We told our raging alcohol adult son to not come home
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
By sense, I mean, he's so angry that I feel he'd submerge deeper to show us 'what for', rather than take the path out.
There are some very good places, one even close by, that treats people in the way you describe. I called them a couple of weeks ago, actually and they seemed like it would be good. Since then, I have attempted conversations, but he shuts me down. He works a lot, so he wouldn't be home. I admit, when he shuts me down with condescension, one word answers, sharp tone, etc.... I retreat. It rattles me. I definitely want to offer him rehab.
You're so kind to give your time and brain power to us.
There are some very good places, one even close by, that treats people in the way you describe. I called them a couple of weeks ago, actually and they seemed like it would be good. Since then, I have attempted conversations, but he shuts me down. He works a lot, so he wouldn't be home. I admit, when he shuts me down with condescension, one word answers, sharp tone, etc.... I retreat. It rattles me. I definitely want to offer him rehab.
You're so kind to give your time and brain power to us.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
By sense, I mean he gets so angry with us that he may choose to submerge deeper into this mess tha begin to climb out in order to cause more pain and damage to punish us.
There is a reputable dual diagnosis center close by. He could definitely go there. I have called them a few weeks ago, inquiring. I have since been unable to talk to my son about it. He works a lot, so I try to talk while he's home.. He stonewalls me, responds minimally... it really rattles me. I'm working on strengthening my back bone.
There is a reputable dual diagnosis center close by. He could definitely go there. I have called them a few weeks ago, inquiring. I have since been unable to talk to my son about it. He works a lot, so I try to talk while he's home.. He stonewalls me, responds minimally... it really rattles me. I'm working on strengthening my back bone.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Thank you Izabel. I wish that soberrecovery was around when I was going through my battles. The internet is so wonderful---there are so many resources and information abound, these days.
Thanks for the explanation. Now, I understand what you mean.
He is probably totally miserable. Alcoholics are not happy people---and, maybe he is depressed. Depressed people can be very angry and grouchy. He may also be hungover a lot of the time. He probably resents both you and your husband if you all have mane any kinds of demands (at all) on him. Most all kids over 18 or so, who live in their parent's house DO resent them! They want your help, but they resent the fact that they need it, also.
Neverthe less----it is wrong for him to speak to you like that. That is actually abusive treatment of you. He wouldn't get by with that very long to people outside of your home.
That is one reason that he shouldn't be living there and treating you or his father rudely and disrespectfully. This amounts to a form of enabling him to live there with bad and disrespectful behavior. It sends the message that it is o.k. and that he can get by with it.
Izabel....I am not suggesting that you battle with him. That will just reallyupset YOU and he will win, anyway. What I am suggesting is that you have strong boundaries that you and your husband will enforce.
I am overjpyed to hear that you and your husband are on the same page....lol. That way he can't do "splitting of the parents". Perhaps your husband can take the lead as the "spokesperson" for the rules of the family.
I will be quite frank with you....he may never face his realities al long as his resdence is in your house. You don't have to go by anything that I say or think, of course---but I suggest that you may want to pass all that I am saying to an alcohol counselor or a therapist or a long recovering alcoholic.
Even if he were to go to a rehab center---I would strongly siggest that he go to live in a sober house (when he lives there) with other recovering alcoholics until he can finally get his ownplace.
You and your husband deserve to live your own lives peacefully in your own home.
Thanks for the explanation. Now, I understand what you mean.
He is probably totally miserable. Alcoholics are not happy people---and, maybe he is depressed. Depressed people can be very angry and grouchy. He may also be hungover a lot of the time. He probably resents both you and your husband if you all have mane any kinds of demands (at all) on him. Most all kids over 18 or so, who live in their parent's house DO resent them! They want your help, but they resent the fact that they need it, also.
Neverthe less----it is wrong for him to speak to you like that. That is actually abusive treatment of you. He wouldn't get by with that very long to people outside of your home.
That is one reason that he shouldn't be living there and treating you or his father rudely and disrespectfully. This amounts to a form of enabling him to live there with bad and disrespectful behavior. It sends the message that it is o.k. and that he can get by with it.
Izabel....I am not suggesting that you battle with him. That will just reallyupset YOU and he will win, anyway. What I am suggesting is that you have strong boundaries that you and your husband will enforce.
I am overjpyed to hear that you and your husband are on the same page....lol. That way he can't do "splitting of the parents". Perhaps your husband can take the lead as the "spokesperson" for the rules of the family.
I will be quite frank with you....he may never face his realities al long as his resdence is in your house. You don't have to go by anything that I say or think, of course---but I suggest that you may want to pass all that I am saying to an alcohol counselor or a therapist or a long recovering alcoholic.
Even if he were to go to a rehab center---I would strongly siggest that he go to live in a sober house (when he lives there) with other recovering alcoholics until he can finally get his ownplace.
You and your husband deserve to live your own lives peacefully in your own home.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 17
Ya know, I agree with you. And hearing this is bringing flashes of a hopeful future. Literally, images in my mind of his freedom. I did bad by not pushing him out of the nest. I owe that to him. He got his push, I guess.
I think all we can offer him now is hope through sobriety and independence.
May God have mercy.
I think all we can offer him now is hope through sobriety and independence.
May God have mercy.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Izabel......I have another suggestion for you and your husband (I told you that I am full of suggestions).
Did you know that non-alcoholics are allowed to attend AA meetings? Visitors are allowed to attend what is called "open meetings or Speakers Meetings". You can attend, but are not expected to participate. These meetings will have guest speakers---another Long Recovering alcoholic who is living their life by the principles. They will tell their whole story of their drinking history and their recovery history. So enlightening. You could learn sooo much a=by attending those meetings.
I don't suggest that you go with your son. lol...he probably wouldn't want to go with you, anyway. You don't even need to tell him, unless you want to.
He woul probably resent it, anyway.
You can look up the local AA meetings on the internet....and they always mark what kind of meetings they are.
You still need a support group like alanon or naranon.
Did you know that non-alcoholics are allowed to attend AA meetings? Visitors are allowed to attend what is called "open meetings or Speakers Meetings". You can attend, but are not expected to participate. These meetings will have guest speakers---another Long Recovering alcoholic who is living their life by the principles. They will tell their whole story of their drinking history and their recovery history. So enlightening. You could learn sooo much a=by attending those meetings.
I don't suggest that you go with your son. lol...he probably wouldn't want to go with you, anyway. You don't even need to tell him, unless you want to.
He woul probably resent it, anyway.
You can look up the local AA meetings on the internet....and they always mark what kind of meetings they are.
You still need a support group like alanon or naranon.
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