Here I am again....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by clowery0508 
But we have made it through the holidays and that was my goal.
You know, it's sounds awful from out here! I hope that next year your holidays can be a lot happier and a lot brighter.
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And know I’m the psycho b**tch. I really am at wits end. I was cleaning the house and putting away Christmas decorations and he came in and was talking about what we were gonna do for supper. And I seen his eyes and I immediately switched for nice to mean. I rolled my eyes and he could see it all over my face. Mind you it’s noon. Anyways. Of course he said what’s wrong. I said nothing. Typical answers. He goes on about his ways. Then comes inside and wants me to come look at some stuff he has done outside. I did. Then walked back inside. And was standing at the counter eating a handful of pecans. Minding my own business. And he opens the door and says stop stomping around here acting like a hateful b**tch. And I flipped and went bat s**t crazy. I did. I’m really embarrassed. I said things to him I have never said before. I told him exactly how I felt. Honestly things that have never came out of my mouth to him. I feel so ashamed that I let myself loose control like that. I told him I hated him. I don’t hate him. I hate what he does. But of course. I am made to look stupid. And he says you called me a drunk in front of our kids. What is the difference in me calling him a drunk and him calling me a bi**ch. I know I should’ve done it. But all it was is he picked a fight to justify his drinking. And to make me look stupid. And now I’m stuck here. Cause my son is outside with him and I am not leaving without him. He would never let me leave with them both. Oh and he whispered to my daughter don’t worry she’s not going anywhere. Talking about me. That’s me I’m the girl that lets anything happen and does nothing. I am so mad!!! Mad at him. Mad at myself. I turned into him.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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Hi Clowery! Good to year from you
The holidays sure can be rough! Let alone all the prepping and planning but throw in an intoxicated spouse and ... ugh.
I am sorry that it sounds like things may be progressing for AH though. If a.m. drinking was never his thing, is it because he was off work for the holiday? No excuses, just hoping it doesn’t become his new normal. Please be watchful of this. My AH told me (years later) how he would drive kids to school and still be buzzed from the night before. He thought it was funny now... yahhhh not so much.
Now, how are YOU doing? Are you able to seek any outside help, be it therapy, al Anon etc.? Have you re-evaluated your boundaries in a while? From your last post you were considering leaving after Christmas. That decision is completely yours and yours alone to make (it has to be). From my own situation I know that all to well. No matter what others told me I had to do it on my time, my thoughts, my readiness. I really do hope you are able to set some time aside for yourself, to journal, read, meetings, anything to better you and your kids outcome. This is something I kept putting off and even now I find myself getting into old habits. That’s why I stress reevaluating your boundaries, timelines and feelings (new ones pop up all the time)! It’s your life and your allowed to change it at any time.
Remeber were all in the same boat here. The more I read the more I post the more I learn 😊
p.s. The theme park sounds great! I’m sure all the kids loved it and a nice break for you too. Good job mom!!
The holidays sure can be rough! Let alone all the prepping and planning but throw in an intoxicated spouse and ... ugh.
I am sorry that it sounds like things may be progressing for AH though. If a.m. drinking was never his thing, is it because he was off work for the holiday? No excuses, just hoping it doesn’t become his new normal. Please be watchful of this. My AH told me (years later) how he would drive kids to school and still be buzzed from the night before. He thought it was funny now... yahhhh not so much.
Now, how are YOU doing? Are you able to seek any outside help, be it therapy, al Anon etc.? Have you re-evaluated your boundaries in a while? From your last post you were considering leaving after Christmas. That decision is completely yours and yours alone to make (it has to be). From my own situation I know that all to well. No matter what others told me I had to do it on my time, my thoughts, my readiness. I really do hope you are able to set some time aside for yourself, to journal, read, meetings, anything to better you and your kids outcome. This is something I kept putting off and even now I find myself getting into old habits. That’s why I stress reevaluating your boundaries, timelines and feelings (new ones pop up all the time)! It’s your life and your allowed to change it at any time.
Remeber were all in the same boat here. The more I read the more I post the more I learn 😊
p.s. The theme park sounds great! I’m sure all the kids loved it and a nice break for you too. Good job mom!!
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by FarmhouseGal
Hi Clowery! Good to year from you
The holidays sure can be rough! Let alone all the prepping and planning but throw in an intoxicated spouse and ... ugh.
