Mango212

In agreeing and becoming willing not to fight all this. I lied in court in order to help facilitate moving through this process: I agreed to my son being in need of protection of CPS and to not fight them having temporary custody.

Many, many deep, hearfelt tears.

dandylion

Thanks, Mango, for the explanation. I think that it is so fortunate, in this case that your son is with his own brother...in a healthy situation, for both of them.....good sibling bonding, and all of that....
I do appreciate how this whole process feels so unnatural and traumatic for your ow heart.....
Perhaps it would bring peace to you, to remember that your "contract" is really with the Universe...and, not that mortal CPS agent...…!

Mango212

Thank you, dandy! That does help.

As my attorney is looking at this, we now - today - have on court record what the CPS agent's actual timeline and requirements are. Otherwise this could have dragged out indefinitely.

Reading these kind of threads in the past has helped me a lot. I'm not alone. I have more strength than I knew.

Mango212

I stood up to a government bully today. I had lots of support around me. A friend crossed my path at the courthouse and stopped to pray with me. Prayer is powerful. I have amazing, wonderful support here. I'm actually closer to my goals of having my youngest son home with me and working out my life/family stuff, and my husband has a solid, new take on his recovery.

I'm a part of a focus group next week. I made hotel reservations and was in contact again today with a very kind, fun woman who's pulling it all together.

In between the rounds of tears I feel very centered, balanced, courageous and capable.

I'm enjoying this cabin I'm living at and open to more, bigger and wonderful in my life.

trailmix

I'm glad it went as well as you can expect in this situation with the "bully" and it's funny you said that.

After I posted today I was thinking, the woman is probably a bully. As we all know the best way to deal with a bully is by standing up to them.

While you may not have done that in the conventional sense, you have taken your best option and gone with it and that is standing up. Good for you. I'm really glad you have great legal representation.

I hope your Son is back with you very soon.

Your cabin sounds very restful, I hope you find a lot of contentment there.

Mango212

I choose joy.

So much hurt, pain and deep emotions are moving through this evening. I watched tv for a while. Now I'm back to doing long slow yoga holds and rhythmic breathing. Emotional-physical pain. I trust the process of feeling this pain, acknowledging it and moving forward. I am so ready to move forward. May this quickly pass.

Prayers and good vibes, please. This hurt is deep.

Seren

You are actually much stronger than I, Mango. What you did today for your children took an extraordinary act of self-sacrifice!

The good thing is that you now know what the bureaucrats want of you--and since it is in writing by the judge now, as long as you do what they need, then you and your son will be together again! At least, that is my prayer!!

I hope today has dawned a bit brighter

Mango212

Thank you Seren,

I don't feel strong - I feel broken.

TobyMac, Get Back Up
https://youtu.be/3Q_-9FyIxQE

Rebuilding my day, 17 seconds at a time. Allowing joy and awareness that I want much more in my life than to be beat up emotionally on a regular basis!!!!


Namaste

Hawkeye13

The context of the Universe is so much larger than our perception as humans Mango, but it is a benevolent place--a classroom to learn and grow.

Some lessons, like this one, are very difficult, seemingly impossible,but if you keep yourself open, let the pain pass through and the healing begin, holding all that time the highest good for your son, I think amazing things will manifest as an outcome.

Truly

Glenjo99

Positive intention and vibes sent to you. In the words of A Hicks, Everything is always working out for you 😉

Mango212

Thank you, Hawkeye and Glenjo. I greatly appreciate your support, and everyone else here.

Breathing in. Breathing out. I'm alive. I have a smile in my heart. Many tears. I'm on the quickest, easiest path through this and coming back to that knowing helps.

God/Greeat Spirit tends to work out amazing, wonderful things in very illogical ways. I trust this is the same.

Meditation: I allow an open heart, an open mind, curiosity and wonder.

N.O.W. Never Omit Wonder

Mango212

Stepping back from this and asking myself some questions, one that came to me is:

"Do I deserve to be hurt?"

My answer was yes. Even though I know I did nothing wrong, there is a false core belief that I deserve to be hurt. What I see clearly, I can allow acceptance of and take actions to allow this to very quickly and naturally change.

Prayer: Mother Earth, Father Sky, please guide me in allowing transformation of my core beliefs. Please guide me in happiness, strength and healthy connections.


I've had a transformation of this particular core belief before. Somewhere along the past 2 1/2 months, of being continually hurt by my FOO, close family members, CPS and other things, it altered back to an unhealthy, hurtful belief. This I can deal with. This can now easily transform to a healthy, helpful core belief!

Mango212

I feel:

>>> Balanced

>>> Confident

>>> Empowered

Learning to direct my attention, allow clarity and get back to living in the solution is creating new opportunities in my life. I'm allowing enjoyment of this accomplishment. This good feeling, relaxation-based, allowing my inner-compass to reset works very well.

Thank you, my friends, for all your support!

Wamama48

I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. 😍

Mango212

Thank you, Wamama!

Mango212

I've been exploring a nearby town, enjoyed talking with a business owner and his manager for a bit, stopped by the lego club at the library and had a light heart seeing two boys about DS12's age playing on a frozen creek.

I trust all is well.

Mango212

Do I deserve to be hurt?

No. Absolutely not.

It feels good to have an awareness that I'm feeling this fully, to my core. I'm grounded. Enjoying life, this day, this breath.

Mango212

Hi Trailmix,

I just realized I missed a special thanks for your extra support.

Thank you!!

Your words have meant a lot also. I felt them in my heart. I simply was hurting so much I didn't realize I hadn't vocalized it here.

Mango212

Big, deep crying sessions throughout this day. I'm finding relaxation, joy, connecting with life in good ways, and then the crying hits again, and again.

Allowing these feelings. Letting them flow.