Hawkeye13

I don't want to be unkind, but it seems he sees you more as a resource than a girlfriend.

You deserve far better, and I think you did the exact right thing for you and for him.

Adults pay their own bills. That's how it works. You, or his parents, aren't a "bank" to provide him money for gambling and basic expenses.
That's not how love should be. . .

Be strong because he will be back.
Also, make sure to update / change your passwords on your bank account and check your wallet / credit cards as it is quite possible he may have "helped himself" when you said no.

Hopefully not, but cannot be sure what anyone will do when they need their fix.

DontRemember

If he was going to get a payday loan to pay you back for his phone bill,why wouldn't he just get the loan and pay his bill?...not even involving you in his mess. I'd start running now from this losing situation.

PuzzledHeart

I just wanted to revisit what you said, and just wanted to put this thought out there.

Perhaps you fear that EVERYBODY will reject you, but it hurts less coming from people who are broken, because if they reject you, you can blame in on their broken state. However, if rejection comes from people you respect, your mind believes there is no one to blame but yourself.

Just putting it out there...

Michsm

Please take the money you were going to pay his cell phone bill with and use it to see a therapist. This guy is using you and you have to get the strength to get away from him. This is not a good situation you are in.

horsegirl

Hello everyone,
Apologies for going silent .
This disease is so predictable. I am not sure why everything that happens comes as a shock and effects me so hard. I know what will happen next . Its like reading the same sad book over and over again .
Thank you all for your wise words. Do I feel used ? yes , but its my own doing, he did not force me to take care of him financially. I've got to take responsibility for that. I have decided to let things ride , however , I under no circumstances will 1. have cash laying around 2. give him money for things he should be doing for himself as an adult. 3. Say yes to things that I do not want to do or give.
My guess is, as he sees me sticking to my boundaries he will fade away and move on. My hope is he will hit bottom and seek help . I will be loving and kind but will not enable him ever again.

horsegirl

THIS! right here is me ! thank you

horsegirl

HI, This man has a good job , makes good money , but gambles and drinks away his paychecks. I have not met much of his family and he does not spend Holidays with his mothers side of the family . I suspect they have pretty much cut him off . His dad is an active alcoholic and has been for a very long time, He does see his dad and is constantly trying to do things to get his fathers approval . Its a sad situation .

Bekindalways

Hey Horsegirl, I haven't read all your posts so I may have missed the answer to this question: did you try Alanon? . . . . . I always feel a bit hypocritical asking this as I didn't do the 12 step route myself; I know it is a game changer for many. It sounds like you could use a lot more support.

Wombaticus

Why are you hoping he will fade away?
why can't you be confident that cutting him off for your own sake is ok?
He is not meeting you half way in this relationship, nor meeting your needs.
Cut him loose for YOU. Take control! You will be happier in the long run.

velma929

Horsegirl, some people are users, with or without alcohol. I met one early in my working life. She was my friend - as long as I drove across town to pick her up for work, purchased things for her on my credit card, gave her rides to the nightclub (where she ditched me as soon as we went in. )

So if you're thinking, "Poor boy, he has a disease and he can't help spending all his money," it ain't necessarily so. He can be an alcoholic *and* a mooch.