horsegirl

AnvilheadII

i suspect if you DID contact his friends for the money, they are likely to say WHAT money? WHAT horse? that's the problem with handing out money like an ATM. to an addict. for anything.

one should always assume any many gifted, given or loaned to friends and family is money GONE, ne'er to be seen again. i'm curious, did he actually get official papers on ownership of said horse, or was this a scam to get money for whoop-di-doo?

horsegirl

Hi,
I was there it was at a sale. I and his friend both had to pay for said horse at the cashiers office. The friend knew I was steaming and told me they would pay me. I just never reached out to them because ex manipulated me into thinking I could trust him to pay me. Or better yet , I allowed this to happen to me. The friend has a family and they have a training , boarding business. This friend looked extremely angry and completely unaware that I had been roped into this until I stated it when we were paying for the horse. I don’t believe the friends have a part in the “scam”.
As well I have a signed promissory note from my AF as a backup. I realize you cannot get blood out of a turnip as the saying goes... but I can get a judgement and sell it if his friends do not come through. Besides all of this and most importantly , I am very sad .. tonight is tough, as relationships end it’s always sad. For some reason this one is particularly bad . I am not sure why ? Was it the crazy making? The things not making sense? Somehow my mind is trying to make sense of all of it and I’m not sure how to get there.

trailmix

Yes, so they will come up with the money by X date (I hope you give them a date to pay by) or you sue/sell.

It's all those things. The hot and cold, jekyll and hyde keeps you drawn in.

It's hard for the mind to reconcile this because it is absolute nonsense. The mind doesn't like nonsense. So it goes looking for answers, which may be where you are at.

Since there are some crumbs of "good" that keeps you hooked in, doesn't mean any of it is good for you though.

Yes it's very, very hurtful and sad, no question and although the relationship may have been dysfunctional, you are still hurt. I'm sorry you got hurt. Time will help. Keeping busy, being around "normal" people that care about you.

horsegirl

Hi all,
Update ... I reached out to the people that I own the horse with asking them to buy me out. Of course they contacted ABF and he texted me. He was nice but wants me to agree to let him pay me . He has never even attempted to pay me to this point. Plus he reached out after I made contact with his friends. Now he is saying he has wanted to reach out all along , but I was mad at him.. I’m can’t shake the feeling that he 1. Only reached out because of the horse deal. I confronted him about it , he played it off like he really cares for me . Now I’m torn ! I just want out of this horse , I want my money. I told him he has to choose between saving face with his friend or me. He is stilll pushing me to trust him.. I don’t. We are seeing each other tonight . I am full of anxiety and not sure why

suki44883

Why are you seeing him? Do you think he will suddenly have your money? What are you hoping the outcome will be? Of course, you can do whatever you want, but I think seeing him is a bad idea.

horsegirl

Suki,

Yes bad idea ... I can’t seem to shake how much I like him. Maybe I am just as sick as he is .

suki44883

And that is the best reason NOT to see him. He knows this, and will use it to manipulate you. Might even kiss you and convince you that he wants to get back together. Save yourself more heartache, girl, and stay away from him.

horsegirl

It’s too late tonight , but maybe this will give me the opportunity to tell him we are no good for each other. At this point if I continue this relationship all of my friends will disappear on me. They are sick of hearing it. I tell them way too much because I am can’t make a decision for anything. When is enough going to be enough . When I have nothing left ? When my friends no longer answer my calls . When I look ten years older due to the stress ? Problem is , we have so much fun together, want the sMe things , have the same hobbies etc... I keep hoping he will change , I keep hoping this time will be different . No I’m stuck with him , he will be here in a few minutes and my anxiety is through the roof .
I am only hurting myself .

suki44883

Nope...you are not stuck with him. There are a lot of guys out there you can have fun with and share things with that don't steal from you and treat you so shabbily. Problem is, you'll never meet them if you keep hanging onto this guy.

Michsm

You want the same things? You have the same hobbies? I am sorry but first you are posting here so I am confused with wanting the same things such as drinking and gambling your paycheck away? From what you wrote and I don't know him but sounds like he is using you when his paycheck runs out, someone to spend time with when he needs money or to pass the time away. This does not sound like a partnership and until you stop communicating with him you will continue down this road. I hope you can get the strength to be strong and find someone else.

horsegirl

horsegirl

trailmix

Don't hate yourself! Be kind to yourself. Think about it, if someone posted here that they are doing what you are doing would you kick them? No, you would give them your best experience and advice and try to help them.

So yes, please be kind to you!

As for the money, sure he can pay you back, how does next Wednesday sound? I wouldn't let him take over that payment at this point, he can't be trusted for it.

suki44883

You don't have to answer the door. Maybe you'll get lucky and he won't show.

thequest

Not an unusual combination in my experience. Many alcoholics go to bars. Bars are notorious for gambling among the patrons and sometimes the bar itself. The alcoholic here also gambles go to a bar for booze and bets. Probably some of ' I have to meet this guy...'

Until he wants to change he probably won't.

horsegirl

Update : well I let him come back, he was really trying, talking about things , being kind, apologizing when necessary etc.... We went for a short vacation to my cabin and had a pretty good time. Came back and Saturday night he asked me to go buy him beer. I said no, that if he wanted it to go buy for himself . Well that brought up what I thought for the last week. He is broke . Has absolutely no money and admitted he gambled. He was a bit Paniky and said he must be an alcoholic because he needed me to get him beer. I stayed strong , but the whole night was uncomfortable. I felt guilty but yet I know that enabling him is not loving. Sunday morning he was in a terrible mood. He finally told me he would be hard to get a hold of this week as his phone was just turned off for non payment. Again the anxiety set in for me, he asked me to pay his phone bill and he would get a payday loan to pay me back. I told him I’m sorry I cannot pay his bill for him. He said that was fine , but slept on the couch and left early in the morning with his stuff. Another anxiety filled weekend ! Now I feel like I should have paid his phone bill as I have no idea when I will or if I will talk to him again ..

velma929

"Now I feel like I should have paid his phone bill as I have no idea when I will or if I will talk to him again .."

No, HE needs to get a job and learn to act like an adult. Clearly. His mommy and Daddy aren't funding him, are they? I wonder why...maybe because they want him to learn to provide for himself...I mean, provide for himself in a way that isn't begging other people to provide for him.

SparkleKitty

horsegirl, I believe you deserve better than someone who is only nice to you when you are providing money for them or a soft place to land.

I hope you can believe it, too.

trailmix

And the anxiety will continue until one of you changes the program here (he's not changing anytime soon btw).

You are attempting to have a relationship with someone who won't pay their phone bill. Not "can't" - won't. He chose to spend the money on something else.

He is an alcoholic and a gambler, so he drinks and gambles. There is nothing surprising about that. That's what alcoholics and gamblers do.

What ever happened about the horse money?

Have you read co-dependent no more?