LovelyKaya33333

Hi Hilltop...Thank you for the reply. While his family of orgin may have lead him to not want to be asked what he wants for dinner...my family of orgin did. I spent so many years tip toeing around his drinking, his thoughts, his feelings, his past... that to be honest I don't care what his Family or Orgin is anymore. I care about one thing and that is processing how the heck I was in this for so long ... I was extremely open with him in hearing any explanation he could have given me or shared for the way he treated and spoke to me when I asked him what he wanted for dinner. Relationships and Marriage are compromise and I was very aware of that during our marriage. The thing is when he wasn't hammered he would ASK what was for dinner. The only reason he cared that I would ask him was because that meant he may have to be home at a certain time cause he knew that I was cooking for him and the kids... So he would have less time to chug a cocktail in his car. Or he could have said. "Thanks babe for cooking tonight but I would rather just grab something"...Fair enough... but to talk down to someone who is just trying to have a partnership with you is not cool. In addition the adulting I also meant was... paying bills on time, remembering to get errands done, not drinking and driving, not drinking and driving with kids... not leaving the stove on because he gets so hammered he cooks ( when the buzz wears off ) and leaves the stove on.... anyway. I spent so much time saying to myself "Well no one is perfect and everyone has things that they are going through and he probably has issues from his childhood" Those are the thoughts to me that kept me in the mess of a marriage I was in. He took vows as well to be my partner too... to understand my FOO too... me NOT seeing that is what made me stay so long. Now this is about me. Healing for me... and creating relationships that are not one sided.

sage1969

I have tried two different kinds, the vibration things you hold in your hands, and the visual stimulus (a light panel). I found the visual stimulus more difficult, I preferred the more passive holding the vibration things -- it depends to what equipment the therapist has access.

As far as the therapy itself, it did help to lessen the trauma of PTSD and I did learn better ways of managing the fears and anxieties as they pop up and as triggers happen, and as flashbacks happen, which is decreasing. For the specific trauma memories that I dealt with in EMDR therapy sessions, those have not come up again. I was not able to afford to finish the treatments, but I think they are definitely very helpful.

OKRunner

Leaving your Q is simply, in my experience, gut wrenching. Heart breaking. God awful. Hardest thing I've ever done. Makes law school, grad school, running marathons, riding 200 mile bike rides -- like on a scale of 1-100, those things are 1s and leaving my Q was a 100. Like the highest/worst pain I've ever gone through. Just ... so hard. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am so sorry for all of us.

But I promise it will get better. I promise. I did not believe one person -- not one person! -- on this forum who told me that this fall and this winter and, in fact, I wanted to strangle each and every person who did tell me that (I love you all!) but ... guess what ... they were right. I'd say now I'm going about 8-10 days where I'm happy and then maybe an hour on one day I will get sad -- but it passes and I move on. You will too. Sending much love and strength to you on your journey.

Spiderweb

I am in the process of divorcing now too. It’s so tough. I feel like the emotions of anger, sadness and relief are in constant rotation with me. I have been trying to recognize and feel the emotions when they come up because I know it is the healthy thing to do even though it’s hard. When my dad died a few years ago (we were very close) I was so sad that I thought I would feel that way forever. But over time the pain slowly lessened. That is how I know this will get better too. The only way out is through. Be gentle with yourself.
I’m a surfer as well- it’s great medicine! A chance to really get out of your head. I’m off to meet a friend and surf this morning. I like the idea of goal setting too - I’d like to dance more and teach English abroad- these are things I couldn’t do with my AXH but can now.

Spiderweb

I am in the process of divorcing now too. It’s so tough. I feel like the emotions of anger, sadness and relief are in constant rotation with me. I have been trying to recognize and feel the emotions when they come up because I know it is the healthy thing to do even though it’s hard. When my dad died a few years ago (we were very close) I was so sad that I thought I would feel that way forever. But over time the pain slowly lessened. That is how I know this will get better too. The only way out is through. Be gentle with yourself.
I’m a surfer as well- it’s great medicine! A chance to really get out of your head. I’m off to meet a friend and surf this morning. I like the idea of goal setting too - I’d like to dance more and teach English abroad- these are things I couldn’t do with my AXH but can now.

Spiderweb

I am in the process of divorcing now too. It’s so tough. I feel like the emotions of anger, sadness and relief are in constant rotation with me. I have been trying to recognize and feel the emotions when they come up because I know it is the healthy thing to do even though it’s hard. When my dad died a few years ago (we were very close) I was so sad that I thought I would feel that way forever. But over time the pain slowly lessened. That is how I know this will get better too. The only way out is through. Be gentle with yourself.
I’m a surfer as well- it’s great medicine! A chance to really get out of your head. I’m off to meet a friend and surf this morning. I like the idea of goal setting too - I’d like to dance more and teach English abroad- these are things I couldn’t do with my AXH but can now.