SmallButMighty

That's an interesting observation, and I think you may be right about that! I did know that as much as I missed my family, not HAVING to spend time in Crazytown was (sadly) a bit of a relief. " Blame it on the authorities Mum, they won't let me cross the border!"

I'm not immune to my mother's codie behavior, even from afar. We had a couple "go'rounds" over email this past year. I KNOW I should have kept my big mouth shut or sat on my typing fingers or something but she'd overstepped so badly I felt I couldn't let her go unchecked. Just because she is free to live her life anyway she sees fit, when her life bleeds unnecessary strife into other people's lives I think it is OK to point out to her how she is affecting us. I did end up apologizing for upsetting her, but not for what I said.

Edoering, I am sorry you lost your mom at such a young age. You are around the same age as my daughter. I am so impressed when I see you, her and other young women coming to realizations, contemplating and then applying that knowledge in ways I didn't learn to do until I was in my forties. As rough as it has probably been to learn those lessons young, the rest of your lives are going to be SO MUCH better for it. Boundaries really do make such a difference in the foundation and structure of a life. I am so glad to know younger people are gaining that wisdom before they are middle aged.

Trailmix, I am truly glad you could see the humor amidst my frustrations. It's what I have to focus on so that my head doesn't blow right off my shoulders. It gets very hard to take after a day or two. It's just so very bizarre, I often think people don't truly understand how freaking weird it is. Comments like the one you quoted are not rare, she says things equivalent to that ALL the time. It's completely normal to her. Unbelievable.

Here is a little side story that happened while I was there. I had spent a couple days with my daughter. My brother got his disability check and she was bringing him in to town to get his groceries (he lost his drivers license years ago so she is now his chauffeur) They were going to pick me up and take me back home with them when they were done their shopping and running around. I got a text from her saying he had bought a TV at the second hand store and now they couldn't find a way to make it fit with all the groceries and still have room for me. I said that's fine, I'm having a nice time visiting with Daughter, she would take me to the ferry in a few hours, I would walk on and mum could pick me up on the other side, easy- peasy, no problem.I didn't think anything more of it. When mum picks me up in a few hours and she is still as mad as a wet hen. She tells me she is SO angry at him and she tells me that she is "barely speaking" to him. She told him not to get the dumb TV. She's irate with him they couldn't pick me up, and had started to cry. My brother asked her why she is crying, she said because she's "losing time" with me because of him, he tells her that she will see me in a couple hours and that she is over reacting and then she proceeds to tell him that he is jealous because I am there. (!!!!!! wtf mum????) So just as she is finishing up this story we drive past my brother standing on the side of the road talking to his friend. He waves at us and my mother stops her car and yells, "WHAT?" at him.. he says , " Nothing! I was just waving!".... she puts her foot to the floor and we speed away. Me, the woman who doesn't much care for her brother at the best of times, was feeling pretty bad for him at this point. Our mother was behaving like she was insane. She was telling me the whole story over again as we pull into her driveway and I say, "I think its rather ridiculous that he would be jealous of me taking up your time, you see him every day and you haven't seem me for almost two years, I'm sure he gets that" She snorts, " HE didn't say he was jealous I TOLD him he was jealous. hhrrmmmfff".... I say, "Sorry you're mad Mum, but it worked out well for me. I got to spend some extra time with Daughter so we were both glad he got the damn TV!" I guess she had never considered that me spending time with MY daughter might be equally as important. (Especially since staying with her has me trapped on a stupid island) After I said that she never mentioned it again, and when she did her nightly phone call to check up on him (yes she does this even though he lives just 12feet away) she was her normal self with no hint of the earlier vitriol.

Can you even imagine what it is like to live like that day to day? Year in and year out? Obviously that is their "normal"... but it is not normal. I realize "normal" is subjective, and I am all for live and let live... but oh my goodness...

I need an advil after just typing up the short version of events. You know, my mother will periodically mention how I will always have a home there and I could move in with her any time I ever needed to. I always say, "Thanks, but never gonna happen. I hate the ferry, I'd never live in such an inconvenient place". At which she is always deeply offended because she doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to live where she lives because that is obviously THEE best place on Earth for anyone to live and all other places are bad. Period. ( I'm not kidding she actually thinks this) While the ferry part is also true, it is not the only truth, the far bigger truth is that I will never, ever again live submerged in someone else's sickness, no matter how much I love them. If I was down for that I'd still be married to my AXH "enjoying" my codie lifestyle. Ugg just saying that makes me nauseous. The last seven years have been so calm, so peaceful, I can't imagine ever reverting to living in chaos again. Yuck.

Woops, guess I had a little more rant left in me. Thanks for listening gang!