I am sorry that it sounds like things may be progressing for AH though. If a.m. drinking was never his thing, is it because he was off work for the holiday? No excuses, just hoping it doesn’t become his new normal. Please be watchful of this. My AH told me (years later) how he would drive kids to school and still be buzzed from the night before. He thought it was funny now... yahhhh not so much.
Now, how are YOU doing? Are you able to seek any outside help, be it therapy, al Anon etc.? Have you re-evaluated your boundaries in a while? From your last post you were considering leaving after Christmas. That decision is completely yours and yours alone to make (it has to be). From my own situation I know that all to well. No matter what others told me I had to do it on my time, my thoughts, my readiness. I really do hope you are able to set some time aside for yourself, to journal, read, meetings, anything to better you and your kids outcome. This is something I kept putting off and even now I find myself getting into old habits. That’s why I stress reevaluating your boundaries, timelines and feelings (new ones pop up all the time)! It’s your life and your allowed to change it at any time.
Remeber were all in the same boat here. The more I read the more I post the more I learn 😊
p.s. The theme park sounds great! I’m sure all the kids loved it and a nice break for you too. Good job mom!!
The holidays sure can be rough! Let alone all the prepping and planning but throw in an intoxicated spouse and ... ugh.
I am sorry that it sounds like things may be progressing for AH though. If a.m. drinking was never his thing, is it because he was off work for the holiday? No excuses, just hoping it doesn’t become his new normal. Please be watchful of this. My AH told me (years later) how he would drive kids to school and still be buzzed from the night before. He thought it was funny now... yahhhh not so much.
Now, how are YOU doing? Are you able to seek any outside help, be it therapy, al Anon etc.? Have you re-evaluated your boundaries in a while? From your last post you were considering leaving after Christmas. That decision is completely yours and yours alone to make (it has to be). From my own situation I know that all to well. No matter what others told me I had to do it on my time, my thoughts, my readiness. I really do hope you are able to set some time aside for yourself, to journal, read, meetings, anything to better you and your kids outcome. This is something I kept putting off and even now I find myself getting into old habits. That’s why I stress reevaluating your boundaries, timelines and feelings (new ones pop up all the time)! It’s your life and your allowed to change it at any time.
Remeber were all in the same boat here. The more I read the more I post the more I learn 😊
p.s. The theme park sounds great! I’m sure all the kids loved it and a nice break for you too. Good job mom!!
The a.m. drinking is always when he’s off work. I’m sure there’s many times he is still buzzed from the night before. But anytime he is off work now in the last few months. He starts as soon as he gets out of bed. Then he will usually nap and get up and start again then pass out early. During the week when working it’s as soon as he gets home. He has a garage with all his tools and stuff and that’s where he hides it. He goes to the garage before he ever comes into the house. And it’s not a garage where we park our cars.
I was doing some counseling and have stopped. I know I need to be active in something. I just can’t seem to get there.
I want to get out so bad. I just keep hanging around. Like something’s gonna change when I know it’s not. Like I said before. I know the answers. I know this is not healthy. I know all these things. And I just can’t make myself walk out that door. I never thought I would be this girl. I have always been strong and independent. (He would totally disagree) but I was. I started working as soon as I got my license. And always kept a full time decent job. Then I let him con me into working with his mom cause it would be better for the kids. Blah blah blah. And now I’m totally dependent on him. I’ve became so stupid
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Cause my son is outside with him and I am not leaving without him. He would never let me leave with them both. Oh and he whispered to my daughter don’t worry she’s not going anywhere.
are you saying that you would leave one child behind? with him?
are you saying that you would leave one child behind? with him?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Well you don't know what you don't know at the time true? It's not like you started out getting married and having children and not having faith in your spouse.
You are not stupid! It's not easy to leave a relationship, unless you really dislike the person and that's not all that usual. Then there is the financial aspect and the comfort aspect, moving and separating is a big deal.
It can be done though if that is what you want. Best to start with a plan, small steps that are moving you forward.
The amount he is drinking is really on the high end of drinking/alcoholism, basically the only time he isn't drinking now is when he is working (that you know of).
He may seem functioning now clowery, but at this rate that may not always be the case so you need a plan, perhaps, regardless. He may become unable to work at some point, then what?
