. I said no, we are newly married and we need time to ourselves - thinking - no way in hell! Basically he was offering a free house and still I said no lol
Your Mom is so very entrenched in all of that, so very wound up in some cases, like with the TV. Control, control - how exhausting. I have some compassion for your brother too, he stepped outside the lines and paid for it.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
I can relate to this . . . I generally avoid much time with my FOO just because it's all just too crazy and I simply can't live like that anymore. Had coffee today with my sister, she was tired so I suggested as it was her day off to take a nap, and she started on about how our mom wouldn't like this or that. I told her it was her day off her choice, but she just wasn't willing to rock the boat to do what she needed for her own self care.
I'm so thankful every day that I choose how and where I live. So thankful.
I'm so thankful every day that I choose how and where I live. So thankful.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Whew, SBM, that's a lot of dysfunction to immerse yourself in for 2 weeks. But, how
wonderful it is that you recognize all the dysfunction for what it is. I shudder to think
where you would be if you didn't possess all the hard won knowledge and understanding
of healthy relationships, enmeshment, and codependency. I much admire you
wonderful it is that you recognize all the dysfunction for what it is. I shudder to think
where you would be if you didn't possess all the hard won knowledge and understanding
of healthy relationships, enmeshment, and codependency. I much admire you
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