You are not stupid! It's not easy to leave a relationship, unless you really dislike the person and that's not all that usual. Then there is the financial aspect and the comfort aspect, moving and separating is a big deal.
It can be done though if that is what you want. Best to start with a plan, small steps that are moving you forward.
The amount he is drinking is really on the high end of drinking/alcoholism, basically the only time he isn't drinking now is when he is working (that you know of).
He may seem functioning now clowery, but at this rate that may not always be the case so you need a plan, perhaps, regardless. He may become unable to work at some point, then what?
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
Cause my son is outside with him and I am not leaving without him. He would never let me leave with them both. Oh and he whispered to my daughter don’t worry she’s not going anywhere.
are you saying that you would leave one child behind? with him?
are you saying that you would leave one child behind? with him?
no I’m saying I won’t leave because he has one child. I will not leave without both
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Originally Posted by clowery0508
no I’m saying I won’t leave because he has one child. I will not leave without both
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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Oh Clowery...he is basically holding you hostage in your own home. And you are not stupid!! You are me 6 months ago. I had cement blocks on my feet. I KNEW I had to leave, I KNEW he wouldn’t stop drinking, I KNEW things were getting worse. My AH pulled the same crap, talking to our kids like I wasn’t in the room. “You’re mom this and you’re mom that” I lost my sh*t more times then I care to admit. But yet I stayed. So you are not stupid, you’re not a psycho b*tch anymore than most of us on SR. To me, my husbands alcoholism took my sanity and threw it out the window.
Are you working on any sort of plan to get you and the kids someplace safe? By any chance will your AH leave on his own will? I don’t like that you feel, he won’t let you take both kids at the same time. Is he just a major bully and throwing threats around? This sounds like it’s worse then your letting on. I don’t know much about the hotlines for domestic abuse or violence. I’ve heard many hear talk about them though. They can help you get answers and get connected to face to face help I’m sure.
Are you working on any sort of plan to get you and the kids someplace safe? By any chance will your AH leave on his own will? I don’t like that you feel, he won’t let you take both kids at the same time. Is he just a major bully and throwing threats around? This sounds like it’s worse then your letting on. I don’t know much about the hotlines for domestic abuse or violence. I’ve heard many hear talk about them though. They can help you get answers and get connected to face to face help I’m sure.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Originally Posted by FarmhouseGal
I don’t know much about the hotlines for domestic abuse or violence. I’ve heard many hear talk about them though. They can help you get answers and get connected to face to face help I’m sure.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...how-leave.html (How to leave)
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Originally Posted by FarmhouseGal
Oh Clowery...he is basically holding you hostage in your own home. And you are not stupid!! You are me 6 months ago. I had cement blocks on my feet. I KNEW I had to leave, I KNEW he wouldn’t stop drinking, I KNEW things were getting worse. My AH pulled the same crap, talking to our kids like I wasn’t in the room. “You’re mom this and you’re mom that” I lost my sh*t more times then I care to admit. But yet I stayed. So you are not stupid, you’re not a psycho b*tch anymore than most of us on SR. To me, my husbands alcoholism took my sanity and threw it out the window.
Are you working on any sort of plan to get you and the kids someplace safe? By any chance will your AH leave on his own will? I don’t like that you feel, he won’t let you take both kids at the same time. Is he just a major bully and throwing threats around? This sounds like it’s worse then your letting on. I don’t know much about the hotlines for domestic abuse or violence. I’ve heard many hear talk about them though. They can help you get answers and get connected to face to face help I’m sure.
Are you working on any sort of plan to get you and the kids someplace safe? By any chance will your AH leave on his own will? I don’t like that you feel, he won’t let you take both kids at the same time. Is he just a major bully and throwing threats around? This sounds like it’s worse then your letting on. I don’t know much about the hotlines for domestic abuse or violence. I’ve heard many hear talk about them though. They can help you get answers and get connected to face to face help I’m sure.
He has never ever been physical with me at all. Just very verbal. But when it comes to the kids I really feel like that would push him over the edge. So I am just trying to be cautious. I have never been afraid of him in the sense he would hurt me but not sure when I go to try to leave with them. I would definitely try and do it when I could just slip off. And he would never leave on his own. Our house is ride beside his moms house it’s all family around. He would never ever leave. I wish he would. But I know that will not happen.
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